Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[steeple]

granted, they turn fluttershy into a superficial character and now nobody likes her...

I wish to speak german und attempt to conquer ze vorld!

 

[ToastiestZombie]

Granted, but when you try you are foiled by a legion of lions that escape from a zoo!

I wish that I could finally get the superfast internet!

 

[steeple]

granted, you only have access to the darker sides of the internet... enjoy your brain-bleach!

I wish to be fast like lightning, cool as ice, hot like fire, and tough as nails

 

[ToastiestZombie]

Granted, but you are so fast your bones break from the G force. You are so cold that you instantly freeze to death. You are so hot that you burn in a random ball of fire. So tough that you get trapped under a collapsed building and survive, meaning you have to slowly die under a ton of rubble.

I wish for a new gaming mouse and keyboard!

 

[steeple]

granted, but you had to pay so much for it that you cant afford any new games, and the bank takes your pc and consoles...

I wish to have pinkie-powers of teleportation

 

[ToastiestZombie]

Granted, but it's uncontrollable so you just go everywhere all the time. Never getting a rest.

I wish that Rule 34 would just go away!

 

[steeple]

granted, it becomes obsolete because now everything is already porn...

I wish to be able to get some delicious pop-tarts at ease (they're not sold here, at all)...

 

[ToastiestZombie]

Granted, but you can only ever get pop tarts, and you must eat them every minute of every day.

I wish for a less choppy pinkie pie on my avatar!

 

[steeple]

Granted, but you can only ever get pop tarts, and you must eat them every minute of every day.

and that ruins my wish, how exactly?

OT: granted, you get such an impressive avatar that you cant stop looking at it, and you die staring at your screen...

I wish to meet insanity wolf and chop him in half

 

[ToastiestZombie]

and that ruins my wish, how exactly?

Because it will mean that you are basically force fed pop tarts every single second of every day. Until you die of a pop tart overdose!

Granted, but before you chop him in half he eats both your legs off and you chop him in half just as you are about to fall on the floor and die!

(God most of my wish ruins are really morbid!)

I wish that I could get past this frustrating section in Metro 2033!

 

[Robert632]

Granted. The difficulty is permanently at the lowest setting, which takes away all the challenge.

I wish for ToastiestZombies newest avatar to loop without jumping right back to the beginning.

 

[ToastiestZombie]

Granted, but you can't see it. Only I can!

I wish that the size restrictions for avatars were higher so I could make my avatar more high res and lessen the looping!

 

[TheEmoSpeeds666]

Granted, but it gets too big and destroys the universe.

I wish that Justin Bieber would instantly age 100 years.

EDIT: Ninja'd

 

[Robert632]

Granted. 90% of all women commit suicide, leaving women a precious resource. Soon entire wars erupt so countries may steal other women from each other. And thus women's rights are set back so far that it'll be quite a while before they recover.

I wish for wooden arms made of gold.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. Your arms are now gold with a wooden finish. However, due to the nature of gold, they break after about a week.

I wish that more people knew about SOPA and PIPA.

 

[steeple]

Because it will mean that you are basically force fed pop tarts every single second of every day. Until you die of a pop tart overdose

I still dont get how that's any bad...

I mean, OD'ing on pop-tarts would be like death by snoo-snoo. as in I never though I'd die that way, but I always really hoped...

anyway, back to the OT...
granted, nobody cares anymore...

I wish I could try a buttered toast with gravy without destroying my bowels...

 

[Philol]

Granted, but your throat is destroyed instead.

I wish I owned a penguin...

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

death by snoo-snoo

He chooses death...BY POON-TAH!

OT: Granted, it pecks your eyes out.

I wish Facebook and Twitter would die in a fire.

 

[JLML]

Granted, but you, along with the escapist, got caught in it.

I wish I could tell if a person was telling the truth or not.

 

[ToastiestZombie]

Granted, but this destroys every relationship you have because it also comes with you not ever being able to lie!

I wish FOR CHEESE!