Poll: Looking for real advice not moral zealots

[blaise84]

This is going to sound harsh, but only because the phrasing of your post suggests that you yourself are aware of what the 'right' response to this situation is. However, you're doing your best to convince us (read: yourself) that it's acceptable to go ahead with the threesome, because you're so excited by the idea of it happening.

If you have not been honest with your partner about the nature of this other girl's feelings, then you are effectively lying to her to satisfy your own obviously unconcealed desire for the three-way, which is extremely selfish. It also means you should not marry her because you are being dishonest with her. If you're lying before you're even married and potentially subjecting her to this, then wow, you're in for a very miserable time.

"also the other girl (Shouldve mentioned this) said that any feelings she has are under control and she would not let them become a problem."

I seriously doubt that. I'm sure she would like them to be under control and she tells herself that they are, but the simplest explanation is the most likely explanation: she will say whatever she has to if it will afford an opportunity to act on her desire for you. She can't be with you because you are with somebody else - this is, in her estimation, her only option.

Given the aforementioned, if you try to push for this to happen, you are betraying the trust, respect and friendship of both women and deserve neither of them, because your interest in boosting your own ego and having a good story to tell are taking precedent.

Furthermore, do not underestimate how explosively bad this could go. I'm not jealous of you because I've done this before, several times. At best it can be fantastic and at worst it will destroy your relationships and show you up for being a self-centred pig.

A threesome is not the be-all and end-all of sexual encounters. If you do end up doing it, then you're building it up far too much.

 

[MMMATT]

It appears that the gods have smiled upon you, my friend. You only live once...

 

[MasterSqueak]

snippity snip

I'll go with my normal attitude and say screw worrying and plans! The fact that you've seen the problems coming says to me that you're savy enough to deal with any that might arise

Also, I'm gonna spout some religion on you, not because I actually believe it, but because it's logical and makes sense. Here goes:
Buddhists reckon that even a 'wrong' action can be good for your karma, because there's more than just the act itself. I can't remember the others, but one of them is the intention. If the intention is good, then it can make a morally questionably act OK
In this instance, the threesome has possible problems, but you're not doing this to cheat on your fiancée, are you? Your intentions are good, and no one is thinking 'bad' thoughts, so I think the result should be good, no?

There's a problem here... That logic can be used to justify ANYTHING (stealing, murder, punching puppies, etc.). I'm no Buddhist, but my Buddhist friends would probably question that statement if they posted here.

The fact is, all parties have consented to this, erm, act. Vital said that the girls agreed to it, and he is obviously considering it. Stealing or murdering with good intent is something else, because not all parties will be accepting.

OT, I say go for it. The girls have said yes, and if the GF holds it against you that means she is manipulative. You would be better off without a manipulative wife, and the other girl would probably date you. This is worst-case scenario, but its still not too bad because you avoid getting into a more permanent relationship that will likely fail.

Just tell your GF about the other girls feelings.

 

[blaise84]

You would be better off without a manipulative wife, and the other girl would probably date you. This is worst-case scenario, but its still not too bad because you avoid getting into a more permanent relationship that will likely fail.

Haha, manipulative wife? So this guy is NOT manipulative for not telling his fiance about this other girl's feelings when they're talking about having a three-way with her?

Yeah, awesome. Flippantly get engaged, flippantly break up and just pick up where you left off with the chick with zero self esteem. Brilliant.

 

[Dr. Gorgenflex]

You're really debating this.
DO IT ******!

 

[NoNameMcgee]

As for the risk I know its there and I do love her, but im not going to pretend i'd kill myself if I lost her.

But you see, by saying things like this, you're putting this threesome idea above your relationship. You have realised there could be major consequences but you're still considering doing it, which means that you are almost willing to accept the reprecussions. In a worst case scenario this could include breaking up with your future wife, but you know this, and you are still wondering whether you should do it or not? The answer is no. You shouldn't.

As much as I hate saying things like this, (I don't want to anger or make an enemy out of you at all), maybe you should reconsider how much your fiancee means to you and whether you really should be getting married to a woman you are almost willing to lose for a night of meaningless sex.

 

[Issalius]

Just get really damn crunk

 

[Skeleon]

Meh, I wouldn't want to compromise a working relationship for this.
A threesome might be better with somebody you don't have any feelings for as a third person (and her not having feelings for you, either).
That's the theory.
I don't know how I'd feel about this in practice, though.

 

[Bakaferret]

I created an account just to comment on this...

I just wanted to say that from a girl's perspective...BE CAREFUL. I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost four years now. I have ALWAYS been an open-minded individual, and when it comes to intimacy, I'm usually the aggressive one. My boyfriend and I have talked about the possibility of a threesome several times before over the years. But let me say, when the actual proposal came up, I was surprised to find myself pretty jealous (it was a girl we both mutually knew). Had he pressed the matter, I probably would have gone through with it, and quite possibly deeply regret it.

That being said, my personal advice is keep up communication with your fiance. Let her know what the other girl proposes (AND don't forget to tell her how she feels!) And what's the rush?? If you're both open to the idea of a threesome, why not find a willing stranger to fulfill both of your wishes? There is NO need to complicate things with someone you are at least semi-close to (and who is admittedly attracted to you).

