Stories and characters you have written
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For you: tiny teaser into my short story.Hosker said:
You wake with a start, staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling, not sure where you find yourself, trying to remember how you'd got here. Memories of last night are few and far between, revealing little except more questions. Running, hiding, cowering behind an industrial sized bin behind a restaurant, the smell of fish lingering in your nose ? and then nothing, until now. A bare incandescent bulb flickers in the corner of your vision. You sit up, looking out the window you find open next to the bed, the cold night air bringing your mind into focus as you stare down at the alleyway below. Wherever you are, it's on the fourth floor, for whatever that's worth. More of the night before (or was it earlier this evening?) flickers through your mind, but it's just as vague as the stuff before. A nightclub. Pretty lively, shit music, lots and lots of alcohol. Too much, judging by your headache. And then...
Nope. Nothing. And where the hell are you anyway? None of your friends are in the habit of keeping rooms bare to the floorboards except for a bed. Juicy crash space like that would be snapped up in a second. Did you meet someone? Maybe. It wasn't the sort of club where people were shy about their intent. So where was she? He? Well, answers or not, you need painkillers before your head bursts. Whoever put you up here would probably be less than pleased to find their spare redecorated with your skull. You swing your feet out from under the thin sheet, planting them on the floor. Surprisingly they take your weight with only minor complaint, which is more than can be said for your sense of balance, which is on strike until conditions improve. Lurching ineptly forward, you manage to reach the door without incident only to find that it's locked. You rattle the handle a few more times for good measure before knocking on it. There's some scuffling outside followed by some swearing, but the latch clicks and the door swings inward.
?Hey there Faerie boy.? The sight of her, small and entirely naked, with a mop of dirty blonde hair veiling big hazel eyes and a sideways smile, prompts more memories, but nothing substantial. The police turned up, spoiling the fun in their own inimitable way. That's what you thought anyway, 'til it turned out they were looking for you. Fast forward to running through a kitchen. Fast forward to blasting down Cornelis Street, Fast forward to ducking down an alley and hiding behind a huge bin, the smell of fish lingering in your nose.
?What??
?Oh right. Shy type. I feel you, but it's cool.?
?I'm not gay if that's what you mean. I mean, I've fucked around but....? It occurs to you just how weird this is. There's this small naked woman you've never met in front of you, the police are after you, you're in a house you don't recognise, and she's talking about who you like in bed?
?Not like that, idiot. You know what I mean.? She walks past you and into the room, so you shut the door and perch on the edge of the bed.
?No, I really don't. What're you on about??
?You brought an armed response team down on that place earlier. You led them on quite a chase, but I found you vomiting your guts up behind a seafood restaurant. Don't you remember??
?I had a lot to drink.? You admit.
?You're telling me. I don't know how you moved so fast out of there ? when I found you you could barely stand. Totally wasted.
?Why'd you call me a Fairy??
?Because...? she starts. ?You're one of them. I've read all about you, you don't make it easy to find you! I never thought though... I mean, in my house! Wow.?
?I have no idea what you're on about, but you've got the wrong person.?
?Listen! I'm not going to sell you out to those shits. I know what they do, I know how they work, so you don't need to keep this act up.? Whilst that explains how you got here, her insistence that you're hiding something is really starting to get old.
?Why don't you tell me what you think's going on here, because you're just confusing me.? There's a look of uncertainty in her eyes, and to your relief you think she might be realising her mistake.
?You're a Faerie. I mean, not quite. You're a Faerie with a human parent. Right? I mean, you have to be. Nobody could have got away from the police like that. You were a flash! One of them tried to get his hands on you and you sent him flying, man. They literally took him away in a stretcher. They tried to keep everyone behind for questioning but I managed to sneak out to come find you. Still don't know how I managed it. But here you are, a Faerie boy in my house.? She finishes with a smile. You've no way of knowing if she's making this up or not, but you must have escaped the police somehow, and she delivers it with a conviction that says to you that she believes her own story, if nothing else.
Nope. Nothing. And where the hell are you anyway? None of your friends are in the habit of keeping rooms bare to the floorboards except for a bed. Juicy crash space like that would be snapped up in a second. Did you meet someone? Maybe. It wasn't the sort of club where people were shy about their intent. So where was she? He? Well, answers or not, you need painkillers before your head bursts. Whoever put you up here would probably be less than pleased to find their spare redecorated with your skull. You swing your feet out from under the thin sheet, planting them on the floor. Surprisingly they take your weight with only minor complaint, which is more than can be said for your sense of balance, which is on strike until conditions improve. Lurching ineptly forward, you manage to reach the door without incident only to find that it's locked. You rattle the handle a few more times for good measure before knocking on it. There's some scuffling outside followed by some swearing, but the latch clicks and the door swings inward.
?Hey there Faerie boy.? The sight of her, small and entirely naked, with a mop of dirty blonde hair veiling big hazel eyes and a sideways smile, prompts more memories, but nothing substantial. The police turned up, spoiling the fun in their own inimitable way. That's what you thought anyway, 'til it turned out they were looking for you. Fast forward to running through a kitchen. Fast forward to blasting down Cornelis Street, Fast forward to ducking down an alley and hiding behind a huge bin, the smell of fish lingering in your nose.
?What??
?Oh right. Shy type. I feel you, but it's cool.?
?I'm not gay if that's what you mean. I mean, I've fucked around but....? It occurs to you just how weird this is. There's this small naked woman you've never met in front of you, the police are after you, you're in a house you don't recognise, and she's talking about who you like in bed?
?Not like that, idiot. You know what I mean.? She walks past you and into the room, so you shut the door and perch on the edge of the bed.
?No, I really don't. What're you on about??
?You brought an armed response team down on that place earlier. You led them on quite a chase, but I found you vomiting your guts up behind a seafood restaurant. Don't you remember??
?I had a lot to drink.? You admit.
?You're telling me. I don't know how you moved so fast out of there ? when I found you you could barely stand. Totally wasted.
?Why'd you call me a Fairy??
?Because...? she starts. ?You're one of them. I've read all about you, you don't make it easy to find you! I never thought though... I mean, in my house! Wow.?
