Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Ninjamedic]

Granted, it then swallows you whole wile singing the theme song.

I wish for a Space Marine Chapter.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, The Order of the Orange-men ponies.

I wish for a Kill-Sat.

 

[Ninjamedic]

Granted, it appears above you head, falls and crushes you.

I wish for an answer to the meaning of life.

 

[Urgh76]

Granted, oh look, the government's at your doorstep along with piles and piles of Christians all trying to pin you down.

I wish I had some waffles.

Spoiler: related

EDIT: HA JUST NOTICED TODAY'S THE 19TH

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, but the dog in the spaceship takes them off you.

I wish to be able to make Toast with my mind.

 

[steeple]

granted, you constantly over-burn it...

I wish for nuclear summer

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, but Traveling the Mojave makes you wish for a Nuclear Winter.

I wish to be the Goddamn Batman.

 

[steeple]

granted, you get your back broken by bane, who the hell does that feel?!

I wish fish wouldnt smell as bad...

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, you now smell human feet all day long.

I wish for a Batman Transition.

 

[steeple]

granted, you're now stuck in a trap set-up by the joker

I wish to riddle you this, riddle you that, batman!

 

[Ninjamedic]

Granted, Adam West tracks you down and attacks you with his Cat Launcher.

I wish I could talk with animals.

 

[steeple]

granted, you find out that they're all massive dick-heads...

I wish to be the man with the plan

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. They blow your mind with the pure intangibility of their simplistic nirvana.

I wish for urinal racing to be an Olympic sport.

 

[Ninjamedic]

Granted, the wind starts blowng in against the athletes.

I wish to become Pyrokinetic.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. You are sealed in an airtight box for the rest of your days.

I wish for to become like a baws.

 

[steeple]

granted, you are now fired for incompetence

I wish for a real-life laugh-track

 

[Ninjamedic]

Granted, it constantly plays for the rest of your life.

I wish for infinite money.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. You are hated because of it.

I wish to be a bear when I grow up.

 

[steeple]

granted, you get your ass kicked by fluttershy...

I wish I could breath underwater

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. You fall into depression after being forced into military service.

I wish you all a merry christmas.