The Escapist Advice Thread

[thesilentman]

You may have burned your nose. Try taking it out, blowing out the dust, and putting it back on again.

Dear Escapist, how do I succeed in life?

 

[NerfedFalcon]

Become a doctor, get the most money and buy everyone else's car to win the game. It helps to retire first, too.

Dear Escapist, there seems to be a strange crack in reality near my local park. How do I open it?

 

[thesilentman]

Divide by zero. Do the proof and voila! Crack opened.

Dear Escapist, how do I get a friend to fall for some Shmuck Bait?

 

[MrCollins]

It would help if he was a Shmuck Fish.

Dear Escapist, How can I get away with necro'ing my own thread?

 

[Teoes]

By not drawing attention to it. Damn.

Dear Escapist, how can I eat an entire roast chicken in one sitting?

 

[kailus13]

By unhinging your jaw and swallowing it whole.

Dear Escapist, how do I sneeze?

 

[MrCollins]

By shoving flour up into your nostrils.

Dear Escapist, I don't like cats. How can I live on the internet?

 

[Headsprouter]

Blindfolded!

Dear Escapist, how do I shot web?

 

[kailus13]

With a gun, although I don't know what web has done to you.

How do I stop biting my tongue?

 

[thesilentman]

Use a hook to stop your mouth from closing.

Dear Escapist, how do I become a true insane maniac?

 

[kailus13]

Just stay on your current course. You're getting there.

Dear Escapist, how do I type faster?

 

[Headsprouter]

Don't correct your typos! Give zero fucks!

Dear Escapist, I skinned my arm. How do I put it back on?

 

[kailus13]

With glue.

Dear Escapist, how do I stop being lonely?

 

[Neuromancer]

By giving in to the voices that urge you to kill your family.

Dear Escapists, how can I find happiness?

 

[kailus13]

By giving in to the voices that urge you to kill your family.

Dear Escapists, how do I improve my cooking?

 

[Headsprouter]

Insanity Wolf is well-known for his initiative!

Dear Escapist, how can I breathe water?

 

[kailus13]

Jist stick your head in and breathe deep.

Dear Escapist, how do I breathe?

 

[Dr.Susse]

You have never offered him a blood sacrifice.

Dear Escapist how can I stop being so tired.