So, I'm dating my cousin now... Yeah...

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BlackWidower

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Ultratwinkie said:
BlackWidower said:
Ultratwinkie said:
Oh That Dude said:
Ultratwinkie said:
"you know you're a redneck when you go to family reunions to pick up women" - jeff foxworthy

if you're SERIOUS about it... well i am sorry to say you're mentally ill and there is nothing anyone can do.
Kindly step outside this thread, troll.
oh so i am a troll because i am the only one who DOESN'T fuck his cousin? that i know better then to do that and realize this will only end badly? possibly with excommunication from the family? living in exile without ever having to ability to return home? nice logic.
Okay, one: It's his fifth cousin through adoption.

Two: Even with first cousins, there's very little chance of birth defects. It's around 2%...a concern, but still unlikely.

Three: To automatically state someone is mentally ill without backing your shit up (NB: Ad hominem remarks don't count) is trolling...and offensive to those who are actually mentally ill because you are generalizing.

Four: Excommunication? I have never heard that phrase uttered outside the context of religion. Even so, if his family is that judgmental, he's better off without them, because, as I've said, it's his fifth cousin through adoption. Besides, who really wants the ability to return home and not get on with their life?
1. a cousin nonetheless.
2. where did i state health reasons?
3. and you think i am utter perfect? that i have no mental issues? do you have my medical record and have 4 years of medical school?
4. where did i say live there? i said they wont talk to him ever. you may say "oh he doesn't need family" but what happens when he is in need? who is he going to call upon if his friends cannot? it would be a sink or swim situation.
So your issue is not for the sake of the children? Then what? Because society looks down upon them? The arbitrary rules of society. I'm sorry but that has never flown with me. Not only that, his family having a beef with that is more their problem then it is his. Yes if the shit hits the fan and he's destitute, it sucks he can't go back to them. But that's what Welfare is for. The social safety net that millions of tax dollars go to.

Finally your crack about him being mentally ill offends me because I have a mental illness. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and I find it offensive that you are trivializing mental illness.
 

BlackWidower

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Cody211282 said:
BlackWidower said:
Cody211282 said:
BlackWidower said:
Cody211282 said:
BlackWidower said:
Cody211282 said:
Game4Fun said:
Cody211282 said:
That's just gross.
Please can we have some maturity here?
How is that not mature, I didn't say anything mean, and if he can't take one person reminding him of what society thinks then the familys response is going to crush him. Hell I live in Utah and you don't even hear of that here, you think you would but it's looked down upon.
Fuck society! What does society know!? Society voted for George Bush!
Yea that attitude will get you places, it's got class written all over it. Face it whether you like it or not you live in a society , unless you want to go out into the woods and live like a hermit then you have to play by their rules, and that means you don't date family.
Well, by that analogy you shouldn't date members of your own sex either. You shouldn't eat in a public restaurant with members of a different race, and you certainly shouldn't date them, either. You see what I'm getting at? Society changes over time and it doesn't do so because of people sitting back, simply obeying the rules. It's done by people who are willing to break them, and with the Balzac to do it in society's face.

You see I've always judged things by their own merits and the scientific principles behind them. Not on arbitrary societal rules. Because that's what they are...arbitrary.

If you want to come up with an argument against this man dating his cousin, you will have to come up with an argument more complex than: "Ew, Gross."
I don't know what society you live in but it's rather acceptable to be gay in the US, especially in California. Ok you want something more complex, then how about dating someone outside of the family to bring fresh DNA into to the family. As for "arbitrary societal rules" if you don't want to follow the big ones like "don't date your family" then ether don't do it or get ready for a lot more then "that's just gross", also don't expect people to want to be around ether of you.
Okay, this is going to be fun.

Yes, it's socially acceptable to be gay...NOW! It wasn't 10 or 20 years ago. As I said, this is because people pushed the social norms and got society to accept them. I think the evolution of society is a good thing, because without it, we'd still be scrounging for berries and nuts. Though some people want us to go back to that...the hippies.

Secondly, there is very little chance of birth defects for those who are children of cousins, and...you know, I wrote about this before, read.

BlackWidower said:
Hmmm...

I remember seeing a documentary about this on 20/20. This was a long time ago. One of the cases on the show involved two...I think they were second or third, but they might be first cousins, I don't know...who had three kids together...who were the smartest in their class.

That's typically the concern right? Inbreeding. The kids will be idiots with a leg growing out of their head. Obviously this is not the case. Apparently the odds are two percent, which is a lot lower than other things.

