So Let's Talk About Sex....

[Lissa-QUON]

Enh, to each their own. If you want the physical pleasure and no emotional attachment, go for it. Just make sure that all parties involved regard it as casually as you do. There is a point when it becomes unhealthy. When you start using your experiences as a personal measuring stick of self worth than it starts becoming a problem.

I think that's the main problem with teens having sex, teens have sex for the wrong reasons. Plus at least in America we do a little dance around sex, its awesome, it's what adults do, we make it a status symbol,we use it to sell everything from soap to cars. But we mustn't talk about it, must'nt educate and above all children you mustn't do it. So you get a group of kids making uninformed decisions thinking that cause they do it standing up, or douched with coke they can't get pregnant or that BJs can't give you diseases.

I also as a female (virgin so I'm not defending myself here) find the double standard of "guy who sleeps with a lot of women is awesome" while "girl who does the exact same thing is a horrible dirty person" disgusting and stupid.

I also believe that folks have always been this way. There probably always has been a spectrum of sexual habits. I have done too much research to buy that "the good old days" bullshit. People are people and will do what they like and there's not much I can say or do to change that.

I would personally prefer it to be a personal emotional experience with someone I'm in a decent relationship with. Though there are points when I start thinking I'll take whatever I can get.

 

[Julianking93]

Hmm, it seems you and I have almost the same views on sex, Julian. I can see why some people would like to have casual sex. But, I just don't see it happening for me. At all. The thought of fucking someone then leaving before they wake up doesn't sit right with me. Now, I wouldn't judge anyone who does, because everyone has their own preferences when it comes to sex.

Then we got things like friends with benefits. For one thing, I have no idea how one goes about figuring out which one of their friends could be of that nature. Also, I have this fear that if I were to get in a "friends with benefits" scenario, it would result in the friendship being ruined. For me, a friendship ruined because of something like sex isn't right. But, that's just my opinion.

In the end, I want to have sex with someone I love, someone I care about. Which is why I'm still a virgin at 19, and will probably still be a virgin when I turn 20.

I'm honestly surprised at how many people share my thoughts and views on sex here......but I'm even more surprised at how many people actually agree with, support or are in an open relationship or do have casual sex.

It's just something that doesn't sit right with me, like you said. It makes me feel....icky. And to think about other people doing it makes me feel even more icky. I guess I could be called the jealous type, but while I want my partner happy, I want to be the one to make her happy.

I don't find it icky. I just find it would probably cheapen sex as a whole if you spend half the time jumping into bed with whomever(an exaggeration, but I'm sure you get the point). I certainly don't want the first time I have sex with someone I love be cheapened by a slew of casual hookups.

True. I'm sure after a while, one might become a bit desensitized to it and it loses it's meaning.

 

[Pegghead]

I'm more in favour of sex actually meaning something rather than just sleeping around, I mean if it makes you happy then don't let anyone stop you but I tend to focus more on the love part of making love.

And I'm part of the no sex before marriage belief...just putting that out there.

 

[blankedboy]

I like sex!

I don't like having sex with a girl who has had a lot of partners though. That's yucky and makes it not special. It's supposed to be special. If you're gonna do it, do it with someone you care about, not someone you just met and are lusting after.

It can be a whooooole lot of fun if done correctly and safely

No sex is ever special, nor is anyone's romance. It'll always seem like that, but it's not.

I'm a 14-year-old virgin. How expectable.

Wow, you are one depressing person. If you look at life like that life will suck until you die. Think about it, you only live once (even if you are reincarnated you still are on a different phase), just because other people do something doesnt make the time you do it any less important or special. Think big, act small. I don't mean to be too preachy here but jeeze...

Important, yes, special, no.
Maybe you're misinterpreting the way I use the word 'special'.

 

[Bourne Endeavor]

I have had remarkably little interest in sex growing up. Frankly I was apathetic to the entirely of the dating scene in spite of possessing a large degree of romantic attributes, in the sense what I fancy is appealing. Suppose hopeless romantic fits to some extent. Nonetheless, while not oppose to casual sex, I am unlikely to participate in it. I would rather have someone I care for than engage in constant random sex. Granted, I cannot predict the future and perhaps ten years from now when I have had enough, I will have a different mindset.

