Poll: How Will You Give Your Kids "The Talk?"

[Wintermoot]

make some stuff up about a stork

 

[ERadical]

Dad: Your mums told me to come talk to you about sex
Me: What do you want to know?

yeah that was how our conversation went

 

[blarghblarghhhhh]

It wont be a talk for my kids as much as it will be an open subject treated like anything else. If they havnt asked about it by the time they are five I will bring it up myself. but i think the whole idea of having "the talk" just mystifies sex more

 

[OmegaCheese]

I'll leave it to school, that did it for me and at least you can laugh with your friends at the same time.

 

[Squoze]

I shall follow the timeless traditions of my country when I tell my kids:

"I'm not gonna talk to you about the birds and the bees because if a bird fucks a bee, that's an ugly baby."

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I don't want kids and don't plan on ever having any ... buuuuut, I suppose if I were to end up having one, I would tell them a bunch of gruesome details about how condoms and masturbation are good. Unprotected sex and cheating are bad unless you're married, want kids or, your lover is into swinging too >.>

Also if my theoretical child/children turn out to be gay, bi, doms, subs, switches, A's, trannies, I'll be cool with it

 

[thom_cat_]

I had a book that hinted at the "its when two people love eachtother very much" and then they lie in bed together and then it goes a bit into the details of intercourse. And this is a kids picture book. So yeh. That way works.

 

[Mochme]

Easy u dont, kids find this stuff out by themselves nowdays.

 

[Infinatex]

I won't have any kids. I really don't want the bastards

Ha! My thoughts exactly!

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Well hopefully at some point thay'll wake up in the middle of the night and walk into our room at the wrong time at some point and that'll give me a nice way to segway into "the talk"... and shorten it a lot.

But I'm not too worried about it. If they can survive a condom, coathanger, dumpster, and orphanage and are smart enough to find some legal loophole that forces me to adopt them I'm sure they're going to know about sex long before I tell them.

 

[Kortney]

They learn (or at least they should) be learning about this stuff in school. My parents never sat me down and gave me "the talk", I learnt from school and friends and ect.

 

[latenightapplepie]

Not having children. Not just because I don't want to have to give them 'The Talk'. There are plenty of other reasons. Plenty.

 

[Yokai]

I'd ask them how much they knew first. Would prevent much eye-rolling and "I know, dad."

 

[rddj623]

However, I'm going to strongly encourage my kids to save it (because I wish I had!!).

Ditto to that which probably makes me one of the strangest men at the Escapist.

It's interesting because everyone has been saying they learn on their own "nowadays" but they learned on their own in the olden days too. Not through porn and public schools but through living on a working farm where animals and sexuality were great learning tools. Being straight forward and having a two way conversation is the way I'll go for pretty much any subject that could come up. Sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.

 

[StarStruckStrumpets]

I wouldn't have "the talk" if I had a daughter. I'd be far too protective to even say anything like that to her. If I had a boy on the other hand, I'd be straight with him.

"You know that thing attached to your balls John? You don't just use it for pissing."

 

[Coldman42]

I don't think I'll ever have kids. However if i do...

Boy- I simply won't explain anything until he is at least 10-12 and asks. If he hasn't asked by then i will just assume he knows but have a talk anyway. Instead of a traditional talk though I'll just hand him a box of Playboys and tell him how to properly hide it from his mother.

Girl- Same exact thing to get her to be a lesbian. Will also try to make her into the best tomboy ever so she has plenty of guy friends. Strange as it may sound to some of you when a teenage girl has lots of female friends they basically compete for the best man and have sex a lot younger. If a girl has lots of guy friends she becomes akin to the "Little Sister" of the group and they won't let anyone who is a douche-bag near her.

Keep that in mind all of you who have daughters with a lot of guy friends.

 

[Phoenixlight]

I'll leave them in a room with a computer and a piece of paper listing porn sites, as long as they are smart enough to put two and two together there will be no need for further discussion on the subject.

Neglect then? subjecting the child to inappropriate material.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Im not going to produce any offspring. Im not going to be such a grade-a douche and expose my very own flesh and blood to this awful and disgusting world. Either I actually succeed in becoming immortal, or my genetic configuration dies with me and there will be no compromise in that.

But hypothetically, I wouldn't decide to "have a talk". If my son or daughter has questions I'll answer them, truthfully and honestly. Because I've seen what happens when parents treats sex as taboo and uncomfortable to talk about, and it just makes the kids obsessing about it and treat their own sexlife in quite an irresponsible manner most of the time.

The less "special" I make it seem, the less obsessive the children will be of it...

 

[joschen]

Me: When two people love each other very much. Unless they're both of the same sex. A baby is born.

Kid: Both of the same sex?

Me: ...

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