?I have no idea what you're on about, but you've got the wrong person.?
?Listen! I'm not going to sell you out to those shits. I know what they do, I know how they work, so you don't need to keep this act up.? Whilst that explains how you got here, her insistence that you're hiding something is really starting to get old.
?Why don't you tell me what you think's going on here, because you're just confusing me.? There's a look of uncertainty in her eyes, and to your relief you think she might be realising her mistake.
?You're a Faerie. I mean, not quite. You're a Faerie with a human parent. Right? I mean, you have to be. Nobody could have got away from the police like that. You were a flash! One of them tried to get his hands on you and you sent him flying, man. They literally took him away in a stretcher. They tried to keep everyone behind for questioning but I managed to sneak out to come find you. Still don't know how I managed it. But here you are, a Faerie boy in my house.? She finishes with a smile. You've no way of knowing if she's making this up or not, but you must have escaped the police somehow, and she delivers it with a conviction that says to you that she believes her own story, if nothing else.
damn school system and its multiple levels of potential-squashing drudgery.StarStruckStrumpets said:
i remember on a 2nd grade spelling list i got marked down for the word hole because, i shit you not, the o and the l were touching so they looked like a lowercase d.
the teacher literally thought i, the consistently highest scoring kid in her class, spelled hole as h-d-e. true story.
And now to give back some stuff instead of just posting my own story. I can be a bit negative and just watched a bit of Yahtzee, so excuse me if it's a bit stingy and wordy, don't take it to heart - tho that's most likely to occur anyway.
If you don't want my feedback on your stuff for whatever reason, just skip it. I thought that was the point of this thread.
It doesn't "wow" me at that point tho, but that could change by revealing exactly how things went wrong, if it's an innovative new scenario and not just "humans are stupid and destroyed everything, now the guardian angels have to save the last few so we can start from scratch".
Attributes like "the strongest of her kind" are dangerous because they don't leave much room for characterization and development of abilities which make up a good chunk of the exciting scenes of action anime. Just make sure it's not a Sue.
The "dark past" backstory for both giving the character and motivation and "freeing" them from people that would stand in their adventure is pretty much standard by now, but it'll do the trick.
From the concept, I don't see any differences from humans, think whether you really need a new race, and if you do, try to give them unique features to separate them from others - both real, existing ones and fantasy races. There are already enough drunken bearded midgets pretending to be dwarves.
Be careful not to create a Mary Sue, I'd recommend taking the Litmus test. "Immortals" sound pretty much overpowered. If there's one thing young authors can learn from video games, even if they're not highly sophisticated in general design, is balance. Unless your character is fighting against another Immortal, they're most likely going to have a huge advantage. Rapid healing? Shrugging off spears to the gut? Inherent skills of past Immortals? She could be a hidden master of everything before the story really started, that doesn't leave a lot of skill development. In my opinion the best kinds of heroes are those who attempt to climb their way from the dirt to the top and then - depending on your story - either succeed or fail. Her personality also reminds me a bit of an author avatar. The type of personality a lot of people have who decide to sit down and create their own world and characters they're more comfortable with than the world they exist in. That was a bit of the whole point behind the Matrix, too. Neo is basically a Sue born from the mind of a hacker. He is the idealized version in the mind of a guy who writes a lot of programs on a computer. With Neo, his ability means "true" power in his world. It's fantasy, it's kick-ass, he's a super hero he could never be in his reality.
Let me remind you tho that "magic as status quo" is pretty much the point of the part of the Harry Potter verse most of the characters spend their time in - the part that's hidden from muggles. Extending the horizon of stories, there are lots and lots of video games in the fantasy where magic is the status quo as well. You could make it more interesting tho by not simply saying "this toaster runs on magic", but by coming up with a coherent magic system and developing new technology, uses and items around it. If you haven't done already, a bit difficult for me to read that out.
"Religion is Evil" and roughly one "magical element" per Pokémon type doesn't exactly sound fresh either. But maybe you can come up with new and unique combinations or new magic elements altogether. If the story didn't sound so serious I'd suggest taking the item to your left and slapping "-mancy" at the end of it. A wizard commanding an army of pencils sounds stupid, but a wizard controlling the shape and "molecular order" of carbon, ranging from graphite used in pencils to diamonds, suddenly doesn't sound so stupid at all.
Just make sure it's not a cliched "three noobs save the world within a month" story.
- What's the difference between humans and fae besides difference in territory (and I suppose the fae can work magic while humans cannot and the main character lived up with humans, hence they only now realize magic exists)? Are they vastly different in culture and appearance or are faeries the local "slender humans with weird ears pretending to be elves"? Seeing as they can have sex and produce living children, they probably have a lot in common. I hope that doesn't make it boring.
- Your faeries sorta sound like elves in disguise. My question: In the original text you wrote "most of the Fae have no interest in humans", then in reply to an answer you say faeries see humans as cattle (what useful things do we produce? Certainly we can't produce anything beautiful, so the whole point of humans being the nerds of the animal kingdom surviving because of using tools i gone) and that they like having worshipers. Both sounds like good reason to make contact with humans one way or another. Seeing as they're not peaceful tree huggers either, surely they could have overrun the human world with magic before the invention of gunpowder and probably even now, too. Heck, humans were once run but a circle of half faeries (that was probably not very big or it couldn't have been overthrown that easily), surely full-fledged faeries know how to deal with them.
- If you're, as a half fae, physically indistinguishable from humans, what would you have to do except for not using flashy magic to hide yourself? Surely a civilization who just caught up to gunpower doesn't have the means to analyze a complete body composition throughout.
- You mentioned the city in the beginning a lot, but hearing about a story all about running away from stuff trying to kill you, I'd imagine she would leave a big city immediately and find shelter in some remote city where guards and bounty hunters are uncommon and the uneducated villagers can't tell a human apart from a half-fae.
- if half fae are the ideal servants, what's hindering the fae from breeding them? Would be much more convenient and easy to train, right? Seeing as there are "natural" half fae, I suppose humans aren't completely ugly in the eyes of fae either. Combine that with slavery and you have a harem full of breeding-machines. Now that's a concept of human cattle I can understand.
