So, I'm dating my cousin now... Yeah...

[BlackWidower]

Anyway this is a continuation of a poll I started yesterday. It asked the question, " Would you date a close relative?" but in truth it was one of those relationship advice threads, that I never participate in. The whole thing started when I met a cousin I haven't seen in like a good couple years(I'm 17 she is 16 now) at a family reunion a week ago. I was out of town or else I would have posted earlier. I got the feeling she was coming on to me so I got her number and we've been talking and doing things together everyday since, I.E. Movies, mall, shopping ECT. All the time she's been dropping, extremely unsubtle, hints that she likes me more than a cousin. So at the time I thought, "I like her too we have a lot in common, and we have some decent chemistry together, so why not?" Today I worked up the nerve to tell her how I feel and to my surprise it wasn't extremely awkward, only slightly, but anyway she says she likes me too and, like me, wants there to be more between us. So were off but the first thing that crossed both of our minds was how the family would react. I mean our family is very supportive and close but that could cause more problems than actually help.

So what do you think I should do about the family? and have you ever been in a relationship that your family didn't approve of?

Also, keep in mind that it's legal in California to marry your cousins...

Edit: let's get something straight Her Grandmother was the 3rd cousin of my grandfather but was adopted by my great grandparents at a young age and from that point had a daughter than her daughter had a daughter...

WAIT! One thing I forgot to ask. How do you know they don't approve? I mean other than the super conservative grandparents of yours, but even then, you're presuming. Maybe you dating your fifth cousin through adoption is okay with them.

 

[Cody211282]

That's just gross.

Please can we have some maturity here?

How is that not mature, I didn't say anything mean, and if he can't take one person reminding him of what society thinks then the familys response is going to crush him. Hell I live in Utah and you don't even hear of that here, you think you would but it's looked down upon.

Fuck society! What does society know!? Society voted for George Bush!

Yea that attitude will get you places, it's got class written all over it. Face it whether you like it or not you live in a society , unless you want to go out into the woods and live like a hermit then you have to play by their rules, and that means you don't date family.

 

[BlackWidower]

That's just gross.

Please can we have some maturity here?

How is that not mature, I didn't say anything mean, and if he can't take one person reminding him of what society thinks then the familys response is going to crush him. Hell I live in Utah and you don't even hear of that here, you think you would but it's looked down upon.

Fuck society! What does society know!? Society voted for George Bush!

Yea that attitude will get you places, it's got class written all over it. Face it whether you like it or not you live in a society , unless you want to go out into the woods and live like a hermit then you have to play by their rules, and that means you don't date family.

Well, by that analogy you shouldn't date members of your own sex either. You shouldn't eat in a public restaurant with members of a different race, and you certainly shouldn't date them, either. You see what I'm getting at? Society changes over time and it doesn't do so because of people sitting back, simply obeying the rules. It's done by people who are willing to break them, and with the Balzac to do it in society's face.

You see I've always judged things by their own merits and the scientific principles behind them. Not on arbitrary societal rules. Because that's what they are...arbitrary.

If you want to come up with an argument against this man dating his cousin, you will have to come up with an argument more complex than: "Ew, Gross."

 

[Talon_Skywarp]

Do it, Split up later.

5 Years later...very strange talks at Christmas.

Altogether...hhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllll nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooo

 

[knight steel]

Anyway this is a continuation of a poll I started yesterday. It asked the question, " Would you date a close relative?" but in truth it was one of those relationship advice threads, that I never participate in. The whole thing started when I met a cousin I haven't seen in like a good couple years(I'm 17 she is 16 now) at a family reunion a week ago. I was out of town or else I would have posted earlier. I got the feeling she was coming on to me so I got her number and we've been talking and doing things together everyday since, I.E. Movies, mall, shopping ECT. All the time she's been dropping, extremely unsubtle, hints that she likes me more than a cousin. So at the time I thought, "I like her too we have a lot in common, and we have some decent chemistry together, so why not?" Today I worked up the nerve to tell her how I feel and to my surprise it wasn't extremely awkward, only slightly, but anyway she says she likes me too and, like me, wants there to be more between us. So were off but the first thing that crossed both of our minds was how the family would react. I mean our family is very supportive and close but that could cause more problems than actually help.