But apparently, from what you said, you two are like fifth cousins...through adoption...or something. If your family wasn't as close as you seem to be, and you two just met on the street and hit it off it wouldn't be an issue. I haven't seen my cousins in...well...ever. I think I met a few of them once. Half my family I've never met because my dad ran off before I was born.

If I met a girl, we hit it off, started dating, then I found out she's my dad's second cousin's daughter, (making her my third cousin) I wouldn't give a shit. I might ask if her family is still coming to the wedding. They say it's an affront to god, I reply that I'm an atheist so I don't give a shit.

Love doesn't give a shit and neither should you. Besides, if you step far enough back, you will notice we are all cousins...distant cousins sure, but cousins none the less. Look at the theory of the Mitochondrial Eve. We all came from one woman, or at least our mitochondria did.

So I guess all I have to say is have fun you crazy kids. Though before you start looking at having kids of your own, you might want to see a geneticist...just to be safe.
Next, as for one not willing to follow the big societal rules. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BIG THEY ARE! THEY'RE STILL ARBITRARY!!! I think people need to question every taboo no matter how big it is.

Also, I'd like to reiterate. It's his fifth cousin through adoption. I think that negates most of the rules. If not, where's the fucking line?

I'd be with you if it was his sister, even through adoption (psychological shit), but that's not the case.
This guy is asking if his family and to a larger extent society in general is going to accept that, and I pretty much put the tames answer he is going to hear. And it's not really a case of how much he is related to her it's a case that he went to a family gathering and picked up on someone, their link to the family tree could have be adopted 10 generations back but if they are still known in the family it's looked down upon. Pushing the social norm is fine but dating family is stepping back not forward.
Okay, what makes you say that? What makes you say it's "stepping back not forward"? Do you mind elaborating?

Also, I don't think he went to the reunion to pick up. I think it surprised him as much as it's going to surprise his parents.
 

Gilhelmi

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Oct 22, 2009
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Sacman said:
Anyway this is a continuation of a poll I started yesterday. It asked the question, " Would you date a close relative?" but in truth it was one of those relationship advice threads, that I never participate in. The whole thing started when I met a cousin I haven't seen in like a good couple years(I'm 17 she is 16 now) at a family reunion a week ago. I was out of town or else I would have posted earlier. I got the feeling she was coming on to me so I got her number and we've been talking and doing things together everyday since, I.E. Movies, mall, shopping ECT. All the time she's been dropping, extremely unsubtle, hints that she likes me more than a cousin. So at the time I thought, "I like her too we have a lot in common, and we have some decent chemistry together, so why not?" Today I worked up the nerve to tell her how I feel and to my surprise it wasn't extremely awkward, only slightly, but anyway she says she likes me too and, like me, wants there to be more between us. So were off but the first thing that crossed both of our minds was how the family would react. I mean our family is very supportive and close but that could cause more problems than actually help.

So what do you think I should do about the family? and have you ever been in a relationship that your family didn't approve of?

Also, keep in mind that it's legal in California to marry your cousins...

Edit: let's get something straight Her Grandmother was the 3rd cousin of my grandfather but was adopted by my great grandparents at a young age and from that point had a daughter than her daughter had a daughter...
Go for it. You might share a little blood but your far enough apart (genetically) that it should not be a problem. My parents are 25th cousins, I think many people have dated relatives and just do not know it. Especially if both families have lived in the same location for a long time.

On another note, do not tell anyone where you met your girlfriend or you will be made fun of. see thread for evidence. But I still recommend you court (date) her.
 

Keela

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Good for you. I have a pretty big family, most of my family being pretty strongly southern and all (USA! USA!), but most of my cousins are in the 5+ year range, so I couldn't ever make up a situation where I date any of them to put this in perspective for me, but I say that if you have chemistry, test the waters for a bit before you go public about it. If you decide it's really serious, tell the folks. But keep in mind, love is a minefield, and you're wearing clown shoes right now. Just watch your step.
 

TelHybrid

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Glad my relatives are ugly!

In all seriousness... if you're not blood related, it doesn't matter.

I like how everyone's going on about love when you're both kids though. Makes me laugh.
 

Om Nom Nom

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The best thing to do would be to talk with her. Decide with her what to do. Though my advice would be to see where this takes you, and to not tell the family until there is absolutely no doubt from the both of you that you will spend the rest of your lives together.

By the sounds of things, the both of you are distant enough (genetics-wise) to not need to worry about your children if the relationship does goes that far.

In the end, respect the opinions others have of this, but don't let them decide how you should feel or act. Good luck.
 

