Nah, wouldn't bother me at all if we were just about to start dating. But I would like a son so that I may raise him to be a badass gunslinger like myself, so that we may bring a hailstorm of bullets down onto our foes and hear their cries of agony as they writhe in pain until they bleed a slow and painful death...
Sorry, got a bit carried away. But I would like a son to raise as a better person than I am. Maybe he'd get my dad's green eyes, too.
I like the idea of adopting in the future, but no WAY am I having my own children. I've been subjected to the 'lovely' sight of birth before. There is nothing magical about pushing a watermelon out of my vagina. 'Sides, so many unwanted kids in the world
Anyway, it would be a bit awkward if the man I wanted to be with wanted kids of our own, but hopefully they would be the kind of person that can accept the fact that I personally would rather adopt.
I know plenty of couples who can reproduce yet they choose to adopt purely because of the fact that there are so many children who are unwanted.
As for me, I don't care. I'm definitely not interested in having children ANY time soon. If and when I get to that point in my life I think adoption would definitely be something I would consider. I would much rather bring hope to a child who is already alive than one who has yet to be conceived.
I'd probably be fine with it as I'm not planning on having children. If it was the reverse and he really wanted to have children some day then that would definately sway me. It wasn't the reason my ex and I broke up but it was a bit of a sticking point between us (basically whenever he vaguely mentioned he'd like to have kids some day I'd freak the hell out lol). I would prefer a guy who wouldn't mind either way.
Do not want (children). They tend to annoy me. I'm still reeling in shock that a friend's children aren't *completely* rotten little monsters. I don't know how to raise them, I need to sort myself out first or I won't be able to raise them, and I grew up around evil little s***s so until recently that was all I knew, children-wise, so it will take me time to come to grips with the fact that it's not all of them who are like that.
Eh.....I'm not opposed to having kids but I have no real desire to have them either. If a woman either doesn't want or can't have kids, I'd have zero issues with that. At least right now....obviously minds can change and regrets can be had but my brother has kids to I guess the lineage will continue....even if it is the crappy part of our lineage....so I don't feel like I have to reproduce.
I'm supposed to be studying for a chemistry mock exam today, so as per the laws of nature and studying I've ended up only being able to think of matters not even tangentially related to that.
Today's thoughts are as follows:
Would the fact that a prospective partner does not want to have children, ever, affect your desire to initiate a relationship with them?
Say someone with your preferred set of genitalia has asked you out. The first few dates have gone swimmingly, and you are reasonably attracted to them. You are both interested in pursuing something more long-term. We're not talking marriage plans here though; just a regular boyfriend-girlfriend thing. There's commitment involved, but you don't consider them to be "the one", in other words.
However, the prospective partner just revealed that their plans for the future contain exactly zero offspring. Are you still interested in pursuing a somewhat proper relationship with this person?
The purpose of this poll here is to see how someone's stance on children will affect another person's choice of partner for a relationship that's not expected to make it to the point of marriage/civil union/relationship state where having children would be natural/whatever equivalent you feel like, jeez.
Basically: Whether the partner wants children or not is in reality largly irrelevant to the relationship, but I suspect their choice not to procreate might still turn many off the relationship; particularly women.
Because I'm a sexist pig, I guess.
Make note that I am not referring to a casual relationship. It is important that even though neither party honestly believes it'll last 'till marriage there is still commitment involved.
[sub]Yes, I am aware that the results will be rather skewed because of the escapist community.
Fucks given: Zero.
I'll compensate or something.
And I just realized my original poll options don't make sense in their formulation. Drat.[/sub]
Having been a child of divorced parents (in which my father remarried) I can say that this event may have colored my view. I grew up between households, my father and stepmother's during school days and my mother's on vacation times. At least when my mother had "time" for me, otherwise I was pawned off on one set of grandparents or the other. The only times I spent with my "mom" was when she seemed to be trying to buy me off by taking me to cheap knockoff themeparks/water parks or downing on my father for re-marrying. In contrast both my father and step-mother NEVER downed on my mother. In fact they only answered questions I had honestly much later in life when I was an adult about her.
My stepmother cared for me like I was her own kid, came to every one of my little league games, tried different ways of helping me cope with certain issues in my life and most of all supported me in anything I did, even if she was giving me harsh but constructive criticism. All in all, my stepmother went out of her way to love me, care for me and take me in as her own kid whereas my biological mother wanted little to do with me except cause problem for my father and have the right to call me her son without taking responsibility. My father had full custody and my mother NEVER paid a dime in child support.
So in essence, I am now 31 and engaged to a woman who has a child of her own who I care for as if she were my own thanks to the example led by my stepmother. I guess I'm saying it doesn't matter if a woman has kids of her own that aren't mine, I'd love them anyway because all children deserve that, and most children of divorced/broken families have an issue with one parent being crappy and the other struggling to do their best to raise the kid/kids by themselves.
I don't down on anyone who doesn't want to be with someone with kids who aren't theirs but really IMO it shouldn't matter. Kids are wonderful, whether they're ours biologically or not, and we have an effect on how they grow/learn.
What I don't understand about people not wanting "children" is the very short-term view they always seem to take.
Granted, it can't be much fun for the first few years or so, and maybe then even from 10-18 could be **** or demanding but worth it depending on how you feel but... how cool (and useful) would it be to have "children" that were in their 20s... 30s... 40s?
