So Let's Talk About Sex....

[shadyh8er]

I view casual sex as "practice for the real thing." Just so I'm not completely clueless the first time I do it with someone I love.

 

[Srdjan]

Without chemistry it's just plain physics.

I like sex in any form, but I just feel "romantic" sex is more meaningful.

 

[gallaetha_matt]

snip

We tell similar stories, except I'm a little younger - and only had sex with three people before the horror happened.

'The Only Way To Win Is Not To Play' - Sums it all up.

Okay escapist peoples, I read this whole thread (what I do with every thread, look at my post count and compare it to when I signed up, that should make sense to you now). I noticed that a lot of the people that said 'I want to wait for the right person,' also said 'I'm under 20 and a virgin,' in the same thread.

I sense some correlation.

I used to think that too. I was going to wait for the right person and hold onto my virginity like a precious gem or an 'Action Comics #1' I'll wait until it's appreciated. Once the right person shows up then I'll show everybody.

The reality is that love as we know it is evolving into something else. It's not dead exactly, but it is utterly different to the love that our parents generation knew. Maybe it's a change for the better, we won't know because we're the unfortunate generation caught in the transition. This new love ideal completely decimated me and it's taken four years and more to put even half of the pieces back together.

Lose your virginity with the right person - but after that all bets are off. Don't be like me.

Because trust me, life will knock the romance out of you one way or another. Either you'll meet the type of person that views your romanticism as a weakness and they'll play along in order to get as much affection, cash and free sex out of you as possible before moving on (there are more of these people than you realise, and they're all terrific actors), or you'll find 'the right one' coincidentally at a time when you're making a lot of money (and you won't sign a pre-nup because you wuv each other so much), or you'll wake up one day as a sixty year old virgin.

I know this because I've experienced a lot of it both directly and indirectly. You can't meet the right one the first time, sure some people do it, but they're way in the minority - and are probably responsible for divorce rates being so high.

All you can do is keep an open mind but try not to trust anybody too much at the same time. This takes a long time to do, even I'm not completely there yet.

Casual sex or waiting for the right person? Personally I keep it casual now, I don't trust my feelings and I stay well away from any woman that likes children. It's not the happiest way to be but it's by far the safest.

This was depressing to type out. I'm usually funnier.

 

[vanthebaron]

what is this sex of which you speak...its can i eat it, does it taste like chocolate...oh feeling about sex, i don't give a damn, bang whoever you want.

 

[Jorias]

Or more specifically, your feelings towards casual sex and romantic sex.

Just something I'm curious to find out, how does the Escapist feel about open relationships, casual sex or people who sleep around a lot?

This is something I've been wondering about for some time now but never really got around to asking it. I was talking with a certain user here who shall not be named, who is in full support for casual sex and open relationships. Now, I think I've made my stance on the subject clear by now, but for those of you who don't know, I am the type of person who wants to wait for someone I love until I have sex so needless to say, I don't agree in the least with those types of people who go round having sex with as many people as possible.

Note that I'm in no way saying my way of thinking is better, it just works best for me. I personally don't see the point in going around fucking everyone you possibly can when you have your hands to give you the same satisfaction. For example, I know a girl who is 19 and has had sex with 29 men. And she lost her virginity at 17.

Now I may be a prude or I may be close minded with an old fashioned way of thinking but am I the only one who is bothered when you hear about people like this?

And she's not the worst I know. Some are in the triple digits and they're not even 30. Some friends I know have friends at that age (19) who are in the hundreds. Personally, I don't see the point of that. Thinking about things like that makes me very uncomfortable and I know that's just me but I can't be the only one.

I'm all for sexual freedom, but when it gets to that point, it becomes a little much.

So, Escapist, what do you think about all this?

For those of you wondering, I am 16, a virgin and an atheist, so my opinions on sex are not affected by religious influence.

It certainly is a major issue that effects people's lives. I really love to read comments such as these, ones of non-hostile yet still taking a stance on a major issue. I feel anyone should respect the views and opinions of others.

As far as sex is concerned, the nature of sexual promiscuity is something of a trend nowadays. From my own personal experience from the types of situations i have been in, it seems normal for men to get away with having multiple partners.