- what's your magic concept? Or is it just a colorful light show with which you can have awesome battles?
(sorry if I couldn't include answers being posted after my first post, I started writing this one immediately afterwards)
If you don't want my feedback on your stuff for whatever reason, just skip it. I thought that was the point of this thread.
Sounds like a basic premise for an action anime. I think it could be popular in Japan seeing as Christianity in every shape in form is something exotic and interesting. If you're serious about it, maybe try to include multiple biblical references. Bonus points if they make sense, if not people will try to make sense of them. That's how part of NGE worked.Taipan700 said:
It doesn't "wow" me at that point tho, but that could change by revealing exactly how things went wrong, if it's an innovative new scenario and not just "humans are stupid and destroyed everything, now the guardian angels have to save the last few so we can start from scratch".
Attributes like "the strongest of her kind" are dangerous because they don't leave much room for characterization and development of abilities which make up a good chunk of the exciting scenes of action anime. Just make sure it's not a Sue.
When in doubt, take the name and translate it in a different language. Maybe try to avoid Latin or Greek if you use "common" words or words that directly root in those languages. For example, Immortal is already derived from the Latin "mortalis", or everybody already knows what "pyro" means. I'm not from an English speaking country, but I think "Tephra" on the other hand is a Greek word not very known (it's "ash").Daystar Clarion said:
The "dark past" backstory for both giving the character and motivation and "freeing" them from people that would stand in their adventure is pretty much standard by now, but it'll do the trick.
From the concept, I don't see any differences from humans, think whether you really need a new race, and if you do, try to give them unique features to separate them from others - both real, existing ones and fantasy races. There are already enough drunken bearded midgets pretending to be dwarves.
Be careful not to create a Mary Sue, I'd recommend taking the Litmus test. "Immortals" sound pretty much overpowered. If there's one thing young authors can learn from video games, even if they're not highly sophisticated in general design, is balance. Unless your character is fighting against another Immortal, they're most likely going to have a huge advantage. Rapid healing? Shrugging off spears to the gut? Inherent skills of past Immortals? She could be a hidden master of everything before the story really started, that doesn't leave a lot of skill development. In my opinion the best kinds of heroes are those who attempt to climb their way from the dirt to the top and then - depending on your story - either succeed or fail. Her personality also reminds me a bit of an author avatar. The type of personality a lot of people have who decide to sit down and create their own world and characters they're more comfortable with than the world they exist in. That was a bit of the whole point behind the Matrix, too. Neo is basically a Sue born from the mind of a hacker. He is the idealized version in the mind of a guy who writes a lot of programs on a computer. With Neo, his ability means "true" power in his world. It's fantasy, it's kick-ass, he's a super hero he could never be in his reality.
Can't really say much about this one since we got a setting, but no plot. Five teenagers doesn't exactly sound like a very varied cast, but due to the lack of information it would be too early to speak of characterization as your weak point.Charisma said:
Let me remind you tho that "magic as status quo" is pretty much the point of the part of the Harry Potter verse most of the characters spend their time in - the part that's hidden from muggles. Extending the horizon of stories, there are lots and lots of video games in the fantasy where magic is the status quo as well. You could make it more interesting tho by not simply saying "this toaster runs on magic", but by coming up with a coherent magic system and developing new technology, uses and items around it. If you haven't done already, a bit difficult for me to read that out.
"Religion is Evil" and roughly one "magical element" per Pokémon type doesn't exactly sound fresh either. But maybe you can come up with new and unique combinations or new magic elements altogether. If the story didn't sound so serious I'd suggest taking the item to your left and slapping "-mancy" at the end of it. A wizard commanding an army of pencils sounds stupid, but a wizard controlling the shape and "molecular order" of carbon, ranging from graphite used in pencils to diamonds, suddenly doesn't sound so stupid at all.
Just make sure it's not a cliched "three noobs save the world within a month" story.
You'd think humans and fae would have more contact if they hunt the same "prey". Lots'a'questions I have (that's a good sign, shows interest; sorry if I mix up some names):Serenegoose said:
- What's the difference between humans and fae besides difference in territory (and I suppose the fae can work magic while humans cannot and the main character lived up with humans, hence they only now realize magic exists)? Are they vastly different in culture and appearance or are faeries the local "slender humans with weird ears pretending to be elves"? Seeing as they can have sex and produce living children, they probably have a lot in common. I hope that doesn't make it boring.
- Your faeries sorta sound like elves in disguise. My question: In the original text you wrote "most of the Fae have no interest in humans", then in reply to an answer you say faeries see humans as cattle (what useful things do we produce? Certainly we can't produce anything beautiful, so the whole point of humans being the nerds of the animal kingdom surviving because of using tools i gone) and that they like having worshipers. Both sounds like good reason to make contact with humans one way or another. Seeing as they're not peaceful tree huggers either, surely they could have overrun the human world with magic before the invention of gunpowder and probably even now, too. Heck, humans were once run but a circle of half faeries (that was probably not very big or it couldn't have been overthrown that easily), surely full-fledged faeries know how to deal with them.
- If you're, as a half fae, physically indistinguishable from humans, what would you have to do except for not using flashy magic to hide yourself? Surely a civilization who just caught up to gunpower doesn't have the means to analyze a complete body composition throughout.
- You mentioned the city in the beginning a lot, but hearing about a story all about running away from stuff trying to kill you, I'd imagine she would leave a big city immediately and find shelter in some remote city where guards and bounty hunters are uncommon and the uneducated villagers can't tell a human apart from a half-fae.
- if half fae are the ideal servants, what's hindering the fae from breeding them? Would be much more convenient and easy to train, right? Seeing as there are "natural" half fae, I suppose humans aren't completely ugly in the eyes of fae either. Combine that with slavery and you have a harem full of breeding-machines. Now that's a concept of human cattle I can understand.
- what's your magic concept? Or is it just a colorful light show with which you can have awesome battles?
(sorry if I couldn't include answers being posted after my first post, I started writing this one immediately afterwards)
I have plenty of stories in my head. Epic one, short ones, you name it. I'm just so lazy they disappear before I decide to write them down. Plus, to add to my frustrations, I recycle one for another because it makes more sense, only to realize it doesn't. I'm awful.
