Poll: Non-Heterosexuality: A Possibly Unpopular Opinion

[bobknowsall]

Keep it secret? No. Keep it for relevant conversation? Yes

I share your sentiment that constantly being reminded of someone's sexuality, nomatter what it is, is very VERY annoying. However under no circumstances should anyone feel bullied into secrecy just because of 'inevitable backlash' as this is tantamount to their oppression succeeding.

I get where you're coming from, your 'Do not feed the trolls' perspective, but the trouble is that there will always be morons who pick on things different from themselves and the best way to combat them is to not be afraid of provoking them and meet any jeers with a stonewall

I don't feel that people should feel bullied into secrecy at all, but I think that keeping things relevant is paramount.

Was that "stonewall" thing a stealthy pun? If so, nicely done. *laughs*

 

[Woodsey]

I don't think it needs to be "declared" online (I don't declare I'm straight) but nor do I think it should be hidden.

If it comes out when people are talking then they shouldn't have to apologise or backtrack for it because of some caveman **** who thinks they're going to turn him gay as well.

Having said that, I don't see how it'd come out during an online gaming-sesh; if its on Facebook then you probably will write your sexuality, or on here if its relevant to a topic.

 

[bobknowsall]

[Should gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people keep their sexuality to themselves online, unless they?re willing to handle the inevitable backlash?

If you're gay/les/bi/trans/whatever and you're "out" you're going to get a backlash both online and off whether you announce it to the world or not. Many choose to announce it to make it clear in advance that they are in fact not afraid of any backlash and will stand up for who they are no matter what is said. This is how you defeat bullying - you don't ever back down - you stand up for yourself and what you believe, and you continue to do that in the face of no matter what. If the backlash is "inevitable" then the way to stand up to that is to make the statement of sexuality equally "inevitable", so the people who may want to shout you down and tell you to get lost know that they can never win, and the best result they'll ever get is a stalemate. For people who are real targets of violence and even murder in real life just because of their sexuality this is a very big issue. I've personally even been attacked in clubs because people thought I was gay although I'm not, so this is an issue that can affect anyone.

Wait a sec, you're saying that being gay will cause backlash if you don't announce it? Would you mind elaborating a bit?

 

[Wolf-AUS]

Keep it secret? No. Keep it for relevant conversation? Yes

This is essentially what I was trying to say. I don't think they if you're non-heterosexual you should have to hide your preferences but I don't see any need to go around putting in front of your opinion if it has no relevance to whatever the hell you're actually saying.

 

[Brad Shepard]

I say other because its up to them, i, for one, dont care if someones gay or not, it doesnt change who they are, what they like or dont like in the terms of a gender really shouldent matter. Love is rare enough in the world as it is, your lucky to find it, no matter who or what they are.

 

[Meggiepants]

No. There is a huge difference between stating your sexual preference and hurling insults. If someone states they are gay, they aren't doing so to inflict harm on others. If someone comes back with an ugly insult about gay people, they are purposefully trying to hurt another person.

We shouldn't have to shut up just to avoid insults. That's akin to saying to women, "don't wear revealing clothing, or you are asking for it when a guy rapes you."

Sorry, but I call bullshit.

Call bullshit on me if you like, but don't start comparing my argument to the condoning of rape.

I said in my first post that a "perfect" world would allow people to freely discuss their sexuality online. But this is not a perfect world.

If shutting up to avoid insults works, then perhaps some people should try it. The people who hurl homophobic slurs are aggressive and belligerent, so it's best not to attract their attention. I mean, would you loudly announce your sexuality in a Southern trucker bar? You probably wouldn't, because the results would be overwhelmingly negative. The internet is pretty much the same. Support for LGBT people is sorely lacking. I don't like the situation, but that's just the way things are.

I never said your argument condoned rape, I said telling people to shut up or they deserve what they get is like telling women to cover up, or they deserve what they get. And yes, I do see your argument as containing similar logic. You are suggesting that it might be better if people made sure they cover up a part of themselves because the world is filled with jerks, it will never change, and they better get used to the insults and the violence or learn to keep quiet.

To me, your argument boils down to the fact that people are partially to blame for the violent insults directed at them. If this isn't the case then I apologize for misreading your post. But I simply do not accept that these people are to blame for anything that gets said to them.

It is my belief that these people are not bringing the violence on themselves. If someone yells a sexual slur at someone else, that guilt lies entirely with the yeller, not with the victim. In this case, the victim is the person who is being insulted. They didn't ask to be insulted by proclaiming their sexuality. They were simply stating a fact about themselves, nothing more.