However, my feelings towards open sexuality (opposite Monogamy that is), after that study that was done on the Chimps who seem to have grown less aggressive when evidence was collected that their open sexual nature contributed to it. Furthermore, that naturally occurring pack of Chimps were also Matriarch (female dominance) in nature.

I know it is silly to think that chimp behavior has anything to do with human behavior, but i think it teaches us something about life in general. (I know get to the point) Point being is that regardless of sexual preference, regardless of sexual activity, showing more affection for your kind(in this case human beings) leads to peace!

My personal decision to marry and stay in a monogamous relationship does not mean i shun those who practice poly-whatever (not polygamy, the other poly thing), which means they do not hide their true feelings from one another at any cost.....

Sex should never be about dominance either...NEVER!

 

[Hiraeth]

I'm 22 and I've had sex, but only with one person and I'm not with them anymore. I'm not really interested in having casual sex, sure sex was fun, but I'd rather wait until I'm in a relationship with someone before I do it again. I do have some trust issues that play a part in that, but even if I didn't I doubt I'd be looking for a lot of casual sex. I also doubt I'd be comfortable being in an open relationship, if someone wants to be with me then they should be with me, you know?

I have no problem if other people want to sleep with multiple partners, although I'm not sure how I'd feel if I knew that someone I was seeing had been with significantly more people than I had. One thing that does annoy me is when people try to push their own feelings about sex onto you. I have a friend who regularly tells me that I should find a random and get laid, despite the fact I've told her numerous times I'm not interested. It made it especially irritating when she called me to complain that she'd reached double digits, and felt like a whore.

 

[Wolfram23]

I think sex should be a relationship thing. On one hand, I see some super sexy babe and think hmm... wonder what it would be like to fuck her. But then I realise, it would probably be pretty much what it's like to have sex with anyone else.

To be honest, I found that with all the "hype" and importance placed on sex, the actual act was a bit disapointing. Wasn't really any better than wanking to some hot porn... I mean, an orgasm is an orgasm and being turned on is being turned on. Well, ok, I guess there's still some different levels of good orgasms and such but regardless of that... when it comes to sleeping around with a lot of different people, I feel it's just a complete lack of respect for oneself. The instant people know you've slept with more than a handful of men like the girls the OP mentions, nobody will respect you. Men will treat you like a peace of meat. Sure you get attention, but it's completely the wrong kind. You'll never be trusted or respected or thought of as being a worthy individual... to the people who know you're a slut, you'll just be a slut that they might try fucking every so often just because.

Anyway, I've had sex with 2 girls (technically lol...) and both were my girlfriend (well, still dating one of the 2 girls). I've fooled around with several girls tho, and it is fun for sure. Although... I guess it was the most fun at the beginning when it was all new. I think that's the real ticker for some people... the "newness" of being with a different partner.

So to sum up my feelings, I think it's best to only have sex with a partner (boy/girlfriend), I think it's disrespectful to the self and also shows a lack of self worth to be a slut, and overall I think sex is overrated. Oh, also, having a little self control (ie: not being a slut even if you can be) is very empowering. Having no self control usual results in a very unsuccessful life.

Boobs, tho. Boobs make me happy. I love boobs. And I would love to fondle more boobs. But, my girlfriend has very nice firm boobs so I'll just enjoy those.

EDIT: Open relationships (or "friends with benefits") I think is a terrible sitation. I'm pulling this out of my ass, but 90% of the time one partner will have feelings and the other won't and someone's going to be hurt and the whole relationship will crumble. I was almost in a situation like this. First girl I ever really really liked, I met her and she had a bf. But we got along great and not too long after I met her, she broke up with him. Eventually I made a move and we kissed and fooled around just a little (no oral or anything just some naughty touching lol). But she just wouldn't commit to dating me even tho it was clear we got along like peas and carrots and had intimate feelings to boot. She completely broke my heart when, at my after-grad (she was my date - btw we were neighbours but didn't go to the same school) she told me she was going to date some other guy. So yeah, can't really control falling for a person but I guess I should have got the hint when she didn't want to date officially. I think maybe that kind of soured things for me...

