That Dickhead Friend

[potatoko]

Okay, assuming you don't want to man up and have a conversation with this guy about his annoying habits or whatever, here's what you gotta do:

Start a fight with him. Not a physical fight or anything, just wait for him to say something stupid/inflammatory, then pick a fight with him. Escalate it. Make it about every fight you've ever had and a few you made up. Get angry. Foam at the mouth. Wait for him to call you hitler (it's inevitable, you could be taking about the Care Bears and it would come to that) and then say, "I've fucking had it with you, man", and then walk out. Block his texts, remove him from facebook, never speak to him again. You're free!

Beware the effect this could have on your circle of friends, though. If they all don't hate him as much as you do, the fact you're being kind of an asshole could lead to a mass exodus to His side, which would be counter productive.

But well, anyway. I guess this is why we shouldn't spend so much time being polite to people we don't like . . .

 

[MurderousToaster]

"being one of those annoying atheists who can't just not believe in religion"

That was unnecessary, also a little hypocritical.

If it wasn't clear, I meant someone who instead of just being quietly non-religious (like the majority of atheist people) feels the need to make comments they think are snide and clever whereby, in reality, they are just dickheaded, annoying, stupid and the most of the time, completely wrong (as in the example where he thought Christians didn't believe in gravity. He genuinely thought he was being funny.)

 

[Engarde]

I bear many of these qualities myself, heheh.
Though, to be fair, I know someone like that. Some of the things, god....

You mentioned the aggressive aetheist? Try aggresive agnostic. He does not tell everyone there is no god, you are all wrong, he instead with his big smug smile, tell everyone that neither has been proven, all of you are arguing out of emotion and likely wrong. I am sure he feels soooo superior.

On the note of lame jokes, he is constantly the one to spring to 'your mothers' or whatever other uninspired mindnumbind dreck he is fixiated with. Worse, it seems to infect others, those who are normally more interesting than that when they feel like trying to be clever, but around him....it spreads. He also insists on swearing like a sailor, and whenever pressed about it, guess what, he swears back. I tell him that it bothers me, but unfortunately, that is just fuel to the fire.

He is the first to tell everyone else how he feels, and never lets anyone do the same about him. He blames everyone else, tells them about it, tells them to leave the group, etc. The problem is...another companion of mind was just with a few associates of his. But this dick friend is antisocial and contact with anyone is jaded and awkward. He does not put up with anything, shouts at people to leave, apparently the idea has not hit him that he is not the figurehead of our group and others may want to see us....

In his insecurities he is worried that he might sound a little high pitched, and thus deems it necessary to keep his voice at a constant 'gravel tone'. I tell him what he says comes across as a monotone blur that grates on my ears, but nooo.....apparently it is more important that he never show any emotion in speech.

He loves to rain on everyone's parade. He has had a heated arguement with someone about how hapiness dulls the mind, and emotions of any kind are a mental illness. I get heated when I argue about things, and often find my voice raising. He then puts on his gravel and asks what I am getting so worked up about....

He does not take criticism or opposition, anytime I point out his flaws he likes to, as mentioned above, swear back. Or turn it around to make me the bad guy. Every time I ask for him to just put an effort and stop being so affronting to everyone.....on that note, another friend of mind has been dubbed by the dick as 'moralfag'. He once told the dick that he should probably do his chemistry work, and that he should not tell horrible stories about the cruel things he has done. He was then told to shut the f up, moralfag.

He cannot maintain a commited relationship with anyone, and thus feels it necessary to make horrid jests mostly aimed at me, as I am the only one in a relationship with a woman. The trouble is, for many complicated reasons that I do not want to speak about here, I do not spend much time with her at school, so he is constantly on about that. Or he can just switch 'mother' in his horrid jests to 'Chelsea'.

That is just the beginning of it.....though of course I have skimmed over the positives. Either way....

 

[Ickorus]

Do what I do:

He talks over chat? Ignore him!
He joins a game and pesters you to join it with him? Ignore him!
He makes inane comments on facebook? Stop using facebook, it's crap anyway!
He sends you a text? Pretend you don't have credit on your phone!

I used to know a really annoying guy at college, I never him any details that would allow him to annoy me out of college hours but a couple of my friends did and they regretted it.

Do him a favour and tell him. He probably doesn't even know he's like that.

If he's anything like the guy I used to know you could say right to his face that he is the most annoying person you have ever met and he would genuinely take it as a compliment.

 

[hurfdurp]

You ..you could ..not be friends with this person?

That's not a choice. This friend seems to always be around. You can't get rid of them. I have this friend. My God, it hurts...

They must not be so bad then, since if they were, you would definitely find a way to get rid of them.

 

[Not-here-anymore]

I read it all! And yes, I have that friend. For some reason, I actually quite like him. NO idea why...

 

[Booze Zombie]

Ugh, talk about Wall Of Text (I read it, though)

Anyway, yeah, those kinda friends can be annoying. I've had few of them myself. But to be honest, I've been similar person sometimes too. And sometimes you don't even see it yourself.

Thank God my friends then talked to me about it. So that's what you should try too. Talk to him.

We humans aren't constant, we will change attitudes and act differently around different people, that means that at some point in our lives, we're all going to be "dickheads" because we either consciously or subconsciously think that's how we should be acting at the time.

 

[legion431]

I read all of it, so I guess I've gained your respect.
No, most of my friends [or what I would consider friends] are genuinely nice people, if a little arrogant/ignorant. If one of my friends was like that, I would tell him not to mind fuck me anymore. If he continues I wouldn't consider him a friend anymore.

