The Escapist Avatar Adventure: An Open RP (Now Re-Opened!)

[maddawg IAJI]

"Well ye no need to worry!" Said the Captain as she picked up a staff at random. "Just get me to the dock and I'll handle the ritual!"

"You just needed the cane to summon him?" asked Jeeves as he held a good 4-5 canes in his hands.

"Argh! Of course not! We be needing a few more things before we can get started!"

"Okay, exactly what will we need?" Asked Maddawg dodging more marsupials as he drove.

"Well we'll need....a chicken, some kalamari and a sacrificial virgin." said Sky, reading off a list.

Several minutes later. After a trip to the grocers and another to a group of LARPers.

Sky stood on the dock, holding a staff in hand as she prepared the ritual. She mumbeled some words and raised the staff high. OH MIGHTY BURT! WE SUMMON YE!" Said Sky (Or Maddawg) as they slammed the staff on the wooden dock. The waves of the ocean in front of them opened forth, revealing thousands of sunk ships and dying fish (And also lowering a good portion of New Zealand's geography, but that's another story for another time). Sky, confused, looked at the staff and read "Property of Moses."

"Oops....this be the wrong one." She said.

 

[sky14kemea]

The ocean crashed back into itself, causing a large wave to surge away from them.

"I wonder where that's heading.." Maddawg said, watching it go over the horizon.

"Yarr, probably Europe." Sky laughed, throwing the Moses staff on the ground and picking another one at random.

"OH MIGHTY BURT! WE SUMMON YE!.... AGAIN!" Cap'n Sky yelled, raising the second staff in the air. The staff began to glow a pure white, and they all felt a little better. The ocean remained silent.

"Third time's the charm?" Jeeves said, as Sky looked at the label on the second staff. "

Property of White Mage.

"

"Arrrgh, this be beginning to piss me off. Who keeps all these staffs together in the same place!!" Sky raged.

 

[Fury Is Me.]

Meanwhile, back at Ganondorf's Castle.
"HA! Take THAT Maddawg! I have cause a slight inconvenience for you by placing all those worthless staves among the real one! MWAHAHAHAH! I'm so EVIL!" Ganondorf said, laughing at Mawddaw and co's minor inconvenience.

 

[maddawg IAJI]

Spoiler: OOC

xD Dang, Sky beat me to the use of that staff. I'm gonna have to find another one.

Meanwhile, with the wave

The Wave built up power as it surged forward, consuming all in it's path. Sky was correct about the trajectory of the wave, what she didn't know was where in Europe it was going to hit.

In this case, it hit a large castle owned by the main evil of a once peaceful land....that's right...It hit Bowser's castle. But the wave was large, and it also managed to slam onto the shores of Hyrule, wiping out an identical castle. This time belonging to Ganondorf.

Back in the Outback

The group continued to go through Cane after Cane after Cane.

Jeeves was the next to choose and he picked a small, more modern looking one.

"Argh, who does these one belong too?" Asked Sky to Jeeves.

Jeeves looked at the handle and instead of telling her, used a bit of dry sarcasm. "Gee, I don't know. This thing looks like it's from the 21st century, why would it belong to Herman? Now if you'll excuse me, I have a patient to save through unconventional means!"

Jeeves tried walking away, but was quickly backhanded by Maddawg who snatched the cane from him. "Never let the weak minded use the cane of Doctor House." he said as he tossed it away.

 

[Fury Is Me.]

"SIR! IT WOULD APPEAR OUR CASTLE IN HYRULE WAS DESTROYED BY A WAVE CAUSED BY MADDAWG AND FRIENDS!" Frank said.
"WHAT?! DAMNIT! I left all my shit over there! DAMN YOU MADDAWG! [color=blood red]YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS![/color]" Ganondorf said.
"It aso seems that Bowser's castle was wiped out!"
"Ah, who cares, he's got like 12."
"It's a good thing we're in Canada isn't it boss?"
"Yes, yes it is Frank. NOW GO GET ME SOME MORE MAPLE SYRUP. Eh."

 

[hopeneverdies]

Iji was the last to try a staff. She swung it and... it seemed nothing happened. At least until Sky began to curse her hat, which had flipped over. Iji looked down. "Cane of Pachi."
"Well that has to be the most useless thing to have a cane for. I told you that bedpost was it."

