The Escapist Avatar Adventure: An Open RP (Now Re-Opened!)

[lwm3398]

Spoiler

Crap. Someone fill me in... In the meantime:

Alucard sat with a headache. He felt around in his deep overcoat pockets. Hell was an alright place, he thought, but bored him to tears. He pushed him self up and stood. He found what he'd been looking for in his pocket; A Get Outta Hell Free Card. He started a walk to the Prince of Darkness.

Later.

"So, lemme get this straight..." Satan said as he looked down at Alucard from his high throne. First you beg me to give you a spot in Hell, saying you're retired. Now you wanna use the card." He threw up is hands. "Look, just let me out." Alucard said, loading an unnecessary other bullet into his gun. It upped his intimidation.

"I can't help you. Unless you can help me..." Satan said, a wicked smile curling on his face. He looked like a red grinch, thought Alucard. "What would that be?" Alucard said, rolling his eyes behind his orange glasses. Same old Satan, always asking for a soul or a favor. "I need someone to take your spot in Hell, of course. I can't just leave a vacancy. Oh no, someone must be in you're spot." He said.

Alucard didn't have to think. A soul of one of those blood-bags? Of course he could get one of them. "Of course." He said. Then he thought how Satan could not be so easily fooled. Hell, they were old friends. They knew each other well. "Cut the bullshit. There's more to this." Satan put on a face of mock surprise. "I am offended that you would distrust me! I can't just say goodbye to an old friend?" Alucard just handed him the card. He'd be told later what was going on when Satan pulled the old 'You owe me' thing. But for now, Alucard had some people to find, some things to do. He walked up the stairway to Earth, adjusted his hat to shield himself from sun, and walked on.

 

[Pm0n3y]

"Why does this always happen to us?!" Phil said, groaning in annoyance.

"It always seems like we're getting jumped by large armies of assorted things! Seriously, what the fuck is up with that?!" He said, starting to grow annoyed and angry.

 

[lwm3398]

Alucard slowly walked to Canada. He'd seen a huge flame-ball come from the sky and hit it. Must be them, he thought. He fired a volley of bullets into the air. The bullets came down heavily, successfully turning him into a fine red mist. The bats flew from the cloud and it grew smaller. "This is the way to travel!" the bats called in unison as they flew, a giant flapping mass (You may laugh at the joke possibilities) heading towards the blast.

 

[Ramthundar]

"Quickly Men and various "other" Creatures! We must form a Battle Plan!" Ram cried, the impending army of Canadian Super-Troopers coming their way.

"Wait, a Plan? Ram never makes a plan, he just charges in yelling some obscure battle-cry. WHO ARE YOU?!" Rag cried, jumping on top of Ram, katana raised at his throat.

"Uh, uh, it's me, mate. Ram, you old friend, your bud, your sexy beast, oh yeah! Baby!-Ah shit, did the Powers again."

"Hey Mike, it's cool now." came a voice from behind the group. They turned and gasped as they saw Ram, minus Rag and katana but plus a sombrero and margarita. "Mah vacations over now, you can go back to Hollywood."

The Ram underneath Rag let out a sigh, pushing of bemused monkey and taking off his head to reveal Mike Meyers.
"No offense man, but you run with some crazy-ass people. Groovy Baby!" he said, before dashing off back to his home-land of sex and pay-per-view scandal.

"Thanks again Mike!" Ram cried. He turned back to the group, all with their chins on the ground.
"W...T...Fucking-Grenade-In-A-Nursery was that about?" Commi Buster (or who-ever Multi-Kill is controlling) said.

"Oh, yeah sorry bout that guys, but it was my decadly-week vacation, and I asked them Hollywood guys if'en I could borrow one of their own to take my place while I was gone. I thought Mike was the closest guy I could find that could do all the crazy stuff we usually due." Ram explained, shaking off his sombrero and downing the margarita.

"So, we're fighting Canada now? How'd that happen?"

 

[lwm3398]

Rag was about to gather up his low-to-the-ground jaw and answer Ram, when he spotted a bat-swarm. "Er... A swarm of bats. Lovely." He raised his katana and was about to jump, when Ram put a salt-covered hand on his shoulder.

"Does that in any way look familiar to you guys? A big swarm of bats?" Ram said, racking his brain. "Is it a new and improved more badass Santa? Can anyone see a sleigh behind it?"

"Hmm-hmm-hmm... I might wear red, but I'm not Santa. I'm Alucard, pleased to meet you."

"The fuck was that? Who's talking?" Rag said, now having met his daily dose of what-the-fuck-ness.

"Me," the swarm said as it landed. A puddle of blood formed and a man rose from it.

"Oh, you." Ram said. "Where've you been?"

