Poll: How Will You Give Your Kids "The Talk?"

[smithy1234]

I'll demonstrate the act of sexual intercourse using:

A peeled banana and

A Krispy Kreme donut


I'm going to be such a good father!

 

[Dommyboy]

Schools explain this stuff and kids find out on their own really, so why should I give them a pointless talk?

 

[Caligulove]

Ideally I would hope I would have a level-headed kid that I wouldn't have to BS.

But I would have the talk with them and hopefully not lead to too many awkward moments- but it really is impossible for that experience to not be awkward

 

[Booze Zombie]

It'll go something like this:

"You know how people are made, right, my child?"

"No?"

"Well, let me explain..."

"That's disgusting."

"Perhaps, but it sure didn't feel like it at the time... and we made you doing that, so it can't be all bad."

"I guess you're right."

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

I support a comprehensive sex education but I don't plan on ever having kids. People tend to use their children as a way of extending their legacies but children never turn out the way their parents want them to - and everyone has some kind of issue with their parents, to varying degrees. Everyone.

No one knows how to raise kids properly, you have to be around them all the time, and you can't really get rid of them if they constantly and irrationally act mean and abusive towards you. That alone should encourage everyone to use contraception effectively - pills and condoms in tandem.

I blame my two year career working for minimum wage at a summer camp for my total disillusionment of children.

 

[lumenadducere]

Straightforward and honest. It's when you get to acting like it's some big secret or like it's something uncomfortable that kids will begin to get ideas of sex being something that it's not (or shouldn't be, in my opinion). My parents were honest about it with me when I was really young and I missed the whole pre-teen "giggle giggle ohmigosh sex" phase everyone else seemed to go through. I'm glad I did, and I think I want my kids to avoid that phase as well.

 

[megapenguinx]

I will give them the talk the way I always wanted to receive it: Through song and dance !

 

[Sir_Tor]

If i have a daughter, I will brainwash her into believing that all men want to kill her, and I will lock her up in a bomb shelter and tell her it is the only way to be safe from the nuclear wasteland that lies above.

Ah the Josef fritzl approach. Very effective indeed!

Well when I asked my mom when I was 5 she said bluntly "You fuck." Best mom ever ^^
I'll do the same thing

 

[MicrosoftPaysMe]

Wow I broke a tie cool.

I'll gradually give them info not like a full "talk"

 

[gxs]

When my father explained that to me it was a series of embarrassing nods and coughs. He didn't even say much.

I won't say anything to my kids until they ask.
I'll just give them the answer if they ask. Or better yet I'll let my wife explain. That will be good laugh.

 

[Dogstile]

I'll probably just lock my kid in a room for half an hour, put on porn and leave it at that.

I mean, porn is totally true right?

 

[ClaptonKnophlerHendrix]

Basically:

Me: Heres a list of sites, get cracking.

Them: Um what do I do?

Me: Well try not to ruin the sheets, that'd be a good start.

Unless its a girl, in which case her underwear will have a padlock from the age of 6.

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

Well, my guardians never told me anything. I'm self-taught in quite a few things. Including pretty much my entire lexicon...
Anyway, onto the subject matter:
I won't be having any kids. I can't. Impossible. So I won't be giving any 'talk'.
Unless I adopt. That is the only way I could ever have a child.

 

[YouCallMeNighthawk]

I'll just sit them down won't beat around the bush and say: Son! ..... Sex is the greatest thing a man can ever get! now go on run you lil scamp and trawl for some ass HAHA!

 

[David Bray]

Variation on the traditional.

"Son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they do this" *shows porn* "Looooook at it!"

 

[Halceon]

Plain and dry, no bullshit. No reason to teach my kids some flowery bullshit.

 

[JaredXE]

I will never hide anything from my kids, but I will release it to them in stages.

When they're really young and want to know where babies come from, the response is "From mommy's tummy"

Little older and they want to know HOW? "Daddy put a seed in mommy's tummy"

They want to know how daddy puts the seed in? "People are made like puzzle pieces, and boys and girls grow up to fit together."

Anything older than that, "Here's the internet, just stay away from anything involving farms, scat, S&M and grandmas. Then come to me if you are still confused."