So, I'm dating my cousin now... Yeah...

[Spinozaad]

I will be brutally honest.

NO. NO NO NO. NEVER EVER EVER!!!

Your 17 16, it won't last long and you'll never be able to hang out with that part of the family again, because you know... cousins....

Pretty much this.

Not because it's immoral, but because the social consequences will be fucked up. Imagine you bang her...

Yeah... Those will be joyful family gatherings whenever the relationship ends.

 

[Abengoshis]

How closely related are you exactly? Because I think your family(ies) would find that to be an extremely uncomfortable to be around. But hey youse guys are young, so it's not entirely the end of the world and it sounds like your respective families aren't really that close, if you haven't seen her in a while.
In perspective, I once hooked up with my cousin, but she was my mom's half-brother's stepdaughter (I'm not making this up), so there was no blood relation (not a big deal) but the creep factor was there at least minimally, so we kept it somewhat hush-hush. Also, marrying your first cousin is legal here in Manitoba(Canada) too.

How close of a cousin? Genetically, at around 4 or 5 it's okay, just a social taboo.

Were not related by blood but we are fairly close due to some adoption that happened farther up the family tree...

If its not a blood relation I really don't see whats so bad about it.

 

[Azure Sky]

Anyway this is a continuation of a poll I started yesterday. It asked the question, " Would you date a close relative?" but in truth it was one of those relationship advice threads, that I never participate in.

I suspected as much.

Okay, enough reading for me, time for some input.

*Start cold, logical, emotionless personality rant*

To start with, most of the people here arn't helping.
I do wish that those with negative, non constructive comments would take their insecurity's elsewhere.

While I do agree that it was a good call on your part to seek external advice, it would now be time to turn inwards and discuss between the two of you on where is the best place to go from here and how do you go about it. The social and family repercussions you might will receive are mainly going to encompass negative stigma and social disapproval, which may or may not alleviate in time. Both of you will need to place thought on what what will happen if things indeed go horribly wrong, as well as what to do if they do not.
As an example, you said you worked under your father, correct? If the worst does occur, this may no longer be an option that you are able to follow.

It has been proved by science and all that, that it's perfectly fine to enage, marry and have sex to get children with your counsins.

This is also something most believers in the social stigma do not, and probably will not understand for quite some time. I do hope you are both able to accept this fact.

*End cold, logical, emotionless personality rant*

I do think that might cover it.

Seriously though, it's not up to those around you to decide what you do with your life, just make sure you are both ready for whatever hardships lie ahead before you dive head-first alright?

I wish you both the best with whichever path you decide to take. =3

 

[drdamo]

I had a gut feeling after your previous poll that this was already the case, and my answer from then still stands: No regrets, Carpé Diem!

You live your life the way you feel is right, don't let others tell you different.
Keep social standards into moderation ofcourse, so don't go murder anyone now that i've said that! *grins*
It takes some balls to actually be this open about it in a community like The Escapist.
And about the family, the fact that you can be this open to strangers, makes you strong enough to say your thing to them when the time is right.

I knew someone had to have seen through my little poll at one point...

Once again, don't feel too ashamed.
It might not be what the majority approves and after reading some comments about young age and relationships, i tend to agree abit with them.
However, it doesn't matter who you're in love with regarding this statement, so that has nothing to do with her being a cousin and all with your age in general.
My advice is to not take all the negative, hatefull and/or unargumented opinions too personal.
Give it a shot and if it does or doesn't work you'll find out eventually.

As the proverb says: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

[JordanMillward_1]

I say go for it! Love is love, don't let society tell you otherwise!

Good luck, I hope it works out for you

 

[Azure Sky]

But you took it out of context!
You missed the part where I said that one should flip the bird at social constructs! D:

Yes and no.
I was more implying that it better to deal with any fallout rather then risk inciting more.

I do agree with you, I just feel that not everyone is capable of supporting them self much less a significant other if you do manage to incite society's wrath.

As the OP said, being an outcast is one thing.
But I have a feeling that social hostility is a much worse fate.

 

[Azure Sky]

But you took it out of context!
You missed the part where I said that one should flip the bird at social constructs! D:

Yes and no.
I was more implying that it better to deal with any fallout rather then risk inciting more.

I do agree with you, I just feel that not everyone is capable of supporting them self much less a significant other if you do manage to incite society's wrath.

As the OP said, being an outcast is one thing.
But I have a feeling that social hostility is a much worse fate.

Social Hostility would be an prefered state compared to social outcast.
Atleast then you get an reason to legally kill beat them up.

I personally disagree but to each there own I suppose.
I would imagine that peace would be one of the OPs primary wishes if they do indeed go ahead.
I was trying to tailor my opinions as such. ^^

 

[skitzo van]

Well you DO have the right to pursuit of happiness, so it seems alright. I never really believed that "kids with six fingers on one hand" jack, but I think it would be sweet, and I've gone totally off track. So uhh, do whatever makes you happy.

 

[Elle-Jai]

Edit: let's get something straight Her Grandmother was the 3rd cousin of my grandfather but was adopted by my great grandparents at a young age and from that point had a daughter than her daughter had a daughter...

As far as I'm concerned, this familial tie is so nebulous as to not be a consideration. Unless she has been raised like your sister (which, to extrapolate from the rest of the post, she hasn't) then I'd agree with the "Carpe Diem!" poster.