...also, on a side note...not to be judgmental, but your view of your fiance confuses me. I'm sure you love her and care about her, but you don't really sound like someone getting ready to spend the rest of your life with someone else; NOT because of your desire for a threesome, but because of your flippant attitude about whether or not this ends your relationship. I mean, I would hate to hear my boyfriend tell me "well hey, if we break up, no biggie...I'll just move on". I admire your level-headed attitude on relationships (I can't STAND when people think they're nothing without their partner, as if everything they did in life before meeting was meaningless), but I guess I'd feel better if I heard a little more desire to avoid a breakup.

 

[sumanoskae]

Sure why not as long as you have self control. if shes really your friend she wont screw you over, and even if she dose, if your fiance is reasonable she will understand that you meant no harm

EDIT: but make sure your GF knows about this other girl having feelings for you and vise versa

 

[dontworryaboutit]

As for the risk I know its there and I do love her, but im not going to pretend i'd kill myself if I lost her.

But you see, by saying things like this, you're putting this threesome idea above your relationship. You have realised there could be major consequences but you're still considering doing it, which means that you are almost willing to accept the reprecussions. In a worst case scenario this could include breaking up with your future wife, but you know this, and you are still wondering whether you should do it or not? The answer is no. You shouldn't.

As much as I hate saying things like this, (I don't want to anger or make an enemy out of you at all), maybe you should reconsider how much your fiancee means to you and whether you really should be getting married to a woman you are almost willing to lose for a night of meaningless sex.

Everything this guy is saying is correct.

But judging by the way you're talking, you've already decided what you're going to do, you just want us to back you up, which would explain why most of the people who have disagreed have been hit with severe retaliation.

 

[Deleric]

Go ahead. It'll be the best and most awkward bar story ever.

 

[MasterSqueak]

You would be better off without a manipulative wife, and the other girl would probably date you. This is worst-case scenario, but its still not too bad because you avoid getting into a more permanent relationship that will likely fail.

Haha, manipulative wife? So this guy is NOT manipulative for not telling his fiance about this other girl's feelings when they're talking about having a three-way with her?

Yeah, awesome. Flippantly get engaged, flippantly break up and just pick up where you left off with the chick with zero self esteem. Brilliant.

Read my whole post. I told him to tell his GF about it.

 

[ExaltedK9]

Oh yeah.

Go ahead and jeopardize your marriage over a sexual experience that will most likely be awkward and embarrassing.

I would like to remind everyone that my girlfriend Did say she was cool with this, granted she doesn't know the other girl has such feelings. I think this really boils down to is our friend (the other girl) going to take this for more than it is.

NOTE*** I'm confident enough to believe this wont be either awkward or embarrassing. I don't know what self esteem issues you have, but I admire my prowess so to speak.

Consider this...no matter how "cool" with this, your fiance is, what kind of marriage could you ever have after doing something like that? I know you are up against some powerful temptation, but...

I've seen too many marriages broken-up by marrital unfaithfulness. Put things in perspective. If you are worried about the other girl taking this for more than it it, then just...urgh...nevermind I can't take the headache.

I can't even fathom how screwed up this situation is. Look, just...whatever you do....don't turn to the escapis for input!!!

 

[Bakaferret]

As for the risk I know its there and I do love her, but im not going to pretend i'd kill myself if I lost her.

But you see, by saying things like this, you're putting this threesome idea above your relationship. You have realised there could be major consequences but you're still considering doing it, which means that you are almost willing to accept the reprecussions. In a worst case scenario this could include breaking up with your future wife, but you know this, and you are still wondering whether you should do it or not? The answer is no. You shouldn't.

As much as I hate saying things like this, (I don't want to anger or make an enemy out of you at all), maybe you should reconsider how much your fiancee means to you and whether you really should be getting married to a woman you are almost willing to lose for a night of meaningless sex.

Everything this guy is saying is correct.

But judging by the way you're talking, you've already decided what you're going to do, you just want us to back you up, which would explain why most of the people who have disagreed have been hit with severe retaliation.

Hm, yeah I must have missed this when reading the thread...this is exactly what I meant. Look, I'm all for sex and whatnot, but really...you don't sound like the marriage type. Everyone has their own views of a good relationship, and personally, you sound more like the uncommitted type to me. You kind of put yourself in a selfish position...do you realize your current viewpoint totally disregards her feelings? You show zero concern over whether this will hurt her or not...I mean, from what I've read so far, what she could potentially feel (in the end, after the fact...I'm aware that she is ok with the threesome) is irrelevant because she is dispensable (and easily replaceable) in your eyes.

 

[Quantana]

damm this one is realy hard i'd say flip a coin cause i can't pick one.

 

[Eskay]

Sounds like you're here for justification. Realistically no one can on this board can know the nuances.

Just bear in mind she may expect you to reciprocate with another guy involved next time.

 

[Roamin11]

Never tried a threesome with someone I know..... I would say not, cause it could burn you somewhere along the line, or do it because its a experince not to pass up... Im torn friend..... Do it, I tried it, now normal sex is mundane, but who knows maybe threesomes can become.... the regular thing?