Poll: Is it rude to tell people "please don't talk to me"?

[lacktheknack]

It really is.

The only "neutral" way of disengaging is to say "Sorry, I'm really distracted and need some quiet."

Being direct is never recommended.

 

[Vicarious Reality]

Why are people talking to you? Are you hideous? Are you carrying bird cages in your wig? Do you work in customer service?
This is the question that needs answering to answer your question!

 

[MHR]

Yes

But do it anyway. Your time is your own, not theirs to blather their drivel.

 

[Auron225]

Yes, it is true that you are not obligated to respond to people who try and initiate conversation. It is your choice whether or not to do so and they should realise this upon attempting it. You owe them nothing.

However, and believe me on this, it will not help matters in the least for you to try and explain that part in italics to someone who's trying to talk to you. They will think "Holy sh*t, I was just trying to have a conversation".

They can think what they like. Unless they are someone I know they mean nothing to me and their opinion of me will have no influence on my actions.

Then I hope you're comfortable with the people you currently call your friends, because you are never going to make another new one with that attitude. I don't mean that in a simple "boy, your attitude stinks!" kind of way, I mean it in a logical way; electing to deem anyone who is not currently a friend as meaning "nothing to you" will eliminate any chance of them ever being a friend.

Also, manners cost nothing. Those who choose to not make use of them have no excuse.

 

[StormShaun]

It really depends.
Saying that outright, it rather... well, rude.

You need to say it politely, and in a way that will let them down softly.
If you just be truthful and say "excuse me for saying this, but I'm not well enough to talk, and I'd rather just be quiet."
Or in a similar fashion, while it may be a longer way of saying "don't talk to me", well, if you want to look good, it usually takes more words.

I mean, "don't talk to me" won't simply make them just think "this guy is a dick", it may make them think something like, "did I do something wrong?" Or if there day is just as bad as yours, "did I do something bad again? Oh why must I do such a thing?!" Then of course they'd get awkward, and it would make them feel worse.

Naturally, this depends on the person.
I'm just usually nice, BUT, no one really speaks to me... I believe I have that kind of "Knife eyes" stare.

 

[spartandude]

It's difficult. I come across very rude but the problem is I have anxiety and a really bad stammer so I tend to find it's easier to just be somewhat dismissve. I don't mean or want to be but I find it's much easier than spluttering out random syllables and then everyone come over to see if I'm ok, making it worse.

 

[Politrukk]

I have a problem . Well more than one but we'll just focus on the one for now. People like to talk to me . For god knows what reason strangers will start talking to me. Now i don't like strangers, hell i don't like people in general. But up until a little while ago I've humored most of them. But for some time i usually just say "please don't speak to me". Which works exceptionslly well.

That being said,today an elderly lady tried to talk to me about something and i replied with my anti conversation phrase. She then mumbled something about me being rude and went on her way. Mission accomplished.

However it made me wonder. Is it truly rude to ask someone not to speak to you? Or was this lady just being overly sensitive?

I did say please and didn't give any kind of attitude other than neutral i don't really care vibe.

Obviously, enjoying, or having an aversion to spontaneous conversation depends entirely on the subject matter.

That being said, you sound like an anti-social prick. You inability to communicate and easily find common ground with strangers is a character flaw. Your "Hell I don't like most people" approach to life is a character flaw, you coming here and trying to find some sort of fellowship with other socially awkward types, IS A CHARACTER FLAW. You unnecessarily sullied the day of someone who is most likely perfectly pleasant, and in all reality might have brought a bit of cheer to your pitiful existence. Jesus Christ man, did you even take a moment to reflect personally on this? Or was the fact that the lady said you were rude just too much to handle? Did you somehow think that it's your right to go out and about in the world (where other people tend to congregate) and never have to deal with human interaction?

Does this sound harsh? Well guess what, it's about as harsh and unwelcoming as your current attitude to life in general.

The people that you say you "don't like"

...Those people are you...

Well said, sir or madam, well said. I speak to who I can, but, I WILL acknowledge when someone wants to be left alone. I'm a nice guy over all, but will admit to being capable of being a jerk just as anyone else. That said, Erim? I don't mean to sound rude, but...you live on this planet with the rest of us. You need to speak to someone eventually. Do you have friends, Erim? I'm not even trying to be rude, I'm asking a legitimate question. Do you have someone in your life that you can talk to? Someone to bounce ideas off of and get their opinion? It's an important skill to have. Context is important, here. If she's being polite and merely saying a good natured "Hello", or "How are you?", then play along and say "Hello" or "Pretty good" or "Can't complain". How you say it can often be just as important as what you said in the first place. Am I saying your wrong to act that way to most people? Not necessarily, you're entitled to your opinion. You want to avoid most people, or not talk to random strangers then, that's fine by me. Do I think you should give people a chance? Perhaps, yeah.

3 pages into this thread and he hasn't told anyone of us he doesn't want to talk to us.

Maybe he's picky

Very
Very
Picky

 

[BoogieManFL]

I greatly dislike talking with strangers, and small talk especially.

