Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[UltraDeth]

Granted, now you're a non-entity

I wish to try the best food in the world

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, due to bias subjectivity, it's actually the worst food in the world to just you...

I wish I was fly like that other guy!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but it looks like you're trying to hard

I wish I had contingency plans when something goes wrong

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you will always lack other plans, thus always causing internal and external confusion, when something goes right...

I wish I could vogue like a pro!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted you are the worst pro vogue in the world.

I wish I knew everything!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, including the fact you're going to die

I wish everything was canon

 

[Skatologist]

Granted, including all those porn people wrote about you and Quasimodo! >

I wish I had PubClub.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's not coming from any registered user on The Escapist forums... and I taking all your money, too...

I wish I could spend a day with Spongebob!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but you're both underwater and you drown

I wish I had a universe wide empire

 

[Wary Wolf]

Granted, but micromanaging it all is a *****.

I wish I was immune to food poisoning. Mostly my own. Yeah...

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, now you can't taste the food

I wish I literally tasted a rainbow

 

[Skatologist]

Granted. It tastes like toxic, dirty water that makes you sick.

I wish I was skillful at cosplaying and costume making.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, all you can do well is make yourself look too ugly to admire from afar...

I wish to surf at Point Break!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but you fall off the board and drown

I wish for discounts everywhere I shopped

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can only shop at the Literal Shit Emporium...

I wish the spell worked this time!

 

[Skatologist]

Granted, but it has a monkey's paw effect.

I wish I was a speed reader and writer.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, only through the art of bad fanfiction...

I wish to kill the next bad guy!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, it's you

I wish all of Earth's armies unified

 

[Skatologist]

Granted, it's against an alien invasion that we could never beat.

I wish I had a jean jacket

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's made out of your dead skin cells...

I wish the next book adaptation doesn't suck enough to become popular because it sucks...