One of my best friends and his girlfriend recently told me that they are planning to get engaged and marry. I've known them both for a long time and there is no doubt that they love each other but there are a few things that just don't sit right with me. Firstly they are only 19 years old, neither of them are religious and they are both children of failed marriages. In an age where divorce rates are sky high does it really make sense to risk destroying a perfectly healthy relationship?
Poll: Marriage in the 21st century?
- Thread starter floyd_echo
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I don't really believe in marriage to begin with.
Not that I think it's wrong or that I'm more of the loner type or that I want to be "free" and sleep around.
It's quite the opposite actually. I like a one and only type thing. A soulmate of sorts.
But... marriage makes no sense to me. What changes after signing a little piece of paper?
Nothing. You still love each other so... what's the big deal? I'd rather just spend my life with someone instead. The marriage process just seems like a giant waste of time and more of a hassle than it's worth.
Not that I think it's wrong or that I'm more of the loner type or that I want to be "free" and sleep around.
It's quite the opposite actually. I like a one and only type thing. A soulmate of sorts.
But... marriage makes no sense to me. What changes after signing a little piece of paper?
Nothing. You still love each other so... what's the big deal? I'd rather just spend my life with someone instead. The marriage process just seems like a giant waste of time and more of a hassle than it's worth.
There's fallacy in your logic: if they encounter an issue that's so serious it causes them to divorce, then how would never marrying in the first place averted the problem? Yes, marriage does have a rather high rate of divorce in recent years but if you don't get married because you might get divorced, then you are acknowledging that the relationship is as likely to fail as the current divorce rate. Now let's look at like this: modern divorce rates are in the neighbourhood of fifty percent (at least time I heard. I could well be wrong), so if maybe getting divorced would stop you from getting married, then you are 50% likely to break up anyway.
No one goes into marriage anticipating divorce. now marriage worth having would even factor in the chance of divorce. If it weighs heavy on your m as you go through the process, you shouldn't even be having a wedding in the first place.
That said, nineteen might be a bit too young.
No one goes into marriage anticipating divorce. now marriage worth having would even factor in the chance of divorce. If it weighs heavy on your m as you go through the process, you shouldn't even be having a wedding in the first place.
That said, nineteen might be a bit too young.
Agreed 120%. Not to mention a waste of money by throwing a big wedding like people like to do. I guess it serves as a memory for the couple, but still pointless to me.Julianking93 said:
I assume you're 19 as well, so the same age as me. I feel like we're too young at this age to make that kind of commitment, that wouldn't be too big of a deal if divorce lawyers weren't so damn expensive. If they want to, they want to, it's their decision. Marriage does have more significance than a piece of paper, it comes with legal benefits that you will never get just as live-in partners, and I'm talking about America when I say this.
As a woman, I guess I've been conditioned to want to marry, and I can't help that I still do. I want a pretty dress and a diamond ring and an excuse to change my awful last name, but 19 is still pretty young to be with "the one."
For info on the actual benefits, I direct you here: http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html
As a woman, I guess I've been conditioned to want to marry, and I can't help that I still do. I want a pretty dress and a diamond ring and an excuse to change my awful last name, but 19 is still pretty young to be with "the one."
For info on the actual benefits, I direct you here: http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html
Well, there's also legal benefits to it. Married couples aren't affected by hospital visiting hours*. Married couples can't be forced to bear testimony against each other*. They share all their monetary assets, including debts, credit scores, and tax deductions*. Not to mention there spiritual aspect of it, bonding the two participants completely, under most--or at least many--modern religions.Julianking93 said:
*At least in the United States
I think in New Zealand it's something like even if you're not married but you live with someone over a certain amount of time you still have to do some kind of legal stuff similar to divorce. Not too sure on the details though, nor do I know why this is.
I was 19 when I got married. Been married for 7 years now and still going strong. Marriage is amazing as long as you learn each other. So yeah nothing wrong with it.
Who says Marriage risks destroying their relationship? If they're doomed to fail, they'll do it, married or no.
All marriage does is afford you some (actually pretty important) legal benefits. There's also the Religious aspect, but that's not really relevant in this case. Otherwise, if they're living together, there's not a ton of difference between married and "going steady" or "in a committed relationship" or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Even the whole, "If you get divorced she can take half your stuff" aspect is null if they've been living together long. Common Law marriage bitches.
All marriage does is afford you some (actually pretty important) legal benefits. There's also the Religious aspect, but that's not really relevant in this case. Otherwise, if they're living together, there's not a ton of difference between married and "going steady" or "in a committed relationship" or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Even the whole, "If you get divorced she can take half your stuff" aspect is null if they've been living together long. Common Law marriage bitches.
This, absolutely. Apart from the legal benefits, there is no good reason to get married. It's just a waste of money you could be using towards a place to live together or something else more concrete.Julianking93 said:
And if the United States had universal healthcare like the other civilized nations, the need for getting your spouse on your insurance plan wouldn't even be an issue.
But think of the sweat tax-breaks, my friend!Julianking93 said:
OT:
I think marriage is something good if you know you truly love the person. It is just another way of expressing your commitment to them.
I have been with my wife since we were 19 and that was 17 years ago. We have only been married seven years though. Sometimes marriage works, sometimes it doesn't. If you live together as married then you pretty much are married without quite the same legal rights you have as a married couple.
Legal Rights. Government doesnt recognize love, it recognizes paper. As much as you love someone, you wont be able to see them in the hospital, or get any sort of monetary benefits for being with them (life insurance and similar stuff)Julianking93 said:
It does make a difference to be married.
i don't believe in marriage. nobody in my family really does, if two people want to b together in the long run it should be enough. my parents got married because the GDR handed out generous cash rewards for married couples having children (and people getting married) and my mum was pregnant anyway. My sister got married because her husband is from a 3.world country and living here would be a ***** otherwise.
the only reason i am ever getting married is for tax breaks.
the only reason i am ever getting married is for tax breaks.
And other than legal rights, there's nothing.Saelune said:
I don't really care what the government sees or not. And if I didn't live in such a shit country that refuses universal healthcare because then that would mean "teh terrorizzers wuld win!!!1!" then I wouldn't have to worry in the least about insurance problems.