Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's rusty. And currently found firmly in your sphincter.

I wish to be betrayed.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's been used at this point to boil semen. Kinda an odd use, but whatever.

I wish for an atomic wedgie.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted. It splits you longitudinally in half.

I wish for more drugs.

 

[SkyeNeko]

Granted, she is instead a god-figure worshiped in all corners of the world.

I wish my cat actually cared about me ;(

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Pancakes.

I wish for lots of drugs!

 

[SkyeNeko]

Granted, but you will never be able to read it because your computer will explode whenever you access this page. DANGIT LINK

I CURSE YOUR PANCAKES SO THAT THEY HAVE RAINSINS IN THEM THAT EXPLODE ON CONTACT!

I wish there was bacon in the oven...

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It isn't as delicious as it would have been fried though.

I wish for a pet crab.

 

[SkyeNeko]

granted, but your mom cooks it for dinner every night and forces you to eat all of it and tells you to stop being picky about your food.

EDIT: kinda still stands...

i wish days were 5 hours longer...

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's made of plastic.

I wish for a plastic knife.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's soggy and pretty useless. Also it smells.

I wish for a broken toilet.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. However, you have to listen to her jazz stylings throughout the world for the rest of eternity.

I wish for a greater mastery of double meanings.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It is fresh squeezed from the juiciest oranges that grow on the trees in the middle ring of the seventh circle of hell. Yummy!

I wish I could grow a mustache.