Rejection by women
- Thread starter Spacelord
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What she means by "I like you, but as a friend." is one of two things:Spacelord said:
The first being that she genuinely likes having you as a friend, and would not like to jeopardize that friendship by entering a relationship that could end very, very badly. Despite what the majority of the human race may think, women actually do mean what they say, at least for the most part. To be told, "I like you, but as a friend." is actually not that bad. It's a symbol that they female in question is in fact interested in you as a potential significant other, though simply wants to leave this as a possibility, and not let it form into a relationship. This is because either a) they are concerned about how said relationship would effect them, or b) how it would effect you. Shocking I know, but it's true: us women really do care about how guys feel.
Either that or she simply does not wish to be in a relationship with you. Interestingly enough, this isn't 100% bad, and though it is little consolation, she chose this wording because she wishes to do so gently. If she were completely contemptible of you, or if she were a complete *****, she would have simply said no.
Dunno if this helps, but I do have a pretty good perspective in this situation, being female and all. Sucks about the rejection, though.
grade 8 dance, finaly asked her to dance and she said taht classic line "not if you were the last man on earth"
I suppose you don't usually call someone out if you have strong feelings for them. Then again, I have become somewhat of a jerk now, so I probably would've if it was present me rather than past me.LordCuthberton said:
I feel your pain. It's hard being charming, attractive and funny isn't it? You other guys have it easy.The_Healer said:
On a serious note, I've never been rejected before. I tend to do alot of rejecting though.
[small]Don't feel jealous. It's usually just because I'm the only single one in my little group of pals, so when we all go out I'm the only single one and the ugly women are drawn to me like a damn magnet or something.[/small]
It means that she doesn't want you in a romantic way.Spacelord said:
Of course I have. The official reason was that I was that I'm too nice.
I shit thee not.
Bah.
If there a few things I know about my mind, it's these.
1)I'm intelligent
2)I'm sarcastic
3)I'm a tad sadistic
If there are things about my personality I am sure of, it's these.
1)I'm verbose
2)I'm opinionated
3)I'm honest
These combine into a package that alot of women do not find particularly attractive and I'm fine with that. I'm a blustery intellectual who WILL correct you if I perceive a mistake and I don't pull punches when it comes to peoples feelings.
I deal up front and give you exactly what you want and owe no debts.
Personally, I see no problems with this and I even have plenty of diehard loyal friends.
One thing, though.
The women I am attracted to are not attracted to me and the women who are attracted to me fail to glean my attraction to them.
At first, I figured it was a physical attraction that was lacking. I, recently found out, however, that I am in no way ugly when it comes to facial features or build. In fact, I've been compared to a young David Bowey. So, I built up a bunch of muscle to make up for my insecurity about my sunken chest and still it seemed to make no difference.
Once, though, a woman I was attracted to told me that, despite my looks and mentality that she felt I just wasn't a sexual being. She just couldn't see it.
Now THAT'S confusing.
I figure it had to do with my lack of ability to read body langauge from women, which I have patched up.
I realize that I'm a loyal friend. VERY loyal. I keep secrets for almost all of my friends and would do alot for them and them for me.
I wonder if my loyalty is what is stinting me, here.
OP: Don't worry about the just friends thing. I think it's a mandatory line, actually. I'm still friends with my ex and hang out with her occasionally. Sometimes, it's a lack of excitability.
I know I couldn't date a girl who bored me.
EDIT: Actually, once a girl compared me to Darken Rahl. THAT was strange.
If there a few things I know about my mind, it's these.
1)I'm intelligent
2)I'm sarcastic
3)I'm a tad sadistic
If there are things about my personality I am sure of, it's these.
1)I'm verbose
2)I'm opinionated
3)I'm honest
These combine into a package that alot of women do not find particularly attractive and I'm fine with that. I'm a blustery intellectual who WILL correct you if I perceive a mistake and I don't pull punches when it comes to peoples feelings.
I deal up front and give you exactly what you want and owe no debts.
Personally, I see no problems with this and I even have plenty of diehard loyal friends.
One thing, though.
The women I am attracted to are not attracted to me and the women who are attracted to me fail to glean my attraction to them.
At first, I figured it was a physical attraction that was lacking. I, recently found out, however, that I am in no way ugly when it comes to facial features or build. In fact, I've been compared to a young David Bowey. So, I built up a bunch of muscle to make up for my insecurity about my sunken chest and still it seemed to make no difference.
Once, though, a woman I was attracted to told me that, despite my looks and mentality that she felt I just wasn't a sexual being. She just couldn't see it.
Now THAT'S confusing.
I figure it had to do with my lack of ability to read body langauge from women, which I have patched up.
I realize that I'm a loyal friend. VERY loyal. I keep secrets for almost all of my friends and would do alot for them and them for me.
I wonder if my loyalty is what is stinting me, here.
OP: Don't worry about the just friends thing. I think it's a mandatory line, actually. I'm still friends with my ex and hang out with her occasionally. Sometimes, it's a lack of excitability.
I know I couldn't date a girl who bored me.
EDIT: Actually, once a girl compared me to Darken Rahl. THAT was strange.
