Poll: Men and women being freinds

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The_Echo

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Mar 18, 2009
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The majority of my female friends happen to be attractive, and I recognize that fact, but we're perfectly capable of being just friends.

And if I did try to become anything more with one of them, and they turned me down, then that's that. No hard feelings, just friends.
 

Sutter Cane

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Jun 27, 2010
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I am indeed attracted to most of my female friends. Most of my female friends are also attracted to me (They've told me, so i'm not projecting here. There's not a chance of anything happening between us as one of them is an ex-girlfriend and the other is in a long-term committed relationship). I still consider them friends though and it hasn't interfered with our friendship at all.
 

Krantos

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Jun 30, 2009
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Vault101 said:
what the hell IS the freindzone anyway?
This is a serious question, right? If so, the "Friendzone" is the term applied to a situation in which one person is romantically interested in another, but that person sees them as just a friend.

The way I understand it, the idea is that once a person thinks of you as a friend, they don't see you as a potential partner. Part of the rationale behind this is an unwillingness to jeopardize the friendship. While I think there is some merit to this in some instances (particularly when dealing with young adults), I think typically something different is occurring.

Namely... They're just not interested in you. You can be "friends" with someone you don't find attractive for whatever reason, but you don't want to be with someone like that. So you become "friends."

In the case, it's not that they don't want to be romantically involved because you've been "friendzoned." It's because they just aren't into you. Simple as that.

...if your question wasn't serious, I guess maybe this will answer the question for anyone else wondering.

OT:

Being married for 5 years now, I've had friends that were women, with no problems. Yeah, there was some attraction there; they were very attractive people who I got along with (they were friends after all). It's perfectly normal to be attracted to that. However, there was never any tension because I had prior commitments, and so did they. Sex was never a possibility, so it was never an issue. Had we been single, it might have been a different story. Don't know.
 

N3squ1ck

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Mar 7, 2012
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As a male who studies something, that is vastly visited by females: Yes, I have many friends of the opposit gender, and no, I don't mind it whatsoever that they are female.

Also my last GF was my bestest friend ever, before we came together, so yeah


Also I would say that it is BS to say that friendship between oposite genders can't exist.
 

CleverCover

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Nov 17, 2010
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All of my guy friends are the current boyfriends of my girl friends....and I can honestly say I wouldn't do anything with any of them. Relationship rules aside, I'm not attracted in that way to any of them. Even when I first met them as single people.

They're funny as hell though.
 

A Weakgeek

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Feb 3, 2011
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Katatori-kun said:
A Weakgeek said:
I find it really hard to believe that two people of the opposite gender who are close have zero sexual attraction between them.
Well, prepare to have your world shattered, because I have female friends where our friendship is exactly this way. In one case I can think of off the top of my head, it's perplexing because just doing the math on how she looks and her personality I should be totally attracted to her, but for whatever reason I'm not.

Not that if I was attracted to her it would invalidate our friendship, but there you go.
"Shattering my world" sounds quite dramatic, but I'm trying to be openminded in general, so mayhaps you're correct.
 

CrystalShadow

don't upset the insane catgirl
Apr 11, 2009
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Well, the reasoning there is a little... Questionable.

If sexual attraction alone ruins the possibility of being friends with someone, then things become very tricky.

For instance, anyone that's gay can't have friends by that logic.

And if you're bisexual you're really done for. (Who exactly is left for you to be friends with if you potentially find everyone attractive?)

Although having said that, Being attracted to a group as a whole doesn't mean you're attracted to everyone you meet.
I'm bisexual, but I don't find that many people all that attractive.

Anyway, the reasoning that men and women can't be friends because of sex becomes a big old mess if you aren't using an entirely heteronormative perspective on the matter.
The rest of us (apparent minorities that we may well be) have to find different ways to deal with the problem.
Otherwise some of us would not be capable of having friends at all.
 

Mr Fixit

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Oct 22, 2008
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I have & have had plenty of lady friends that were just friends, I've had a couple that were more than that & one that I'm still very confused as too exactly where we stand in the relationship. To answer your question though, yes people of opposite sexes can be friends & nothing more, it's very simple to do. My whole problem with this is most of the ladies I am just friends with will actively avoid me if they have a significant other, I guess I'm just so damn charming that they think it's better to avoid me than risk being unfaithful... or some bullshit like that.
 

verdant monkai

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Oct 30, 2011
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Its hard because if my friends were attractive girls then I not be able to help wanting to have a relationship with them. We get along well and I find them attractive that is a formula for a possible relationship in my book.