 

[Daffy F]

I feel much the same as you on the general subject. But get this: I know a girl who lost her Virginity at the age of 12. She had her first anal sex at 13. She told me. She also suffers from a schizophrenic disorder of some kind. (I'm not sure exactly what kind)

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Nudity and sex have never done it for me. Nudity just seems like, I don't know, it's all there. Like you were waiting this whole time for a big reveal, and then it's terrible.

I do have fetishes though, but I won't go into detail unless asked.

 

[Julianking93]

I'm 22 and I've had sex, but only with one person and I'm not with them anymore. I'm not really interested in having casual sex, sure sex was fun, but I'd rather wait until I'm in a relationship with someone before I do it again. I do have some trust issues that play a part in that, but even if I didn't I doubt I'd be looking for a lot of casual sex. I also doubt I'd be comfortable being in an open relationship, if someone wants to be with me then they should be with me, you know?
.

My thoughts exactly.

The reason I don't see the point in open relationships is because if I'm in love with someone, why would I want to go around and fuck someone else? Sure, it may be fun but sex to me is something I only want to share with someone I'm in love with or at least care deeply for in a romantic sense.

The cravings for orgasms I feel all the time can be easily taken care of by about 5 minutes alone in my bedroom.

I have no problem if other people want to sleep with multiple partners, although I'm not sure how I'd feel if I knew that someone I was seeing had been with significantly more people than I had. One thing that does annoy me is when people try to push their own feelings about sex onto you. I have a friend who regularly tells me that I should find a random and get laid, despite the fact I've told her numerous times I'm not interested. It made it especially irritating when she called me to complain that she'd reached double digits, and felt like a whore

That's the problem for either side. You have the high and mighty people on both sides of the argument.

The ones telling you to go out and fuck the first person you find, then there's the side I'm on with the high and mighty's who want to tell everyone to abstain from those desires and wait till their married.

I don't really care what people do unless I'm currently with them at the time. If a girl has had a far larger number of partners than me, it just kinda weirds me out. That's my mentality towards it. I'm not saying it's the correct mentality, it's just how I feel. I'm in no way pushing my beliefs on to anyone.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

I don't believe in love, it's a silly made up concept to give our otherwise meaningless lives meaning.

Or at least that's how i see it

I agree completely.

She lost her virginity at seventeen? Damn, that's late. My friend's son was born when we were in eighth grade.

Besides, sex (as with anything humans do) has no meaning except the continuation of the species, nothing more.

lol I think a more adequite summary is; A son in 8th grade? damn that's early.

OT: Don't worry about it too much. Myself I'm much more romantic about sex, so my girlfriend and I like to keep thing between us.
I love to watch shows like Ladette to Lady, because it's so funny to just have a show revolving around people with fucked up lives volunteering to go on the show to change their lives and then fucking it up once again. But hey, maybe I'm just cruel. XD

My other friend lost his virginity in fifth grade.

So? Are you trying to prove something? All it proves is that losing your virginity in 5th grade is fucked up, no matter how you look at it, boy or girl.

Said he whose avatar says hehehe boobies.

lol that's all you can come up with? to poke fun at my avatar? nice job man.

How amusing. He thinks he is worth argueing with.

 

[Imp Poster]

I think Hal has a good point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUYkQXuf69I&NR=1

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Sex is fun.
More sex is more fun.
Condoms work very well.
Like anything, sex is more fun when you're doing it with someone you like, but it's still fun with people you don't know so well unless they start with weird stuff you're not comfy with.

Pretty much that. I've enjoyed one night stands in the past, it's fun, but obviously, sex in a relationship is better. I've got no problems unless you're cheating.

 

[Stevo_s]

[Snippity snip snip]

I am afraid I must disagree with you. There are many reasons to turn it down. My main reason is that the girls that have been available in my life set off many red flags. Primarily the she is emotionaly unstable or she is clingy, ect alarms. That's a damn good reason to say no. I will wait for a sane and clean girl. I will grant you than some of the females may have been drunk, but when the alarms go off I cut them out of the picture no matter what.