For now, happy to wait. Maybe I will be that one in a million that finds the right person on the very first try. Now that would be nice, XD

 

[SimuLord]

Enh, to each their own. If you want the physical pleasure and no emotional attachment, go for it. Just make sure that all parties involved regard it as casually as you do. There is a point when it becomes unhealthy. When you start using your experiences as a personal measuring stick of self worth than it starts becoming a problem.

I think that's the main problem with teens having sex, teens have sex for the wrong reasons. Plus at least in America we do a little dance around sex, its awesome, it's what adults do, we make it a status symbol,we use it to sell everything from soap to cars. But we mustn't talk about it, must'nt educate and above all children you mustn't do it. So you get a group of kids making uninformed decisions thinking that cause they do it standing up, or douched with coke they can't get pregnant or that BJs can't give you diseases.

I also as a female (virgin so I'm not defending myself here) find the double standard of "guy who sleeps with a lot of women is awesome" while "girl who does the exact same thing is a horrible dirty person." It is a stupid double standard.

I also believe that folks have always been this way. There probably always has been a spectrum of sexual habits. I have done too much research to buy that "the good old days" bullshit. People are people and will do what they like and there's not much I can say or do to change that.

I would personally prefer it to be a personal emotional experience with someone I'm in a decent relationship with. Though there are points when I start thinking I'll take whatever I can get.

In the words of Bachman Turner Overdrive, "I think that any love is good love, so I took what I could get, yes I took what I could get and then she looked at me with those big brown eyes and said...

You ain't seen nothin' yet."

Holding out for a meaningful relationship is admirable, especially for a first-time caller to the program (so to speak), but at some point you just gotta get over the hump...and hump.

 

[Legend of J]

With me i like to have just one partner and do it aload of times instead of just one night stands. However since im always busy not doing much guess its more a case of it dosen't work that well...oh well XD.

 

[Durgiun]

Meh, to each their own. Just carry a condom and a pill, no matter what if you're gonna be fuckin' 'round. And stop by my place, please.

 

[aLivingPheonix]

I... Guess I have the same views as you. I don't really see the point of boinking people you don't have any real feelings for. I'm personally against screwing around, especially with people who you don't know.

Then again, that's just me.

 

[roman gnome]

A lot of us talk about "casual sex" and "meaningful sex" as if there were an easily identifiable line between the two, but I think a lot of the time it's not that clear. Hopefully we always know whether or not we're in a relationship, but not being in one doesn't necessarily mean we don't care about our partners, nor does being in one imply that the sex isn't just recreation a lot of the time. Personally, I'm not really sure how to tell when sex is meaningful and when it isn't. I know that I'm not really interested in having sex with anyone that I wouldn't want to cuddle with afterward (which I'm told is unusual for a man), and I'm always more concerned about her pleasure than my own (that must be an indication, right?), but I don't necessarily have to know a woman for very long before I'm ready. A few hours of conversation is plenty. Getting to know someone intimately is always a tremendous thrill, and it always feels like it means something, even if I can't quite put my finger on what it means.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be too quick to judge someone for being a bit promiscuous. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't appreciate the difference, or even that they've ever had totally meaningless, empty sex. OK, triple digits is way too many, but 29 men in 2 years for an attractive young woman really isn't that bad. At least, I wouldn't judge her until I'd spent some time talking with her... did she happen to mention if she likes older guys?

 

[Julianking93]

. did she happen to mention if she likes older guys?

Dude, she fucked anyone who even remotely liked her. Oldest guy she had was 30. Youngest was 15.

 

[Cowabungaa]

I'm not "against" anything. Everyone can enjoy sex just the way he/she likes it. Everyone's different, has different limits, etc etc so I won't judge someone about it.

I know for a fact that my kid brother, who is 17, already had sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend. For me that's too young, I wasn't ready at that age and now I'm nearing 20 I still doubt I am. But he's different from me, I know those 2 really love each other (I wouldn't be surprised if they'd end up marrying, I sure hope so, she's cool) so I really don't care what they end up doing in bed. It's not in my place to judge.

That said, I'm in line with Julian here. Casual sex is not for me and I really want to wait for 'that special one' (no matter how cheesy that sounds) I trust enough to have sex with. Sex, to me, is too special and too intimate to just do for shits & giggles with a random chick.

But I won't judge people who do have sex for fun. Who am I to judge them for that?

 

[Julianking93]

But I won't judge people who do have sex for fun. Who am I to judge them for that?

Exactly my point.

I'm not here to judge anyone and that's not what this thread is about.

