Poll: Polite vs Honesty

[GigaHz]

Honesty.

Sometimes being harsh and direct does a world of good. It's incredibly easy to sugar coat the truth for the sake of sparing someones feelings. You have to ask yourself, what good does it do in the long run? As with any thing in language, it's all in how you approach it.

For example. If a friend of mine decided to write a song and asked me to have a listen, I'd approach it in a critical manner. Rather than say 'Oh, that was good' or 'Dude, that was amazing' if it were mediocre/bad, I'd mention what aspects I thought were good first, and then mention what I thought needed work after, just to soften the potential beat down.

If I didn't point out the bad, they might not know what needs fixing for next time. A true friend would have the guts to say what needs to be said.

 

[Gudrests]

All I have to say is this line my friend said when a girl said she liked him "Your really ugly, But your personality makes up for it" Now I ask...Would you rather him of been polite or honest...
Btw He meant well...its just he is dumb as bricks...sooo he didn't see that as being mean.

 

[JochemDude]

I will always speak my mind, what use is there in lying about it.
I often see it on the forums, rarely does one pick sides. If you do you'll most likely get flamed for it. To be honest I wouldn't give a shit about what other people think of me, why would I care ?

 

[KnowYourOnion]

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

... You believe in that?

Why not? It's my life, my beliefs.

Your belief has no logic though. I'm not going to try and talk you out of it but I fear that you're going to miss out on some of life's truly awesome people because of your beliefs and that people will stop taking you seriously.

Oh well like you say your life, your beliefs.

 

[Xaio30]

I believe it's completely unnecessary for people to take offence for anything, since it will never directly fix what you found to be offensive.

More people should be honest about what they think.

Edit: I find it a bit lame to have a middle-ground option. And I mean that in the most offensive way possible.

 

[Hugga_Bear]

It's very possible to be honest without being impolite. More importantly being honest doesn't mean you have to answer every question directly. If someone says "Do I look fat in this?" for example, if it's a resounding yes the better option would be to say "I prefer X", X being another dress/outfit.
Is it being dishonest? Well, no. Kinda avoiding the question but in the end you've conveyed the important information without harming anyone's feelings and without lying. Obviously it takes tweaking and I'm sure there are some scenarios it would not work in (yet to meet one personally but it's very plausible). However it works for me, I don't have to lie (something I despise doing) and I don't have to hurt anyone's feelings (something I equally despise).

If there's a straight dichotomy though and I have to pick one over the other, honesty everytime. I'd rather people were honest than polite to me, in important scenarios being polite to the detriment of honesty can be terrible and so on.
Honesty trumps, but middle ground is workable to be both honest and polite.

 

[AngryMongoose]

Being polite against being honest? You mean passing on an opportunity to be rude to someone under the authority of truth just to avoid hurting their feelings? Lol

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Honesty is usually the best policy, but there are times when being diplomatic is much the smarter move than being honest. It always depends on the situation.

Personal example, I'm usually pretty honest with my wife. I don't lie to her and tell her if a dress or other clothes look good on her if they don't. I'm also not mean about it. I tend to explain my reasoning and viewpoint without compromising her self-esteem. I do it out of love. I'd never lie to her about her looks. I'd expect the same respect from her, if I don't look good in something I'd hope she would say so.

There are times in life, however it isn't prudent to be honest. Like in a retail job situation, dealing with a pissed off assjack of a customer. While you probably would want to tell this person off for being a douchebag, diplomacy would be best in said situation. Especially if speaking your mind could cost you your job.

In this world though, you can never always be right, even if you're telling the truth. Someone's always bound to be offended or be angry for hearing what you have to say. I say go with your common sense and do what you feel is right for whatever situation you're in.

Mistakes are made in life, and we all learn from them. Lying tends to be tougher in the end though than telling the truth. I remember quite a few times in childhood that had I told the truth to my parents I'd have been in far less trouble than I ended up being in. Lying "not to hurt the other person" tends to backfire in about 90% (one of those guess-tistics) of those situations.

 

[yohlazy]

It is very rare I chose to be polite over honest. Not to say that always gets the result I want, but it does get me the respect of people, makes people more willing to ask me, believe me, and depend on me when needed and does make my life a little less stressful. BUT only a little

 

[DarkRyter]

There's no option for lying impolitely?

 

[s0p0g]

honesty.
there, simple ^^

if i don't like someone i'll let them know. if they act stupid, i'll let them know. if i respect sth they did, i'll let them know. if an idea is shit, i'll say so. if someone asks for my opinion or advice, i'll give them both - honest

honesty doesn't necessarily mean to be an ass (althoug i like that very very much ^^ ), but i will be rude when it appropriate. usually i'll be neutral about stuff; for example, when someone talks dumb diarrhoea, i'll tell that they're wrong and why, in a rather neutral way (neither rude nor polite. mostly ^^ )

fun thing is, stupid people tend to take it personal when you correct them; although it's not about them but about what they said/did.
which is one of the reasons why i avoid discussions with certain people, unless they ask for my opinion.
i honestly (ha, see what i did there? xD ) do not understand how people can dislike constructive criticism; if anything i want to improve, and do not wish to make mistakes (or at least not twice) but learn, get better.
politeness... rarely helps with that.

 

[Dirkie]

I'm for honesty with a hint of politeness.
Like it was explained earlier by the gentleman who offered a comprehensive list with options.

 

[nuba km]

I am honest most of the time and people hate that about for example, 'what to you think of this art work?' my response (presume it is a piece of art work that needs improvements) 'explain what I don't like about it, why I don't like those things and how to improve those things', their response 'what to you now, all my friends like it'.

 

[Mr. Google]

Most times im really honest. But other times its just easier to button you lip and movie on with out confrontation.

 

[cystemic]

I really don't know how to be perfectly polite and up to this point in my life I've been brutally honest with everyone I've come across. I guess I'm a like OP's sister and I can't stand bull from anyone, it drives me up the wall. I realise that I come off as insensitive and rude but people are used to it and appreciate an environment where they can be brutally honest too. You can't just bottle yourself up with politeness, that's how we get serial killers

 

[viking97]

depends if i give a shit in the current social context.

 

[babinro]

Honesty....people shouldn't be polite and lie so as to be the good guy.

You can be honest to people without crushing their dreams or embarrassingly pointing them out in a crowd. In other words, don't be a blunt jerk who defends their position by being honest.

 

[J-meMalone]

I use tact.

Not exactly a middle ground since I'm being honest, but not in a way that's particularly cruel or nasty.

Of course I may tell the occasional white lie but nine times out of ten, I'm honest.

Guess it's a side effect of being basically raised by television and the universally accepted aesop, always be honest.

 

[AngryMongoose]

There's no option for lying impolitely?

For that comment, Sir, I award you one internet.

OT: Well, y'see, I SAY that I'd rather be honest, but in practice I usually wuss out.