Oh lord, don't get me started! I was in a Maths lesson once (kind of of topic), and I argued that the answer to an equation wasn't what my teacher said it was. The entire class agreed with her, because she was the teacher. I squared up to her, solved the equation with the right answer, then sat back down. She kicked me out of the lesson because I was being cocky...can you blame me, when she's teaching bad practise? I suppose I was kind of up my own chuff though...Charisma said:
Another moment of win in school (this was back in Primary School, so ages 5-11), we had to do a piece of original writing. I wrote something absolutely awful about a child who's father was going off to war. She read it, and started crying during the lesson.
I felt proud, but really guilty... :/
Well, Fae are immortal, humans are not. Culturally the humans are in the renaissance - it has parellels with the Netherlands and Italy aroundabout the 15-1600s. It's very mercantile and trade oriented, and the culture varies massively depending on where you are. Selaan is such a powerhouse compared to its neighbours because it's big and relatively progressive. People flock to it because it's progressive in terms of equality (for example women are not treated so shittily there) - but it's also a bit dog eat dog. If someone puts you out of business, you lose your home and end up on the streets, you will end up rounded up by the watch and shipped off to a poorhouse - so some people stay away from Selaan to avoid the risks of failing there. In other words, Selaan treats you based on your finances, not on your colour or gender.Marik Bentusi said:
Just to state - Fae and Half-Fae have identical capabilities in terms of magic, but Fae aren't enslaved as a matter of course, so typically develop their skills freely and so are much more powerful. Magic is used like a muscle. Unused with withers, with use it grows stronger, but only by challenging it can you get stronger than before. The reason they don't just overthrow humans is that it would be a totally boring waste of time. And besides, who wants the adulation of a cow? It's worthless. So humans are left on their own because they have absolutely nothing to offer the Fae, who finds much greater satisfaction scheming against their equals. Are they 'elves in disguise' well, I'd hardly say it's a disguise. Elves are a known subspecies of our Fae mythos. They're somewhat elf like, somewhat not elf-like. They have the pointy ears thing, but they're just generally pointy - their faces are sharp, and angular - their limbs are sharp and lengthy - so unless they alter their appearance they typically look kinda monstrous. They have solid silver eyes, and white hair. Not grey or white blonde, just straight white. However, they can look like whatever they want to look like. Thats just their default state.
That's definitely a way to survive but there's so many ways to give yourself away. If you don't know you're Half-Fae you'll find yourself working magic accidentally as it responds to subconscious desire as well as conscious. If, for example, you want a companion, because you're lonely, it'll create a vivid hallucination visible only to you that you say, find the man of your dreams one day somehow. Go outside talking to him and the population will think you're mad, talking to yourself, holding hands with nothing, kissing the air - you'll end up in the asylum in no time - either you rot there and never realise you had the capability or it'll manifest in some other ways. Eventually you'll be noticed and shot. Informers (sell out your friends and family, win fantastic prizes) might notice you, report their findings to the watch, be dismissed (no such thing as magic lad, bugger off) and then you'll be contacted by a member of the dragoons who read that dismissed report. By contacted, I mean shot.
A common mistake. You flee to a village - if the dragoons find out you've gone (say they're watching your house, or hear word of a traveller matching description passing through a gate) then all they need to do is canvas nearby villagers. The village with a 'stranger who just turned up one morning' is probably yours. You stick out like a sore thumb. People didn't just 'move house' back then. Another homeless vagrant dodging the watch on the other hand? Who's to tell?
It's a rare thing to find a Fae willing to sleep with a human (it's beastiality to them) and a rarer thing to get them to admit to it. No Fae would survive the social exclusion they'd suffer. This is why most Fae children end up enslaved. A Fae, so repulsed that their action has made a child and paranoid they might be found out about, will turn to whatever close Fae friend they have and offer the child to them in return for secrecy. The Fae gets a social boost from having a Half-Fae, and in return keeps the secret. Rarely, the child will end up with its human parent. Usually because it's a loose end to the Fae parent (who can't tolerate the risk of others finding out) or its human parent rejects it out of fear. How do you bring up a child that, if they realise they have magic, could outright obliterate you when you tell them to eat their vegetables?
Reality adapts to the Fae will. There's 3 'levels' of difficulty with their own scales within them.
1: inanimate objects require the least strength to affect.
2: yourself requires a moderate strength to affect.
3: other creatures require huge strength to affect.
What this means is that the easiest thing to do is say lift a pebble with magical impulse - whilst dominating someone elses mind is the hardest thing to do. However these effects require different level of sustaining. If you rewrite someones personality, that IS their personality. It won't revert. If you hold a pebble up against gravity, you need to be constantly holding it or gravity reasserts itself, because you haven't rewrote the law of gravity. What can you do with it? Anything. Hurl fireballs, heal fatal wounds, etc. These are pretty unimaginative uses admittedly, but off the top of my head examples.
I appreciate your constructive criticism. Nice to see people on the internet spending actual time and effort evaluating other peoples' creative thoughts.Marik Bentusi said:
I can respond to most of your comments by saying that there's way too much for me to go over in a thread like this.
I chose to focus on the setting more than the story because the setting is at this point better developed than the story, and what I mentioned about the magic system is just a razor-thin slice off the top. Suffice to say that it's based on real science and physics; the "four elements" actually refer, unbeknowst to the science-ignorant populace of the city including the vast majority of actual wizards, to the four states of matter earth/solids, water/fluids, air/gases, fire/energies or plasmas. The languages mechanic helps to make it really deep and intuitive as well.
By way of example, one of the common uses of magic in the world (specifically geomancy, in this case) will be in transmutation, changing molecular structures of things, literally turning iron to gold and coal to diamonds. I plan to consult the periodic table and atomic structures of common molecules (especially organic varieties) to generate which transmutations are the easy transmutations (rearranging atoms) vs the harder ones (changing atoms, ie changing subatomic structure).
The "religion is evil" theme is also deeper than I let on. Essentially the One God and his Church makes for a more tragic antagonistic entity in that he has the purest of intentions but the evils he has to swallow to keep a secret that could cause another cataclysm set him at odds with the protagonists, and indeed, everyone else.