However I would never say such a thing because I think it's very rude. You can discourage further conversation with short answers, all while being polite. You could also appear to be busy, with your phone or a book, to make people less likely to talk to you should you want to take it a step farther.

At the very least, a polite direct response without eye contact would probably stop most people from trying to carry on a conversation and while it wouldn't be exactly pleasant it wouldn't be entirely rude either.

To each their own, of course. But that's my opinion on the subject.

 

[sageoftruth]

Instead, I would go with "Sorry, I'm not in the mood for conversation right now." If they don't take the hint, feel free to use your original statement.

 

[Lightknight]

Yes, it is certainly deemed as socially unacceptable (see "rude") to point blank tell people not to speak to you. I suppose you have to ask yourself whether or not that's a thing you care about.

The people who answered "sometimes" are also correct because in some instances the other individual is being rude in the way/manner in which they're talking to you and in that scenario then rudeness has already occurred and there's nothing wrong with telling them to shut their gob hole.

However, except in certain placed (the movies, for example), it is seldom rude for a person to just start talking to you and so for you to cut them off would in fact be you being rude. For what that's worth.

 

[ArcaneGamer]

I have a problem . Well more than one but we'll just focus on the one for now. People like to talk to me . For god knows what reason strangers will start talking to me. Now i don't like strangers, hell i don't like people in general. But up until a little while ago I've humored most of them. But for some time i usually just say "please don't speak to me". Which works exceptionslly well.

That being said,today an elderly lady tried to talk to me about something and i replied with my anti conversation phrase. She then mumbled something about me being rude and went on her way. Mission accomplished.

However it made me wonder. Is it truly rude to ask someone not to speak to you? Or was this lady just being overly sensitive?

I did say please and didn't give any kind of attitude other than neutral i don't really care vibe.

Obviously, enjoying, or having an aversion to spontaneous conversation depends entirely on the subject matter.

That being said, you sound like an anti-social prick. You inability to communicate and easily find common ground with strangers is a character flaw. Your "Hell I don't like most people" approach to life is a character flaw, you coming here and trying to find some sort of fellowship with other socially awkward types, IS A CHARACTER FLAW. You unnecessarily sullied the day of someone who is most likely perfectly pleasant, and in all reality might have brought a bit of cheer to your pitiful existence. Jesus Christ man, did you even take a moment to reflect personally on this? Or was the fact that the lady said you were rude just too much to handle? Did you somehow think that it's your right to go out and about in the world (where other people tend to congregate) and never have to deal with human interaction?

Does this sound harsh? Well guess what, it's about as harsh and unwelcoming as your current attitude to life in general.

The people that you say you "don't like"

...Those people are you...

Well said, sir or madam, well said. I speak to who I can, but, I WILL acknowledge when someone wants to be left alone. I'm a nice guy over all, but will admit to being capable of being a jerk just as anyone else. That said, Erim? I don't mean to sound rude, but...you live on this planet with the rest of us. You need to speak to someone eventually. Do you have friends, Erim? I'm not even trying to be rude, I'm asking a legitimate question. Do you have someone in your life that you can talk to? Someone to bounce ideas off of and get their opinion? It's an important skill to have. Context is important, here. If she's being polite and merely saying a good natured "Hello", or "How are you?", then play along and say "Hello" or "Pretty good" or "Can't complain". How you say it can often be just as important as what you said in the first place. Am I saying your wrong to act that way to most people? Not necessarily, you're entitled to your opinion. You want to avoid most people, or not talk to random strangers then, that's fine by me. Do I think you should give people a chance? Perhaps, yeah.

3 pages into this thread and he hasn't told anyone of us he doesn't want to talk to us.

Maybe he's picky

Very
Very
Picky

I can honestly see that. I can understand that. Still, it doesn't look good to others. It kind of comes off as being rude. Nicely tell them not to bother you right now if you're doing something. But he isn't and is just staring into space, then please acknowledge the person speaking to you. I'm not going to judge your choice, just...try to be nice to others.

 

[visiblenoise]

I'm pretty sure exactly nobody is saying that it isn't okay to not want to speak to strangers, or convey such a feeling to said strangers (at least on occasion). All they're (and I'm) saying is that "please don't talk to me" isn't any more polite or tactful than saying "shut up."

 

[Lightknight]

I truly don't understand society any more. Why is it any more rude for the OP to say he doesn't want to speak to strangers than it is for strangers to just assume OP is in the mood to chat? Some people find intrusiveness more rude than being asked to be left alone (me for one, obviously). And I also wonder how many people saying OP is rude would feel the same way if OP was a 19 year old girl complaining about older men coming up and randomly chatting her up. Would they call her rude for not smiling and making small talk? Or would they call the old guys pervs and lament the sexual harassment that occurs so very often? What if OP gets panic attacks from interactions with strangers? I don't know, I'm not saying ignoring people is good...but...I spend a large chunk of day dealing with the chatty types OP is probably dealing with and I certainly don't care to do so after work as well. I'm mentally exhausted by that point. So if telling someone that, "No thanks, I'm not in the mood to chat right now" is rude, then I guess I'm Don Rickles.

