Poll: She's seeing someone else....

[Cortheya]

Some of you may remember my thread a few months ago, I asked for help with gathering the courage to talk to a really amazing girl. Since then, we've become really close friends but she is seeing someone else and has been since spring. I can't say I love her because at my age many would say that I don't know what that is. I do care about her more than I ever have about anyone else.I am at a loss of what to do, to tell her or to wait for what could be a very long time. She's brilliant, funny, sweet, beautiful, so different from everyone I know, and the most fun person I know. So I am here to ask you for help... Those who would say "Why are you asking perfect strangers over the internet" It is because you have no stake in this and won't want me to fail miserably or tell me what I want to hear. To those who say "Another relationship thread" I apologize for it but I really do want help.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Move on. Painful as it is, you will get over it. I know. I've had to, quite recently.

 

[clairedelune]

tell her[/youtube]

 

[TheNamlessGuy]

DELETED

 

[Mr. Grey]

Wait, you think the internet lacks people that want you to fail miserably?

... How long have you been on the internet exactly?
-----

Now for the advice, I have none that would be worthwhile. Telling her while she's in a relationship won't bode well, nor would it telling her immediately after she broke up with the guy.

The thing is every person is unique and so is how to handle the situation. If you know her well enough then you should know the right time to tell her.

 

[Cortheya]

Wait, you think the internet lacks people that want you to fail miserably?

... How long have you been on the internet exactly?
-----

Now for the advice, I have none that would be worthwhile. Telling her while she's in a relationship won't bode well, nor would it telling her immediately after she broke up with the guy.

The thing is every person is unique and so is how to handle the situation. If you know her well enough then you should know the right time to tell her.

I've learned from my time on the Escapist that most of the people here are smart people who aren't sadistic enough to say something to get everything ruined.

 

[Mr. Grey]

SNIP!

I've learned from my time on the Escapist that most of the people here are smart people who aren't sadistic enough to say something to get everything ruined.

Oh the Escapist! Well, yes, generally we are a helpful bunch. However, there is always a black sheep, no matter where.

I am sorry however, I couldn't resist... but my advice - or lack thereof - is meant word for word.

 

[Iron Mal]

By all means tell her the situation (you'll never get anywhere if you keep it to yourself), since she's already seeing someone you don't have to worry about rejection either.

If you get a positive response then by all means try and wait (you never know, she might not stay with the current bloke forever) but if she seems a bit...off about it then I would reccomend moving on (trust me, it would be for your own good).

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

By all means tell her the situation (you'll never get anywhere if you keep it to yourself), since she's already seeing someone you don't have to worry about rejection either.

If you get a positive response then by all means try and wait (you never know, she might not stay with the current bloke forever) but if she seems a bit...off about it then I would reccomend moving on (trust me, it would be for your own good).

I think that if he told her and she said no it would probably destroy, or at least damage their friendship.

 

[Lullabye]

tell her or move on, because waiting is just stupid....the average person only has roughly 80 000 hours to live.

 

[Macgyvercas]

Don't wait.

From personal experience, it is the worst thing you can do.

This. I'm not sure if it applicable here, but as Benjamin Franklin once said "Lost time is not found again"

 

[AngloDoom]

Personally, I wouldn't say a word.

My reasons for this are quite simple; if you do tell her and she doesn't like you back, you've been hit hard. If you tell her and she likes you back and, say, dumps the guy she's seeing now, there will almost certainly be issues in the relationship. If there wasn't, part of me would be wondering if I could trust her in a relationship when she left her other boyfriend so quickly for someone who she had never bonded in that particular way with.

I'm not going to press my views on you or say what is right or wrong, but starting off a relationship with an ex-boyfriend massively resenting you just seems a short-cut to stress, arguement, and - depending on the guy at question - possible physical confrontation.

I'd advise to act how you want to around her without stepping over the line. If she likes you back, she'll pursue you if she wishes. The ball is, indeed, in her court.

Just my thought on the matter.

 

[Cortheya]

By all means tell her the situation (you'll never get anywhere if you keep it to yourself), since she's already seeing someone you don't have to worry about rejection either.

If you get a positive response then by all means try and wait (you never know, she might not stay with the current bloke forever) but if she seems a bit...off about it then I would reccomend moving on (trust me, it would be for your own good).

