So, I'm dating my cousin now... Yeah...

[Starke]

1) The risk of genetic defect showing up in 1st cousin offspring are GREATLY exaggerated. Yes, there IS some increased risk, no question, but it's minor. In fact, the increased risk level of birth defect for first cousins is about the same as the increased risk level for a mother over the age of 40; in both cases, about 2% above baseline (3% being baseline, so 5% for first cousins/mother over 40). Note that because of the nature of genetics and powers of 2, this is one of those things that is really bad for full siblings, sort of bad for half siblings, and not really all that bad for 1st cousins, and rapidly falls off after that to insignificance after 2nd cousins. Now there IS some risk when the practice is repeated generation after generation, because of the potential to accumulate rare genetics over many generations.

As an added note, that 2% roll of the dice is most likely for anemia. There's some other conditions that also crop up early as possible mutations from interbreeding but it takes a couple successive generations before it starts getting into anything really dangerous.

With one critical caveat: some people do carry partial genetic data for some serious disorders, if their partner doesn't have the other half then everything's fine and it may or may not get passed on, but if both have a shared genetic history there is a substantially higher risk for that disorder. But I kinda doubt that's an issue here.

In random trivia: the last common female ancestor for everyone on the planet is believed to have lived 40k years ago. So we are all related, just not, you know, closely.

 

[VivaciousDeimos]

.

snip

Snip.

Well we grew up together till we were about 10 than she moved to the other side of town and we lost touch... I'm honestly not sure how they would react I'm the outcast as it is so... I dunno...

Well given this:

Were not related by blood but we are fairly close due to some adoption that happened farther up the family tree...

I would say that you're on a lot safer ground. If you're unsure of how to tell your family, perhaps wait awhile, and make sure the two of you are sure of your feelings for each. Obviously they'll find out eventually, but by then it might be a moot point, you may have already decided that you're not right for each other, or know for sure if you're serious.

In that case the thread title may be a little bit misleading. But, at least there isn't a genetic issue. Now, the biggest thing is make damn sure both of you have seriously considered the social implications. If that doesn't bother either of you, then there you go, but again, be sure that this has been considered seriously and not simply by your libidos.

Definitely agree with this. There may still be some social backlash, but I think generally once it's explained you're not blood related then most people would shrug and go, "oh, okay." They still might think it a bit odd, but nowhere near the knee jerk pitchfork and torches reaction of, "inbreeding, rabble rabble".

 

[Lizmichi]

I'm sorry but all my mind can come up with is "What the fuck are you thinking?" It maybe legal but it's horribly taboo. I don't know your family but most families would flip out over this. But hell if you're willing to go with this then go ahead and come right out with it to your family. Also if you can take the social and mental backlash from it. I for one would never date family. This is reminding me of an episode of House where these half siblings got married and didn't know they had the same dad.

 

[goodwithwords08]

If you believe in God then you believe in Adam and Eve which means that technically everyone is related to everyone therefore its been done many a time over and over again

 

[Dok Zombie]

Ya'll gonna have some mutant babies!

Like those one-eyed kids in Preacher.

 

[Starke]

LetalisK, sorry, I started typing and then forgot I still had a scrap post I wasn't going to make in the post box, mybad.

Well if you're not related by blood and it's adoption . . . I mean don't get me wrong, people in your family might be a bit off-put by it but I don't really think it's such a big deal if you both really care about each other if it's not blood.

well it's not completely blood but there is some because it happened a ways back it's hard to explain...

Isn't there SOME blood between everyone, theoretically?

Well... this is going to be an awkward double post...

Using genetics in archeology and anthropology the last common genetic ancestor for everyone on the planet is believed to have lived 40k years ago in northern Africa. Note that this is tracked via mitochondrial DNA, so it technically means that every woman on the planet is related to her, and it's possible that the last common male ancestor is more recent.

 

[ajemas]

Hey, I was just in California! (UCSD Biology program.)
Anyway, just to address any misconceptions about how genetics work, no, marrying your first cousing won't result in a freak child whose legs are growing out of their nostrils. They're just as normal as other kids. Marrying your sister is the kind of thing that you want to watch out for. (Trust me, I read it on Cracked. http://www.cracked.com/article_16780_6-sex-myths-as-explained-by-science_p2.html )
What you want to worry about is the reaction that you're going to be getting from your family. They're not going to be very happy about this, as it is shunned in many cultures, especially in the United States. You're only seventeen, and this relationship is not going to develop into anything. Besides, you won't be able to shake the general feeling of creepiness that everyoe (including myself) is going to feel when ever you bring this thing up.

