Tell her to fuck off, 'cause you got better shit to do than babysitting a clingy attention whore.
So my girlfriend...
- Thread starter Kenbo Slice
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Yeah she's definately trying to control every aspect of your life, and it's only going to get worse from here. I say dump her.Kenbo Slice said:
That's ridiculous. I'd probably do what my pale yellow emancipated firey friend here says (cookie for reference), and dump her.archvile93 said:
Or, maybe draw the line. Tell her what can and can't be done, make sure she's not in full control of you. If you really love her and se really loves you, she'll understand. ALthough considering she's angry that you have a friend that's a girl (I do too, and know how it is) and thinks it automatically means you're in a relationship, I don't think your girlfriend worth it. Love and Friendship should remain in different groups, and any negative interception should be stopped.
I'm going to be blunt here: This is not going to end well.
She clearly has trust and commitment issues, as well as a inability to be independent and a lot of insecurities. If this keeps up, it will not get better, it will get worse. Guaranteed.
Do you picture yourself moving in with her? Marrying her? Spending the rest of your life with her? That is what the end goal is, after all. At the rate it's looking, that's what it is going to be.
She will control every aspect of your life. She's already influencing it heavily by telling you to spend all your time with er and to not see your friends. That in itself is not just a red flag, but a full on nuclear alert.
I say get out while you still have somewhere to go. The more she forces you to cut off contact with your life, the more you'll feel you have to spend time with her, and the harder it will be for you to leave, until nothing but her matters.
This is not love. This is control. If it was love then you would trust each other, and want each others happiness. The way I see it, that seems to be one way.
At the end of the day, you are living YOUR life, not hers. YOU have to live for YOU before her. If she can't respect that AND changer her behavior accordingly, then you need to break up. Do not delay this discussion, it will only get worse the longer it is left to sit. YOUR happiness and quality of life comes first for YOU. If she cannot be happy without you or someone else at her side constantly, then that's a pretty good indicator of a problem.
If you do break up, then it's going to hurt. Of course it will. You've invested a lot of time and emotion in this.
But it will be worse if it stays this way, and neither of you will be happy. You cannot make her happy by giving her what she wants. Give her what she needs. If it ends poorly, trust that you have done the right thing, and do NOT take responsibility for her actions. This is not done out of malice, but out of a need for your own happiness.
I can't tell you how to live your life, and neither should anyone else. Live by your own choices, and deal with what comes of them.
Best of luck.
She clearly has trust and commitment issues, as well as a inability to be independent and a lot of insecurities. If this keeps up, it will not get better, it will get worse. Guaranteed.
Do you picture yourself moving in with her? Marrying her? Spending the rest of your life with her? That is what the end goal is, after all. At the rate it's looking, that's what it is going to be.
She will control every aspect of your life. She's already influencing it heavily by telling you to spend all your time with er and to not see your friends. That in itself is not just a red flag, but a full on nuclear alert.
I say get out while you still have somewhere to go. The more she forces you to cut off contact with your life, the more you'll feel you have to spend time with her, and the harder it will be for you to leave, until nothing but her matters.
This is not love. This is control. If it was love then you would trust each other, and want each others happiness. The way I see it, that seems to be one way.
At the end of the day, you are living YOUR life, not hers. YOU have to live for YOU before her. If she can't respect that AND changer her behavior accordingly, then you need to break up. Do not delay this discussion, it will only get worse the longer it is left to sit. YOUR happiness and quality of life comes first for YOU. If she cannot be happy without you or someone else at her side constantly, then that's a pretty good indicator of a problem.
If you do break up, then it's going to hurt. Of course it will. You've invested a lot of time and emotion in this.
But it will be worse if it stays this way, and neither of you will be happy. You cannot make her happy by giving her what she wants. Give her what she needs. If it ends poorly, trust that you have done the right thing, and do NOT take responsibility for her actions. This is not done out of malice, but out of a need for your own happiness.
I can't tell you how to live your life, and neither should anyone else. Live by your own choices, and deal with what comes of them.
Best of luck.