In my own family, I'm fairly close with my 2nd and 3rd cousins and we can discuss literally anything, but they were raised mostly as my brothers so the idea simply has never occurred to us. Should things have been different however, there are no legal or genetic barriers to dating your extended cousins. Just what the family will say :S

 

[Kuchinawa212]

Welllllllllll
if you feel like she is the one, a voice on the internet can't stop you. But! I have to say, I know kids can get a little funky when you have relationships with close relatives. Keep that in mind. so keep it in mind if you ever want to have sex with your cousin (weirdest line I said all day) use protection. for the sake of the children

 

[Gudrests]

Edit: let's get something straight Her Grandmother was the 3rd cousin of my grandfather but was adopted by my great grandparents at a young age and from that point had a daughter than her daughter had a daughter...

thats like...dude....thats pratally not your cousin.... WE might be more family than that...

Yeah that's what I thought too. But his parents might not be so open-minded I figure.

Thats his Grandpa's 3ed cousin...and some adopted shit involved....i dont see that as family..thats like....wow....that your family will even trace that far back lol

My grandparents keep extremely detailed records apparently going back to the tribal days from what I've heard...

wow.....thats cool. still tho...this in now way to me seems like family...but if ur so nervious...ask your parents first...just in case

 

[Thundero13]

It seems to me that you love her and despite what we say you already know what you're going to do.
In ancient Egypt the royal family could only mate with other members of the royal family, they thought that it kept the bloodline pure.

 

[Legion]

It's funny because in Japan, marrying a cousin is actually quite common and it's only really in the USA where it tends to be legally questionable.

Personally I think it's quite cruel if two people who never grew up together are not allowed to be together because they are somehow distantly related. You wouldn't have the family bond and couldn't see them as such.

As for your situation, see how things work out and how serious they are before telling family, it'd be horrible for you to announce it and then having it end soon after which would just make things even more awkward.

 

[Cody211282]

That's just gross.

Please can we have some maturity here?

How is that not mature, I didn't say anything mean, and if he can't take one person reminding him of what society thinks then the familys response is going to crush him. Hell I live in Utah and you don't even hear of that here, you think you would but it's looked down upon.

 

[Unknower]

As long as your family tree doesn't like that, you're fine.

Even if she was your sister, it would be fine from a biological and a romantic point of view, the only thing preventing you here is social convention. I say go for it. If you two really do care about each other, then I don't see a problem with it.

And before the flamers start quoting me yelling 'OH NOES!', social convention is the ONLY THING WHATSOEVER that tells us incest of any sort is bad. Biologically speaking, there's no true evidence that it's going to cause problems, and in some cultures incest is considered normal and fine.

I'm not condoning incest in general here, I wouldn't be as fine if it was actually someone and their sister, but cousins is fine, surely? Give me a good reason why not if you disagree.

Cousins having children is okay, as long as their children and grandchildren doesn't do the same thing but generations of cousin-cousin inbreeding or sister and brother having children isn't fine at all from a biological viewpoint. The likelyhood of the children having disabilities is just too high.

For example, the guy in that family tree, Charles II of Spain [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_II_of_Spain], had severe disabilities.

 

[BlackWidower]

Hmmm...

I remember seeing a documentary about this on 20/20. This was a long time ago. One of the cases on the show involved two...I think they were second or third, but they might be first cousins, I don't know...who had three kids together...who were the smartest in their class.

That's typically the concern right? Inbreeding. The kids will be idiots with a leg growing out of their head. Obviously this is not the case. Apparently the odds are two percent, which is a lot lower than other things.

But apparently, from what you said, you two are like fifth cousins...through adoption...or something. If your family wasn't as close as you seem to be, and you two just met on the street and hit it off it wouldn't be an issue. I haven't seen my cousins in...well...ever. I think I met a few of them once. Half my family I've never met because my dad ran off before I was born.

If I met a girl, we hit it off, started dating, then I found out she's my dad's second cousin's daughter, (making her my third cousin) I wouldn't give a shit. I might ask if her family is still coming to the wedding. They say it's an affront to god, I reply that I'm an atheist so I don't give a shit.

Love doesn't give a shit and neither should you. Besides, if you step far enough back, you will notice we are all cousins...distant cousins sure, but cousins none the less. Look at the theory of the Mitochondrial Eve. We all came from one woman, or at least our mitochondria did.

So I guess all I have to say is have fun you crazy kids. Though before you start looking at having kids of your own, you might want to see a geneticist...just to be safe.

I'm less concerned about the inbreeding, mostly because I hate kids, but I'm more concerned about how I should go about approaching the relationship for it to last...

Yeah, you hate kids NOW. Wait a few years, you might change on that.

Now, how to approach the relationship to make it last. Sadly I can't give really good advice on that. Best I can think of is take it slow.

Now some may say it's inevitable that you two will break up because you two are so young. I don't believe that. Then again, I'm an idealist. It doesn't matter if you two start dating at seventeen or seventy. What matters is if you care about eachother. I assume you do.

However, if it does end, considering you two are also family, be careful to make sure it doesn't end badly. So, after it's over you two are still on good term, and can remain friends, even if you need some time apart at first. Not that I think it will. I hope for your sake it doesn't.

Dammit, I smell a blog post.

 

[BlackWidower]

That's just gross.

Please can we have some maturity here?

How is that not mature, I didn't say anything mean, and if he can't take one person reminding him of what society thinks then the familys response is going to crush him. Hell I live in Utah and you don't even hear of that here, you think you would but it's looked down upon.

Fuck society! What does society know!? Society voted for George Bush!