I mentioned Harry Potter in my list of examples that my setting is not like because in Harry Potter, the Wizarding world is unique and special and separate from the Muggle world. It's framed in the context of "this is fun and new and awesome," not "magic runs our city so it's just a mundane part of the background for this story and these characters."
The five teenagers have their own personalities and plans for character development, but I decided to focus on their setting for this thread because that tends to be more interesting to people just reading about the work for the first time. I've got an adventurous fun-loving risk-taker; a loyal, independent strategist and leader; an emotionally passive scientist type; a cold, ambitious lone wolf; and a sarcastic but compassionate nurturer.
I haven't got around to thinking up new and interesting uses for magic as you suggest, but that will definitely be an excellent item on my to-do list.
And yeah, it's definitely not a saving the world story. It's more complex than that, it's more of a "coming of age" story for the whole human race, where we're children and our gods are our parents. It's about overthrowing our gods because we're grown up now and we don't need to be watched over anymore. As a species we can take responsibility for ourselves.
Sorry if this was too long. Kudos to anyone who can get through it.
well, if I went on about ALL the characters in my stories we'd be here for DAYS. So instead I'll go on about the one whose name serves as my forum name (and no he's not a Gary Stu of me. GOD, no).
His full name is Aiddon Raziel Valentine. He is 23, a Capricorn (if one were to use real-world astrology), has waist-length silver hair, and hetero chromatic eyes. He is 6'2", 175 lbs, has a strange scar on his face, has his body covered in old battle wounds, and is a habitual pipe smoker. He is also pretty. Very, very, very pretty to the point where everyone else calls him femboy behind his back.
He has been married for two years to a very tomboyish woman named Rodica (though they are not LEGALLY married) who is sterile due to a birth defect. Aiddon has a fraternal twin brother named Richter and a younger sister named Hikari. His father, Zephyra, is a government official and his mother, Aya, is a senior lecturer of Advanced Transmogrification and Alchemy at her hometown's magic college as well as being a top researcher of magical theory. She was also the personal teacher of Rodica.
Aiddon was born with a defect that makes him unable to use magic in any form. However, his family quickly realized two things about him. The first was that he was abnormally gifted physically. When he hit puberty he could flip a car with ease, punch holes in metal, and even keep up with a train for short bursts. The second was that he had an innate ability to negate any and all magic. If a spell touched him it had no effect. Though even more bizarre about this was that the energy used to cast a spell was neither absorbed nor transferred, it merely ceased to be.
His full name is Aiddon Raziel Valentine. He is 23, a Capricorn (if one were to use real-world astrology), has waist-length silver hair, and hetero chromatic eyes. He is 6'2", 175 lbs, has a strange scar on his face, has his body covered in old battle wounds, and is a habitual pipe smoker. He is also pretty. Very, very, very pretty to the point where everyone else calls him femboy behind his back.
He has been married for two years to a very tomboyish woman named Rodica (though they are not LEGALLY married) who is sterile due to a birth defect. Aiddon has a fraternal twin brother named Richter and a younger sister named Hikari. His father, Zephyra, is a government official and his mother, Aya, is a senior lecturer of Advanced Transmogrification and Alchemy at her hometown's magic college as well as being a top researcher of magical theory. She was also the personal teacher of Rodica.
Aiddon was born with a defect that makes him unable to use magic in any form. However, his family quickly realized two things about him. The first was that he was abnormally gifted physically. When he hit puberty he could flip a car with ease, punch holes in metal, and even keep up with a train for short bursts. The second was that he had an innate ability to negate any and all magic. If a spell touched him it had no effect. Though even more bizarre about this was that the energy used to cast a spell was neither absorbed nor transferred, it merely ceased to be.
Well, after seeing the flood of 'teen vampire romance' novels on bookstore shelves, I think I can probably do better, and make a decent story with well-written characters and plot, that will almost certainly be published purely because it has vampires in it, and thus equals 'money' to publishers. The idea revolves around various supernatural races living under humanity's nose, and also includes magic (but taken in a serious way, like in the Three Worlds Cycle sci-fi series), where every action involving magic has cost and consequence.
The idea is that this can basically be a standalone novel, but it also has the potential for a series if it's successful. I've got two more books planned out, as detailed below, but no more, though the story would continue beyond those two thanks to various ongoing antagonists...
So yah, the full plots to the first two books in my little series. Hopefully one day I'll actually get off my arse and write them, and make lots of money and be really famous as an author and have films made of them and... What? If Stephanie Meyer can do it, then I sure as hell can...
Anyway, I had the idea for a series revolving around a vampire group living in northern England (because that's where I live and thus is easiest for me to write about - hey, there's a great vampire TV show where they live in Bristol, why not north England?). In the first book, this young guy at university who's investigating his best friend's death after he suspects a police coverup finds out that his friend was killed by vampires, and ends up drawn into this whole world where he meets a young female vampire who is basically a member of the vampire community's own informal 'police' force. She tells him about the 'Underworld' (I really need to think of a better name for that, that's only a temporary placeholder name for now) which is this hidden society of vampires, werewolves, witches and wizards, and all other sorts of fictional and legendary supernatural races that are living right under the nose of humanity. The idea is that all these races existed with humans in ancient times, and then when humanity became too populous and powerful they started hunting down the other, supernatural, races (because humans are dicks) and so those races went underground and into hiding, living among humans in secret, while they faded into legends and mythology.
Anyway, this girl turns out to be hunting down a vampire group that are breaking one of the fundamental rules of vampire society, which is not to bite humans (in this case it's because biting humans would draw attention to the community, though all vampires still lust after human blood they do manage to keep themselves in check through blood donations from sympathetic humans and through animal blood, not because of some half-arsed 'good vampires' explanation like in Twilight). This group is attacking people in the city, Leeds, and nearby towns at whim, and it's causing too much concern and causing influential vampires who have roles in human society (like police officers and such) to have to keep covering up the deaths and disappearances. Despite being human, this guy (Robert, age 20) teams up with the vampire girl (Niamh, age 19 when turned), a former student from Ireland, and another vampire (Lucas, age 25 when turned) who was turned during the First World War, to find out what's going on and to track down this rogue group.
