Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Steppin Razor]

Granted. They're made from human skin and are painted red from the blood of the person they were harvested from. They are also incredibly uncomfortable.

I wish for the never-ending bottle of bourbon.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted. You may only ever drink from that, unmixed with any other liquid, again.

I wish for a hot air balloon!

 

[Steppin Razor]

Granted. It can only be powered from the hot air generated when a politician opens their mouth.

I wish for a gold-plated spork.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted. Unfortunately the lead inside the spork leaches out whenever you attempt to eat with it.

I wish for fish oil tablets.

 

[Steppin Razor]

Granted. The fish oil tablets work and taste fine, however, they have a severe addictive quality and everyone you know becomes hooked on them. This spreads until the whole world is addicted and results in the particular fish the oil is harvested from becoming extinct, which then snowballs and ends up wiping out all life on the planet.

I wish for something better to do with my time than coming up with pointless reasons as to why fish oil tablets destroyed the world.

Edit
I wish I wasn't ninja'd.

 

[Steppin Razor]

Granted. The bread is so good that everything else tastes so shit by comparison that you refuse to eat anything again and end up starving to death.

I wish for a conscience.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted, now all men shall watch to show to stare at Buffy's breats and endlessly talk about how they jiggle.

I wish you could not grant anymore wishes.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. Now I only grant misfortunes.

I wish I could see out of one eye for one day.

 

[cryogeist]

Granted but your body is now use to useing one eye thus making it useless
i wish this thread wouldn't die

 

[Mnemophage]

Granted! The thread lives! Forever! When all the rest of our civilization is gone and dust, when the oceans evaporate and our ham-handed attempts at the stars are no more than oxidized metal spiraling through space, this thread shall remain! And any alien species that come across it will realize mankind for the violent and wasteful thing that it is, and wish us well in our heady oblivion.

I wish my protean book of poetry wins the Nobel Prize for Literature and renews the world's interest in verse.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you found a room full of jello! But it's been poisoned and if you smack it or eat it, you die.

I wish for millions of bullets.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but you go to jail for being a pedo.

I wish for a chocolate mouse.

 

[cryogeist]

Granted its on the other side of the world
I wish i knew what i wanted to wish for

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You wanted to wish for a laser cannon. However, since you already wasted your wish, you're not getting one.

I wish for a laser cannon so I can gloat.

 

[cryogeist]

Granted but it explodes in your face
*i wish for nothing to go wrong EVER not even this wish