Poll: Is grinding with another person of the opposite sex considered cheating?

[likalaruku]

So recently I got into a bit of an argument with my girlfriend when I found out that on a recent trip she took she had gone to clubs and went "dancing."

Oh, I wish I'd read before I chose an answer. I thought you meant grinding on enemies in an MMO.

 

[Abomination]

When I get thinking about it more I don't think it would be out of line to dump someone for going out and grinding at all it really is just something that only single people should be doing.

See, this is the real crux of the issue. Why is she putting herself in those situations? It's not like every single club you go to "requires" grinding.

You know what, dump her for being stupid enough to find that amusing enough to keep doing it. Grinding is fucking stupid unless you're actively trying to have a one night stand. Even then there are classier ways to have them.

 

[Qizx]

When I get thinking about it more I don't think it would be out of line to dump someone for going out and grinding at all it really is just something that only single people should be doing.

See, this is the real crux of the issue. Why is she putting herself in those situations? It's not like every single club you go to "requires" grinding.

You know what, dump her for being stupid enough to find that amusing enough to keep doing it. Grinding is fucking stupid unless you're actively trying to have a one night stand. Even then there are classier ways to have them.

See I have no intention to dump her, either for this or for enjoying grinding. I think it's more that she feels as if she's unable to get away from it... Which is kind of weird, I told her she's always more than able to slap a guy who's trying to get too frisky.
I don't like that she does get into these situations, but apparently she enjoys going to clubs/"dancing" so all I can do is try to teach her to be able to defend herself.

 

[Abomination]

When I get thinking about it more I don't think it would be out of line to dump someone for going out and grinding at all it really is just something that only single people should be doing.

See, this is the real crux of the issue. Why is she putting herself in those situations? It's not like every single club you go to "requires" grinding.

You know what, dump her for being stupid enough to find that amusing enough to keep doing it. Grinding is fucking stupid unless you're actively trying to have a one night stand. Even then there are classier ways to have them.

See I have no intention to dump her, either for this or for enjoying grinding. I think it's more that she feels as if she's unable to get away from it... Which is kind of weird, I told her she's always more than able to slap a guy who's trying to get too frisky.
I don't like that she does get into these situations, but apparently she enjoys going to clubs/"dancing" so all I can do is try to teach her to be able to defend herself.

If she didn't like it she wouldn't keep doing it. The type of place where grinding happens as often as she says it does, as in she needs to essentially beat men off with a stick, is not the place someone in a relationship should really be going. Every level of the scenario stinks. Isn't there some other club she could go to where men don't feel compelled to rub their genitals against her?

 

[Stordarth]

See dancing to me is completely harmless, however I don't find grinding to be dancing nor harmless. I mean I've danced with many women either in ballroom dances or other methods, however only when I've "grinded" have I really gotten a sexual feeling out of the experience.

So you've also done grinding? Would this be during or before your current relationship?

 

[Syzygy23]

As long as you don't cyber with the other person there's nothing wrong with grinding with them. If they attempt to cyber with you, just transfer to a different server.

IT'S SUPER SIMPLE PEOPLE.

 

[Astoria]

Well grinding is sort of like flirting so if you consider that cheating then it is. To me flirting is innocent as long as there's no stronger feelings or intentions behind it and the same with grinding. It is just dancing but having said that there is a line that when crossed it becomes cheating, like having a feel. It just comes down to how you feel about it and how much you trust your partner I suppose.

 

[Jadak]

"Cheating"? No. Okay? Also No.

I had this same discussion with my girlfriend earlier in our relationship, and while she (and from what I gather, girls in general, at least early 20s or younger ones) had that opinion as well, I've got her sharing my perspective on the matter now.

It is ridiculous to me, but the casual attitiude towards dancing with other guys does seem to be rather common. In the end, it was basically just a matter of explaining to my girlfriend that barring the rare exceptions of guys who are legitimately into platonic dancing, a guy in a club who starts dancing with you (let alone 'grinding' on you), would like to have sex with you. Choosing to dance in that situation is quite literally sending that guy the message that you're interested and none of it leads to a situation that is okay for someone intending to be in a monogamous relationship with someone else.