 

[Gigano]

Doesn't seem to be anything wrong from a biological point of view (although it screws over the Westermarck effect to some degree), since tons of lovers could easily be distantly related some 5 - 6 generations ago without ever knowing. And that wouldn't have been an issue until actual reproduction anyway.

The challenge would be a possible social taboo and the families' reactions. It's very hard to say anything without knowing how they'll react, and how much they mean to you compared to this girl (in 6 months too). I'd keep it under wraps for now, and only come clean if it turns out to be a serious long-lasting relationship.

This might be one of those short term, "who knows what's gonna happen?" relationships, and the fact that you're cousins is enticing in a dark, forbidden way. It may or may not fade over time. Just go for it, and live life. Enjoy your dark side.

This as well. Taboo can be another spice of life, and you're not breaking any laws.

 

[Karratti]

From how you describe it, the two of you are like, what, fourth or fifth cousins? To be honest, if people did a little genealogy, I'm sure they'd be quite surprised at who they're that closely related to.

But as far as your situation, I wouldn't do anything too rash until you're sure, and especially wait until you've considered the repercussions of what you're doing. There are definitely worse ways to start a relationship, but you have to consider if building this relationship is actually worth tearing a hole in your family.

Weigh the pros and cons, and THEN make a decision. That's really true for anything, but especially true in a delicate situation like this.

 

[RedPandaMan]

How close of a cousin? Genetically, at around 4 or 5 it's okay, just a social taboo.

Were not related by blood but we are fairly close due to some adoption that happened farther up the family tree...

In that case, I think it's fine if you're attracted to each other. Family may not like it, but you don't have to please everyone.

 

[starhaven]

this could get ugly but if i was you guys i would wait till ur both legal age then it dont matter legaly anyway also that gives u guys a few years to be sure

 

[Tdc2182]

This is one of those things where you don't get into it unless you fucking love her. And I mean it. Fucking Romance movie loving to, not just high school love. This is something you got to say, "I am definitely going to spend the rest of my life with her" kind of love.

If this gets public and the relationship doesnt last to long, you are screwed. Socially and mentally.

I do have strong feelings for her and I never really had fun dating it was just one disappointment after another so I really do want to make this last...

As harsh as it sounds, it has to be much more than strong feelings for this to be a possibility. I am all for "You can love who you want", but you managed to be unlucky enough to land in something that is still socially unacceptable, and will most likely remain that way for a while.

You just have to realize that the consequences of your relationship will in all likeliness help to sever ties and respect with your family and friends. You are going to have to be prepared to lose a lot of trust and love from many people, just for this one girl. And that is why I heed you Think really, really, hard about this.

My suggestion is to take it slow for a while, no more than holding hands. Do not tell anyone. If you decide to marry her and she agrees, that will be around the time you start to tell people. Maybe it will be enough time to where you can say you don't remember meeting her at the family reunion, and you have no intention of turning back for something as simple as that.

Good luck, and Do not let anyone find out.

 

[-Samurai-]

I think it's kinda creepy, but, fuck it. It's 2010.

I'd never date someone I considered family. Then again, I'm not you. So, good luck, have fun,R^ and hopefully everything goes your way.

 

[MicrosoftPaysMe]

Don't tell the family, it's better when it's more taboo

 

[Samurai Goomba]

Date if you want, don't tell anybody until it's really serious.

Don't want to wreck your relationship with all your relatives for some high school romance that might be over in six months.

 

[guardian001]

and we have some decent chemistry together

Nice choice of words there.

I think the blood relation is probably thin enough at that point that it won't really matter. It's not like you'll really be able to hide it from your family (they may catch on when you start spending all of your time with each other.) Might as well bite the bullet and tell them.

 

[ToxinArrow]

If there's no blood connection, who the fuck cares?

 

[Rubashov]

Yeah, it's definitely best to keep this under wraps for now. People are going to react badly to this because people are, by and large, irrational and pig-headed. You need to be sure this girl is worth it before you start shouting about it from the rooftops. Also--and I can't stress this enough--you need to be sure that you can support yourselves financially. If you're both still dependent on your family when you reveal your relationship to them, they might attempt to use economic pressure to force the two of you apart. It's an ugly thought, but it's also a fairly likely possibility.