If anyone should be told to shut up, it is the insulters, not the other way around. We don't punish the innocent because of the guilty. Why should we start now? I get that you are saying the world sucks and there are sucky people in it. But whether or not the world is filled with jerks and isn't perfect is irrelevant. We shouldn't be saying, "well, the world sucks, and we can't do anything about it, so we might as well just build a system wherein we are ruled by the jerks."

I refuse to believe that is the correct way to handle these situations. I am not going to sit down and be quiet while the jerks of the world determine what I can and cannot say.

I'm sorry if I come off as overly passionate about this, but I am not one to be bullied by others. If someone puts my back against the wall, I do not duck my head and quietly look away. I stare them back and stand my ground. I don't think we should be encouraging people to live their lives in shame just because of a few assholes. I think we should be shaming the assholes.

 

[BonsaiK]

[Should gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people keep their sexuality to themselves online, unless they?re willing to handle the inevitable backlash?

If you're gay/les/bi/trans/whatever and you're "out" you're going to get a backlash both online and off whether you announce it to the world or not. Many choose to announce it to make it clear in advance that they are in fact not afraid of any backlash and will stand up for who they are no matter what is said. This is how you defeat bullying - you don't ever back down - you stand up for yourself and what you believe, and you continue to do that in the face of no matter what. If the backlash is "inevitable" then the way to stand up to that is to make the statement of sexuality equally "inevitable", so the people who may want to shout you down and tell you to get lost know that they can never win, and the best result they'll ever get is a stalemate. For people who are real targets of violence and even murder in real life just because of their sexuality this is a very big issue. I've personally even been attacked in clubs because people thought I was gay although I'm not, so this is an issue that can affect anyone.

Wait a sec, you're saying that being gay will cause backlash if you don't announce it? Would you mind elaborating a bit?

There's a difference between being "out" and being deliberately confrontational, but even the tiniest, tiniest statement of "I'm gay" is enough to raise armies of hecklers, bullies and in many cases murderers. Even if you say nothing, you can be suspected of being gay - hell, even if you're NOT gay, you can still be abused, gay-bashed and even killed if other people think you might be gay.

 

[GonzoGamer]

In answer to OP:
Not in this century.

I'm not gay (and neither is anyone in my family) but I've lived in NYC my whole life so the whole gay thing doesn't phase me any more, even the public displays of affection.

Honestly, I don't understand why people concern themselves with it if they aren't gay. Like the whole gay marriage thing: I don't understand why a straight person would care or even have a say for that matter and I don't know why the government is involved either. If anyone has a right to not allow it it's the churches; I can see the catholic church not allowing it but for the government to not allow it is absurd. And I also have to question the sexuality of the people who are so vehemently against it; why do they care so much if it's not going to affect them?

I think gay people are all-right, it's the hypocrites that pretend to not be gay while going nuts about the topic that creep me out: those are the people who tap their feet in airport bathrooms.

 

[bobknowsall]

No. There is a huge difference between stating your sexual preference and hurling insults. If someone states they are gay, they aren't doing so to inflict harm on others. If someone comes back with an ugly insult about gay people, they are purposefully trying to hurt another person.

We shouldn't have to shut up just to avoid insults. That's akin to saying to women, "don't wear revealing clothing, or you are asking for it when a guy rapes you."

Sorry, but I call bullshit.

Call bullshit on me if you like, but don't start comparing my argument to the condoning of rape.

I said in my first post that a "perfect" world would allow people to freely discuss their sexuality online. But this is not a perfect world.

If shutting up to avoid insults works, then perhaps some people should try it. The people who hurl homophobic slurs are aggressive and belligerent, so it's best not to attract their attention. I mean, would you loudly announce your sexuality in a Southern trucker bar? You probably wouldn't, because the results would be overwhelmingly negative. The internet is pretty much the same. Support for LGBT people is sorely lacking. I don't like the situation, but that's just the way things are.

I never said your argument condoned rape, I said telling people to shut up or they deserve what they get is like telling women to cover up, or they deserve what they get. And yes, I do see your argument as containing similar logic. You are suggesting that it might be better if people made sure they cover up a part of themselves because the world is filled with jerks, it will never change, and they better get used to the insults and the violence or learn to keep quiet.

To me, your argument boils down to the fact that people are partially to blame for the violent insults directed at them. If this isn't the case then I apologize for misreading your post. But I simply do not accept that these people are to blame for anything that gets said to them.

It is my belief that these people are not bringing the violence on themselves. If someone yells a sexual slur at someone else, that guilt lies entirely with the yeller, not with the victim. In this case, the victim is the person who is being insulted. They didn't ask to be insulted by proclaiming their sexuality. They were simply stating a fact about themselves, nothing more.

