Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[StormShaun]

Granted, except he will only do articles about stuff you hate...such as...ponies!

I wish I had a sword of lightning.

 

[The Thinker]

Granted, but it shocks you and you die.

I wish the mean person controlling my mind would return the power over my mind back to me.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, they do so for a couple minutes, but only to tease you and they take it right back.

I wish for the right to party.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, you do lose your right to choose your religion. The government now says everyone is a Scientologist.

I wish for Frieza.

 

[steeple]

Spoiler: granted, he comes as a bundle with this guy...

I wish to plant a flag on proxima centauri (and have it actually stay there instead of melting)

 

[The Thinker]

Granted, but you melt.

I wish to gain the telepathic powers necessary to defeat the mean guy and take back my mind.

 

[staika]

Granted but it destroys your mind and leaves you on a vegitative state.

I wish for a sweet hat.

 

[StormShaun]

Granted but you become Pyramid head grape...wait, thats good!

I wish for a utopia mansion.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. It's so awesome, you never leave it, so you are presumed dead y everyone. Your mansion is then inherited by your next of kin. When s/he discovers that you are alive, s/he kills you.

I wish I didn't have to do a captcha for this post.

 

[The Thinker]

Granted, but The Escapist is over-run by spam bots.

I wish tea would restore my mental state from its current vegetative position.

 

[steeple]

granted, a piano falls on you

I wish for a level 4 sentry

 

[Robert632]

Granted.At level 4, sentries gain sentience and decides that belonging to someone is beneath it, so it leaves you, never to return.

I wish for a gazebo

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but wasps get in it anyway by the hundreds.

I wish for a real vacation.

 

[staika]

Granted, but theres a hurricane while your there >.>

I wish to be a real boy!

 

[steeple]

granted, you're now just like the rest of us... now get to sweep the chimneys!

I wish for a good idea for a wish

 

[StormShaun]

Granted, you now own a talking toilet who insults you.

I wish for the country to be called Bagutte because it's a better name.

 

[staika]

Granted, but it is turned into an actual bagutte and eaten by pigeons D:

I wish I was cooler >.>

 

[StormShaun]

Granted, everybody thinks your so cool until one day they want you to prove it, so you lay on the train tracks proving your awesome and you get ran over by a train and your cut into two, good news is that they make a statue of you which the inscription on it "Big Fat Lier".

I wish that I was a video game hero.

 

[staika]

Granted, but the game your in freezes up and your stuck not able to move forever!

I wish I had my own planet

 

[steeple]

granted, it crashes into the sun

I wish that warhammer wasnt so expensive, so that I could actually think about getting into it...