Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Voodoomancer]

Granted, but it's infested with microsmurfs.
I wish for Omnipotence.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. However, omnipotence is highly overrated. Knowing everything that has or ever will happen is exceedingly boring. You dive out of a plane without a parachute to satisfy your extreme boredom.

I wish for my own personal troll.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Granted, but the genie falls asleep halfway through and only gives you "tru"

I wish for a wish.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You get a fencepost through your leg. Extremely painful, but not fatal.

I wish for my own personal troll. You know, the ones with the neon hair that fit on my keychain.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Granted, but it contains a top secret microfilm, causing the CIA to constantly chase you.

I wish for more time in the day.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. The day never ends. It's hard to sleep when night never rolls around.

I wish I was mortal.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Granted. They eat you alive *reference*

I wish for some proper paint brushes.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. However, there is no more paint. Anywhere.

I wish I could draw.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Granted. You can only draw pen15 images in bathroom stalls You get powers of precognition?

I wish for gold.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You get a gold crayon.

I wish I could spontaneously combust.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Granted. You burn horribly to death. The end.

I wish.

 

[Link_to_Future]

No you don't.

I wish for a pelican.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Meet Anya Teixeira.

I wish for some jet fuel.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Granted. It is spilled into your eyes.

I wish I could connect to minecraft SMP servers at school, so I could keep working on my flying castle.