Video Gone

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Ultratwinkie said:
killer-corkonian said:
Ultratwinkie said:
killer-corkonian said:
Ultratwinkie said:
and what makes you think its love motivated? i could easily be an asshole in a world made OF assholes.
But you'd still be an asshole, either way. Whether the cigar is just a cigar or something else, you can't argue that it's cigar-like if it passed for a cigar in the first place.
Billy Mays here, with another fantastic paraphrase!

You can't argue with that smile, folks!
R.I.P., etc.
yes but its the context i am arguing here.
Well, not knowing you personally, I don't know if you're just being an asshole or if you're bitter about never having loved, but it doesn't matter, really. What matters in this thread is this girl is the OP's FIFTH. COUSIN. THROUGH. ADOPTION. Seriously? If it's just a conservative family he has to worry about, then I'm confident that he'll struggle through it, and not necessarily lose contact with them. But, as others in the thread have suggested, and you've ignored, he's going to wait a while and see how things go before telling them, so it's not as if they're eloping to Vegas or anything.
The OP is just having a relationship with a girl, alright? She's not even related to him, really. Fifth cousin is one thing, but fifth cousin through adoption? As if it wasn't distant enough already. I understand that you don't like that, but...
I quote the Dude. That's just your opinion, man.
oh great you quoted a stoner. how deep and brooding of you. you say i should stop but its YOU who keeps coming back her and necro'ing an entire damn thread.
It's not necroing if others are still posting, y'know. Anyway, I didn't say you should stop posting, I said we should, the both of us, so please don't try to make me seem like a whiny child. Also, unrelated, but WOO, zombies were confirmed for Black Ops. Just saw that in the Most Popular.

Insta-edit: Hey, the Dude being a stoner doesn't make his words any less valid.
 

Aryanos

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Nova5 said:
All I can say is that, if you're serious, this is a massive mistake.

Edit: You're 17, she's 16. There are MANY other girls out there. Going public to your family with this will have lasting implications. Regardless of what the law is, the general attitude toward this kind of thing is worse than the attitude toward gay marriage in CA. Couple that with your age and the likelihood that no one in your family will even consider for a second that your feelings for each other will amount to anything (which, given the track record of teenage relationships, isn't exactly unfounded), it probably won't end well.

Sorry for the sort of knee-jerk reaction, but this hits a bit close to home. Had a friend that went down this road in high school, and he's not in great shape emotionally these days...
Hopefully these two will get lucky
As for genetics issues you should be ok.Good luck to you both. Just remember the masses are idiots.
 

ecoho

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Sacman said:
Anyway this is a continuation of a poll I started yesterday. It asked the question, " Would you date a close relative?" but in truth it was one of those relationship advice threads, that I never participate in. The whole thing started when I met a cousin I haven't seen in like a good couple years(I'm 17 she is 16 now) at a family reunion a week ago. I was out of town or else I would have posted earlier. I got the feeling she was coming on to me so I got her number and we've been talking and doing things together everyday since, I.E. Movies, mall, shopping ECT. All the time she's been dropping, extremely unsubtle, hints that she likes me more than a cousin. So at the time I thought, "I like her too we have a lot in common, and we have some decent chemistry together, so why not?" Today I worked up the nerve to tell her how I feel and to my surprise it wasn't extremely awkward, only slightly, but anyway she says she likes me too and, like me, wants there to be more between us. So were off but the first thing that crossed both of our minds was how the family would react. I mean our family is very supportive and close but that could cause more problems than actually help.

So what do you think I should do about the family? and have you ever been in a relationship that your family didn't approve of?

Also, keep in mind that it's legal in California to marry your cousins...

Edit: let's get something straight Her Grandmother was the 3rd cousin of my grandfather but was adopted by my great grandparents at a young age and from that point had a daughter than her daughter had a daughter...
ok if she can prove that the only direct blood ties you have with each other is your grandfathers 3rd cousin your not related by blood in the eyes of the law. As to the parents problem how close are your two parents? if they're realy close dont tell them till you know you want to be with each other. If they're not close (IE if they dont reconize the name till they look it up or they just dont talk ever) go ahead and tell them the one you beleave is the most suportive first.
 

King of the Sandbox

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Jan 22, 2010
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Ugh. Don't do it.

I had a couple cousins that tried this, basically, and though not really blood, our entire family now refuses to speak with them, and all of their old friends still consider them freaks or something. They only stayed together for about a year anyways, so it was all over nothing.

I say give it a few years. If you guys stick it out that long, and have really really strong feelings for each other still, then tell 'em. But my base advice is still, don't do it.
 