 

[maddawg IAJI]

The cycle began again, this time with Maddawg taking the first pick.

He closed his eye and reached into the pile to pick one out at random and came across a regular wooden stick. He preformed the same ritual as the others before him and slammed the cane on the dock.

No giant Octopus appeared, instead the waves turned into brown melted milk chocolate. Maddawg looked down at the cane which read "Property of Willy Wonka and his amazing factory". It wasn't what he wanted, but he still smiled and shouted "CANNON BALL!" before jumping in.

As he threw the staff away though, the water reverted and Maddawg quickly jumped out due to priahannas biting his leg. He sensed a bit of Irony out of nearly being eaten after jumping in to fuel his sugar drive.

 

[sky14kemea]

Cap'n Sky snorted with laughter as Maddawg walked back onto shore with priahannas biting at his leg.
Maddawg glared and threw one at her, which landed in her hat.

"YARRGH!" Sky yelled, taking off her hat and flinging it onto the sand. The pirahanna flopped around uselessly, until it died of dehydration.

"Arr... I'll fetch it later." Sky grumbled, choosing another staff. They were down to the last few now.

She waved it, and plonked it onto the sands, causing a sword to appear in Jeeves' hands.
Looking at the label again, she saw '

Property of Merlin

' this time.

"Maybe you should look at the ones with labels first, instead of picking at random?" Jeeves suggested, swinging the sword around.

"Arr! This be ticking me off! I'll be over here sunbathing!" Sky raged, walking back over the her hat and lying down on the sand.

 

[maddawg IAJI]

Spoiler: Damn it!

I'm running out of Staves!

"Maybe you should look a the ones with labels first instead of picking at random?" Suggested Jeeves.

"He does make a bit of sense." said lji.

"But if we do that, we won't find the awesome loot!" replied Maddawg as he searched through the pile.

"What loot?" Asked them both.

"Just look at the stats on this staff. Whoever owned this must have been a big WoW Fan! +23 Strength and +20 Stamina? I'm keeping this one." Said the Locust.

"But your other one has chainsaws on it...." Pointed out Jeeves

"Oh ya.......anyone got scotch tape?"

 

[Orinon]

CybeRyan showed up for the reason that he had no idea where the heroes were doing and he had a staff idea
He grabbed a staff and repeated the incantation.
"Staff of trickery, what is this doing out of Wow maybe the barriers are breaking down? any way You mentioned scotch tape maddawg? I got duct tape it's way better."
"Why does an advanced robot need duct tape?" asked Maddawg accepting the roll CybeRyan offered him
"Just Cause"

 

[sky14kemea]

Spoiler: OOC

Okay, that made me laugh Orinon xD. Good point though >_> the heroes have slowed down their posting..

As Maddawg taped his two staffs together, to make a much more awesome staff, Sky grabbed one of the remaining Staves. It looked like an ordinary walking stick to the untrained eye.

"Yarrr, I have a good feelin' about this one." Sky said happily, raising it into the air and plonking it onto the sands.

"BURT, WE SUMMON YE! GET YER TENTACLES OUT HERE WHERE WE CAN SEE YA!" She bellowed.

The ocean began to stir, as the waves got higher and mor dangerous. a strange humming sound could be heard, as the waters surface rippled into life.
One by one, eight slippery tentalces rose out of the water in front of them, followed by a dome-shaped head. Burts big brown eyes looked at them gloomily, as he hummed his tune.

"Aye! That be Burt alright." Cap'n Sky said triumphantly.

"Now we can use him to defeat Nessie, right?" Jeeves asked, wondering how they were going to get Burt back to New York.

"...Is that what we were doin'? I forget." Sky said, patting one of the tentacles in a greeting.

 

[hopeneverdies]

Iji had already jumped on top of Burt's head.
"Go my Kraken! Time to have some fun."

However, Burt didn't like the idea of being someone's kraken, and promptly threw her back on the pier.

Sky sighed. "You have to know how to get his attention." She drew a picture of Nessie from her coat and held it up to the octopus' solemn eyes. "Do ye want 't?"

Burt seemed to lighten up somewhat from the image.

"Then we'll take ye thar."

"Uh, Cap'n, how will we get it to New York?" asked Jeeves.