I don't really have any attractive friends who are girls though :( %80 of my friends are guys.
 

Tom_green_day

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Jan 5, 2013
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You're all so lucky that most of you (according to the poll) don't get friend-zoned the moment you have feelings for anyone -.-
 

DevilWithaHalo

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Mar 22, 2011
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Katatori-kun said:
He did. He kept slipping in "Is he attracted to you?"/"Are you attracted to her?" as though that had anything whatsoever to do with whether or not they were friends. The two are entirely separate concepts. Let's face it, the smug bastard just likes being on camera. He's got no interest in uncovering any truths.
Slipping in? It makes it sound dirty. ;)

Asking if someone is attracted to another prior to 'would you slip it in given the chance' would seem like a natural first step from 'are you just friends'. But that's just me.

I mean, the entire point was to ascertain the level of physical/sexual attraction between the genders determining if their was something other than platonic kinship between them.

But sure... that guys a sneaky bastard. Editing those responses to show that women maintained friendships with men they knew had more feelings for them than they reciprocated; he's obviously the bad guy!
Vault101 said:
DevilWithaHalo said:
my point is I hardly find one video where a guy runs around a campus asking questions "proof" and I'm not saying the guy who made the video DID skew things to a certain veiwpoint, I'm saying he very easyly could have...if somthing is to be taken as reliable proof then such variables should be considerd

studies or not I find the very Idea that men and women cant be freinds at all...baffling really
He very well could have; after all, it seems more comedic than anything else, so perhaps his motivations were purely comedic in nature. But I find people's responses to it more interesting that I do the actual content of the video in question. Perhaps we should chalk it up to confirmation bias eh?

I wouldn't argue against being skeptical about someone's research, especially if they have a vested interest in it's outcome. But while we accept that, so too must we accept the possibility of its legitimacy. So we continue to research the subject, and if continued findings tend to trend toward a certain outcome... well... what would you think?
Vault101 said:
[quote/]perhaps the existance of this thread and those like it (of which there are many) is probably evidence that there is a certain level of confusion regarding friendships with the opposite sex and our social and individual perceptions to the concept
what the hell does that even mean? if we are freinds with the oposite gender its actually....not true? or somthing?[/quote]
Take the second video as an example that the genders see the friendships between the sexes differently than the opposing gender. The two blonde females as a prime example; why did they think it was OK for them to see male friends on a one on one basis but didn't think it was OK for their boyfriends to spend time with female friends on a one on one basis? Why did several of the females in the first video admit to maintaining a friendship with men they knew had more interest in them?

Some people have already provided some links to psychological studies surrounding these kinds of questions, but I imagine sharing more and going into it would result in similar responses regarding people's individual triumphs over the status-quo; whether or not they even realize they may be guilty of perpetuating the generalizations.

Perhaps you would be willing to perform some personal experimentation with the idea. Offer yourself sexually to your male friends and see which ones accept the offer; then you could determine whether or not the change in behavior is merely an evolutionary step in your relationship developments with these individuals or they were merely hoping for the chance to bone you while waiting in the "Friend Zone". There may be other ideas to; they feel that a sexual connection would strengthen the friendship or they want to better the friendship by releasing pent up sexual tension between you to. I certainly don't know what the outcome or findings of your research will be, but I'm curious to read it when you gather your conclusions.
 

spartan231490

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Jan 14, 2010
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It really isn't possible unless both of them are unattractive to the other. You can still be friends, I have a few, but any attraction that exists will always cause problems, and pain, for both sides.
 

Yopaz

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Jun 3, 2009
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I have a lot of female friends, one of them is just an amazing friend in every way. She is one of the few friends I trust and seems to genuinely care about me. She once called me because to make sure I wasn't dead when I had been gone for one day. She makes me feel confident in myself and she believes in me more than I do. She is one of my best friends ever. Now as for sexual attraction screwing things up? Nope, she is good looking, but I don't think of her in a sexual way.

The same goes for most of my female friends. Some of them are good looking, some are plain, I am not attracted to either of them right now, but I used to be attracted to one of them, but that's in the past.
 

VeneratedWulfen93

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Oct 3, 2011
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I have....two female friends. One of which I work with, the other is my friends girlfriend. I find it hard to associate or get on with most women when not under the influence of alcohol. They can't seem to stand me either so its all good so I guess in my case I'd have to say that i can't be friends with women but I know people with a few female friends so I must just be a one off.