Sure, I have my opinions about the subject and my judgements towards the people who do that kinda stuff, but I have no right to state them. It's their life, they can do what they want.

 

[Gigano]

I have no ethical objection to casual sex, nor do I find it disgusting in any way.

She purpose of sex is pleasure, bonding, and occasionally procreation. And as for the bonding capacity weakening with use, that would be a wholly personal matter depending on individual psychology - just like some can feel continuous fulfilment having the same job for 30 years, while others will tire after a month - so any generalized critique of "casual sex" as a concept based in it would be null and void as far as I'm concerned.

I find the idea that people should be "whores"/"cheap"/etc., and thus somehow worth less, for expressing and using their sexuality in whatever way that does not cause harm to others to be prudish, bigoted, and pathetic. That it's often skewered towards female sexuality doesn't really help the respectability either.

As for myself, I'd never have sex outside of a stable and loving relationship. Not my thing.

 

[lumenadducere]

I'm of the opinion that as long as you're safe about it and everyone consents then it's totally fine. Sex can be different things for different people, so if someone enjoys it as being less intimate and more casualthen that's fine and more power to 'em. For me personally I prefer to be with someone I care about, but I'm not going to think less of anyone for having a different idea towards it than I do. To each their own.

 

[Ldude893]

I've got an aunt whose pregnant but was married three months after finding out, so I'm slightly okay when it comes to sex before marriage. However, I strongly discourage it because there are cases where pregnant women are separated from the man and the child would never know who their father is.
As for me, I'm a 16 year old virgin and I swear that is going to stay that way until after college, maybe even farther. There are more important and better things in this world than sex.

 

[ProGirl]

most of you guys seem quite young for me - i regreted that i lost my viginity quite early but now that I am 27 I live in an open relationship, as I am travelling a lot for business I do like casual sex as long as its not too personal or close.

To be honest, its about what you feel comfortable with, as if I care if someone I barely know thinks I am a slut?!? No one really knows about what I do or dont do so the only person I really need to judge is myself and I feel great when I look in the mirror and I am happy to have a man that feels the same

(Edit - Casual sex is nothing that helps your ego... but if you do it cause you enjoy it you will feel great )

Its nothing you can ask a crowd really, the only thing is how you are happy to live your life...

 

[Nanaki316]

Pretty much feel the same as you. I lost my virginity at 15, don't regret it at all and have had the equivalent of one partner a year. I'm now 22, live with my partner of 4 years and we have 2 kids.
I've had ONE one night stand and it was absolutely awful. Sex is just so much better when it's with someone you really love.

 

[thahat]

Or more specifically, your feelings towards casual sex and romantic sex.

Just something I'm curious to find out, how does the Escapist feel about open relationships, casual sex or people who sleep around a lot?

This is something I've been wondering about for some time now but never really got around to asking it. I was talking with a certain user here who shall not be named, who is in full support for casual sex and open relationships. Now, I think I've made my stance on the subject clear by now, but for those of you who don't know, I am the type of person who wants to wait for someone I love until I have sex so needless to say, I don't agree in the least with those types of people who go round having sex with as many people as possible.

Note that I'm in no way saying my way of thinking is better, it just works best for me. I personally don't see the point in going around fucking everyone you possibly can when you have your hands to give you the same satisfaction. For example, I know a girl who is 19 and has had sex with 29 men. And she lost her virginity at 17.

Now I may be a prude or I may be close minded with an old fashioned way of thinking but am I the only one who is bothered when you hear about people like this?

And she's not the worst I know. Some are in the triple digits and they're not even 30. Some friends I know have friends at that age (19) who are in the hundreds. Personally, I don't see the point of that. Thinking about things like that makes me very uncomfortable and I know that's just me but I can't be the only one.

I'm all for sexual freedom, but when it gets to that point, it becomes a little much.

So, Escapist, what do you think about all this?

For those of you wondering, I am 16, a virgin and an atheist, so my opinions on sex are not affected by religious influence.

i think the same, way, and have a girlfriend whos even MORE sceptical about sex. although she is warming up to the idea of, and the other stuff surrounding it XD ( we're going steady for 1.2 years now, im 20, shes 18 ) and both virgins still, also atheist etc.
all im saying is, this stuff is indeed not to be rushed, she tought me this XD, and i think ill have to agree, if i did some of this stuff on my 14-17th, or even 18th i think that would have been..strange XD

 

[Kevonovitch]

if i'm not gettin any, someone better goddamn well be! XD