Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[steeple]

granted, by this time in the future aliens discover a planet full of pointy sticks...

to do what I want 'cause a pirate is free (so to be a pirate!)

 

[pyramid head grape]

You're now scared of water! D:

I wish for more words.

 

[steeple]

granted...

I wish you'd see what I did there...

 

[steeple]

granted, but noone understand you and everyone thinks you're a prick now...

I wish to write twelve gracious melodies

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. They make everybody start dancing. And they can't stop...

I wish for money to buy sweets. I'm withdrawing from sugar.

 

[steeple]

granted. you buy 500 pounds of candy, when a diabetic-ninja steals all your money and sweets...

I wish to be a skipper on a pirate ship, which will have pirate-music 24/7

Spoiler: specifically alestorm

(my private quarters would be sound-proof, of course)

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. There was a clerical error in processing your application form. Upon arrival you are give in your own sound-proof Pirate quarters, each valued at 83 Yuan.

I wish for my toes to go BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE!

 

[steeple]

granted, they are now back to normal...

I wish for more cheese!

 

[staika]

Granted, cows fall from the sky dispensing cheese....

I wish I had a monkey....

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. It shits in its hand and throws it at you. This turns it on, and it proceeds to lovingly hump you.

I wish to be able to enter the cartoons/animes I love and interact with the characters.

 

[Ninjamedic]

Granted, but your laptop runs out of battery power, and you're left in null space. FOREVER.


I wish that you do not grant this wish.

 

[Kuroneko97]

You've created a paradox.

I wish my stomach felt better.

 

[Ninjamedic]

Granted, but the painkiller was laced with ricin, you're now dead.

I wish that the leaders of each religion would fight Highlnder-style.

 

[steeple]

granted, the winner is the invisible pink unicorn!

I wish I didnt smash my pinkie-toe into the wall, causing it to bleed massively...
(doesnt hurt, just really makes a mess...)

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, you get a Arrow to the knee instead.

I wish for the Escapist to change the background from white.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. It is now an ultra white sky blue.

I wish to take a knee to an arrow.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You are then clubbed to death because nreversing the primary nouns in an overused meme is itself an overused meme.

I wish for the movie Memeception to be made.

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. It's based off a future novel by Stephanie Meyers.

I wish for a National Naked Day. *Winks*