Spanking your kids and parenting

[Helmet]

Illogical? Okay, let me try to explain here for you:

I did something bad.

No, you made a mistake in your acquisition of the English language.

I did something that just grounding me or something like that would not fix. If dad had just taken away TV privileges or something like that, I doubt I'd understand why, much less stop cussing.

When I misused curse words, all I needed was to have them explained to me.

So, I got spanked. Physical pain plus the humiliation of it put a bad connotation of that word in my mind, and I didn't use it again for ten years.

Right--it didn't work. You were using it again before adulthood.

Worked for ten years. By the time I was using it again, I understood the word, what it meant,and when and how to use it. Can you honestly say that a 6 year old can understand what swear words are and why not to use them? I doubt it. I have yet to meet the child who has a firm enough grasp of the world to understand what the words mean, much less how to use them.

If it stops the behavior for ten years, it works. If you have a game console and it works for ten years, but dies after that does that mean it doesn't work? Does the ten years of playing not count?

 

[Helmet]

If it stops the behavior for ten years, it works. If you have a game console and it works for ten years, but dies after that does that mean it doesn't work? Does the ten years of playing not count?

Not if it stops working by burning down the house, no--it doesn't.

You'll never convince me spanking is wrong, and apparently I'll never convince you that it is necessary. Shall we agree to disagree?

 

[Flour]

Hitting your child never solves anything. If non-physical discipline didn't work for you, your parents fucked up.

To validate this.
I was hit almost every time I did something wrong, it was rare for the reason to be explained.
I have some.. problems so I am very loud and wild, which made my parents hit me even more.
I learned that breaking a small glass decoration my mother liked meant that everything I liked on my room got destroyed, not eating meant my dinner could be scraped from the wall, ruining my mother's alcohol supply(tried to stop her from drinking) got me a severe beating and disagreeing with my parents meant I had to flee to my room.
This is basically how my parents were raised, and learning that made me decide that I'm never going to get kids of my own.
I turned out how my parents wanted, polite, well mannered, respect for all life, but I will murder my parents if they ever try anything again.(the only reason I didn't severely hurt my mother the last time she tried something, is because I can't let my brother live with his father and his jehovas witness brainwashing BS)
I'll just finish by saying that I'm not a violent person, but for me my parents are already dead and I'm only living with my mother because I haven't found a place for myself yet.

Wow, I typed a bit too much, deleted a lot and spent a total of 30 minutes editing the above.
I'm still not happy with it, but I fear it already lost any point there might have been.
I'll just close by saying that it's incredibly sad when a grown man or woman needs to use physical force against a child.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

I think that parents waste more time trying to reason with children...the phrase "because I said so" is quite valid for as long as they live in my house.

Though I agree with you that parents try too often to reason with unreasonable children I do not feel that the "because I said so" statement is valid. It establishes the parental boundaries as arbitrarily existing without reason and does nothing to establish respect from the child.

If a parent cannot understand the reason for a rule than the parent should question the logic of the rule before even presenting it to the child. More often than not, moments where that statement is used tend to be irrational parental responses where the parent is ill prepared, out of control, and reacting in a manner similar to how they were raised. Most people do not reflect upon the consitution of their moral principles or ethos and when raising a child these aspects will come into question by the child. Basically, if you're full of superstitious shit on a topic, the kid will find out.

It is very difficult for people to remain composed at all times but it is silly to pretend acting irrationally is a superiour or higher level of child raising. We can't all be great parents and nor should we have to be, just keep them off the pole.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

A gentle smack to the bottom or legs really isn't going to permanently scar anyone, physically or mentally, just do it and explain why. Hell, some kids are doing dangerous stuff before they can even understand language, how do we deal with it then? Sometimes 'treating them like animals' isn't such a bad thing, its how the base level of the mind works. Also, as an aside, I WISH we treated people how we treat animals, we'd have a lot less homeless people wandering the streets in the snow this coming winter. So many people will buy dog food for the local charity, or set up a $10 a month payment to them, but won't buy a Big Issue or flip a quarter into the local bum's hat.

If the kid thinks 'trying to drink bleach = hurt bottom' then I think it's worth it.

Any act of violence that happens thru anger is obviously wrong however.

When it comes to smacking kids, I'd personally loosen up the rules to allow people to smack anyone's kids tho, and raise the maximum age to about 25.