Twice, first time because the worst possible set of events occurred that made me look like a dick, the second time she wasn't feeling it (what?) and just wanted to be friends which of course really means she will never speak to me again.
Honestly, never really gone after a girl, so I don't honestly know what [i[real[/i] direct-to-mah-face rejection quite feels like.
Besides, for me, going after any girl would be horrible. Do you know how hilariously fast a relationship with me on one end would burn out and explode, killing three people and injuring five?
Fast. Very very fast.
Some of the responses here should shed light though. Lurk I shall.
Besides, for me, going after any girl would be horrible. Do you know how hilariously fast a relationship with me on one end would burn out and explode, killing three people and injuring five?
Fast. Very very fast.
Some of the responses here should shed light though. Lurk I shall.
I suppose I'll throw my all-too-common and quite generic rejection experience into the thread.
It was my junior year of high school, and my best female friend had recently been let down (dumped, I guess, but gently) by her quasi-boyfriend at the time. This fellow happened to be my best male friend, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, some weeks later she asked me if I would be interested in attending the junior/senior prom with her and a couple of our friends. I of course accepted, and was heady with anticipation and more than a touch of infatuation.
Anyway, prom was a blast, and so was the ride back to our respective homes. One of our friends was the driver, so she and I were just back-seat passengers the entire trip. On the way there, I was sitting rigidly next to her, with my hands in my lap, giving unclever compliments on her appearance. During the ride home though, it was late at night and I was feeling bold enough to put my arm around her shoulders, the reason being that it was more comfortable. For a young, painfully shy and socially aloof fellow like my self at the time, this was like, ZOMG!! TO THE MAXXX!!. We held eachother's hands as she rested her head on my shoulder almost all the way to her house.
To wrap it up quickly, a couple days later, still feeling euphoric, I informed her that if she were willing, I'd like to be more than just friends. She declined, and I was rather crushed. I avoided her for a while, thinking she might feel awkward about me.
We're actually still good friends today, 6 years later. I haven't pursued another woman since that junior year in high school, due to the afore mentioned social aloofness, and unease around women I find attractive. Furthermore, I've been busy until just recently with college, and now my time is consumed with job searching. I can't bear the thought of a temporary relationship, so I have no plans to pursue a woman until after I've settled down with a job.
For those who took the time to read, I hope you don't feel gypped.
It was my junior year of high school, and my best female friend had recently been let down (dumped, I guess, but gently) by her quasi-boyfriend at the time. This fellow happened to be my best male friend, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, some weeks later she asked me if I would be interested in attending the junior/senior prom with her and a couple of our friends. I of course accepted, and was heady with anticipation and more than a touch of infatuation.
Anyway, prom was a blast, and so was the ride back to our respective homes. One of our friends was the driver, so she and I were just back-seat passengers the entire trip. On the way there, I was sitting rigidly next to her, with my hands in my lap, giving unclever compliments on her appearance. During the ride home though, it was late at night and I was feeling bold enough to put my arm around her shoulders, the reason being that it was more comfortable. For a young, painfully shy and socially aloof fellow like my self at the time, this was like, ZOMG!! TO THE MAXXX!!. We held eachother's hands as she rested her head on my shoulder almost all the way to her house.
To wrap it up quickly, a couple days later, still feeling euphoric, I informed her that if she were willing, I'd like to be more than just friends. She declined, and I was rather crushed. I avoided her for a while, thinking she might feel awkward about me.
We're actually still good friends today, 6 years later. I haven't pursued another woman since that junior year in high school, due to the afore mentioned social aloofness, and unease around women I find attractive. Furthermore, I've been busy until just recently with college, and now my time is consumed with job searching. I can't bear the thought of a temporary relationship, so I have no plans to pursue a woman until after I've settled down with a job.
For those who took the time to read, I hope you don't feel gypped.
Most girls I know think about sex as much as my guy friends do and for the most part put it in the same perspective, guys just generally have lower standards so if you are on the positive side of the looks scale or just have enough not to look like a hunchback yet keeping them interested you can get a lot more tail than you would think. Tell a girl the right thing at the right time, and you will be spending an eventful night in her bed.
I think I'm about to win the "Most fucked up reason for rejection award." Because we went to the opening concert to the "Fringe" (Arts festival) I was nursing a set of cracked ribs and am not one that generally listens to that dance/techno shit - which of course is what is being blared out at us - on top of this due to my rib injury I've consumed no alcohol. Now she likes to dance, generally I do not, but I usually will in a club or something given alcohol is involved, but on this occasion I physically could not due to my ribs. Her excuse for rejecting me was "No because I don't want to go out with someone who doesn't dance." What's the kicker though? She doesn't go clubbing and has never been, let alone seen me out "not" dancing.
that was the same for me too Killer..she said she was going to college next year ((umm..still leaves us a full year)) and it's been more than a year and i've seen her around the city..and she was going out of state..a week after the dumping she was with another guy around the school..KillerMidget said:
OT: official rejection reason..."i respect so much that you said that, and i feel it brought us closer as friends that you could tell me"
emphasis on friends