So what do you think I should do about the family? and have you ever been in a relationship that your family didn't approve of?

Also, keep in mind that it's legal in California to marry your cousins...

Edit: let's get something straight Her Grandmother was the 3rd cousin of my grandfather but was adopted by my great grandparents at a young age and from that point had a daughter than her daughter had a daughter...

Good for you man ^_^. I'm realy happy you decided to go with this,but that not all you want to hear so this is my advice on how to deal with the family.

1.Communication with you partner is the most important thing any decision you make should be run by her.Ask her how she want's to tell the family

2.create a back up plan,if things get bad make sure you have some were to fall back on, find some you can trust and who you know will understand and tell them first get their support and help.

3. make sure your ready prepare your self for the worst and make sure that this is realy what you want in life.

4. call the family together tell them how you feel, stress that your both serious and that your not blood related. Tell them that their support means a lot but your willing to do this by your self if you have to.

I hoped this helped, good luck to you.

 

[Cody211282]

That's just gross.

Please can we have some maturity here?

How is that not mature, I didn't say anything mean, and if he can't take one person reminding him of what society thinks then the familys response is going to crush him. Hell I live in Utah and you don't even hear of that here, you think you would but it's looked down upon.

Fuck society! What does society know!? Society voted for George Bush!

Yea that attitude will get you places, it's got class written all over it. Face it whether you like it or not you live in a society , unless you want to go out into the woods and live like a hermit then you have to play by their rules, and that means you don't date family.

Well, by that analogy you shouldn't date members of your own sex either. You shouldn't eat in a public restaurant with members of a different race, and you certainly shouldn't date them, either. You see what I'm getting at? Society changes over time and it doesn't do so because of people sitting back, simply obeying the rules. It's done by people who are willing to break them, and with the Balzac to do it in society's face.

You see I've always judged things by their own merits and the scientific principles behind them. Not on arbitrary societal rules. Because that's what they are...arbitrary.

If you want to come up with an argument against this man dating his cousin, you will have to come up with an argument more complex than: "Ew, Gross."

I don't know what society you live in but it's rather acceptable to be gay in the US, especially in California. Ok you want something more complex, then how about dating someone outside of the family to bring fresh DNA into to the family. As for "arbitrary societal rules" if you don't want to follow the big ones like "don't date your family" then ether don't do it or get ready for a lot more then "that's just gross", also don't expect people to want to be around ether of you.

 

[Video Gone]

Murder the family and run to Mexico

I know I'm late to the party here, but with posts like that, what would we do without you, you loveable scamp, you?
[small]Also your profile picture is awesome I'm probably the only Escapist that hasn't said that to you yet.[/small]

OT: Yeah, I know the issue has probably been resolved completely by now, but with a cousin that distant? Go for it.
Must... contain... urge to say... Tap dat ass...
Run! Now, before my resolve fails!

 

[Sacman]

I just don't want to 'hit it and quit it' as many people say. I really do care for her and I'm not going to toss her aside...
besides as I've said before I have low self esteem and social skill problems so it's hard for me to communicate to regular people on a daily basis...

I am not saying 'hit and quit', I am suggesting outright to quit before it gets to serious.
My suggestion is that there is more people out there, even for shy guys with low self esteem and social skills and excuse like that makes it sound like you are settling for what you can get, and thats not fair for either of you.

Not saying you are settling for her, but it is probably not going to help your social skills or maybe even your self esteem to date her. Its funny about things like that, you just need to practice to become better.

But you are still young, and there is no rush in getting a steady girlfriend, at least not when it gives you so much problems.

PS: have you and her talked about this though?

Yeah, we've been talking abut this so far it seems we're both committed and want to take it slow for now...

 

[Sacman]

Dude, if it's by adoption then you have nothing to worry about with the exception of stupid idiots who still have their mind stuck 250 years ago. I hope everything goes well between you both

Man 250 years ago this happened more often than an EA remake. Besides I'm more concerned about how us being related would pressure our relationship and ties to our family...

