Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. You develop an addiction to cigarettes.

I wish it was the day after Valentine's Day, because that's my girlfriend's birthday.

 

[Verzin]

granted, she breaks up with you.

I wish they'd hurry up and make more episodes of Deadman Wonderland.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, there total bollocks.

I wish to meet this man.

 

[Verzin]

Granted, he's dead and you're trapped in a tiny room with his corpse.

I wish for magic shoes.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, they make you magically stupid.

I wish cats never existed.

 

[Verzin]

Granted, but the all of Europe died to the black plague.

I wish Twinkies had fatal concentrations or arsenic.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. Within 24 hours of this coming to be, a child shreds and then spreads and then dumps an entire box of Twinkies on your head.

I wish for less fuzzy eyebrows.

 

[Verzin]

granted, they're singed off in a fire that kills you.

I wish for the hottest hot sauce EVER!

 

[him over there]

Granted, it is in no way spicy but it is 150 degrees celsius.

I wish I could do a flip.

 

[Qitz]

Granted, after doing your first flip you land on top of a new born kitty rocketing its innards out of its eye sockets, the footage is captured and posted to Youtube and later picked up by every news organization ever forever earning you the title "Kitty Squishing Asshole."

I wish I could absorb knowledge like a sponge to water.

 

[Verzin]

granted. there is so much knowledge you suffer permanent brain damage from absorbing it so quickly.

I wish I had me one of them jelly rolls.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You have 1 and love it. All food tastes like sawdust and feet in comparison. Angels weep at ow much you love it.

And you can only have 1.

I wish I didn't completely bomb this exam I had today.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted. You pass with flying colours but the world expects everything from you now.

I wish I was stuck in Saskatchewan forever.

 

[Yureina]

Granted, it will now smell like poo 24/7 though.

I wish I had more music on my PC.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. Everything on you computer is removed, and every bit of space is taken up by completely random music until full.

I wish for shorter hair.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. You go completely bald.

I wish I could tell better jokes.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted. There still so bad people don't want to know you.

I wish the cake was not a lie.

 

[Qitz]

Granted! It is forever out of your reach though and is the only cake you can ever eat, ever.

I wish I could shout like the Dovahkiin

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. You spend 5 turns in jail every time you shout.

I wish life were turn-based.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. Life is now a JRPG. Your level is permanently set to 1.

I wish I lived in a JRPG.