Being that it is society, the one who does not wish to be sociable is seen as anti-social. This is actually one of the few things that makes sense about society even if some of us just want to be left the fuck alone.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

No offence to extroverts, but they're tiring, and while I'll never understand the urge to just go up to a random stranger and start talking to them, I'll always endeavour to be polite about it when it happens to me.

Never? Hmm. I do't know. I'm not the most sociable person in the world, but for some reason if people are walking their dogs I want to talk to them and pet their dog. I think I might need help in that regard, it's like a compulsion;

"Wow! A beagle, he's so cute! Sorry, but I just love beagles ..." etc

Quarantine staff at the airport don't like me much. (Edit) I think having a dog there makes it less uncomfortable to simply reach out to someone without actually having to reach out at all, so I think it might be that. Like ... you know. You're connecting by proxy.

And it's pretty safe to assume a dog being walked by someone is something they like, so it's not awkward at all just talkig about their dog. It's not like saying how much you like collies to someone walking their collie is going to be met by; "I loathe collies." So you know, zero conflict.

 

[Padwolf]

Well yes, it is pretty damn rude. It doesn't take much to say "Sorry, I don't really want to talk to anyone at the moment." Or you could have earphones in, pretend to make a phone call. There are many polite ways to avoid conversation. You don't have to be rude. Being polite doesn't cost a thing.

 

[Lufia Erim]

Well yes, it is pretty damn rude. It doesn't take much to say "Sorry, I don't really want to talk to anyone at the moment." Or you could have earphones in, pretend to make a phone call. There are many polite ways to avoid conversation. You don't have to be rude. Being polite doesn't cost a thing.

Yeah i kinda get it. I made this thread because i really didn't think it was rude to be honest. Blunt sure but i did think the "please" cancelled out the rudeness. Guess i was wrong.

Just a question those. Why isn't it considered rude to bother a stranger with small talk?

I'm pretty sure exactly nobody is saying that it isn't okay to not want to speak to strangers, or convey such a feeling to said strangers (at least on occasion). All they're (and I'm) saying is that "please don't talk to me" isn't any more polite or tactful than saying "shut up."

So can i just say "shut up" instead? If it's equally as rude (apparently).

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

What youre doing isnt honesty or bluntness. People appreciate honesty and bluntness when they ACTUALLY appear, but thats not what youre doing.

No see the blunt response, the response I give when i dont want to talk is this:

"Hello! I'm sorry, ive had a really bad day today, i really dont feel like talking to anyone right now, i hope thats alright. I hope youre having a great day though! I just need some time to sit and think."

People appreciate the honesty, because that is actually honest. What you, and LOADS of other people who claim to be "blunt" do, is express what you think in the most cowardly way possible as such to avoid giving any sort of emotional ***** in your armor. Like delivering the message without giving anything else away. Youre still holding back, so its not really blunt at all. Youre afraid to speak to people for whatever reason, and dont wish to admit it to them. So in that sense youre lying anyway, the honest answer is the sort i gave. Thats not necessarily a bad thing, but call it what it is.

And you know what, you dont HAVE to be blunt like im blunt, you CAN lie, but your issue isnt with lying since youre sort of doing that anyway by omission, your issue is paradoxically you want to not care about anyone but still care what people think. You cant have both. Id advise giving strangers a chance and not trying so hard to be aloof and uncaring. Its really not as fun.

EDIT:

Because you wanted help and I like you (as i extend a basic degree of friendlyness for all strangers such as yourself!) ill give you some ideas of what to say.

"Hello, Yeah thats very nice/its been great/one sentence to be polite." followed by
"I'm not massively in the mood for a chat right now, sorry, hope youre having a good day though"

Then walk away. This is only if you WANT to be seen as polite. And thats your choice. Otherwise id say what youre going with is extremely rude.

That said, my actual JOB is to make small talk with (unfortunately very sick) strangers at the local hospice. A lot of people like small talk when they are upset and stressed, its them reaching out into an uncaring world for some support. Like you are doing right now. You gotta face facts and accept that in your view reaching out to a stranger for help/support should be met with denial and ignoring. Yet thats exactly what you did OP. Youre not so different to those people you dislike really. Its worth thinking about.

 

[visiblenoise]

I'm pretty sure exactly nobody is saying that it isn't okay to not want to speak to strangers, or convey such a feeling to said strangers (at least on occasion). All they're (and I'm) saying is that "please don't talk to me" isn't any more polite or tactful than saying "shut up."

So can i just say "shut up" instead? If it's equally as rude (apparently).

You tell me, dude, you can say whatever you want. Why don't you go try it out?

 

[Sable Gear]

Or you could just wear headphones and have a more obvious reason not to talk to people than just not wanting to talk to strangers.

I'm from an area where a lot of people usually approach out of the blue with some ulterior motive other than plain old starting a conversation, the headphones defense works well against these people. Even if they get up in your face, you can just move around them and pretend you can't hear them hassling you.

Also have you tried the "resting-bitchface" tactic of just generally looking like you don't want to deal with other humans? Works great for me.