If anyone should be told to shut up, it is the insulters, not the other way around. We don't punish the innocent because of the guilty. Why should we start now? I get that you are saying the world sucks and there are sucky people in it. But whether or not the world is filled with jerks and isn't perfect is irrelevant. We shouldn't be saying, "well, the world sucks, and we can't do anything about it, so we might as well just build a system wherein we are ruled by the jerks."

I refuse to believe that is the correct way to handle these situations. I am not going to sit down and be quiet while the jerks of the world determine what I can and cannot say.

I'm sorry if I come off as overly passionate about this, but I am not one to be bullied by others. If someone puts my back against the wall, I do not duck my head and quietly look away. I stare them back and stand my ground. I don't think we should be encouraging people to live their lives in shame just because of a few assholes. I think we should be shaming the assholes.

You can't shame the anonymous. I'm all for standing one's ground, but I am not adversely affected by insults based on my sexuality. Some people are more fragile than us, and I'm just saying that they might want to keep it to themselves. I wouldn't dream of forcing them to, though.

If I encounter a homophobic bastard in real life, I'll call him out on it. But it's harder to do that on the internet.

 

[bobknowsall]

In answer to OP:
Not in this century.

I'm not gay (and neither is anyone in my family) but I've lived in NYC my whole life so the whole gay thing doesn't phase me any more, even the public displays of affection.

Honestly, I don't understand why people concern themselves with it if they aren't gay. Like the whole gay marriage thing: I don't understand why a straight person would care or even have a say for that matter and I don't know why the government is involved either. If anyone has a right to not allow it it's the churches; I can see the catholic church not allowing it but for the government to not allow it is absurd. And I also have to question the sexuality of the people who are so vehemently against it; why do they care so much if it's not going to affect them?

I think gay people are all-right, it's the hypocrites that pretend to not be gay while going nuts about the topic that creep me out: those are the people who tap their feet in airport bathrooms.

People really shouldn't be so affected by it, I agree with you there. But some people overreact astonishingly, and they can say extremely hurtful and derogatory things. I just feel that people should remember that these people aren't going to back down, and that attracting their attention can have adverse effects.

 

[bobknowsall]

[Should gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people keep their sexuality to themselves online, unless they?re willing to handle the inevitable backlash?

If you're gay/les/bi/trans/whatever and you're "out" you're going to get a backlash both online and off whether you announce it to the world or not. Many choose to announce it to make it clear in advance that they are in fact not afraid of any backlash and will stand up for who they are no matter what is said. This is how you defeat bullying - you don't ever back down - you stand up for yourself and what you believe, and you continue to do that in the face of no matter what. If the backlash is "inevitable" then the way to stand up to that is to make the statement of sexuality equally "inevitable", so the people who may want to shout you down and tell you to get lost know that they can never win, and the best result they'll ever get is a stalemate. For people who are real targets of violence and even murder in real life just because of their sexuality this is a very big issue. I've personally even been attacked in clubs because people thought I was gay although I'm not, so this is an issue that can affect anyone.

Wait a sec, you're saying that being gay will cause backlash if you don't announce it? Would you mind elaborating a bit?

There's a difference between being "out" and being deliberately confrontational, but even the tiniest, tiniest statement of "I'm gay" is enough to raise armies of hecklers, bullies and in many cases murderers. Even if you say nothing, you can be suspected of being gay - hell, even if you're NOT gay, you can still be abused, gay-bashed and even killed if other people think you might be gay.

I'm hardly going to disagree with you there, hah. I very nearly took a punch to the face for revealing my sexuality to someone, so it's not like I'm unaware of the nastiness that goes on towards LGBT people. I consider myself extremely fortunate in regards to the treatment I've received. The people I hang out with tend to be very accepting.

 

[Sparrow]

I don't know about keeping it secret, but flaunting anything to do with sexuality usually pisses me off. Even with straight people.

But seriously, it gets to a point somewhere inbetween the 100th innuendo about a penis (hur hur, naughty word) and the shopping list of your sexually exploits where I have to poke someone's eyes out.

 

[The Hairminator]

It's basically the same thing regarding girls on the internet. I don't mind them, but if they go around and push it people's faces, because they think they're special, and just for the sake of doing it -I just can't stand it. And then they ran off saying they've been harassed because of their gender.

I believe there are two sides of the conflict (when aren't there?).

 

[bobknowsall]

It's basically the same thing regarding girls on the internet. I don't mind them, but if they go around and push it people's faces -I just can't stand it. And then they ran off saying they've been harassed because of their gender.

I believe there are two sides of the conflict (when aren't there?).

