So I had my heart ripped out...

[JokerCrowe]

I'm sorry to hear that. Wow... that really sucks, I haven't broken up with someone yet (i haven't been in a relationship) so my practical knowlege is a bit thin, but theoretially, I say that you shoud go and talk to someone. Especially if had a pre-existing depression. Talk to someone you trust, teacher, parent, or maybe a therapist. I've found that it always helps to get your feelings out. If you can't talk to anyone, try to write your feelings down. Get them out as effectively as you can.

EDIT: this might cheer you up
[sub]on second thought it might not... sorry if it offended you.[/sub]

 

[TheRundownRabbit]

My advice to you, whats done is done, sulking wont help. Go out, have fun, and live your life.
Life's to short to be depressed.

 

[Salviar]

How do you get over someone you love?

Time. I know it's been said before, but it's true.
Unless you can make a list of all the things you hate about them and see them for something other than how you saw them when you were dating (which usually doesn't work), then time is the answer.

I got dumped about 2 years ago. If I think about it too much then it hurts a little, but I'm glad for how far I've come since then. In another couple of months, I should be completely over it. :] (though I don't know how encouraging that is...)

It's not easy to get over someone, especially if you care so deeply for them, but it's not impossible.
It all depends on whether you want this one relationship to control the rest of your life.
It's all about a positive outlook.

 

[Mikri Shogun]

So what?
He just don't deserve u,u shouldn't be sad for someone who says so lame excuses...
wear your best self and dress and get out with your girlfriends for a Friday/Saturday night out,it's summer and love is in the air!!!
And sth else...
women always choose among men ,not the opposite,have that in mind...

 

[Lee Wymer]

I don't know why I'm going to tell you this, but hopefully someone will find it useful.

- Splitting up with someone is a natural process of change, for some reason or the other his feelings towards you changed. This could be due to your low self esteem , lack of job, no friends. You need to be proactive. Video games are a interactive medium, however, they only work one way. They give you experiences that you wouldn't have ever dreamt of, ideas that leave you thinking about them for days and memories which last for a life time. But they are all in your head, escapism when in it's extremities can leave you like you are now, with all of these problems or issues you don't know how to escape from them, your escapism has you trapped. There is no Ctrl + Z command for real life, you need to think about it as more of a game. You need to understand the basic rules and make the necessary steps to change your life. Only you can do this.

The emotion of losing a loved one can disable the hardest of people, they can make them react in a way that seems alien and different. However you deal or are dealing with your issue right now is progress. The sleepless nights become shorter, the journey begins without you even being aware. Which ever path you take is up to you, but all I can suggest is that you be proactive about it, get out there and move forward.

Life gets simpler the more 'things' you remove from it, to do so, you must break down every single aspect in your life and assess it for what it is and what it means to you. What single thing do you want to define you as a person? Is it a job, a hobby or something else?

It honestly seems like you have just grown apart. This goes back to what i was talking about earlier regarding change, if you are both changing at different rates and in opposite directions then it can be fatal to your relationship.

So, the choice is yours.

As Yoda once said: "Do or do not, there is no try"

 

[Link_to_Future]

The best way to get over someone is to find someone else, I realize that's not always easy.

Wrong. Absolutely wrong. The only thing "find someone else" gets you is a "rebound" relationship that inevitably leads to one of three outcomes:

1) You get what you needed out of it and break the heart of the poor sucker who got involved with you. This is how I broke a girl's heart after my divorce.

2) You get in a rebound relationship with someone who is an odious character but who you stay with because you don't want to confront the day you have to be alone. Inevitably you break it off and then the healing begins for real, but you wasted a bunch of time in the meantime.

3) You transfer a bunch of old leftover feelings from the last person on to the new person...which doesn't help. It only heaps a bunch of unrealistic expectations on the new person, who gets spooked, breaks up with you, and starts a whole new cycle of believing you'll never be loved again.

The correct advice would be "be single for awhile. Remember what makes you who YOU are, don't define yourself in terms of your relationships because it makes you codependent and reduces your attractiveness as a mate."