I can probably put the ending down too because it's unlikely I'll ever actually write this, though in case I do this is still my own intellectual property, people...
Anyway, this girl turns out to be hunting down a vampire group that are breaking one of the fundamental rules of vampire society, which is not to bite humans (in this case it's because biting humans would draw attention to the community, though all vampires still lust after human blood they do manage to keep themselves in check through blood donations from sympathetic humans and through animal blood, not because of some half-arsed 'good vampires' explanation like in Twilight). This group is attacking people in the city, Leeds, and nearby towns at whim, and it's causing too much concern and causing influential vampires who have roles in human society (like police officers and such) to have to keep covering up the deaths and disappearances. Despite being human, this guy (Robert, age 20) teams up with the vampire girl (Niamh, age 19 when turned), a former student from Ireland, and another vampire (Lucas, age 25 when turned) who was turned during the First World War, to find out what's going on and to track down this rogue group.
I can probably put the ending down too because it's unlikely I'll ever actually write this, though in case I do this is still my own intellectual property, people...
Near the end Niamh finds out that the vampire behind the rogue group, their leader, is the same guy who turned her into a vampire five years previously and left her, and her ex-boyfriend to boot. He turned her when she broke up with him, not realising what he was, and she woke up as a vampire after her funeral when her friends had thought she was dead, effectively being buried alive, and almost went insane from the ordeal. She, Lucas, and Robert, find out he's basically trying to create an army of newborn vampires to force a war between humans and the 'Underworld' denizens, and seize power in the confusion in a coup against the leaders of vampire society. The 'good' guy form a plan to stop him, and Niamh gets her revenge against the vampire who originally turned her. The story ends with Niamh leaving the informal police force of the vampire community, and setting up a supernatural PI service with Robert, who has started to learn how to use magic and his latent psychic abilities.
The idea is that this can basically be a standalone novel, but it also has the potential for a series if it's successful. I've got two more books planned out, as detailed below, but no more, though the story would continue beyond those two thanks to various ongoing antagonists...
After starting up this PI service, Niamh and Robert are basically bored, since they're getting barely any decent cases and mostly just routine silly stuff. One day, however, they get a message from their friend Lucas in the informal police service for the vampire community, who tells them about some issue that they've been ordered not to deal with because it could be complicated for the vampire leaders if their police force is involved. They have to check out a secret meeting between certain vampires who are politically powerful in human society, and certain big business leaders who have links to various human political groups and various 'Underworld' groups too. After investigating the meeting, Niamh and Robert find nothing shady going on, but notice one particular person acting suspiciously, and follow him. When he ends up killing someone in front of them they bring him in, and under questioning he reveals that he was acting separately to this (actually innocent) business meeting, but was acting on orders from the leaders of his company, a human company run by the seven Crowe sisters, but that's involved heavily in the 'Underworld's' own criminal community. Investigating further they find the Crowe sisters are seven sisters who each inherited a slice of their parents' software company based in England when their parents died mysteriously a few years ago. The girls are:
Abby (Abigail) - age 20
Melody and Harmony - age 21 (twins)
Scarlett - age 22
Violet - age 24
Natalie - age 25
Hannah - age 26
It turns out that the sisters are all powerful witches, and are all involved in organised crime within the 'Underworld', so Niamh and Rob try to become friends with the sisters and ingratiate themselves within their social circle to find out more and to bring the girls down. What follows is the discovery that the sisters are all in fact working against each other, manipulating each other, to try and become the most powerful within the company and within their crime syndicate and to try and remove the opposition they face from each other. Niamh and Robert are drawn into this as they are forced to play a dangerous game, trying to deal with the girls and avoid being found out as working alongside the vampire police.
Abby (Abigail) - age 20
Melody and Harmony - age 21 (twins)
Scarlett - age 22
Violet - age 24
Natalie - age 25
Hannah - age 26
It turns out that the sisters are all powerful witches, and are all involved in organised crime within the 'Underworld', so Niamh and Rob try to become friends with the sisters and ingratiate themselves within their social circle to find out more and to bring the girls down. What follows is the discovery that the sisters are all in fact working against each other, manipulating each other, to try and become the most powerful within the company and within their crime syndicate and to try and remove the opposition they face from each other. Niamh and Robert are drawn into this as they are forced to play a dangerous game, trying to deal with the girls and avoid being found out as working alongside the vampire police.
After getting involved with the Crowe family, Niamh and Robert are forced to take part in the manipulations the sisters are performing against each other. Abigail takes a shine to Robert, while Niamh, who's bisexual, is seduced by the two twins (who are fairly psychotic and insane, and also have an incestuous love for each other - no, this isn't just twisted, sick, fanservice, it's actually a major plot point that has direct ramifications on the rest of the series...). After all this, eventually Niamh manages to, under the influence of one of the other sisters, kill Harmony, though Melody escapes without harm (but with desire for revenge against Niamh). The remaining sisters all eventually get killed thanks to the manipulations they are performing, though Abigail turns out to be something of a Chessmaster in the story. Eventually, only Abigail is left, after Melody has escaped and gone into hiding to plan her revenge and Natalie has faked her own death and also gone into hiding. However, Robert and Niamh's cover is blown and they're forced to go on the run from Abigail, who now has sole control of a massive crime syndicate as well as her family's software company.
While on the run, Niamh and Robert are approached by Natalie, who comes out of hiding after revealing she faked her death, and she reveals she doesn't care that they're actually working with the police, but that she was working against Abigail the entire time. She reveals that Abigail was actually trying to eliminate anyone who had the power to prevent her from magically summoning a particular demon from Hell, a succubus called Lilith. Abigail had managed to make contact with demons from Hell in the past and had ended up creating a plan to release a particular demon, i.e. Lilith, from her bounds in Hell, after Lilith was trapped there millennia ago. The two would create a war between the forces of Hell, and the material world, to create chaos and confusion which as a demon Lilith feeds on (she also feeds on lust and sexual energy, as a succubus, but that's not important to the plot). Lilith would eventually gain enough power from this 'chaos energy' that she would be, in effect, a new goddess, and Abigail would then use a particular spell to bind those powers and seal Lilith as a goddess, and then in return Lilith would grant Abigail ultimate power too and give Abigail a place as her second-in-command in the new world.