I think that if he told her and she said no it would probably destroy, or at least damage their friendship.

That is the reason I haven't told her. I would rather have a great friendship than lose it all... I have tried to hint to her so much that I can't go any further hinting without flat out telling her.

 

[Tibernite]

Agreed with most of the posters above. Cross your fingers, tell her, and see what she says.

She'll probably say she doesn't feel the same (after all, she is with this other guy), or, she'll give you a classic female line telling you she does have feelings for you but she doesn't know what to do about this other guy.

If she tells you the latter, get the hell out of the situation as quickly as possible; she's stringing you along. Girls like having people being interested in them. She'll like the attention once she knows how you feel. Make sure she doesn't have all the power in the situation or you're definitely up poo creek without a paddle.

In a perfect world you'd profess your affection and she'd profess hers and get rid of this other guy. Naturally I've never seen it happen.

Good luck buddy, keep us posted.


Edit: A quick note on the great friendship point. Friendships come and go. They're all special in their own way but never cling to a friendship if you'd be happier with more. You'll never really be content with a great friendship if you constantly have to hear about the guys she's with while you're secretly wanting more. It's only a matter of time until you become resentful in that situation.

 

[Ganthrinor]

Go ahead and tell her. Don't expect her to drop everything for you, but at the same time don't give up the possibility that it might happen. Nobody likes a martyr, and if you *don't* tell her, you'll forever wnd up in the "Friend Zone", not a place any guy *really* wants to be with a woman he cares for.

 

[Iron Mal]

By all means tell her the situation (you'll never get anywhere if you keep it to yourself), since she's already seeing someone you don't have to worry about rejection either.

If you get a positive response then by all means try and wait (you never know, she might not stay with the current bloke forever) but if she seems a bit...off about it then I would reccomend moving on (trust me, it would be for your own good).

I think that if he told her and she said no it would probably destroy, or at least damage their friendship.

That would be a rather shallow and petty reason to end a good friendship (in my opinion, if someone did feel the need to cease a friendship because of that then they may not have been such a good friend in the first place).

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

By all means tell her the situation (you'll never get anywhere if you keep it to yourself), since she's already seeing someone you don't have to worry about rejection either.

If you get a positive response then by all means try and wait (you never know, she might not stay with the current bloke forever) but if she seems a bit...off about it then I would reccomend moving on (trust me, it would be for your own good).

I think that if he told her and she said no it would probably destroy, or at least damage their friendship.

That is the reason I haven't told her. I would rather have a great friendship than lose it all... I have tried to hint to her so much that I can't go any further hinting without flat out telling her.

Fair enough. If you're anything like me though, the very last thing you want is for everyone to know you really like her. Better watch out I suppose. And keep an eye on yourself when your drunk!

 

[AdmiralWolverineLightningbolt]

move on dude
stay friends though and when she breaks up with her bf, if you still like her go for it

i was in a similar situation a few months ago
and seriously, once i got over her it was the best thing ever
so much so that when she did break up with her bf, i didn't really care all that much and carried on living

there are so many more fish in the sea, plus, it's better to be with someone who wants you as much as you want them if not moreso

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

By all means tell her the situation (you'll never get anywhere if you keep it to yourself), since she's already seeing someone you don't have to worry about rejection either.

If you get a positive response then by all means try and wait (you never know, she might not stay with the current bloke forever) but if she seems a bit...off about it then I would reccomend moving on (trust me, it would be for your own good).

I think that if he told her and she said no it would probably destroy, or at least damage their friendship.

That would be a rather shallow and petty reason to end a good friendship (in my opinion, if someone did feel the need to cease a friendship because of that then they may not have been such a good friend in the first place).

Well, I wouldn't expect her to be at ease when with him if he told her. It would just be awkward.

 

[Dys]

Don't wait.

From personal experience, it is the worst thing you can do.

My advice would be the opposite. Make it known that you like her by all means, but don't do it in a way that will end your friendship. Circumstances can change quickly, but that doesn't mean they will. Subtlety is your friend, if she's smart she'll at the very least suspect, for some reason girls, especially high school girls, love to have no fucking idea what you're thinking, so telling her everything in plain english is probably not the best strategy.