Oh, it was all in fun. In all honesty, Queen is my favorite band and Freddie Mercury is one of the best performers there is. But you had to admit, the man was pretty flamboyant...
That only adds to his masculinity. If I had the balls to show up on a stage wearing nothing but a cape and gratuitous man-cleavage, I'd get my ass kicked. He does it and millions of adoring fans throw panties at him. I am humbled by Mr. Mercury and his majestic 'stache. I'm glad we agree.
You got stung? Sounds like a challenge! Pistols at dawn and you have the clear advantage as it is physically impossible for a wasp to lift and operate a pistol, take the chance!
The best thing to do is catch a bee, and get it to sting you in the exact same spot. Trust me, it would work. One sting is acid, one is alkali, so they neutralise each other.
Thats the manly thing to do. Once I pelvic-thrusted a wasp nest cause they decided to screw with me by building their nest in my window. Well... they didn't like that, so they gave me fifty stings. As I felt the venom flooding my veins, I swat-kicked the window screen, and nest out, hopped out and ran to the nearby bees nest. I reached in, and started pulling out bee after bee, stabbing them into each wasp sting. When the rest showed up to try and take me, I threw down a smoke-bomb and disappeared like batman after a one-night stand with Harley Quinn, and next thing I know the bees and wasps killed each other off.
On a related note, a friend of mine has some pretty retarded neighbour kids (he lives in the pines after all).
Aside from the many, many druggies (no one goes near this area anyway lol), he had to get a bee hive poisoned as it was too much of a danger to family yada yada.
But the stupid neighbourly kids took the hive, and ate the honey out of it, bragging about it to my friend (ie. eating it in his face saying HAH we got your honey).
This is after a poisoning, x10000 worse than doing it with bees in it.
If you should find yourself lucky enough to be enjoying a nice sandwich or two whilst attending a picnic with a loved one on some fine summers day, it never hurts to have a basic understanding of what can and what cannot, f**k up your day...
Here are some of the most common flying insects which may cause you grief...
The Vespula Vulgaris... Aka, The Common Wasp
- Approximately 12-17 millimetres in length.
- Aggresive when provoked.
- Venom is alkaline based and is capable of stinging multiple times.
- May f**k up your day.
The Vespa Mandarina... Aka, The Asian Giant Hornet...
[sub]Okay it's not that common but just look at that thing![/sub]
- Approximately 50 millimetres in length.
- Aggresive when provoked.
- Venom is alkaline based and you want to hope to high hell you never get stung by one...
- Will f**k up you day.
The Apis Mellifera... Aka, The Honey Bee
- Approximately 13 millimetres in length.
- Usually gentle. Will swarm to defend the hive.
- Venom is acidic based but stinging will result in the death of the bee.
- Unlikely to f**k up your day.
[HEADING=2]Section two:[/HEADING]
Thwart thine enemy
Should you find yourself bothered by an inqusitive insect, the most important thing to do is to stay calm. If you panic and flail your arms around in an attempt to shoo away a wasp, they will have more reason to see you as a threat. If you remain still, even if the bugger lands on you, the best thing you can do is stay still until it flies off by itself.
It is common to think that humans can get away from a swarm of wasps or bees. This is futile as they can fly much faster than you can run. Bee's and wasps that feel their hive is in immediate danger have been known to pursue an invader for up to a mile from the hive site.
In practicality, the best defence against these villains is to simply avoid going anywhere near a hive. Wasps are generally pretty easy-going when humans come into close contact as they like to build there nests near or on human dwellings anyway.
Bees however, are not so welcoming. Stay away from a bee's hive and you will most likely be left alone.
What to do if a swarm comes after you...
Because you will die if you don't!
[sub]Probably[/sub]
[HEADING=2]Section three[/HEADING]
Understand thine enemy...
Did you ever wonder why when you anger one bee, the whole damn swarm knows to attack you? The answer is not that they have walkie-talkies or IM enabled smart phones... It is because they release pheramones in the event they have to use their stingers... This is like a silent alarm system which alerts all nearby bee's to your presence. Not good...
Bee's are pretty docile when it comes to it. You could probably pick one up (carefully) and carry it around for a bit before it decides to attack you.
Wasps and hornets however are like over-worked, mid thirties office workers with super PMS... It's like the very sound of their own wings annoys them. I've personally witnessed a wasp cannibalize a dead comrade within one minute of becoming trapped inside my bedside lamp...
If you interfere in any way with a wasp or hornet, you can expect to meet some serious pain.
[HEADING=2]Section four[/HEADING]
Treatment of thine injuries...
Now there is a lot of mis-information and old wive's tales regarding the treatment of wasps and bee stings...
The first and seemingly obvious mistake is the belief that you can neutralise a sting simply by applying the opposite substance i.e an acid or an alkaline. This is simply ineffective. Rubbing some urine on your sting will not only make you smell bad it will also fail to succesfully balance the Ph level of your wound anyway. And it would be harder still to apply it to the right place as venom is pumped underneath the skin and usually works its way around the cells underneath the wound (hence the swelling). Pissing on your hand for example would be like trying to put out a volcano with water by splashing the side of the volcano...
The only real pain relief is offered by a quick application of ice or cold running water.
Oh and don't scratch otherwise you'll just speed up the spread of venom and cause more itching... MAN UP!
If you are unfortunate enough to be stung by a wasp you can expect this kind of reaction from your body...
Lucky you...
If you are really unlucky and happen to be highly allergic to wasp venom, you can expect to look like this...
I drew the short straw at some point and swell up like a balloon when I get stung...
Some people are extremely unlikely and upon being stung their body may go into Anaphylactic shock... And it is very possible to die if this is not immediately treated...
Yes listening to 80's glam metal band W.A.S.P will also result in death...
[sub]Probably[/sub]
So there you have it folks...
Oh and don't forget... If you see a hornet... Just Run... Then Pray... Then Run some more...
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