Poll: Is treating women in Gentlemanly way Sexist?

[Niels Nugteren]

If we define being gentlemanly as chivalry, Websters dictionary tells us: the qualities of the ideal knight : chivalrous conduct. Knowing that to be the origins, a more recent meaning of the definition would be : gallant or distinguished gentlemen. Chivalry is more than treating women differently; it's a moral code, a guideline by which one should live his life, treating everyone you meet correctly. Being chivalrous to women specifically, however, clearly falls under the definition of sexism: a prejudice or discrimination based on sex; especially : discrimination against women.
As far as I can tell, being a gentleman is not to be guilty of sexism; however, if chivalry is only practiced when women are around, I would say it's definitely sexist.
If that's a bad thing is a different topic entirely. While I can see why some people would see this benevolent sexism as a bad thing, for me, it's mostly how I've been raised: to be polite to women (and men), and for me personally, not a single sexist thought goes through my head when I offer a lady my jacket, or hold the door. One could argue that even without intent this reinforces the stereotype of the woman needing manly assistance, but take my word for it, no harm is intended. (In my case, anyways)

 

[Snowbell]

Yes, it is sexist;
You shouldn't treat women in a gentelmanly way; you should treat EVERYONE in a gentlemanly way

 

[DanDeFool]

So, afew people on here have called me sexist. What for? For suggesting that men treat women in a gentlemanly manner. Now, I can see that too a certain extent, like the whole "The world is unsafe for women, So I will keep you away from the world" style of gentleman-re IS sexist. However, what I was refering too was holding the door open for a women, pulling out her chair for her, offering her your jacket if it is cold, things like that. THAT is what I fail to see as being sexist.

So escapist, does the fact I want to be a gentleman make me sexist?

Only if you do it for a woman you have at least a friend-level relationship with (otherwise: creepy), and only if you're willing too take no for an answer, e.g. "no thanks, I'm fine" when offering a jacket (otherwise: Dick).

Stupid input method on my phone won't stop capitalizing the word "Dick". I'll have to fix that later...

 

[DEAD34345]

If you only act "gentlemanly" towards women, then yes it is sexist. That's pretty much what the word sexist means. (Sexist: discriminatory on the basis of sex)

Whether or not that's necessarily a bad thing can be debated, but personally I'd say it is. If you only act gentlemanly towards women then that must mean you act rudely to anyone who isn't a woman. Personally, I do things like holding doors open for people regardless of their gender.

 

[Mr.Squishy]

So, afew people on here have called me sexist. What for? For suggesting that men treat women in a gentlemanly manner. Now, I can see that too a certain extent, like the whole "The world is unsafe for women, So I will keep you away from the world" style of gentleman-re IS sexist. However, what I was refering too was holding the door open for a women, pulling out her chair for her, offering her your jacket if it is cold, things like that. THAT is what I fail to see as being sexist.

So escapist, does the fact I want to be a gentleman make me sexist?

Hm...take this as you will, but this post makes you sound a teeny bit like Harry Dresden.

OT: Eh, at a certain point it may become sexist, but I'm not sure. I generally don't give it much thought and instead just do small, polite things for people of both genders. Like hold open the door. And only a couple times has someone been offended at it. So...I'm not sure.

 

[Fappy]

I hold doors open for people of both sexes. I only pull out a chair for a girl I am dating. Does that make me sexist. I certainly don't think so.

 

[Xangba]

Nope.

Because I act like a gentleman towards everyone.


I'm classy like that.

Yup. This. I'll be gentlemanly for my friends (right before we start screwing with each other), my family, women, men, random people passing by, whatever. Unless I'm given reason not to anyway. Where I'm from it's expected. Now if you want to call me a sexist for never hitting women go ahead, it's probably true, but that's just my small town southern ways.

 

[AngloDoom]

Yes, it is sexist;
You shouldn't treat women in a gentelmanly way; you should treat EVERYONE in a gentlemanly way

This. Just this.

Treating someone different because of their sex sounds pretty sexist. It's like some people I know who always give a girl a chance to beat them in a game if they are winning because they are a 'gentleman'. I would argue that sort of behaviour implies women require the help because they are less capable.

 

[Jonluw]

Yes, giving one sex preferential treatment is sort of sexist.

 

[Iron Criterion]

Nope.

Because I act like a gentleman towards everyone.


I'm classy like that.

This. It's wrong to deliver preferable treatment based on gender only, when feminists have been campaigning for years for equal rights.

 

[Verzin]

So, afew people on here have called me sexist. What for? For suggesting that men treat women in a gentlemanly manner. Now, I can see that too a certain extent, like the whole "The world is unsafe for women, So I will keep you away from the world" style of gentleman-re IS sexist. However, what I was refering too was holding the door open for a women, pulling out her chair for her, offering her your jacket if it is cold, things like that. THAT is what I fail to see as being sexist.

