So, you just found out you are Jesus...

[LesCorbeaux]

I'd probably become an atheist, just to see how christians would react

 

[Vault101]

Super hero time!!

I dont know what my ocstume would be..somthing with a hood

 

[Nouw]

Dress up like him and have fun.

 

[Kris015]

I'd probably be a hit at the weekends, via turning tap water into wine

So I would spend my time practicing what alcoholic drinks I can turn water into.

Also walking on water would make traveling easier (I live near a river)

Why walk on water when you can fly or teleport without getting your feet wet!

 

[Naheal]

*looks at his folder full of sacrilegious but amusing pictures centered around Jesus. laughs*

I'd probably spread some amount of joy throughout the world and bring an amount of peace in my area. That or follow WBC around and yell "HEY! FUCK YOU!"

Actually, I like that idea. I'd go follow everyone who uses my religion as an excuse for bigotry and yell "HEY! HEY! YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG, FUCKER![footnote]The swearing is VERY key![/footnote]" followed shortly by more yelling, probably a rant akin to the beatitudes with lots more swearing, mocking creationists who think that evolution would be beyond dad's power, and telling anyone who follows me to not repeat the same mistakes as last time around... don't fucking write a book and go on record saying that you're not planning to.

Edit: I forgot something. I'd turn myself Hispanic, with the proper accent, and pronounce my name "heysoos" before doing that.

 

[Eijarel]

I would find a way to unify the world, as well to unify all faiths into one...

Then pledge my alliance to Haruhi and the flying spaghetti monster!

 

[Haydyn]

I would condemn the Christians and send the Jewish people to heaven. Because I am Jesus, and Jesus can do anything. Either way, I hope this doesn't offend anybody for I am an atheist.

Gee, a guy ripping on Christians is an atheist? Whodathunkit? Nah, I'm just kidding, you're alright.

First off, I'm proving to the world Jesus exists, cuz, at this point, I am Jesus, and hopefully that will decrease war. Whatever people still want to continue battling over religion after somebody straight up proves one right (granted there are like dozens and dozens of different groups and churches that believe in Jesus) I dress up like a combination of Jesus, Fable's Reaver, and put on some pink converse, because hey, nobody is going to know who is crazier, the guy with long hair robes and a top hat with pink converse, or anybody who wants to go up against said man who has all the powers of God in his arsenal?

Here's a short list of some of the many things I would do:

Drop a steamer on everybody in the WBC.

Find everybody who has ever wronged me and hug them, because forgiveness is sweeter than revenge. Okay, I'd probably shove steel pipes up the asses of the ones that deserved it. What can I say? I'm only (half) human.

Create a real life version of Mario Kart, and bring to life Pokemon.

Ban video games from being stale army shooters. That one about the specific squad in Iraq that got cancelled would be available to everyone, though.

Bring out the One Commandment: Don't be a dick.

Ressurect George Carlin and Kurt Cobain, and make them part of my League of Phenomenal People

And not to break my commandment, but send everyone who has ever made a smart ass comment about religion on the internet to Cleaveland for one day per offence. Seriously, any time Religion is ever brought up, smug little people pop up and give their opinion on how idiotic religion is. I'm not attempting to start any flame wars. If I can choose to respect everyone's religious beliefs, so can anyone else.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

Probably start off with using my powers for mundane tasks. Levitate that drink just out of reach over to me. Solve my homework easily. Make my own food out of thin air. Power my electronics with my self made generator (powered by my summoned fuel).

I'd then start to use it to do more interesting things though. Teleport to various sites around the world that I'd like to see. Just do random things like hanging upside down from a bridge without any help. Walking across bodies of water. Appearing randomly in "secure" areas.

Then I'd probably grow a bit more michevious. By that time the idea that I can do anything that I think of and that I'm totally independent of normal societywould have sunken in. That's when I simply live a life filled with amusement and randomness. I wouldn't interfere with normal human life too much. No need to give the different government any more to have a heart attack than they'd already have. Just more of the "WTF" moments that I would inspire by doing all sorts of weird things. Like spontaneously combusting. Rising up out of the ground. Hovering a foot off the ground along a side walk. Pulling things out a bag that have no business being there.

And with that I'd enter history as another figure of "divine" power. Not as a Christ figure, but as a trickster being.

 

[Purple Shrimp]

I would make it obvious that I actually was Jesus (via a series of miracles natch) then make some minor changes to what Jesus said last time (eg removing the anti-gay stuff) AND make it so that you don't have to have been christian to go to heaven

also stop wars + stuff like that

 

[Z(ombie)fan]

The world is now ...


Crazy Awesome. Oh yes, All of it. the entire universe.

behold my stoned Space Whale! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

[Silent Biohazard Solid]

I'd probably do the noble thing... Heal people, preach acceptance, I don't know if I'd actually tell people I'm Jesus... Maybe I'd like... Go talk to the pope and see if he believes me, and if not, then what chance do I have with everyone else? I don't wanna end up in a Loony bin...

Hmm... Or maybe, as a show of irony, I'd start a Black Metal band.

 

[TiefBlau]

Fuck yeah, Admin privileges on life.

I'd troll the shit out of every religion and nonbeliever in existence.

 

[teebeeohh]

keep my powers hidden for the most part and establish s front as a wealthy billionaire that makes it possible to help people without drawing attention to my powers. Oh and i would go around killing priests who molest children.

 

[Ryuu Akamatsu]

I'd lose some weight. Get a bit more muscley. Magic up all the games/consoles I could want.

That's pretty much it.

Oh and make it so I could imitate anybody's voice. That'd be hella awesome.

 

[mysecondlife]

get drunk. my bottle of water next to me would turn into golden chalice of wine. or soda.

after that, just live life quietly, enjoy my power in secret. I am not religious and I am not gonna start one.

 

[Death God]

Turn water into funk? (cookie for reference). But seriously, I would skydive without a chute, ride a Great White across the Atlantic, resurrect a T-Rex for rides at children parties. To say the least, I would have a hell of a time being Jesus. But, going off the bible, the seven year long war would probably be postponed until the last day and then I would go in all badass with guns blazing and bring some angels to sing about how awesome I was in battle. I would be a Jesus unlike anything people would be expecting.