I back drisky after all I also don't make a big thing of sex. Sex is just a physical act, not an elite club.

I like the "elite club" ending you put on it.
It is in no way just a physical act or an elite club. It is two humans ensuring the reproduction of our species, and it feels pretty damn awesome.
It's not just a physical act it is also mental. In your mind subconsciously you are reproducing no matter how much self control you have or whatever this girl has been marked as someone that could have a child with you (subconsciously).

I say that you should have more sex just for the reason of being good for the one you might end up loving. When I was a virgin I did look at it like it was something to not give away so easily. But once I had sex I instantly regretted not going for all those other chances before hand. Which is why I say do it when your sure its safe. (btw Ive been drinking so this post might be a bit confusing.)

I agree that there is a mental aspect to it as well, I knew a guy that had to jack off or have sex two or three times a day . I just think it is about looking at the costs and benifits. As these will change person to person we cannot really have a true argument over this. (Also I am not sure that we are arguing as much as agreeing in an argumentative way)

Also since you had the audacity you challenge my thoughts on the internet I now must insult you in such a way that the mods will never know, but I will get my revenge. Ah crap I am too tired to think much longer. Please insult yourself on my behalf and then report yourself to the mods for a personal insult?

hehe yes! hurray for saying the same differently!

Dude, I insult myself all the time! x]
no need to worry about revenge!

 

[Sara Fontaine]

I can't stand people (man or woman) who brag about how many sexual partners they've had and their total is nearly in the 100s. It doesn't make them look big or clever or any more attractive, it just makes me want to avoid being with them myself at all costs. They are the extreme end of the line though. Casual sex is fine as long as your fine with doing it and it doesn't negatively affect how you feel about yourself.

Personally, I first had sex at 16 and I'm still with that same person. We're 20 and 21 now. I don't think I could do one night stands and all that jazz because I'm not confident enough for all that and plus I'd be worried about any potential danger, but at the same time if my partner ever came to me with the idea of trying something like a threesome... I would seriously think about it. I like to keep an open mind; it's more fun that way.

 

[Shadowfaze]

Casual sex means nothing really- its just a pointless experience that you forget when the next one happens. Romantic sex is different, and means a whole lot more.

 

[SilverUchiha]

snip

Yo, virgin. Age: 20. And I say I'm polytheistic which is really just an excuse to say I don't like mainstream religion in general...

Ahem... I actually agree with you. Sex merely for sex itself just sounds wrong to me (not in a good way). To me, it is something that should be between two people who really care and/or love each other. To just sleep around with whoever and consider it some kind of achievement or something just strikes me as a bit annoying... and also a bit showboaty too. Course, this train of thought might be why I have had trouble getting close to the girls I've dated (physically, close I should say). Hm...

 

[K_Dub]

Ya know, I totally agree with everything you said, about waitin' for someone special blah blah blah. And I don't know if this is because I'm a dude, a virgin, and crazy-ass hormones, but I find that waiting for that "special someone" is getting more and more difficult. At times, I forget what sex is, yet at other times I can't think about anything else outside of sex. It's maddening really.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

She lost her virginity at seventeen? Damn, that's late. My friend's son was born when we were in eighth grade.

Besides, sex (as with anything humans do) has no meaning except the continuation of the species, nothing more.

In that case, I suppose you've never used a condom.

OT:

I find sex without love pointless. Unappealing even.

 

[razer17]

Just something I'm curious to find out, how does the Escapist feel about open relationships, casual sex or people who sleep around a lot?

That's not the only two options. Their is the possibility of unromantic sex with one longer term "partner".

OT: Personally I don't like the idea of sleeping with loads of people. It feels a little impersonal and by the numbers. If you sleep with the same person repeatedly it makes the sex better, as you get used to what the other likes and such. However, that doesn't necessarily mean going out with someone. I don't think you need a "proper" relationship for sex.

That said, I kinda wish I had waited for someone I actually liked for the first time. The first time is awkward enough, add to it not having any feelings for the other persons, it doesn't make for a great experience. Subsequent times, however, different matter.