So my girlfriend...

[Starke]

Wants me to spend every waking moment with her, when that's impossible, considering we don't live together, and that we have school and I have a job. But I make as much time for her as I can, but she doesn't think it's enough and I have no fucking idea what to do. Help?

hmm...

i had a girl friend (wich is my ex now) that said to me after ive been out with some friends watching a football match and drinking beer and its been a overall goodtime ... she says the next day "Instead of using your time and money on your friends, you should use it on me instead" i got pissed off and broke up with her then dont let your girlfriend control you, set boundaries

also... it worked out for the better feeling alot more free

I can kinda one up that one. I had an ex who freaked out, and claimed she'd been terrified something had happened to me because I was 20 or 30 minutes late driving home from school.

 

[Nannernade]

She seems to me like she is a very clingy person, maybe you should see a specialist to teach her that clinging to people is not healthy, either that or break up with her I s'pose.

 

[Woodsey]

Rate her from 1-10.

If she scores 8.5 or above, consider quitting your job.

 

[Starke]

Get out now. Seriously. I've seen how this goes, if you give in to her and let her control who you hang out with and when you hang out with them soon you will have no friends left.

I know a guy who let this happen to him. Before he met his fiancee he used to hang out with my former friend (his older brother) and I. We'd play games and he'd help up us work on my friend's cars and such like. Then he met his woman and slowly he started spending more and more time with her until eventually it got to the point where he only left his room to go to work.

Now he's unemployed, has a kid with this *****, and can't even go to look for work, they all live with his parents now. If he steps out of their room there for more than 10 seconds she climbs down his throat like a rottweiler on some serious PMS. Once he managed to sneak out long enough to help with a go-kart project we were working on, once she discovered that he wasn't there she came out and yelled, "That's it! I'm done! I'm taking the kid and leaving, we're finished!", unfortunately she never did. Even with all the problems that come with having to deal with child support and custody and visitation I think he'd be better off than he is now.

So if you don't want to end up in a similar situation get out as quickly as possible. You'll be better off and someone better will come along. Someone who isn't so clingy and controlling.

I'm going to second this one. I joke around with this and have never really go into details here, but, in essence that was what I would have been looking at if I hadn't learned she was fucking at least two other guys.

After we found out she was pregnant she was leaning on me to sell off... well... all my shit, basically. Not her stuff, mine. She even did sell off a bunch of VHS tapes of mine without my knowledge.

In my case, she decided it was better to go chasing after her ex who had a job (as opposed to my finishing up my AAS), she left me, and then leaked a story back to me, that she eventually told me directly, claiming she'd miscarried. Her ex stuck around just long enough to get a paternity test and told her to fuck off.

She then proceeded to come after me years later, and fucked up her case so badly when filing against me that the arbitration order basically read "you wanted a kid? Now you've got one, deal with it."

Oh, yes, and to those who're stalking me on here, this is the same Ex that shoved a loaded 9mm in my ear because "I didn't trust her anymore", having found out a day or two earlier that she was still fuckin' her ex.

 

[Kenbo Slice]

I concur with the above points about her being clingy and possessive etc. I think in a realistic and positive way of dealing with it however (as someone who used to be quite paranoid - actually no, I still am quite paranoid), there's ways to deal with this reassuringly.

You could reinforce (and stand firm about it too) that you want to hang out with your mates and you should do. The thing I had a problem with when I kinda used to do this was all I wanted was reassurance - if my boyfriend at the time had told me even the day before he was planning something that would have been awesome, but naaaah, he always left it until 5 minutes before whether or not he'd arranged something and it's kinda like this feeling of 'being let down'. I say just give her a heads up - not so much that she's like your mum and you have to tell her where you're going, just say "by the way, I'm hanging out with the guys/my mates on Friday, I'm really psyched, haven't seen them in ages"

You have to pull this off with complete confidence - if she starts to falter, then be like, well why are you so freaked out about it? Is she worried you're going to run off with someone? If so, why not arrange a group thing, introduce her to everyone, let her get to make up a real judgement of someone without immediately jumping to 'all his girl mates are trying to get with him'. Give her a chance to be a friend to your friends - not all the time, but to get to know them, your friends deserve to have the respect by your girlfriend and vice versa.

Anyway, these are the only realistic things I can think of - like a lot of other people have said, if you're calling her obsessive, clingy, paranoid and it's annoying you and basically, you're dissing her, are you really sure this is a girl you want to be with?

I'm not saying to treat her like some special case, but if you want to make this work you have to manipulate the way she is manipulating you (into leaving your friends). Make her realise your friends are awesome. TOTALLY AWESOME. And that you need some of your own space.

I do always tell her if I'm gonna hang out with my friends ahead of time. So I don't know why she gets all mad when I hang with them. This past Saturday night, me and my friend hung out. It was our man day/night where we did manly things. And we've been planning it for like weeks and I told her all about it!

 

[Twad]

.. make sure you have your own free time to do your own stuff, like having time with your friends and/or alone.

Its selfish and controling to demand that you spend all your free time with her.

 

[ThreeWords]

Are you complaining about having to spend time with your girlfriend?