I think I may have read the tale here about a kid in a trolley in the supermarket queue, kicking the guy in front of him repeatedly, guy asks mother to make him stop, she says 'I wouldn't dream of stopping him express himself' , guy unscrews jar of honey and tips it over kid, saying he's just expressing HIMself. Somehow far more satisfying than just smacking the brat's legs, and the mother who wouldn't do anything now has far more work than just talking to her kid.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

Note to self, must stop replying to 5 different topics in one post, especially when about 3 of them don't exist yet.

 

[bigazn13]

I see nothing wrong with spanking as a form of punishment. Sometimes it is taken too far, but I have also witnessed instances where a good spanking is well deserved but never given because the parent is against it and their kid grows up to be a little bastard. There are stories to support either side so there really is no definitive answer.

 

[Zer_]

I heard a story about a little girl who heard "Bullshit" from someone. So anyways the parents were on a somewhat long drive and for a good half our the kid was saying things like "Rabbitshit", "Horseshit" "Cowshit". So after a while the parents finally told the kid what shit really meant. Needless to say the kid's face was white as a ghost, and she didn't say shit again.

 

[ayoama]

Dog trainers treating behavioural problems recommend not to punish negative behaviours, but to reward positive ones, as often this leads to better overall results in the long term and, more importantly, guarantees that the owner, or the context in which the punishment would be delivered, won't be seen as a source of pain to be avoided at all costs.
Take these information as you will.

 

[Athefist]

It seems to me that spanking a child will do little more than make him or her afraid and resentful of you. Neither of which are going to be helpful in the long term. Children make mistakes, have poor judgement, and limited experience in just about everything. That's the human experience, not an excuse to hit your kids.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

It seems to me that spanking a child will do little more than make him or her afraid and resentful of you. Neither of which are going to be helpful in the long term. Children make mistakes, have poor judgement, and limited experience in just about everything. That's the human experience, not an excuse to hit your kids.

Parents I have known to spank or have witnessed spanking tend to spank when they lose control of the situation. Someone mentioned spanking their child to prevent them from drinking bleach... I think being horrified by the accidental suicide of your child is a valid reason to lose control.

Will a light smack to the child traumatize them? No. But it is a lazy way to convey an idea.

 

[Evilbunny]

You have no idea how to do these things if you have not dealt with children as an adult.

You mean I was never a child and observed how my parents dealt with me? That's what cracks me up--you think children are new to this generation and we all just popped out of pods. We all were children once, and know what our parents did. I'm just advocating for children being raised the way my parents raised theirs.

Unless your child has the exact same personality as you, grows up in the exact same environment, and makes the exact same choices you did, watching your parents will not be sufficient training for raising a child. Every kid will be different, and unless you've had experience dealing with a decent sum of children (again, when i say deal with I mean getting to behave) then I wouldn't say you understand children. At least not well enough to be a good parent.

 

[Bulletinmybrain]

I have one opinion on why some kids need to be hit. When the little shits start acting all high and mighty and breaks shit and goes around acting like hes god. I reserve my smack to the back of their heads.

 

[Typecast]

My parents hit me when I was a child, not much, although they could put the fear of god into me with their voices, they were school teachers and used to brining down a room full of riotus teenagers with a single bark.
That said, I always resented them for it. Often I wouldn't understand why, so I'd hide in my room and barricade the door, eventually they'd break in and make peace and I would act concilliatory. But that's just it. They taught me to ACT conciliatory, and lie about when I got in trouble at school. I'd say they honestly FUCKED me up right and proper, without actually doing any 'serious' abuse. It took more than a decade for me to forgive them, and even longer to start trying to love them as parents, all the positive things they'd done, or tried to do had always been marred. As such, I find it difficult to talk to them, and I even still find myself disliking them.
The net result, is a fairly defeatist person, with little to no self esteem and nihilistic tendencies, who's still trying to eradicate what he percieves to be his personality flaws. If I ever hit my child I would live and die with regret, which is what I've been doing anyway.
For those advocates of abuse: I was looking after a group of children one day, when one of them was about to do something dangerous(we were at my family farm, the kids are sort of my god-children). I said "STOP!" and after freezing stiff the 11 year old lad was reduced to tears.