 

[lwm3398]

Alucard took the wooden-spike tipped arrow to the chest. "The hell was that, man?" Alucard said, pulling the arrow out with barely a wince.

"DIE UNDERWORLD FEIND!" Xandus yelled again as he fired into Alucard again.

"What do you hope to accomplish?" Alucard said, pulling out the four other arrows Xandus had shot at him and snapping them.

"Hey! Those cost money!" Xandus yelled. Alucard massaged his temples.

"I'm not a run-of-the-mill vampire, friend. It takes a little more than some arrows to kill me." Alucard said, as Xandus pulled out melted-from-crosses, holy-water dipped bullets in a magazine and loaded it into his chain-gun.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Xandus yelled as a shower of blood saved him a bath that night. Alucard was a fine puddle of blood before Xandus let go of the trigger. The puddle stood up and it's features became articulated. Xandus threw up his hands. "You suck," He said, pouting. "And why won't you die?!"

"Look, just give me a soul of one of your men and I'll work for your team." Alucard said, remembering the deal.

"Awesome! Screw you goat, I get the... thing." Xandus said, shooting one of his men in the eye.

"Never liked him anyways. So, let's get to the fight!" Ram said. "Oh, wait, obscure battle cry, obscure battle cry... Hmm... THIS! IS! CANADA!"

 

[Sam G]

"You don't get to live!!!" Billy-Joe Armstrong yelled, threw his naginata at MJ, then jumped onto it, soaring after the villains*.
"I heard a rumour that your ass is mine!" Continued Gerard Way, hopping on his motorbike and speeding after his companion.
"Wait! I never got your autograph!" Death cried, and sprinted after G-Way as fast as he could.

[small]*The Logician is punching himself right now.[/small]

 

[lwm3398]

"Hey, Death" Alucard said, as Death ran past him. Alucard found this moment of batshit insanity a good one to shove a clip in his gun. He still had no idea what was happening apart from the fact that he was fighting with this team. Despite the fact that most of them were humans- except the cat-soldier and other people he may not know about- but they didn't seem it. They were just too weird. Well, it's better than a monkey and a ram, Alucard thought. Might as well be evil.

 

[Sam G]

"Bwaah!" Yelled G-Way, crashing into Commie Buster at such a speed that they both exploded in a nuclear fashion. The radiation caused by the explosion affected two nearby possums, each of whom turned into an exact clone of one of the pair, complete with their memories.
"Bwaah indeed!" Billy-Joe yelled, travelling at such a speed he rode clean past the other three, and flew off a nearby cliff.
"This is for the years of illogical action only possible due to the utter surrealism of this entire multiverse!" The Logician yelled, appearing beneath Billy-Joe and punching him back up to safety.
"Ohmygodbillyjoearmstrongyouhavetohelpmetheresanimmortalvampirewhowantstokillmeaaaaah!!!" Death yelled, hurtling towards the morally ambiguous group and meaning every word of what he just said. He ducked to avoid a bullet from Alucard's gun, and cowered behind Billy-Joe's legs.
"Wait, why are you cowering behind my legs? Gerard's the one who majored in Music, Graphic Design and Vampire-Slaying back in high school!" Billy-Joe protested.
"And don't you goddamn forget it!" G-Way yelled, smacked Death with a copy of The Umbrella Academy, and charged at Alucard with his mallet and stake in hand.

 

[Pm0n3y]

"Um, Hey! Did you guys forget? WE HAVE TO FIGHT A FUCKIN ARMY!!!" Phil yelled, growing angrier while pointing at the advancing forces.

Seeing Commi Buster, MJ, G-Way, and Billy-Joe (whoever those fuckers are) run in circles like little fuckin kids on a goddamn playground just pissed Phil off even more.

"Y'know what? I'm about to end this right now!" He says, leaping into the air.

He takes off his H.a.L.O and it forms into something similar to Vegeta's Scouter. As he puts it on, his right hand glows it's brightest. Smooth Criminal notices this and attempts some evasive maneuvers, but Phil's scouter has him locked on tight.

"You can't escape from my sight ************, no matter how much you try to dodge." Phil said, filling with rage.

Then he began his chant.

"This hand of mine glows with an awesome power! It's burning grip tells me to blast you ass to smithereens!!! Take this! My growing hate for this plot!! My anger towards Multi-Kill being a fuckin Dick Crown!! And all of my sorrow towards what this thread has turned into!!! Now here I go... [HEADING=1]SHINING FINGER!!!!!!![/HEADING]

The beam bursts from his finger and takes out MJ, leaving Commi Buster and the others speechless. Phil landed hard, rupturing the ground below him with deep cracks. He walked up to the Former singer's son, Eyes literary burning with rage. MJ wasn't dead just yet. Phil's Armblades pop out and he thrusts both of them into Smooth Criminal's burning body, using them to lift him up into the air.