I know Im not the first to say this but I'll say it again this time abit clearer:Kenbo Slice said:
[HEADING=1]DUMP THE *****![/HEADING]
She's either got issues(abandonment, posessivnes, etc) or she intends to control you. Either way not good my friend, and if you relent to her unrealistic requests/expectations she's gonna have you dangling by a string and if she cuts it all you'll have is bad grades, poor job preformance or no job and some of your friends(and maybe even to an extend) your best friend pushed away/alienated. And I don't think you want that or atleast I would seriously hope you don't
Well, just talk to her about it. She sounds like one of those girls that is extremely clingy and possessive. I'm pretty sure most guys hate that. And it always bugs me whenever my friends tell their boyfriends that they can't talk to any female friends anymore. That drives me insane, and it's not fair. Just because she's female doesn't mean he's going to cheat with her. One of the pet peeves of my own gender...-_-
Anyways, just try and talk to her about it. It's all you can do.
That or dump her, but that seems a little bit harsh. Give her a chance first.
Anyways, just try and talk to her about it. It's all you can do.
That or dump her, but that seems a little bit harsh. Give her a chance first.
Ironically my best mate seems to fancy clingy women. Granted, I heavily surmise he has no idea the degree of irritation such a person can cause. Then again, he is relatively clingy himself... to a painful extent on occasion. I suppose that could explain his preference toward what is widely disliked.Chancie said:
Personally, the moment any girlfriend of mine attempts to dictate who I am allowed to associate with, is the moment her and I have a lengthily discussion that has a reasonable probability of my dumping her. I have lived the entirety of my life - short as it may be - without allowing a single person to control my life, and no girlfriend will be the one to alter this. It baffles the mind why so many perceive that such a practice is a wise decision and are completely mystified when their BF/GFs are angered by it.
You need to solidify your priorities mate and make absolutely certain she is respectful of them. We as individuals must have allotted time to ourselves, be that to enjoy the company of friends, to surf the Internet or merely to play a video game. This does not even factor in the actual necessities such as school and work. By your description, you spend ample time with her, therefore you have to make it abundantly clear that she cannot, at any point, spend every waking moment with you. It is exceptionally unhealthy to both yourself and her, whilst be an catalyst to inevitable breakup. The longer you delay, the more probable your relationship with her will founder.
Tell her to start hanging around with your friends.Kenbo Slice said:
From your point of view I think the term used should be 'tied down'.
If she doesnt want to do that, then explain to her things from your perspective.
If all else fails.. "tits or gtfo". ;D
She seems to controlling and less understanding of your needs, a relationship is give and take, one party can't just take and demand more. She either needs to accept that you have prior issues to tend to, or end this relationship, as it most likely won't get better, only worse.
I concur with the above points about her being clingy and possessive etc. I think in a realistic and positive way of dealing with it however (as someone who used to be quite paranoid - actually no, I still am quite paranoid), there's ways to deal with this reassuringly.
You could reinforce (and stand firm about it too) that you want to hang out with your mates and you should do. The thing I had a problem with when I kinda used to do this was all I wanted was reassurance - if my boyfriend at the time had told me even the day before he was planning something that would have been awesome, but naaaah, he always left it until 5 minutes before whether or not he'd arranged something and it's kinda like this feeling of 'being let down'. I say just give her a heads up - not so much that she's like your mum and you have to tell her where you're going, just say "by the way, I'm hanging out with the guys/my mates on Friday, I'm really psyched, haven't seen them in ages"
You have to pull this off with complete confidence - if she starts to falter, then be like, well why are you so freaked out about it? Is she worried you're going to run off with someone? If so, why not arrange a group thing, introduce her to everyone, let her get to make up a real judgement of someone without immediately jumping to 'all his girl mates are trying to get with him'. Give her a chance to be a friend to your friends - not all the time, but to get to know them, your friends deserve to have the respect by your girlfriend and vice versa.
Anyway, these are the only realistic things I can think of - like a lot of other people have said, if you're calling her obsessive, clingy, paranoid and it's annoying you and basically, you're dissing her, are you really sure this is a girl you want to be with?