 

[Sacman]

Anyway this is a continuation of a poll I started yesterday. It asked the question, " Would you date a close relative?" but in truth it was one of those relationship advice threads, that I never participate in. The whole thing started when I met a cousin I haven't seen in like a good couple years(I'm 17 she is 16 now) at a family reunion a week ago. I was out of town or else I would have posted earlier. I got the feeling she was coming on to me so I got her number and we've been talking and doing things together everyday since, I.E. Movies, mall, shopping ECT. All the time she's been dropping, extremely unsubtle, hints that she likes me more than a cousin. So at the time I thought, "I like her too we have a lot in common, and we have some decent chemistry together, so why not?" Today I worked up the nerve to tell her how I feel and to my surprise it wasn't extremely awkward, only slightly, but anyway she says she likes me too and, like me, wants there to be more between us. So were off but the first thing that crossed both of our minds was how the family would react. I mean our family is very supportive and close but that could cause more problems than actually help.

So what do you think I should do about the family? and have you ever been in a relationship that your family didn't approve of?

Also, keep in mind that it's legal in California to marry your cousins...

Edit: let's get something straight Her Grandmother was the 3rd cousin of my grandfather but was adopted by my great grandparents at a young age and from that point had a daughter than her daughter had a daughter...

WAIT! One thing I forgot to ask. How do you know they don't approve? I mean other than the super conservative grandparents of yours, but even then, you're presuming. Maybe you dating your fifth cousin through adoption is okay with them.

It is just a guess but even so I don't want to take the chance of being shunned by the family because we picked an inopportune time to bring up the subject...

 

[Sacman]

Stuff

Thank you... you've been very helpful...

 

[Sacman]

Thanks...

um you're welcome I guess...

If you don't mind me asking why are you on the interwebs responding to critisism and advice from people while you could be out and about with your new gf?

Or in other words: log off and go and enjoy each others company. (prob the best damn advice I'm gonna give all day/week).

well it was sort of 2 in the morning when I posted that but today I picked her up from school, we got lunch and spent the day together so that was fun, and our family is going camping together next weekend so well get a lot of time together then even if it is restrained...

 

[Tehlanna TPX]

Anyway this is a continuation of a poll I started yesterday. It asked the question, " Would you date a close relative?" but in truth it was one of those relationship advice threads, that I never participate in. The whole thing started when I met a cousin I haven't seen in like a good couple years(I'm 17 she is 16 now) at a family reunion a week ago. I was out of town or else I would have posted earlier. I got the feeling she was coming on to me so I got her number and we've been talking and doing things together everyday since, I.E. Movies, mall, shopping ECT. All the time she's been dropping, extremely unsubtle, hints that she likes me more than a cousin. So at the time I thought, "I like her too we have a lot in common, and we have some decent chemistry together, so why not?" Today I worked up the nerve to tell her how I feel and to my surprise it wasn't extremely awkward, only slightly, but anyway she says she likes me too and, like me, wants there to be more between us. So were off but the first thing that crossed both of our minds was how the family would react. I mean our family is very supportive and close but that could cause more problems than actually help.

So what do you think I should do about the family? and have you ever been in a relationship that your family didn't approve of?

Also, keep in mind that it's legal in California to marry your cousins...

Edit: let's get something straight Her Grandmother was the 3rd cousin of my grandfather but was adopted by my great grandparents at a young age and from that point had a daughter than her daughter had a daughter...

No blood, no big deal, in my opinion. Good game, kid, and enjoy yourself. And if the connection is honestly that distant? Stop calling her your cousin.

 

[BlackWidower]

That's just gross.

Please can we have some maturity here?

How is that not mature, I didn't say anything mean, and if he can't take one person reminding him of what society thinks then the familys response is going to crush him. Hell I live in Utah and you don't even hear of that here, you think you would but it's looked down upon.

Fuck society! What does society know!? Society voted for George Bush!

Yea that attitude will get you places, it's got class written all over it. Face it whether you like it or not you live in a society , unless you want to go out into the woods and live like a hermit then you have to play by their rules, and that means you don't date family.

Well, by that analogy you shouldn't date members of your own sex either. You shouldn't eat in a public restaurant with members of a different race, and you certainly shouldn't date them, either. You see what I'm getting at? Society changes over time and it doesn't do so because of people sitting back, simply obeying the rules. It's done by people who are willing to break them, and with the Balzac to do it in society's face.