So escapist, does the fact I want to be a gentleman make me sexist?

If you're as polite to men as you are to women, then that is commendable. I wish I had it in me to do that. Manners are underrated today. really, they are. However I agree with you...In my opinion anyway, being more respectful and/or polite to women, simply because they are women, is sexist. There is no getting around that. It is sexist to treat them differently because their sexual organs are different from yours.

It's not something that's a 'problem' exactly, lots of people do the same thing and it doesn't hurt anyone, but personally, I'd hate to be treated with more respect simply because I was male.

It would just feel weird to be treated with more kindness/respect just because I have a penis.

 

[Biodeamon]

nope. and i usually only act gentmenly in a sarcastic sort of way.

 

[DANEgerous]

to be honest it is hard for me to say, doing inanely simple tasks like opening a door or caring light objects in my mind honestly is in a way. It is sort of insulting and if I was to recive such treatment i would feel insulted in a way.

I think it is kind of just where the line is, you are an asshole if you do not open the door for a person that has both hands full but going out of your way to do it for someone who is just walking is honestly kind of annoying.

I also fail to see why gender is even relevant here, though that may be why i see it in such a way.

 

[CODE-D]

Its scientific fact that men open doors 5 % more efficiently than women so why not do it for them.

 

[Lethos]

Well you would have to be an incredibly miserable person to actually get upset about it, but I guess it is sexist.

Honestly OP, if you enjoy being a gentlemen to women then I don't think you should stop yourself. No one is getting harmed and I doubt many people care enough to keep running tabs on who you hold the door for.

When I think of a sexist, a person holding the door open for a lady isn't what comes to mind. I would imagine that the vast majority of women also don't think of that.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Treating someone differently based on their gender like that is simply basic sexism. Thinking someone deserves to be treated differently like that really is an obvious case.

Yes, it is sexist and, contrary to how some people here seem to feel, being sexist is indeed a bad thing.

Yeah, I'm not 100% sure I'm with you guys on this one. While discrimination based on gender certainly does lie at the heart of sexism, I believe in the most commonly accepted definitions of the term there is also an implication of inferiority (or superiority) tied to gender.

So while "I hold doors open for women because women are too feeble to open their own doors" would most definitely be sexist, I'm not entirely certain "I hold doors open for women because it makes me feel like a gentleman" qualifies as "sexist", unless you're embracing an extremely mutable definition of the term. At which point I'd argue it loses almost all of its significance as a descriptor.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

What you're suggesting is pointless women worshipping bullshit that does make you sexist. There is no need for you to pull a chair out for a woman and, while it may be nice, is positive discrimination. Continue to do it as you please, literally no one is going to stop you, but I'm going to call you a **** if I see you, or anyone else, do it.

You're actively treating them differently simply because of gender and that isn't cool.

 

[Casual Shinji]

It's not sexism; it's sexuality.

To call this sexism, means flirting is sexism: because people are generally attracted to a single gender (bisexuality excluded, obviously). It's blatant discrimination too, because you could be flirting with anyone, but no: you only flirt with one person based on looks. If you prefer asian girls, you're racist too. Scumbag.

They should lock you up without a trial for just that.



If someone ever says that to you again, punch them in the crotch. The fucker deserves it.

Bingo!

Like it or not, if we're attracted to someone we treat them differently. If I see a nice lady and some homely dude, I'll be more inclined to hold the door open for the latter.

And generally men are attracted to women and women to men, so it's not too difficult to understand that we treat the opposite gender differently. If there's a nice check-out girl in a store I'll be more up beat than if there's some bloke behind the counter. This is simply how our brains are wired.

By the posts in this thread one would assume that you're a sexist simply by being attracted to women instead of men and vice versa.

Also, the word 'sexist' needs to get back in the kitchen where it belongs.

 

[kortin]

I love how people assume that when someone says "You know being a gentleman towards women is sexist, right?" they immediately take offense and go off on you about it without even taking the time to think. Because frankly it is true. It's not "OMFG U STUPID WIMIN RUIN EVRYTHING.", it's just treating women differently based on their sex, which by definition, is discrimination and therefore sexism. Now remember, while it is sexist, it's not the bad kind. There is nothing inherently wrong with being gentlemanly towards women.

Unfortunately, people get caught up on the word "sexist" and disregard everything you have said and start getting mad about how you called them a sexist. So they then start pulling experiences out of their head where they aren't sexist in a desperate bid to prove that they aren't. Now, I'm not up there supporting all those feministic wackjobs who seem to think that it's horrible for them and that it shows that men believe they are weak creatures and blah blah blah (which is actually no fault of men, it is programmed into us to protect women). It's just a fact that chivalry is inherently sexist. Doesn't mean it's inherently bad, just that it IS discrimination and everyone should realize this.