Of course, the correct advice is the hardest advice to follow. But I got divorced eight months ago. I've been through it. And yes...going it alone sucks HARD, even if you're as solitary a person as I am.

I second this advice.

Around January my GF and I broke up for various reasons (I was too calculating, She had wild mood swings, etc.). Within the next month, she had found a new boyfriend despite saying that she never wanted anyone other than me and I was in the thralls of depression because I realized I had alienated all my friends in my time with her.

But I kept quiet, biding my time and rebuilding my life.

Flash forward to now, and you'll see that she's going through horrible relationship problems while I've simply gotten my life back on track. I'm still single, but at the moment I'm alright with that. Better to be alone and happy with yourself.

I know this probably isn't a lot of help to the op, but just hang in there. Life rolls ever onward. Some parts might not be fun, but that only serves to make the good times you have that much sweeter.

 

[Kris015]

This is just another sad breakup thread, so if you don?t want to see/hear it, then turn away now.

Yesterday, the only person I have ever loved broke my heart. And I don?t even understand why. Even during the three hours that it took for us to say goodbye, he still kissed me and told me he loves me. I?ve barely slept and I can?t sleep because if I lay in my bed I just think about him, and it hurts so much. I?ve been in relationships before, but I?ve never cared about the other person. I don?t know how I?m ever going to find someone to love me, when I?m such a loser. I don?t have friends, or a job, or any purpose in my life. He was the person who gave me strength to make it through every day.

He said his reasons for breaking up with me, was because he has other issues like family problems, and he?s starting his masters at uni soon. So I guess I was the only existing problem he could get rid of. He said I have mood swings and my depression is getting too much for him. And every word he said was another stab in my heart.

I don?t know how I?m ever going to get over this, how can I get over someone when I love them so much. Even though he?s hurt me, more than I?ve ever been hurt before, I can?t even hate him.

How do you get over someone you love?

You should really talk with BonsaiK, he's great at helping with relationship problems like this.

 

[thom_cat_]

Yeah, my GF split with me because she wasn't ready for a relationship too... it's the lamest thing ever. And I still liked her for months after it, although strangely enough, now, after this long, I think I've gone through periods of intense hatred, love, like, uncaring, and annoyance. But I think I'm back to uncaring. I need to find someone else. it's a pity I don't 'like' anyone else.
Really, it's time. Meeting new people helps, and if you can keep friends with the other person it always works out better.
One of the reasons I have hate for her is because she makes no effort to be friends any more. I talk to her whenever it's normal to, but she refuses to make conversation. It's shit having one word replies from someone you like.
Or you could go on a killing spree.

 

[Terminate421]

I had my mom pass, it sucks alot. Losing someone you really love takes time and alot of other factors before you get better.

 

[silversnake4133]

He said his reasons for breaking up with me, was because he has other issues like family problems, and he?s starting his masters at uni soon.

Huh...what a coincidence...the dude I last broke up with said the exact same thing. And yet with how he talked about his family when we were together, that statement was a complete 180. Anyhoo, going from this statement, it's quite obvious that the fucker could have been lying to you just so he could find an easy way out of the relationship. Trust me on this, if someone really loves you, complications such as family problems or getting a masters degree in college wouldn't cause them to cancel a relationship altogether. (Taking a break, or putting it on hold for a little, perhaps. But a complete break-up, no.)

A SHITLOAD of guys (and girls) do this when they're too immature to be in a committed relationship when problems arise, so they look for sob-story ways of canceling a relationship without having to worry about emotional baggage to themself. Granted, I don't know what you're relationship was prior to this mishap, so you'll have to forgive me if I seem a little jaded toward the guy. However, you should really do yourself a favor and move on. He's obviously not willing to get back into a relationship anytime soon, so you should find one that is.

Don't get down on yourself about not being able to find another to love. There is someone out there for you, now all you have to do is find him.