You see I've always judged things by their own merits and the scientific principles behind them. Not on arbitrary societal rules. Because that's what they are...arbitrary.

If you want to come up with an argument against this man dating his cousin, you will have to come up with an argument more complex than: "Ew, Gross."

I don't know what society you live in but it's rather acceptable to be gay in the US, especially in California. Ok you want something more complex, then how about dating someone outside of the family to bring fresh DNA into to the family. As for "arbitrary societal rules" if you don't want to follow the big ones like "don't date your family" then ether don't do it or get ready for a lot more then "that's just gross", also don't expect people to want to be around ether of you.

Okay, this is going to be fun.

Yes, it's socially acceptable to be gay...NOW! It wasn't 10 or 20 years ago. As I said, this is because people pushed the social norms and got society to accept them. I think the evolution of society is a good thing, because without it, we'd still be scrounging for berries and nuts. Though some people want us to go back to that...the hippies.

Secondly, there is very little chance of birth defects for those who are children of cousins, and...you know, I wrote about this before, read.

Hmmm...

I remember seeing a documentary about this on 20/20. This was a long time ago. One of the cases on the show involved two...I think they were second or third, but they might be first cousins, I don't know...who had three kids together...who were the smartest in their class.

That's typically the concern right? Inbreeding. The kids will be idiots with a leg growing out of their head. Obviously this is not the case. Apparently the odds are two percent, which is a lot lower than other things.

But apparently, from what you said, you two are like fifth cousins...through adoption...or something. If your family wasn't as close as you seem to be, and you two just met on the street and hit it off it wouldn't be an issue. I haven't seen my cousins in...well...ever. I think I met a few of them once. Half my family I've never met because my dad ran off before I was born.

If I met a girl, we hit it off, started dating, then I found out she's my dad's second cousin's daughter, (making her my third cousin) I wouldn't give a shit. I might ask if her family is still coming to the wedding. They say it's an affront to god, I reply that I'm an atheist so I don't give a shit.

Love doesn't give a shit and neither should you. Besides, if you step far enough back, you will notice we are all cousins...distant cousins sure, but cousins none the less. Look at the theory of the Mitochondrial Eve. We all came from one woman, or at least our mitochondria did.

So I guess all I have to say is have fun you crazy kids. Though before you start looking at having kids of your own, you might want to see a geneticist...just to be safe.

Next, as for one not willing to follow the big societal rules. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BIG THEY ARE! THEY'RE STILL ARBITRARY!!! I think people need to question every taboo no matter how big it is.

Also, I'd like to reiterate. It's his fifth cousin through adoption. I think that negates most of the rules. If not, where's the fucking line?

I'd be with you if it was his sister, even through adoption (psychological shit), but that's not the case.

 

[BlackWidower]

"you know you're a redneck when you go to family reunions to pick up women" - jeff foxworthy

if you're SERIOUS about it... well i am sorry to say you're mentally ill and there is nothing anyone can do.

Kindly step outside this thread, troll.

oh so i am a troll because i am the only one who DOESN'T fuck his cousin? that i know better then to do that and realize this will only end badly? possibly with excommunication from the family? living in exile without ever having to ability to return home? nice logic.

Okay, one: It's his fifth cousin through adoption.

Two: Even with first cousins, there's very little chance of birth defects. It's around 2%...a concern, but still unlikely.

Three: To automatically state someone is mentally ill without backing your shit up (NB: Ad hominem remarks don't count) is trolling...and offensive to those who are actually mentally ill because you are generalizing.

Four: Excommunication? I have never heard that phrase uttered outside the context of religion. Even so, if his family is that judgmental, he's better off without them, because, as I've said, it's his fifth cousin through adoption. Besides, who really wants the ability to return home and not get on with their life?

 

[Cody211282]

That's just gross.

Please can we have some maturity here?

How is that not mature, I didn't say anything mean, and if he can't take one person reminding him of what society thinks then the familys response is going to crush him. Hell I live in Utah and you don't even hear of that here, you think you would but it's looked down upon.

Fuck society! What does society know!? Society voted for George Bush!

Yea that attitude will get you places, it's got class written all over it. Face it whether you like it or not you live in a society , unless you want to go out into the woods and live like a hermit then you have to play by their rules, and that means you don't date family.