"Any last words before I ragequit all over your fuckin face?" Phil growled, his anger slowly consuming him.

 

[lwm3398]

G-way ran toward Alucard, screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. As the mallet connected with Alucard's sternum at a speed that almost ruptured space-time. Alucard flew to the ground, a swarming mass of pissed-off blood vaporizing the ground with it's speed. The next time G-way saw the vampire was when it came out of the hole, a garnet vapor-cloud that had been evaporated from blood when it reached the center of the Earth. After landing safely next to the hole, Alucard reformed. G-way had heard Phil's raging yells and had long since stopped caring about Alucard. He looked at Phil, only to see him vaporize the ever-living shit out of MJ's face.

"ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY!?!?!?" Death yelled as the Smooth Criminal got killed. Commi Buster put a hand on his face.

"Enough with the song puns. Really." He said.

 

[Sam G]

"And with that, my work here is done," Billy-Joe Armstrong, the lead singer of Green Day, how the hell didn't you know that, said, and warped away.
"You're just leaving me here?! I heard a motherfucking RUMOUR I was gonna kick your ass!!!" Gerard Way, who is the lead singer of My Chemical Romance, maybe I should have explained that earlier, yelled at his ex-partner. "Dude, hold this," he said to Alucard, and handed him a cross. Yep.
"Graah! Dammit!" Alucard yelled, as G-Way warped away after Billy-Joe.

 

[lwm3398]

Spoiler

"Graah! Dammit!" Alucard yelled.

Will you assholes stop trying to kill me?! I think I've made it pretty damn clear it's impossible to kill me!

Alucard tried to unfurl his fist from the cross, but nothing happened. He couldn't move his hand. As he used one of his guns to shoot his hand into red nothingness and watched the cross fall to the ground, Death said, "Oh, Crazy Glue. That would explain the sticking to your hand and whatnot."

The blood came back up to form his hand. "So, fucking, help me, God, I will kill that bastard someday. Also, DAMN YOU CRAZY GLUE!"

Then something dawned on Death. "Aren't you with Xandus? Shouldn't you be killing me, or something?" Death said, drawing his scythe/whatever weapon you have, I've forgotten, just to be careful. Alucard said nothing, and only turned to see what was happening with the fight.

"Okay, fuck you guys, I'm gonna go help Ram." Phil said before angrily storming off into the mayhem of the battle.

"Hey, do you know Satan?" Alucard said, turning to Death. Death raised his weapon when he saw the vampire move, but relaxed when he heard the question.

"He was my dad's business partner. Why d'you ask?" Death said, now wondering exactly which vampire this was.

"Business partner, eh? You're Death Jr., aren't you? Grim's son?"

"That's me. You know Satan?"

"Oh, we've been friends since the 14 hundreds. I'm Vlad Tepes, member of the Hellsing organization. Pleased to meet you."

 

[Sam G]

"Aren't you with Xandus? Shouldn't you be killing me, or something?" Death said, drawing his scythe/whatever weapon you have

Spoiler: OOC

It's actually a gunblade, as of recently.

"Nice to meet you too! If you'll scroll back a few pages through the fabric of our reality, though, you'll discover that I'm actually the son of Shinigami, the japanese incarnation of Death. It's to do with my being an anime character, see," Death explained. "So, anyway, yeah. Satan. Great guy. Seen much of him recently?"

 

[ajb924]

Spoiler: Guess what guys!?

I'M LOST AGAIN!
I had to sort of ignore the story since my last post, finals kept me pretty busy... BUT! Now it's winter break and times ripe for the wasting. Anyone care to help me out by telling me where the villians are, and what in the hell is going on in general...

 

[lwm3398]

Spoiler: Guess what guys!?

I'M LOST AGAIN!
I had to sort of ignore the story since my last post, finals kept me pretty busy... BUT! Now it's winter break and times ripe for the wasting. Anyone care to help me out by telling me where the villians are, and what in the hell is going on in general...

Spoiler: Sure.

I'm back too! Your favorite invincible vampire from 20 pages back!

Okay. Darth Xandus, Maddawg, Sho, and HK-47 are rulers of a now Nazi Germany-like Canada. They're attacking America with Canadian stormtroopers, Imperial Officers, Mounties in power suits, helicopter gunships, and mechs. Ram has been on a vacation and Mike Myers in a ram-suit had taken his place. I'm a gun-for-hire, Phil is pissed, Death is chilling, Billy-joe Armstrong zapped himself away, so did Gerard Way, MJ was vaporized by Phil. You're basically caught up.

Please, anyone, correct me if I'm wrong, that's what I've gathered since my return.