Natalie reveals this and that she was working to stop Abigail, and that now with Robert and Niamh's interference nothing is left to stop Abigail from achieving her plan. The three decide to work together, and travel to Tara in Ireland, where a source of natural magical energy will help Abigail to create the required portal to Hell. They manage to reach the site, and a battle starts to take place between the footsoldiers of the crime syndicate that are loyal to Abigail, and those still loyal to Natalie, along with certain vampire police members (including Lucas) who have managed to get there in time to help. The ritual begins, and Abigail manages to summon Lilith, but Lilith's body is destroyed by Robert, as he uses his still-developing magical abilities to fight Abigail. Lilith's mind and soul take refuge inside Abigail, and they manage to escape, while Robert is wounded (though not badly). The book ends with Natalie going on the run from Abigail again, after agreeing to a truce with the 'heroes' to gather her strength and find a way to defeat Abigail later on.
While on the run, Niamh and Robert are approached by Natalie, who comes out of hiding after revealing she faked her death, and she reveals she doesn't care that they're actually working with the police, but that she was working against Abigail the entire time. She reveals that Abigail was actually trying to eliminate anyone who had the power to prevent her from magically summoning a particular demon from Hell, a succubus called Lilith. Abigail had managed to make contact with demons from Hell in the past and had ended up creating a plan to release a particular demon, i.e. Lilith, from her bounds in Hell, after Lilith was trapped there millennia ago. The two would create a war between the forces of Hell, and the material world, to create chaos and confusion which as a demon Lilith feeds on (she also feeds on lust and sexual energy, as a succubus, but that's not important to the plot). Lilith would eventually gain enough power from this 'chaos energy' that she would be, in effect, a new goddess, and Abigail would then use a particular spell to bind those powers and seal Lilith as a goddess, and then in return Lilith would grant Abigail ultimate power too and give Abigail a place as her second-in-command in the new world.
Natalie reveals this and that she was working to stop Abigail, and that now with Robert and Niamh's interference nothing is left to stop Abigail from achieving her plan. The three decide to work together, and travel to Tara in Ireland, where a source of natural magical energy will help Abigail to create the required portal to Hell. They manage to reach the site, and a battle starts to take place between the footsoldiers of the crime syndicate that are loyal to Abigail, and those still loyal to Natalie, along with certain vampire police members (including Lucas) who have managed to get there in time to help. The ritual begins, and Abigail manages to summon Lilith, but Lilith's body is destroyed by Robert, as he uses his still-developing magical abilities to fight Abigail. Lilith's mind and soul take refuge inside Abigail, and they manage to escape, while Robert is wounded (though not badly). The book ends with Natalie going on the run from Abigail again, after agreeing to a truce with the 'heroes' to gather her strength and find a way to defeat Abigail later on.
So yah, the full plots to the first two books in my little series. Hopefully one day I'll actually get off my arse and write them, and make lots of money and be really famous as an author and have films made of them and... What? If Stephanie Meyer can do it, then I sure as hell can...
Oh Jeez
In elementary school I made several comics. Most of them were one-shots, but I had one series that went on for awhile. They're fun to go back and look at. My friends and I also wrote several scripts, they were all very short though.
Then in middle school I started to do a lot of Star Wars fanic and RPing, which actually did me a lot of good. It enhanced my writing (not that it's spectacular or anything), and got me into writing in general. And it wasn't until then that I got good at typing.
Since then I've started on a lot of scripts (Film) but they always fizzle out. The problem is that I'll get going, and get a new idea and lose interest in the one I'm currently working on. As far as stories go, I haven't written one in some time. I've helped my friends with a few of their comics but that's about it.
I wish that we got to do more fiction in school. According to the teacher there's a short story assignment that sounds pretty cool. The problem is that my stories tend to lean on the mature (in some ways immature I suppose) side of things so I have to limit myself to stuff that's out of my spectrum.
For instance, in the sixth grade I wrote a story involving a PB&J, his partner Ham Sandwhich, and the seedy underbelly of the kitchen cabinets. PB's brother had been murdered and he was out for revenge. His quest would take him from gunfights with Hersey kisses, to bloody car chases and the transportation of high grade Sugar. I was really proud of it, and my classmates thought is was awsome. The only problem was that I couldn't use it for any of the writing projects in class becuase it was too violent. (The teacher made it up by allowing me to write a short story based in the Star Wars universe for extra credit)
So I have written a decent amount of stuff. Nothing totaly amazing, and it's all based in horror/action but I feel like I'm a pretty decent writer.
In elementary school I made several comics. Most of them were one-shots, but I had one series that went on for awhile. They're fun to go back and look at. My friends and I also wrote several scripts, they were all very short though.
Then in middle school I started to do a lot of Star Wars fanic and RPing, which actually did me a lot of good. It enhanced my writing (not that it's spectacular or anything), and got me into writing in general. And it wasn't until then that I got good at typing.
Since then I've started on a lot of scripts (Film) but they always fizzle out. The problem is that I'll get going, and get a new idea and lose interest in the one I'm currently working on. As far as stories go, I haven't written one in some time. I've helped my friends with a few of their comics but that's about it.
I wish that we got to do more fiction in school. According to the teacher there's a short story assignment that sounds pretty cool. The problem is that my stories tend to lean on the mature (in some ways immature I suppose) side of things so I have to limit myself to stuff that's out of my spectrum.
For instance, in the sixth grade I wrote a story involving a PB&J, his partner Ham Sandwhich, and the seedy underbelly of the kitchen cabinets. PB's brother had been murdered and he was out for revenge. His quest would take him from gunfights with Hersey kisses, to bloody car chases and the transportation of high grade Sugar. I was really proud of it, and my classmates thought is was awsome. The only problem was that I couldn't use it for any of the writing projects in class becuase it was too violent. (The teacher made it up by allowing me to write a short story based in the Star Wars universe for extra credit)
So I have written a decent amount of stuff. Nothing totaly amazing, and it's all based in horror/action but I feel like I'm a pretty decent writer.