I'm not saying to treat her like some special case, but if you want to make this work you have to manipulate the way she is manipulating you (into leaving your friends). Make her realise your friends are awesome. TOTALLY AWESOME. And that you need some of your own space.
You could reinforce (and stand firm about it too) that you want to hang out with your mates and you should do. The thing I had a problem with when I kinda used to do this was all I wanted was reassurance - if my boyfriend at the time had told me even the day before he was planning something that would have been awesome, but naaaah, he always left it until 5 minutes before whether or not he'd arranged something and it's kinda like this feeling of 'being let down'. I say just give her a heads up - not so much that she's like your mum and you have to tell her where you're going, just say "by the way, I'm hanging out with the guys/my mates on Friday, I'm really psyched, haven't seen them in ages"
You have to pull this off with complete confidence - if she starts to falter, then be like, well why are you so freaked out about it? Is she worried you're going to run off with someone? If so, why not arrange a group thing, introduce her to everyone, let her get to make up a real judgement of someone without immediately jumping to 'all his girl mates are trying to get with him'. Give her a chance to be a friend to your friends - not all the time, but to get to know them, your friends deserve to have the respect by your girlfriend and vice versa.
Anyway, these are the only realistic things I can think of - like a lot of other people have said, if you're calling her obsessive, clingy, paranoid and it's annoying you and basically, you're dissing her, are you really sure this is a girl you want to be with?
I'm not saying to treat her like some special case, but if you want to make this work you have to manipulate the way she is manipulating you (into leaving your friends). Make her realise your friends are awesome. TOTALLY AWESOME. And that you need some of your own space.
I say to tell her that if she wants you want to spend, that's fine, but you'll have to drop out of school and work and end up as a grungy homeless person. Ask her if she wants to date a grungy homeless person.
I know there's a lot of "Dump her now!" and what not in the replies, but I say don' dump her just yet.
Despite the problems, you can work things out you know. You can't run from a relationship every time something bad is happening from one side or the other. The best thing to do is sit down with her alone, and talk it through. Explain things from YOUR SIDE, so she can understand why you're telling her you can't spend every second with her. Let her know it's not because you don't care about her, or don't like her etc, and see if you can work out if there is some underlying issue (like trust problems... which is sounds like given her trying to stop you hanging with your female friend).
If you go through all this, and you can't seem to improve the situation at all, then yeah, maybe you both need to move on, but what a waste of a year if you don't even try to work things out properly before hand.
Despite the problems, you can work things out you know. You can't run from a relationship every time something bad is happening from one side or the other. The best thing to do is sit down with her alone, and talk it through. Explain things from YOUR SIDE, so she can understand why you're telling her you can't spend every second with her. Let her know it's not because you don't care about her, or don't like her etc, and see if you can work out if there is some underlying issue (like trust problems... which is sounds like given her trying to stop you hanging with your female friend).
If you go through all this, and you can't seem to improve the situation at all, then yeah, maybe you both need to move on, but what a waste of a year if you don't even try to work things out properly before hand.
I think first you need to decide whether or not she's worth the effort. If not then just end it now. If she is then try and talk to out with her, get angry if you must. If things still don't look up then you should probably leave before you end up losing your friends.
ya he has a point relationships like this usually dont end right....so just be strong bro and get your priority straight there will be many girlfriends in your life and from experience im so glad i chose my best friend (which is a girl) over my obsessive ex girlfriend...true friends will always be there gf comes and goesRistle said:
Sounds like she crossed the line between "affectionate and nicely attentive" and clingy then, realizing her brakes failed and the next stretch was a steep downhill slope, went barreling at Mach 3 into Psycho Clingy ***** From Hell Land.
Dump her. Sooner rather than later.
(mind you, this is coming from a guy who likes his women a bit on the clingy side. Judge my advice by that standard.)
Dump her. Sooner rather than later.
(mind you, this is coming from a guy who likes his women a bit on the clingy side. Judge my advice by that standard.)