 

[LawlessSquirrel]

I've certainly known people like that. I'm usually too patient and forgiving to do anything about it, but evidently the other people I used to hang with weren't, and eventually just told them to leave.

But then, with paranoia and all, I get concerned about turning into 'that guy' for other people without knowing it...

 

[Jezzascmezza]

Oh damn...
I think I am basically that guy...

 

[RobCoxxy]

snip, snippety snip

Tell me about it. So many people like this.
Also got the asshole who acts really sensitive around girls to win them over, whinging about his "girl problems" til one feels sorry for him, gets a girlfriend, "OH I LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND"... has sex four times in a year, thinks he's fucking Casanova.

Then, with us lads, just runs around pretty much describing her as his sex toy. And ripping on all his friends for "Not having sex when I'm having so much of it. Oh, I wish I was with her, having sex now, like you fags aren't."

Then, in front of girls: "Oh, I miss her so terribly. I really love her."
That type of two-faced douchebaggery really gets on my nerves.

 

[Varrdy]

He proceeds to start making jokes about religion because, of course, he thinks he's being trendy, hip and edgy by being one of those annoying atheists who can't just not believe in religion

What's wrong with that? Being an Athiest is no more annoying than some shite knocking on your door at 8am on a Sunday and shoving a copy of The Watchtower in your face.

I also like Mock the Week too but getting back to the original point, I think I know where you are coming from. While I know people similar to that, I don't think any of them could top your "friend" for complete arseholery!

Me being me, I am somewhat intolerant of folk like that because, while I acknowledge I am not exacly Mr. Silvertongue Eloquent myself, I am a member of the furry fandom and, sadly, it seems to attract way more fuckwits than it does nice people. Unfortunately for them, I tend not to mince my words and if someone's being a cock, I tell them so and in no uncertain terms.

While it's fine to vent and lay bear this person's litany of idiocy, it will do nothing to resolve the situation. If you really hate this guy I am sorry but it's "cruel to be kind" time. By that I mean being cruel to him in order to be kind to yourself.

If subtle hint-dropping doesn't work then I'm sorry but it's time for the big guns and if you play it right, you can come out of this on the moral high ground. The next time he starts, pull him up quick and explain that he's just being annoying and should change the record, as it were. If he carries on, stop him again and ask if he heard what you said. IF he says "yes" BUT refuses to change then you can nail him in the balls with the "Knowing you're being a twat does NOT excuse it!" nuke and be justified in telling him to fuck off and never come near you again. Of course he will complain to everyone who will listen but if everyone else has the same opinion on the guy they should be relied on to show him a black card.

If he doesn't come out with the desired response, lay it all out anyway and maybe even show him your original post as a kind of vitriolic Cliff Notes. Hopefully this too will make him go away.

In either case, it's the only way you'll get rid of him (without resorting to physical violence) and, if everyone else feels the same way they will be too busy standing behind you, leaning over your shoulder and shaking their fists at him as they growl "Yeaaahhh!" to listen to him wail.

Warning: Depending on your personality and regardless of his, taking it to extremes may induce feelings of guilt for a while but they should pass and, until they do, ease the feelings by re-reading your OP to remind yourself what a shite he is and how much better off you are without him.

Best of luck!

Wardy

 

[Enemy Of The State]

That sounds like the guy who I have to spend the next 4 hours with...

 

[Mr Pantomime]

Yeah, i had a friend like that. Everyone stopped talking to him, but he still goes round to one of my friends house from time to time, even though my friend hates him too. But he lost his car, so hes immobile. I havetn seen him in months. as for online gaming, he doesnt know my accounts. when he asked i made some excuse

 

[hardlymotivated]

Is it really that difficult to tell him to fuck off? Just... don't be friends with him any more. I used to know somebody fairly similar to him years and years ago, and it really was as simple as that. "Fuck off."

If you're not up for it, why not just block him from MSN/Steam/however he attempts to contact you?

 

[Tharwen]

I have this spread evenly over two friends. One matches the first half about generally considering himself above the people around him; the other matches the bit about spamming messages and complaining about religion.

 

[Durgiun]

I read it all because I have a friend who's similar to the description you gave. He is by no means a dick, but he's annoying as hell because he always talks about shit that noone cares about. AND he talks about it as if he's fucking thirteen. God forbid that there's a hot woman as a mascot for a new game (you know, the one that looks like any given supermodel) because he's gonna talk for weeks how she's hot and how he wants to do her (he's a virgin, by the way). He's a bloody graphics whore before anything else and he just won't. Shut. Up. About some fucking celebrity actress that doesn't look even the least bit attractive.

Still, he has a wider screen plasma with HDMI, so I hang with him from time to time.

 

[MurderousToaster]

He proceeds to start making jokes about religion because, of course, he thinks he's being trendy, hip and edgy by being one of those annoying atheists who can't just not believe in religion

What's wrong with that? Being an Athiest is no more annoying than some shite knocking on your door at 8am on a Sunday and shoving a copy of The Watchtower in your face.
-shnippity shnip shnap-

I wasn't complaining about Atheists. I have many Atheist friends. It's just this guy seems to believe that by making generally wrong assumptions about anyone even slightly associated with religion he's being a genuine stand-up comedian, despite the jokes lacking anything that could be even called taste or humour. They're always badly-thought-out, distasteful, low-brow jokes that generally just include him making a wrong assumption, making a shit joke out of it and then, after being proven wrong by the person he's making a joke about continuing to believe he's correct. Like the one about Christians not believing in gravity I mentioned. That is completely, 110% incorrect and yet he still proceeded to make a joke about it.