As for your recovery, I suggest calling up your mom or another female compatriot whom wouldn't mind spending a weekend with you doing fun "girl activities"(manicures, watching movies, baking, shopping, etc). If you have a dude friend you can confide in, you can always call him up to give you a few laughs. I would suggest skipping on the ice-cream therapy though, unless it's frozen yogurt.

It may take a while, but you'll soon begin to realize that your previous sweetheart was a stepping stone in a vast ocean of possibilities. Don't dwell on the past, instead look to the future with your head held high and a smile to greet the sun on the dawning of a new day.

 

[Blue Musician]

Start planning a way to kidnap him for that he still is your boyfriend
Ahem, forget that...

OT: I have never felt like that before, but I say that you just take a rest. Time shall help.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I've never been in any relationships.

Hell, when my grandma died I hardly ever shed a tear. (Probably due to me being nine at the time)

I have lost friends, but really it was my own accord and there's nothing bitter between us.

 

[Czargent Sane]

well theres always step one

1. stop calling yourself a looser

 

[NLS]

I sit and stare out into the nowhere for a few minutes, and then I load up CSS and some loud music.
It doesn't help in the long run, only temporary.

 

[tobi the good boy]

"The only person you have ever loved" ... wow thats a bit harsh man i mean you nkow ... not even acknowledging your parents or even friends ...

OT: im assuming time is going to be the most prominant answer because its the only real one peopel can give you

 

[Assassin Xaero]

I don?t know how I?m ever going to find someone to love me, when I?m such a loser. I don?t have friends, or a job, or any purpose in my life.

Could be worse... I have a job I'm growing to hate, my manager hates me and puts me on the most exhausting position 4 shifts in a row. I don't have any friends either, and have never been in a relationship.

 

[Wutaiflea]

This is just another sad breakup thread, so if you don?t want to see/hear it, then turn away now.

Yesterday, the only person I have ever loved broke my heart. And I don?t even understand why. Even during the three hours that it took for us to say goodbye, he still kissed me and told me he loves me. I?ve barely slept and I can?t sleep because if I lay in my bed I just think about him, and it hurts so much. I?ve been in relationships before, but I?ve never cared about the other person. I don?t know how I?m ever going to find someone to love me, when I?m such a loser. I don?t have friends, or a job, or any purpose in my life. He was the person who gave me strength to make it through every day.

He said his reasons for breaking up with me, was because he has other issues like family problems, and he?s starting his masters at uni soon. So I guess I was the only existing problem he could get rid of. He said I have mood swings and my depression is getting too much for him. And every word he said was another stab in my heart.

I don?t know how I?m ever going to get over this, how can I get over someone when I love them so much. Even though he?s hurt me, more than I?ve ever been hurt before, I can?t even hate him.

How do you get over someone you love?

Firstly, it's okay to admit that it hurts. Try and give yourself time and space to feel upset and let down, because this is natural.

Instead of focusing on the strength you felt he gave you, think of it as the strength he showed you that you had anyway. That strength isn't gone because the relationship has ended- it's still there for you to tap into at will.

You say that you suffer from depression? If you're suffering with this in silence, perhaps it's time to speak to your doctor. There are a variety of different treatments and you may find something to benefit you. Try looking into mental health awareness charities for additional support and advice on seeking help.
If you decide to do this, think of it less as fixing something that was a problem for your boyfriend, and more about fixing something that is a problem for you.

You say that you have no purpose in life, but what was it about your boyfriend that gave you purpose? It may be time to look at the truth of this lack of purpose.
So you have no job? Are you looking for one? Is there a career you'd like, or a salary you aspire to earn?
So you have no friends? Yet you've had boyfriends- you can clearly forge relationships with others, so this may be something to build towards.

Think of the breakup as a learning experience, and something to encourage you to reassess areas of your life you feel are lacking. It sounds to me as though this heartbreak has been magnified by feeling as though you are missing other things in your life to make you happy- perhaps that's why his words cut so deep- it can be hard to face truths, particularly when presented by someone you love.