There are two sides to this conflict, and there are stupid people on both sides. But the anti-LGBT side is a lot more venomous. I think a lot of people just don't care. They tend to be the most moderate group.

 

[Meggiepants]

Why do people feel the need to say anything about themselves online? It's part of who they are.

I'm not a particularly open person, so I understand the uncomfortableness of being around people, even in a digital sense like on a forum, who share so many details about their life.

But I also don't think that just because someone is more open about themselves, I should be given the right to insult them just because they should know better than to be open. It's just common decency not to immediately insult someone for any reason whatsoever. You shouldn't have to worry about being insulted for saying something about yourself.

As a heterosexual, I wouldn't worry about posting about the fact that I am in a happy relationship with a man. I don't worry that people might say, "Ew, keep it to yourself lady! We don't want that hetero talk in here!" I find it sad that people do have to worry about sharing such things. It's that very idea that has kept GBLT people in the closet for so long. It's unfair.

I don't feel there's any real need to divulge personal information unless it's a direct question, even then you don't have to answer it.

For example, this thread asks if you think non-heterosexuals should keep it to themselves unless they're prepared to be insulted, whether you do or do not like people of the same sex adds no weight to your opinion whatsoever. If the question were say "Do non-heterosexuals feel they should keep their sexuality to themselves?" well, then someone who favours the same sex would have greater insight into the question than someone so likes the opposite sex, in this sense, I feel that (if you want) revealing your sexuality will add backing to your opinion.

Ugh, looking back at that, it's a mess, I hope you understand what I'm trying to say,doesn't help that it's 2am. I agree with you though that people shouldn't have to fear repercussions for disclosing their sexuality, but unless it's in some way relevant to your point I don't feel that there is any necessity to reveal it.

If I had of come in here and said "I'm in a happy relationship with my wife of x years and I think that...", who cares I'm married? It's not relevant to my opinion.

Edit: missed out a few words

I get this, and in fact, I think this is what the OP was trying to say. But the problem here is, in everyday conversation, it might come up whether or not it's relevant, and that's where the problem lies. When we are chatting with someone, if we have been in a long term relationship with another person, our relationship might come up in casual conversation even if it isn't relevant.

Let's say you were talking with an acquaintance about a movie. You might say, "Yeah I saw that with my wife last weekend. I hated it but she loved it."

You've just announced you are heterosexual, if you are male of course, and it wasn't relevant in the slightest to the conversation. They didn't ask you about your sexuality, nor did they indicate in any way they were interested. But because your significant other is involved in so many facets of your life, they simply will come up from time to time.

Now I worked with a man for a long time who is gay. These kinds of awkward moments came up all the time. I knew he was gay, simply from being around him enough that he slipped up. But he was clearly trying to hide it for fear of backlash. And it was exactly these kinds of conversations where he would stall when speaking, because he would remember that no one was supposed to know he is gay. I'm not talking about running around and tapping everyone on the shoulder and saying, "Guess what, I'm gay!" I'm talking about the every day conversations that are potentially filled with land mines for people who fear backlash because too many people tolerate this type of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" mentality in every day life. He couldn't talk about that great place he went to eat at last night or shows he had gone too, because he might accidentally mention his 'friend' too often. He couldn't attend gatherings unless he wanted to leave his partner behind. All of these things would indicate his sexuality. Whereas heterosexual people wouldn't have to think twice about these things, he did.

As long as we say things like, "People really shouldn't bring it up unless it's relevant," then we are creating a hostile atmosphere for people of different sexual orientations. Heterosexuals don't have to worry about a slip because we're privileged, and if it comes out that we are hetero in a situation where it hasn't been previously established by a direct question, we don't care. But GBLT's have to constantly be wary, because they believe they will get backlash.

That's why I don't like this line of thinking. Because it isn't just about the relevance of your sexuality in a conversation. It's about all the little things you have to do to remove your sexuality from conversations to please the portion of the population that is offended or bothered by such things.

And now I hope I have been clear, but I am unsure. And this is a wall of text if I ever saw one. I think I'm going to leave this thread now. I've said my piece, no need to stir the pot further.

 

[Sebenko]

Now, "transgenders" just need help. Everyone dislikes something about themselves, but that doesn't mean they have a "true self" trapped within them that can only be freed by chemicals and surgery. Its the same mental process as conspiracy theory, natural confirmation bias reinforced by the internet giving plurality to every inane thought anyone has ever had.

*cough* Otherkin *cough*
I think. Might be some other lunatic fringe group.

If you think there's something wrong with transgender, Otherkin will make will make you eat your eyes just so you can throw them up again. Look them up, because I won't.