This is an excellent point.

My two cents: if you're doing what you can, tell her. If that's not enough, that's her problem. I for one think that she should be compromising with you, not just demanding things; if she's not being understanding, then something's up...

 

[TallanKhan]

If shes that clingy she either doesnt trust you or has serious issues, either way indulging her wont make it better. Talk to her and tell her how it is and if she cant accept that then move on to new and more grown up pastures.

 

[EmzOLV]

I do always tell her if I'm gonna hang out with my friends ahead of time. So I don't know why she gets all mad when I hang with them. This past Saturday night, me and my friend hung out. It was our man day/night where we did manly things. And we've been planning it for like weeks and I told her all about it!

Then if there really is no approachable way of dealing with it, I'd do what most other people are suggesting - tell her to get off your back about it, or it's over. It's an ultimatum that has to be done. You can't live your life not seeing your best friends, or not being able to hang out, because a girl wants 110% of your time. It's not practical. And all it'll do, is make you feel really horrible because you won't get to be social with other people.

 

[StarStruckStrumpets]

Do you like her? Your description makes her seem clingy and annoying, which is obviously how you percieve her. Just dump her.

Agree with this. She seems clingy, obsessive, and borderline controlling, which doesn't make a good combination in my books.

Reminds me of my friend's first girlfriend.

Protip:

GTFO!

Seriously. That's not even me trolling.

 

[sokimit]

Sew your faces together so she has to follow you around.

 

[Zenn3k]

Wants me to spend every waking moment with her, when that's impossible, considering we don't live together, and that we have school and I have a job. But I make as much time for her as I can, but she doesn't think it's enough and I have no fucking idea what to do. Help?

Get a girl who isn't insane would be a good start.

Trust me, you don't want a girl this clingy, you may enjoy the attention she gives you but in the end its just going to drive you nuts, I've been there and dealt with similar girlfriends and eventually I just wanted to get away from them at all costs.

 

[Mr. Mortiss]

Oh yeah she's actually told me not to hang out with my best friend, who I've known all my life, who just happens to be a girl. When she told me that, I was beyond pissed. She has more guy friends than girl friends. And my best friend is the only other girl I talk to besides her.

I had a pal who was in a long distance relationship with a girl that sounds almost exactly like your girlfriend, things were not going well for him last I saw. He caved in to her demands and now spendes nearly every waking moment at a computer screen, he had gained about 50 pounds, and he blows off work and school. What's worst is that his persnonality has vastly changed resulting in most if not all his friends, myself included sadly, to shun him. What I'm trying to get across here is that you need to take charge of your life and stand up for yourself. Way I see it, you need to ask youself, "Is this girl really worth ruining my life over?"

But if you really want to keep up this relationship, then here's something else. You need to somehow get it across to her that you can't be there for her all the time. Have her sit down with you and explain this the best you can in a calm and collected manner. Also, tell her that you're not going to stop hanging out with your best friend, if she can have a bunch of guy friends, then you should be able to have your best friend. If she still refuses to look at things through your point of view, then all I can say is read the last sentence of the previous paragraph of this post.

 

[Whateveralot]

Wants me to spend every waking moment with her, when that's impossible, considering we don't live together, and that we have school and I have a job. But I make as much time for her as I can, but she doesn't think it's enough and I have no fucking idea what to do. Help?

Kind of the same thing here.
My girlfriend doesn't get angry at me, she just gets all depressed and sad. There's three things you can do. Give in on her and ruin your life, don't give in on her and have her angry all the times hoping she might stop doing that eventually (believe me, she probably won't any time soon, it's not just "a habit"). Or walk the walk.

What I'm doing is set my broundries, be mad when she crosses them, and when she doesn't eventually adapt...I have bad news for her. The thing is that if she makes you unhappy because you're giving up your life for her, that's not the point of having a girlfriend. It seems

Update:
I broke up with her yesterday.

It was drama, but I feel quite relieved.
GOOD LUCK AND DON'T GIVE UP.

 

[spartan231490]

Wants me to spend every waking moment with her, when that's impossible, considering we don't live together, and that we have school and I have a job. But I make as much time for her as I can, but she doesn't think it's enough and I have no fucking idea what to do. Help?

I suspect that her problem is with something specific that you are doing instead of being with her, but she doesn't just want to come out and say it. ask her what that is, and then decide what you want to do about it.

 

[Trivun]

Do you like her? Your description makes her seem clingy and annoying, which is obviously how you percieve her. Just dump her.

Yeah I like her. I know her ex boyfriend before me spent every waking moment with her. Which is something I'm not able to do. And she needs to understand that I care about school and my job too.

Personally, I think from what you've posted that she's simply very insecure and clingy, and that probably stems from a life of being somewhat reliant on other people. She's never learned to stand on her own two feet. In which case I'd suggest make as much time as possible for her, but subtly let her know that she needs to learn some independence too, and that she needs to be able to spend time on her own when you aren't around and can't be there with her. If she can understand that then maybe she'll be able to learn to back off and give you, and herself, some space. Otherwise, things just aren't going to work out between you too, and she needs to realise that.

As I say though, be gentle, and be subtle...