Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Dalek Caan]

Granted. The next day a paranormal event the size of all your twinkies kills you.(Cookies for reference)

I wish for a never ending bottle of coke cola that doesn't go flat.

 

[Yureina]

Granted, but it will taste like Pepsi.

I wish for more Rei pictures!

 

[Philol]

Granted, but they're blurred and unable to be distinguished.

I wish for a good nights sleep.

 

[Yureina]

Granted, but a dog will take a poo on your bed while you sleep.

I wish for more juice!

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. It's heavily flavoured cow piss.

I wish I had shinigami eyes and a death note.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. When you request the shinigami eyes, you had about 2 seconds left to live. You get no chance to do anything with them.

I wish for more imaginative wishes to ruin.

 

[Yureina]

Granted, but everytime you ruin one, you lose a tooth.

I wish to not be tired.

 

[Chairman Miaow]

Granted, you are asleep.

I wish I had a large plate of sausage and chips.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. It tastes of cardboard.

I wish for mad hacking skillz.

 

[GrimGrimoire]

Granted, but you get caught hacking banks.

I wish to be ambidextrous.

 

[Chairman Miaow]

granted, but you lose your hands 10 seconds later.

I wish for more bacon!

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, it's human bacon.

I wish for ?50.

 

[Verzin]

Granted, it's human bacon.

I wish for ?50.

Granted, the money falls from the sky onto your head... attached to a 50lb rock. apparently the demigod who answered your wish was originally american and wanted to make sure he didn't misunderstand. he was pretty sure that ?50 meant money to the Brits, but didn't want you to be disappointed if he was wrong.

EDIT: I wish to drop my enemies into a vat of hot cocoa. also the hot cocoa is supplemented by being 90% pure sulfuric acid (just call it hot cocoa because I put marshmallows in it and to lure them into my lair.). I'm pretty sure nothing could go wrong here.

 

[David Bjur]

Granted, but they survive it without any injuries.

I wish for a cat.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. It blinds you.

I wish I had poison claws, to which I am immune.

 

[Verzin]

Granted, but the poison they secrete smells so horrible you have yourself declawed.

I wish I had a USB interface on my belly.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. It blinds you.

I wish I had poison claws, to which I am immune.

Granted, but the poison they secrete smells so horrible you have yourself declawed.

I wish I had a USB interface on my belly.

Granted. You get horrible stomach bugs.

I wish I could try llama meat.

 

[Verzin]

granted. the chef bastes it in his saliva..

I wish I had a puppy.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. It's legless.

I wish for my own pet succubus.

 

[Verzin]

granted. you have so much sex you die from dehydration.

I wish for a taco.