tell me a joke......
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What do you call a dog with no legs.........doesn't matter what you call it because it ain't coming to you.
Knock knock
who's there
cows go
cows go who
no, cows go moo you -insert most offensive insult here-
who's there
cows go
cows go who
no, cows go moo you -insert most offensive insult here-
once there was a girl from nantucket who really liked to...nevermind
knock knock.who is being there?milkman is here.oh come in.thank you.you not milkman.no I murderer.the end.
your face(kid do I)
in america you turn a/c on,In russia a/c turn you on
knock knock.who is being there?milkman is here.oh come in.thank you.you not milkman.no I murderer.the end.
your face(kid do I)
in america you turn a/c on,In russia a/c turn you on
Did you hear the one about the magic tractor?
Well it was driving down the road and then it turned into a field.
Well it was driving down the road and then it turned into a field.
It's a bit in bad taste, so I'll spoiler the answer, but...
What's black, white, red all over, and can't walk through a revolving door?
What's black, white, red all over, and can't walk through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head.
I'm officially adding that to my repotoire of "No arms/no legs" jokes!CRUNKMUFFIN said:
Prepare for a sex joke! Spoilered for those who don't like them.
A group of sperm are swimming along, hurrying to their destination, one sperm turns to another and says "geez, when are we going to reach the womb?" the other turns to him and groans "I know, it's taking forever, we're not even out of the esophogus yet!".
This ones a little cheeky, so DON'T CLICK it if you're easily OFFENDED.
How can you tell that a gynaecoligist is near-sighted?
By his wet nose.
By his wet nose.
A tad offensive, especially since the joke, in its native Russian, is actually more of a a pun on words, so it loses a little of its subtlety in English:
Lame, I know.
Setting: A Jewish family's house.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Santa Claus.
Santa Claus who?
Just kidding - it's the Gestapo, now open up!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Santa Claus.
Santa Claus who?
Just kidding - it's the Gestapo, now open up!
Lame, I know.
ooooooook lets see here:
did you hear about the girl who drowned in her muesli? she was pulled in by a strong current
will edit more in as i remember them
did you hear about the girl who drowned in her muesli? she was pulled in by a strong current
did you hear about the russian with 3 testicles? his name was whojanikabollokoff.
a dyslexic man walks into a bra.
whats the difference between a giraffe and a tank? one has hydraulics and the other has high bollocks !
a dyslexic man walks into a bra.
whats the difference between a giraffe and a tank? one has hydraulics and the other has high bollocks !
will edit more in as i remember them
Here's a long one:
A 46-year-old man decides to get a face lift for his birthday. Afterward, he was astounded by how young he looked. After he leaves the hospital, he goes to a newspaper stand. He buys his paper, but just before he leaves he asks the guy running the stand "How old do you think I am". The guy running the stand replies "Hmm... About 35?". The man is pleased that somebody thought that he was that much young, and before leaving, he tells the guy "Actually, I'm 46."
He then goes to a butcher shop and asks the same question before he leaves, to which the butcher responds "About 29?" The man is even more happy now, and leaves saying he's really 46.
While on his way home, he meets an old lady at a crosswalk. He asks her the same question. "Well, there was a sure-fire way to tell a man's age back in my day" she answers "All I have to do is stick my hand down your pants and mess with your junk for a few minutes, then I'll know your exact age". The man replies, "Eh, why not?" and lets the old lady stick her hand down his pants. A few minutes pass, and the old lady pulls her hand out and says "You're 46 years old". "That's amazing!" says the man "How did you know that?" he asks. "I was behind you at the butcher shop" she replies.
A 46-year-old man decides to get a face lift for his birthday. Afterward, he was astounded by how young he looked. After he leaves the hospital, he goes to a newspaper stand. He buys his paper, but just before he leaves he asks the guy running the stand "How old do you think I am". The guy running the stand replies "Hmm... About 35?". The man is pleased that somebody thought that he was that much young, and before leaving, he tells the guy "Actually, I'm 46."
He then goes to a butcher shop and asks the same question before he leaves, to which the butcher responds "About 29?" The man is even more happy now, and leaves saying he's really 46.
While on his way home, he meets an old lady at a crosswalk. He asks her the same question. "Well, there was a sure-fire way to tell a man's age back in my day" she answers "All I have to do is stick my hand down your pants and mess with your junk for a few minutes, then I'll know your exact age". The man replies, "Eh, why not?" and lets the old lady stick her hand down his pants. A few minutes pass, and the old lady pulls her hand out and says "You're 46 years old". "That's amazing!" says the man "How did you know that?" he asks. "I was behind you at the butcher shop" she replies.
Do not read if easily offended. Stop reading now. I don't know how to do the hidey bars.
A little boy walks by a priest and a rabbi. The priest says to the rabbi"I would like to screw him" The rabbi answers"Outta what?"
Q:How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? A: Even the pool table has no balls.
A little boy walks by a priest and a rabbi. The priest says to the rabbi"I would like to screw him" The rabbi answers"Outta what?"
Q:How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? A: Even the pool table has no balls.
Man goes to doctor and says he's depressed. He says life seems harsh and cruel and that he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. The Doctor says, "Treatment is simple, the great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci."
you go spoiler spoiler except with and / example for you to qoute and learn formSigel said:
in america you have xbox360,In russia,we do not,cannot afford,we do real life frogger,dress up in green,jump in traffic,big fun,one life though.