 

[spartan231490]

So recently I got into a bit of an argument with my girlfriend when I found out that on a recent trip she took she had gone to clubs and went "dancing." Now I later find out a week into the trip that she had been grinded on/with a few guys. I was pretty confused and annoyed, even a little angry to hear this, which prompted her to tell me "It's not really a big deal, people in relationships grind with other people all the time!" Now This struck me as completely crazy, and I personally wouldn't even think of grinding on another woman. So I posed this question to two of my closest buddies and they agreed with me, however they come from a similar area to where I grew up so I wanted a larger poll. She argues that it's nothing sexual, and that it's just how people dance nowadays. I claim it is actually very sexual, as it's one person rubbing their junk on another persons posterior. So I pose the question: Is it cheating to grind with someone?
For discussion's sake: How would you deal with this situation if you found out your significant other had done this? Have you been in similar scenarios? And would you grind on someone knowing they had a significant other.
EDIT: For the sake of argument assume opposite gender etc is same gender in the case of a homosexual couple.
EDIT 2: Sorry for any typos/errors, it's quite late and English isn't my first language.
MAJOR UPDATE: She does feel bad for how it made me feel, and did say that she wouldn't go out of her way to dance with a guy, but when she goes to clubs it "just happens." She can push one guy away and another guy will immediately try,to grind on her. Not what I would call reassuring but take it as you will.

Depends on the people involved. If it makes you uncomfortable, then to you it is a big deal, and you should ask your girlfriend not to do it again. Though you probably should forgive her for the one incident since the two of you hadn't been clear and it is a borderline issue. And that is exactly how I would react in a situation like this.

 

[idarkphoenixi]

The whole point of 'grinding' is that you're simulating sex without actually engaging in sex. That's like saying "Oh, people in relationships make out with other people all the time. It's no big deal".

Also. GRINDING IS NOT DANCING! Sorry, just had to get that out of the way. I just get a little annoyed when guys head to "dance clubs" with the sole intention of rubbing their crotch on someone.

 

[Qizx]

See dancing to me is completely harmless, however I don't find grinding to be dancing nor harmless. I mean I've danced with many women either in ballroom dances or other methods, however only when I've "grinded" have I really gotten a sexual feeling out of the experience.

So you've also done grinding? Would this be during or before your current relationship?

This would be both before and during, however during was only with her.

The whole point of 'grinding' is that you're simulating sex without actually engaging in sex. That's like saying "Oh, people in relationships make out with other people all the time. It's no big deal".

Also. GRINDING IS NOT DANCING! Sorry, just had to get that out of the way. I just get a little annoyed when guys head to "dance clubs" with the sole intention of rubbing their crotch on someone.

I agree completely, I don't think grinding is dancing, and not in the way that people are like "Well in 20 years it will be, just like dirty dancing." No. Dirty dancing took skill, physical prowess, and artistic vision... Grinding does not.

SNIP

Depends on the people involved. If it makes you uncomfortable, then to you it is a big deal, and you should ask your girlfriend not to do it again. Though you probably should forgive her for the one incident since the two of you hadn't been clear and it is a borderline issue. And that is exactly how I would react in a situation like this.

I have forgiven her, and am trying to make her see how big of a deal it is to me though, for future's sake.

 

[Amir Kondori]

All I can say is that I would pissed if I found out my girlfriend had been doing that. Of course if you are two younger people and the relationship is not likely to go the distance than its probably not a big deal to her. Just let her know that it bothers you, she will either respect you and not do it or she'll say tough and then you have to decide if that is worth breaking up with her over.

 

[BNguyen]

If you have a partner and go behind their backs doing something that they aren't comfortable with you doing something sexual to another, or have their consent to do so, then yes, it is considered cheating to me

 

[aba1]

I don't understand the whole "Cheating" thing.

If you're in a relationship with someone you love or at least care for that person, so what does sex or any other sexual situation have to do with anything?

I get the notion of feeling cheated if you lie about sex with someone, but I also get the notion of feeling cheated if your partner lies to you about anything.

And it would also get bad if you were exclusively sleeping with other people and unwilling or unable to satisfy your partner.


But other than those two extremes why is sleeping with someone a big deal?
Am I just more open minded than other people?

It has nothing to do with being open minded it is just a lifestyle difference. You are a swinger and thats ok but you shouldn't judge people for not being the same as you.