Then potentially a whole army of children and grandchildren as you sit around at 85, feeling oddly satisfied with yourself and your (hopefully) cohort of new people left to continue your important life's work after your gone. And SHOW EVERYBODY *shakes fist*. It can be hard to truly show everybody in one lifetime, I bet. Think of all the enemies one might accrue over the decades and the myriad ways of showing them that might be necessary.
Granted, I would ****ing bawk at the idea right now but I'm only 23 and under-experienced in life even for that. But I don't think it makes sense to think of "children" literally only as mere children, especially when that's only true for a few short years and then things are very different.
But oh well, I suppose most western countries are overpopulated anyhow so I really shouldn't be dissuading people =O
EDIT:
Another thing to consider... people have mentioned their dislike of children.
I might suggest the possibility... as merely something to consider as a thought experiment... that disliking other people's children and finding other people's children annoying is not necessarily relevant when we are talking about children, yes, but your children which is a very important distinction.
If you've never liked a single child you've ever encountered then that may be but... why wouldn't other people's children be annoying? They're nothing to you. They've no real potential to benefit you, but some potential to malefit (that must be a word) you. So it's perhaps only natural to feel that way. But YOUR children may be a very different thing altogether, in that they are children which is in common with the others but that's possibly not the most important factor here.
Ok, kinda amazed that I am the first person to pick up on this... the OP specificly and clearly states that you have already established that this hypothetical partner IS NOT "the one".
Why would their attitude to children have any bearing on what you have already decided is gonna be a short term relationship, unless you are planning on getting them pregnant/getting pregnant by them, then dumping them.
This discussion only becomes reasonable and responsible if the context is changed to "you have just decided that this person could well be "the one", when they tell you that they never want kids..."
Ok, kinda amazed that I am the first person to pick up on this... the OP specificly and clearly states that you have already established that this hypothetical partner IS NOT "the one".
I'm guessing because the average age is reasonably young. Few teenagers with their head screwed on right want kids (or even believe they'll want them in the future), because all the reasons against (the loss of freedom, the nappy changing, etc.) are very understandable at that age, whereas the reasons for having kids are quite difficult to comprehend.
Ok, kinda amazed that I am the first person to pick up on this... the OP specificly and clearly states that you have already established that this hypothetical partner IS NOT "the one".
Why would their attitude to children have any bearing on what you have already decided is gonna be a short term relationship, unless you are planning on getting them pregnant/getting pregnant by them, then dumping them.
This discussion only becomes reasonable and responsible if the context is changed to "you have just decided that this person could well be "the one", when they tell you that they never want kids..."
No, you see that's the point of the discussion.
I want to see whether a factor which logically has no bearing on their desireability as a partner, will still factor in on whether people want to be with said partner.
People normally don't choose partners based on logic and reasoning.
Logically, it shouldn't matter, but most people are biologically wired to want children at some point, and emotions are what mostly control your love-life.
Which is why I hypothesize that a partner that does not want children will be less desireable, even though their opinion on the matter is effectively meaningless.
All I have to say is FUCK THAT SHIT! I eventually want to have kids and could not see myself dating somebody who did not. I also could not see myself dating something that I didnt think I would be with in a year or two. If something is not going to last then what is the point in continueing on with it. The kids thing isnt a major dealbreaker though because people do change their mind and if they dont well "accidents" can happen.
Since somebody reminded me I should mention it again since you havnt been told this enough the the escapist is well known to be a den of child hating bastards so that may skew your poll by a not so insignificant amount.
in the OP, you said they aren't the "one", so why the hell would i continue on with the relationship at all? they don't want kids and dont want marriage, so why should i be with them besides an occasional booty call?
in the OP, you said they aren't the "one", so why the hell would i continue on with the relationship at all? they don't want kids and dont want marriage, so why should i be with them besides an occasional booty call?
This answer keeps popping up.
Does no one really initiate a relationship without honestly believing the partner is "the one"?
I mean, most people have had more than one relationship in their life: thinking a partner is "the one" without having been together for a good while sounds rather naïve.
Voted for oranges. If she's up for it, I see no reason to not try for an open-ended thing, without the all-binding "commitment." Granted, that's something I'd have to be rather forward about, and that sort of notion isn't often well received. Failing that, I'd try and stick to friends.
EDIT: Now that I think about it, I might also try and stick things out and convince her otherwise if things get actually srs.
Well, I want children, but I've been in relationships where the lady doesn't want children, and then all of a sudden decides that she does, even after I've expressed that I'm ok with not having kids.
And in my time at the escapist I've heard the same happen to people who don't want kids; the male in the relationship has made it clear that he does not want children, ever, and the female agrees to it and continues the relationship in full knowledge and acceptance, then all of a sudden changes her mind and thinks that the male really does want kids after all (even though he was quite clear about the exact opposite).
OT: First off, asexual[footnote]18, so I'm still thinking I'm a late bloomer, but I can't know I'm a late bloomer unless I bloom, so asexual is a term that fits me currently (and possibly in the future as well)[/footnote], so relationships aren't exactly high on my priority list, and relationships with me don't seem to be high on other people's priorities either. However, barring all that, if I were to assume your conditions (we both like each other, and we get along really well, but they are not 'the one') I'd probably break up with them (or them me), and not because of the 'no kids' thing[footnote]P.S. I'm fine with no kids[/footnote], but because if they aren't someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I don't want to waste their time and mine by spending the rest of my life with them because I didn't have the gonads to end it right the first time.
Thanks for making the effort then!
I know what you mean about the layout, it was laggy as hell to begin with for me. Seems to be a bit better now, though.
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