Well, by that analogy you shouldn't date members of your own sex either. You shouldn't eat in a public restaurant with members of a different race, and you certainly shouldn't date them, either. You see what I'm getting at? Society changes over time and it doesn't do so because of people sitting back, simply obeying the rules. It's done by people who are willing to break them, and with the Balzac to do it in society's face.

You see I've always judged things by their own merits and the scientific principles behind them. Not on arbitrary societal rules. Because that's what they are...arbitrary.

If you want to come up with an argument against this man dating his cousin, you will have to come up with an argument more complex than: "Ew, Gross."

I don't know what society you live in but it's rather acceptable to be gay in the US, especially in California. Ok you want something more complex, then how about dating someone outside of the family to bring fresh DNA into to the family. As for "arbitrary societal rules" if you don't want to follow the big ones like "don't date your family" then ether don't do it or get ready for a lot more then "that's just gross", also don't expect people to want to be around ether of you.

Okay, this is going to be fun.

Yes, it's socially acceptable to be gay...NOW! It wasn't 10 or 20 years ago. As I said, this is because people pushed the social norms and got society to accept them. I think the evolution of society is a good thing, because without it, we'd still be scrounging for berries and nuts. Though some people want us to go back to that...the hippies.

Secondly, there is very little chance of birth defects for those who are children of cousins, and...you know, I wrote about this before, read.

Hmmm...

I remember seeing a documentary about this on 20/20. This was a long time ago. One of the cases on the show involved two...I think they were second or third, but they might be first cousins, I don't know...who had three kids together...who were the smartest in their class.

That's typically the concern right? Inbreeding. The kids will be idiots with a leg growing out of their head. Obviously this is not the case. Apparently the odds are two percent, which is a lot lower than other things.

But apparently, from what you said, you two are like fifth cousins...through adoption...or something. If your family wasn't as close as you seem to be, and you two just met on the street and hit it off it wouldn't be an issue. I haven't seen my cousins in...well...ever. I think I met a few of them once. Half my family I've never met because my dad ran off before I was born.

If I met a girl, we hit it off, started dating, then I found out she's my dad's second cousin's daughter, (making her my third cousin) I wouldn't give a shit. I might ask if her family is still coming to the wedding. They say it's an affront to god, I reply that I'm an atheist so I don't give a shit.

Love doesn't give a shit and neither should you. Besides, if you step far enough back, you will notice we are all cousins...distant cousins sure, but cousins none the less. Look at the theory of the Mitochondrial Eve. We all came from one woman, or at least our mitochondria did.

So I guess all I have to say is have fun you crazy kids. Though before you start looking at having kids of your own, you might want to see a geneticist...just to be safe.

Next, as for one not willing to follow the big societal rules. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BIG THEY ARE! THEY'RE STILL ARBITRARY!!! I think people need to question every taboo no matter how big it is.

Also, I'd like to reiterate. It's his fifth cousin through adoption. I think that negates most of the rules. If not, where's the fucking line?

I'd be with you if it was his sister, even through adoption (psychological shit), but that's not the case.

This guy is asking if his family and to a larger extent society in general is going to accept that, and I pretty much put the tames answer he is going to hear. And it's not really a case of how much he is related to her it's a case that he went to a family gathering and picked up on someone, their link to the family tree could have be adopted 10 generations back but if they are still known in the family it's looked down upon. Pushing the social norm is fine but dating family is stepping back not forward.

"you know you're a redneck when you go to family reunions to pick up women" - jeff foxworthy

if you're SERIOUS about it... well i am sorry to say you're mentally ill and there is nothing anyone can do.

Kindly step outside this thread, troll.

oh so i am a troll because i am the only one who DOESN'T fuck his cousin? that i know better then to do that and realize this will only end badly? possibly with excommunication from the family? living in exile without ever having to ability to return home? nice logic.

I got put on probation for saying "That's just gross." so evidently if you don't agree with what the OP is saying your a troll.

 

[smashmaniac64]

thats a bit weird, but if its love then its not really my place to judge
i wouldnt blurt it out to the family though

 

[8-Bit Grin]

I had an enormous crush on a cousin once.
I'd have went for it, given the chance.
I say full speed ahead, my good friend.