Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[MrCollins]

Granted unfortunately the ponies have the most horrific fanbase imaginable and the disgusting perverts camp outside your stable, drawing the most horrific art and making sex noises at them. The constant sexual advances slowly take their toll on the ponies and you find them one day, just living there, having committed a ritualistic suicide pack.

I wish for more Charlie Brooker.

 

[Zantos]

Granted, Charlie Brooker is cloned in order to provide a constant stream of witty insight and writing. After a month everyone has their own personal Charlie Brooker for 24/7 amusement, all controlled by the central super-Brooker. Then the Super-Brooker decides it can solve all of humanity's problems by using the Brookers to keep them under control, and Will Smith has to go kill the Brooker controlling them all. Along the way he gets the help of a Brooker made differently to the others. Anyway, Smith kills the super-Brooker and we send all the Brookers off to landfill. Now there is no more Charlie Brooker.

I wish that the next persons wish will have no ill effects.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

Granted, they simply die before their wish is fulfilled.

I wish for a popsicle.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but instead of being made of chips. It is made of horrible, american fries have no actual potato in them.

I wish for a good night's sleep.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but you can only fly while you're sleeping, and you lose the ability to walk.

I wish for cookies that won't harm me.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, they don't do you any harm, but they taste of BROCCOLI.

I wish for Wreck-it-Ralph to be released in the UK.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, Wreck-it-Ralph is now in real life and he is released upon the UK.

I wish I didn't break my toes a few days ago.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted!

I wish I had brain bleach. >_<

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but it's just normal bleach, you die in horrific pain.

I wish that I had a GF

 

[Calibanbutcher]

school is now cancelled forever, as will every school you ever enter will be and you are left without any formal education in a world with a fast-moving economy where everyone who can't keep up is left behind, thus forcing you into a life of casual labor and poverty, forever locked in the desperate struggle to keep yourself afloat with no way out of this living hell but substance abuse, which will leave you a physical and mental wreck.

I wish for a new anatomy textbook.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Granted, you get one in Finnish with the pictures censored.

I wish the voices would go away...

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, they go away and start talking to some-else, but they are still bitter and convince their new host to capture you and torture you by constantly talking to you.

I wish for better ideas

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but you have no way to use them as you are put into an eternal coma.

I wish I could fix my chair.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted it is now fixed to the ceiling.

I wish my chair was more comfy.

 

[Kae]

Granted your chair is now more comfortable, but you are stuck to it forever.

I wish had the power to shape-shift into any form I want.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted

I wish for a sandwich, on a plate, with bread made by normal, no diseased, completely normal, healthy and nutritious whole grain, with a slice of lettuce, taken from completely, normal, healthy and nutritious head of lettuce, and a slice of ham taken from a normal, healthy pig; the sandwich is also completely healthy to consume, without effects from sources such as but not limited to radiation, boxing gloves, the forces of Hell, and/or the DMV nor will the consuming of this sandwich harm the person who eats it, their family, their friends, all the nations, life forms, natural laws, and all forms of matter in the multiverse.