 

[Sam G]

"Dammit, I had lots of staff puns!" Sam cried, dejected that she'd been left out of the reference-gasm that was occurring. She closed her Temporary Door (that's what I'm calling it) behind her and emptied a collapsible staff, a sword-staff, a three-part staff, Gandalf's staff, some staff paper, a distaff and the cleaning staff out of her bag onto the ground. "Now what am I supposed to do with these?"

 

[Orinon]

CybeRyan thought about this for a moment, and then the realization came.
"I got it!"
5 minutes later
"Why did you try to flush it down the toilet?"
"Alligators got flushed down the toilet and ended up in the New York sewers."
"That's because they were in New York."

 

[Fury Is Me.]

Spoiler: Orinon

Rofl.

Suddenly, a tornado showed up near the cabin that Sky and friends were in.
The cabin got sucked up into the tornado and everyone started spinning.
"OMGWTFBBQ?!" Cyberyan screamed.
Suddenly, evil, witchy cackling was heard outside.
"Wait a minute..." Maddawg said, sensing the upcoming reference.
Suddenly, a bicycle flew by the old 1930's window in the corner of the cabin, but more importantly, Ganondorf flew by on a broomstick and kept himself in front of the window for all to see. He had black witch clothing on, a big hook nose mask and green face paint. "EHEHEHEHE! HELLO MY PRETTIES!" He said in a very witchy voice.

 

[Orinon]

?Pretties the only pretty ones are Sam and Iji and Sky?
The ladies blushed in flattery
"Nonetheless, you think you can beat us wicked witch I have a sword made of lasers and magma, mini guns laser powers, and I'm one of the weakest ones here. Madding is a locust general Sky is a pirate a really powerful pirate, Iji has Nano technology and Sam can manipulate reality. What have you got?"
"Umm I got a broomstick."
CybeRyan gave the witch a round of applause

 

[Fury Is Me.]

"NO! DON'T YOU TALK FOR ME! I HAVE MORE THAN A BROOM STICK! I HAVE AN ENTIRE ARMY OF MONSTER AND UNDEAD SOLDIERS! I COMMAND CREATURES ONLY SEEN IN YOUR NIGHTMARES! I HAVE COMMAND OVER A HUGE ARRAY OF BOSS CHARACTERS! PLUS I HAVE THE TRIFORCE OF POWER! YOU CAN JUST SUCK IT! EHEHEHEHEHE!" Ganondorf fired a lightning orb at CybeRyan. "EHEHEHEHE! Bye bye my pretties! EHEHEHEHE!" Ganondorf flew off and the tornado disappeared. The cabin fell in the middle of a village.

 

[Orinon]

oops sorry Ganon though you were the wicked witch of the west my apologies oh and my name is CybeRayn

 

[Fury Is Me.]

Spoiler: OOC

Gah, sorry, I forgot it was CybeRyan.

 

[maddawg IAJI]

The group stepped out and found themselves in a magical land. Small men and woman came slowly out of hiding from their homes to stare at them as they left the cabin.

"Argh, I don't think we be in Australia any more." Said Cap'n Sky as the creatures (Known as Munchkins) approached closer.

"BARK BARK!" said a nearby Scottish Cairn Terrier who stood near Jeeves.

"I think you're right Toto" Said Jeeves.

"WHERE DID THAT DOG COME FROM!?" Yelled Maddawg before the Munchkins began to sing.

"DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD-"

"OI! STOP SINGING OR I WILL EAT YOUR SOLES!" Said Sky as she tried to rush at the crowd of tiny people while Jeeves and lji held her back.

"Look Sky, if you're hungry for soles, then just eat the ones on the person we crushed when we landed.

Sky turned around and saw the red glittery shoes below the house. Her eyes went wide as she raised he arms and yelled "SOLES!" She dived for the pair of high heels, "I BLOODY LOVE SHOES!"

Meanwhile Maddawg, who was fed up of being attacked over and over again (Now knowing how the Heroes felt), drew his Phone and called the lunar base where a working Gordon Freeman was waiting. "Gordon! It's Maddawg, I've just about had it with that Ganondorf bastard, I want you to find where he is and nuke it to KINGDOM COME and I don't mean the crappy Jay-Z Album. You got that?"

No answer.

"You know, in hindsight, maybe giving you a Cellphone was kind of a pointless task." he said as he hung up. Multiple warheads launched from the moon. Heading to Ganondorf's Canadian base, eh.