I'm in the middle of writing a 5 series tv show called Blood Type, keep in mind that I've copyrighted this idea.
Blood Type is set in an alternative modern Britain where vampires and werewolves are part of everyday human life, however with all things different the humans treat them with hostility and bigoted remarks such as bloodsucker and mooner ? the bigoted humans are known as Iggies which is short for ignorant as they assume the vampires and werewolves are mindless killers. The show follows 3 stories.
The first is of Irish vampire Draco Murphy and his black werewolf partner Gabriel Ford who after years of abuse both have decided to fight against the humans and start a revolution to fight for their rights. They are joined by vampires, homosexual Vance Curtis and his sister Rose, factory worker Evan Westguard, Abbie Logue who takes a fancy to Vance, werewolf and Vance?s partner-in-crime Cyrus Deckard and Iggie Harold Bellamy whom Draco turned against his will in the pilot and takes prisoner.
The second story is that of three college students, Welsh vampire Jacob Elroy, his human girlfriend/fiancée Daryl Morgan and his werewolf best friend Mac Clayton. Deciding to elope the three of them leave their prejudice town, during the first series they are followed first by Daryl?s Iggie father Joseph and then Iggie student Phil Anderson who turns himself in order to kill them. Seeing them off they are met by Desmond Followill, a werewolf farmer, Nathan and Leanne Deckard, a husband and wife werewolf team and leaders of the Moonlight Tribe ? a group of exiled werewolves ? Nathan is Cyrus?s brother, Reede Fox, Jacob?s human friend in Cardiff and Jeffery Elroy, Jacob?s estranged father.
The final story is about Alistair Burke, a political bigot and leader of the H.N.P. (Human National Party). Alistair presents himself as someone willing to do anything to get to the top and stop the revolution, even going as far as hiring Joseph Morgan as a bounty hunter to kill Draco. Alistair is joined on his mission to the top by his deputy Malcolm Simms who is replaced in series 3 after his death by neo-Nazi General Redfield and later violent human Marcus Cole, Ron Archer the Prime Minister who Alistair twists to his tune and Robin Mosby, a peace pushing werewolf who Alistair tricks into working for him against Draco.
Blood Type is set in an alternative modern Britain where vampires and werewolves are part of everyday human life, however with all things different the humans treat them with hostility and bigoted remarks such as bloodsucker and mooner ? the bigoted humans are known as Iggies which is short for ignorant as they assume the vampires and werewolves are mindless killers. The show follows 3 stories.
The first is of Irish vampire Draco Murphy and his black werewolf partner Gabriel Ford who after years of abuse both have decided to fight against the humans and start a revolution to fight for their rights. They are joined by vampires, homosexual Vance Curtis and his sister Rose, factory worker Evan Westguard, Abbie Logue who takes a fancy to Vance, werewolf and Vance?s partner-in-crime Cyrus Deckard and Iggie Harold Bellamy whom Draco turned against his will in the pilot and takes prisoner.
The second story is that of three college students, Welsh vampire Jacob Elroy, his human girlfriend/fiancée Daryl Morgan and his werewolf best friend Mac Clayton. Deciding to elope the three of them leave their prejudice town, during the first series they are followed first by Daryl?s Iggie father Joseph and then Iggie student Phil Anderson who turns himself in order to kill them. Seeing them off they are met by Desmond Followill, a werewolf farmer, Nathan and Leanne Deckard, a husband and wife werewolf team and leaders of the Moonlight Tribe ? a group of exiled werewolves ? Nathan is Cyrus?s brother, Reede Fox, Jacob?s human friend in Cardiff and Jeffery Elroy, Jacob?s estranged father.
The final story is about Alistair Burke, a political bigot and leader of the H.N.P. (Human National Party). Alistair presents himself as someone willing to do anything to get to the top and stop the revolution, even going as far as hiring Joseph Morgan as a bounty hunter to kill Draco. Alistair is joined on his mission to the top by his deputy Malcolm Simms who is replaced in series 3 after his death by neo-Nazi General Redfield and later violent human Marcus Cole, Ron Archer the Prime Minister who Alistair twists to his tune and Robin Mosby, a peace pushing werewolf who Alistair tricks into working for him against Draco.
What in the world does Einstein have to do with this?Taipan700 said:
And yeah, I do write. I've been working one, specific novel lately, for the last few months. I'm kind of a slow writer, though, sue me.
PS. I'm not really slow, as in "I stare at my computer and I can't think of anything", it's just that it doesn't happen very often when I do decide to start writing again. When I have to do something, it's actually the opposite; I always do it at the last minute, but my literary works have always garnered praise (most in my native language, though).
I guess I'm just lazy. But I do write, yeah.
So far, I've been working on a future-time story. It's about the world being shit-fucked-up after multiple crises (crisii?) and the invasion of an empire.
It's going to be set in today's Germany, and feature an ex-sniper whose one of the president's guard and his wife and kid.
And, at the end, the family dies: the wife and kid by a grenade, the ex-sniper by suicide after the events are finished.
Because I need to see a goddamned story where all the good guys die and the bad guys live. And no sequels.
However, not a word has been written, hardly any names thought of and I can only think of key events, and nothing in between it.
It's going to be set in today's Germany, and feature an ex-sniper whose one of the president's guard and his wife and kid.
And, at the end, the family dies: the wife and kid by a grenade, the ex-sniper by suicide after the events are finished.
Because I need to see a goddamned story where all the good guys die and the bad guys live. And no sequels.
However, not a word has been written, hardly any names thought of and I can only think of key events, and nothing in between it.
well, i write a comic series where me and my friends do some unbelievable crap every episode. so far I'm on the 10th episode and we've fought zombies, aliens, generic big boss guy, rescued a convoy of slaves, and had our ship crash 5 times and survive 20 nuclear blasts and at least 200 explosions. i think its doing well...
Sure I've written quiet a few short stories. I don't currently have them up anywhere though... Maybe I'll start a Deviantart account... or maybe not.
I'm mostly a sci-fi and fantasy guy generally and I prefer to write short stories... although I tend to ramble.
I'm mostly a sci-fi and fantasy guy generally and I prefer to write short stories... although I tend to ramble.