Virus0015

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If you are not related by blood I don't see any problem with it, all the social crap between families shouldn't matter that much. If you were related by blood however, that would be very, very different.

I'd say go for it if you like each other, In my view you aren't "cousins" as such if you aren't blood related. Just consider your families close friends. As for the nay sayers, well you will have to decide what to do.
 

Bloodstain

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Sacman said:
~Snippety~
Who cares if your family and society will look down on this!
If you like each other, be together.
Free love for everyone~ :D

*ahem*
But seriously, do whatever pleases you. You just shouldn't end everything just because others may not like it. I know "there are many other girls", but I hate that argument like nothing else.

You don't even have to worry about your genetics (although some in this thread seem to believe that).
Even if siblings have children, the probability of having a deformed child is just as low as with every other couples. Only if they inbred again (e.g., the kid having a baby with the father/mother), that new kid could have an additional finger or toe.

And you aren't closey related, so...go for it!
(Okay, even if you were siblings, I'd say "Go for it"...screw society's views)
 

TheRightToArmBears

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Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say I find that very, very weird.

I say it's a bad idea:
A) Let's face it, it's unlikey that a relationship at 16 will last forever. That's going to be awkward afterwards. Especially when you're family.

B) Everyone else will think this is weird. It could damage your relationships with her and everyone else

C) It's your cousin. That's just weird.
 

RN7

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Oct 27, 2009
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If she's at least your 5th or 6th cousin it really wouldn't matter. Technically, everyone's genetically related to an extent anyway. Granted, there is a sort of creepy-ness factor present there. You're still pretty young, and there's nothing stopping you from finding a girl outside of the main family.
 

MikeTheMugger

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May 6, 2010
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Ham_authority95 said:
Er...um....bleh.

Even if you do actually feel in love or whatever, your family and society as a whole will look down on this terribly.

You can do what you want, I suppose, but I highly recommend against this.
How exactly would you know his family?

Listen, if there are real feelings there than I do not see a problem with exploring them. Be mindful that your family and freinds reactions will vary. If poeple don't know you are cousins, then don't go around telling everyone, that alone will help tremendously.
 

BlackWidower

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Ultratwinkie said:
BlackWidower said:
Ultratwinkie said:
BlackWidower said:
Ultratwinkie said:
Oh That Dude said:
Ultratwinkie said:
"you know you're a redneck when you go to family reunions to pick up women" - jeff foxworthy

if you're SERIOUS about it... well i am sorry to say you're mentally ill and there is nothing anyone can do.
Kindly step outside this thread, troll.
oh so i am a troll because i am the only one who DOESN'T fuck his cousin? that i know better then to do that and realize this will only end badly? possibly with excommunication from the family? living in exile without ever having to ability to return home? nice logic.
Okay, one: It's his fifth cousin through adoption.

Two: Even with first cousins, there's very little chance of birth defects. It's around 2%...a concern, but still unlikely.

Three: To automatically state someone is mentally ill without backing your shit up (NB: Ad hominem remarks don't count) is trolling...and offensive to those who are actually mentally ill because you are generalizing.

Four: Excommunication? I have never heard that phrase uttered outside the context of religion. Even so, if his family is that judgmental, he's better off without them, because, as I've said, it's his fifth cousin through adoption. Besides, who really wants the ability to return home and not get on with their life?
1. a cousin nonetheless.
2. where did i state health reasons?
3. and you think i am utter perfect? that i have no mental issues? do you have my medical record and have 4 years of medical school?
4. where did i say live there? i said they wont talk to him ever. you may say "oh he doesn't need family" but what happens when he is in need? who is he going to call upon if his friends cannot? it would be a sink or swim situation.
So your issue is not for the sake of the children? Then what? Because society looks down upon them? The arbitrary rules of society. I'm sorry but that has never flown with me. Not only that, his family having a beef with that is more their problem then it is his. Yes if the shit hits the fan and he's destitute, it sucks he can't go back to them. But that's what Welfare is for. The social safety net that millions of tax dollars go to.

Finally your crack about him being mentally ill offends me because I have a mental illness. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and I find it offensive that you are trivializing mental illness.
i have mental illnesses too and so does my entire family. oh great you suggest WELFARE! yeah! that is a comfortable way to make a living. /sarcasm.
Who says anything about making a living? I thought we were talking about a situation where he's destitute. What you're basically implying is, he should instead make a living by mooching off his family. That's better?

Also, I don't care if you have a mental illness, it's still offensive.