 

[StriderShinryu]

I'm not sure I'd go to the lengths of calling it cheating as that can be a tricky subject to tackle with a lot of personal variation (I myself would consider it to be at least a form of cheating). It is, however, definitely sexual and most certainly disrespectful to you and the relationship. Saying things like "it just happens" is even more so.

 

[Fox12]

I wouldn't call cheating a weird concept, though it is possesive on both sides. I see it as a sort of breach of contract, if you will. Both people in a relationship work together to set clear boundaries they are comfoertable, and if one person breaks those boundaries, causing harm to the other individual, then that is cheating. The boundaries may change depending on who you are, and some people are fine with thing others aren't, but I think those boundaries still exist in some capacity for everyone. If they don't, I would debate whether or not your in a relationship at all, or whether or not you're simply friends with benefits.

If that was what actually happened, I might agree with you. In reality, however, people by and large do not sit down and set these boundaries; instead, they assume boundaries based on their own experiences and what their larger culture says is correct, which- shocker- never works, because those assumptions vary completely from person to person. The entire affair is almost a parody of what relationships should actually be: a support structure based on care and honesty.

Also, I don't know where you ever got the idea that I don't have boundaries. I clearly don't want my SO to do anything dangerous, and I want them to pay more attention to me than to anybody else in general. Those are boundaries- they just aren't ones that involve sex.

As for what I would do? I told my wife that I would play this video every day when she got home for 3 weeks, and she not only agreed, but insisted that I post it as a solution. So here you are:

She insisted on some poorly articulated, laughably animated slut-shaming? That's a new one on me, I'll admit.

I wasn't trying to say you don't have boundaries, and I apologize if it sounded that way. Anyway, I can see your point I suppose. I think certain things should certainly be discussed between two individuals though. If two consenting adults want to have an open relationship, that's their decision and they have every right to do so, but it's certainly something that should be talked about first, atleast from a health standpoint. I do agree that people assume others share their arbitrarily set boundaries based on social norms though.

 

[CplDustov]

Her logic is a little weird "if I push a guy away another will just try so I do it"
that has nothing to do with whether it's right or not.

Repetition of opportunity has nothing to do with it. Let's say guys were trying to kiss her. If her only argument was, it's not cheating because if I say no some other guy will try to kiss me doesn't make it right for her to do it. At the end of the day somethings aren't clearly cheating or not cheating for some people. If she's in a relationship with you then what you consider cheating should have some greater importance that "what everyone does" her opinion should also matter to you. If you can't reach some agreement with open communication then it's really not the right relationship for either of you

 

[mateushac]

Imma hop on the not so politically correct bus and say YES, IT IS CHEATING. I cannot imagine how someone in a (non casual) relationship would not get upset by something like this (unless previously agreed). The way I see things, if a person KNOWS their significant other will get seriously upset about somethig (especially if it has sexual connotations) and yet does it anyway, it can absolutely be considered cheating.

Having been through what I've been, that'd be an automatic breakup for me. I'd advise you, though, to talk to her and give the whole thing a day or two. That way your thoughts about it can develop a little bit.
(Nah, seriously, just do yourself a favor and dump her already. Even if you guys work this out one of you will be upset with the decision)

 

[Jux]

MAJOR UPDATE: She does feel bad for how it made me feel, and did say that she wouldn't go out of her way to dance with a guy, but when she goes to clubs it "just happens." She can push one guy away and another guy will immediately try,to grind on her. Not what I would call reassuring but take it as you will.

Sounds like a major cop out to me. If she doesn't want it to happen, she can express that verbally, or by turning away from someone trying to grind on her. This passive 'it just happens and theres nothing I can do' is BS. If she's not willing to actually work with you on this, cut ties. It feels like shes trying to placate your feelings, but still do whatever she wants regardless of how it makes you feel. You can't force her to accept your boundaries, and you shouldn't try to, but that doesn't mean you should stay in a relationship where shes doing things that make you uncomfortable.

 

[frizzlebyte]

I would say yes on both counts. I would be really, really angry if my girlfriend/wife did this, and it would likely jeopardize the relationship to some degree, especially if she just tried to pooh-pooh it off as nothing.