Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted, but everyone now hates you for it.

I wish the Colorado Rockies would win the World Series in my lifetime.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

you come up with a good avatar, only to have it get you banned.

I wish for inner peace.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but it makes you indifferent to all things

I wish I could draw album covers

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they make the Mega Man box art look like a da Vinci masterpiece!

I wish I was asleep 5 hours ago!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, Now you've slept in

I wish I could write my social phobia into a horror story

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, M. Night's adapting them as we speak...

I wish the cow said "Mooove, *****! Get out the way!"

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, it said it to you

I wish I could meet a girl like Pinkie Pie

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, she's goes crazy and reenacts the fanfic Cupcakes with you...

I wish I knew about Be Cool, Scooby-Doo! sooner!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but it reduces your intrigue

I wish I had a cybernetic eye

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, to a surgical "mishap", not only are you 100% irreversibly blind, but also the cybernetic eye doesn't even work...

I wish I had a not-a-comeback-style comeback!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but it's still interpreted as a comeback

I wish I had battle trophies from the Chaos Marines

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they look like shit... and are made of 100% shit...

I wish the hullabaloo would continue!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted but it causes you to become incredibly depressed.

I wish for an end to all human suffering.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it causes the Earth to suffer before it dies from natural depression...

I wish parents did understand!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, now they're overprotective

I wish I had Assassin memorabilia

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, if you touch them, you die... literally, despite them being cheap replicas...

I wish Boneless gave me the key!

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, the key snaps in the lock.

I wish Tali was my waifu.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, I steal your identity and now she's my waifu! *evil laugh*

I wish I could pierce the heavens with my drill!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, now the sky is literally falling

I wish I had Christopher Lee's golden gun