The Funniest Insult You Can Think Of?

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Spacelord

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May 7, 2008
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"I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick!"
 

Anachronism

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Apr 9, 2009
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One for the Latin nerds out there.

Your mother's so fat, when she's in town, Rome has eight hills!
 

Saphire

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Jul 15, 2008
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From The Curse of Monkey Island:

"If I bleached chalk it wouldn't be as white as you..."
 

Fingerprint

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Oct 30, 2008
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kailsar said:
Okay, my favourite comes from the world of cricket, which I hate; but they do have a tradition of sledging, which is trying to unnerve a fellow player through insulting him. The following is a classic example:

Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
"Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because every time I fuck your mother, she throws me a biscuit."
Or, also from the world of cricket, what about: "Hows your wife and my kids?" I can't remember who said it but it's funny nonetheless.
 

George Palmer

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Feb 23, 2009
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If you were the sole entrant in an intelligence contest, you'd come in third.


Still my favorite.
 

ShogunGino

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Oct 27, 2008
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Say this when someone attempts to make a remark to something you said:

"If I wanted my come back, I'd wipe it off your girlfriend's face."

Also, when someone whines about something stupid happening to them:

"Life is a *****, learn to take it like one."(Best said in a slight French accent)
 

MCGT

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Caimekaze said:
I told someone to snort some anti-freeze once. He told me to snort some cutting my wrists. Classy.
I wrote a thousand word long insult, once. It would take quite a while to type it out again, but...
You are a what. An it. You have no gender, due to the fact that when the doctor saw you were born, he/she decided to spare the world your procreation and castrated you. Like the half-witted canine you pretend to be in order to give yourself some kind of explanation on your lack of resemblance to a human being.

You make me ashamed to be a human being, to be related to you in even the slightest way. The idea that we somehow have an ancestor in common makes my skin crawl. The fact that you have survived for this long astonishes me, and proves that the concept of "survival of the fittest" no long applies. The mere sight of you would have made Darwin break down and rip up his papers.

What truly astonishes me is the fact that any person can be as bleeding stupid as you are. You fail to see the intelligence in what people say, and instead float along in your own little cloud of delusion. You lack the basic higher functions of human beings, instead relying on what deranged thoughts you can drag out of the mush that is your grey matter. Your parents must have been very free with their money when you were young, and justified their lack of love for your hideous visage by bribing your schools to let you pass, as it is the only plausible way you could have graduated.

You are a senseless, vain, narcissistic, emotionally depraved, slimy, bedraggled, putrescent pile of goop. I'd rather dip my head into the centre of a methane swamp than spend five minutes in your presence. Given the choice between looking at you and eating raw cow intestines, I'd pick the intestines. Plague victims and lepers pity you for your looks, and when I described you to a beautician she fainted in horror. Your face reminds me of a picture called "hello.jpg", also known as the infamous Goatse.

You are the sole source of all the horror stories told to children, the boogie man, the monster in the cupboard, and under the bed. Your presence causes all life around to feel unclean, and plant life to wilt. The animals you so love (and love to "love") are petrified by your very existence, and the ones which you don't bind up in a straight-jacket flee upon merely smelling your putrescent stink.

Your grammar is terrible, as is your spelling, punctuation and other forms of the English language. The fact that you can not even conjugate correctly, and then proceed to chastise and even flame others for their (far superior) grammar continues to astound, as well as confound, me. The only hope for you would be for you to re-enroll in primary school, but that would allow you to indulge in your paedophilic instincts and thus can never be allowed to happen.

You are a waste of life, which could have been put to better use in a parasite. They, at least, only attach to one person, instead of trying dismally to leech any form of intelligence of whoever happens to be nearby. Your sheer stupidity can be likened to a black hole, sucking in all logic, humour and higher reasoning near you and removing it from existence. You don't even benefit from it, as your are so far gone that you can not be saved.

Your attempts at humour are frail and horrid, for every time you attempt to crack what you call a joke one of your precious fox pups dies. This may be a blessing, however, as it saves them from the paedophilic zoophilia that you like to engage with them. I'm sure that if you could find straight-jackets that would fit you'd also make the fox pups wear them, but thankfully the world is safe from at least that horror.

You do not even deserve to be on this website called deviantART. Notice the ART at the end? The scraps you manage to drag forth from the meagre pool of your so called talent are put to shame by the spit-ups of new-borns. I once stepped in a pile of dog crap, and in an attempt I scraped it on the grass to find that it looked somewhat like your Straitfox, but prettier.

After reading your posts, I have come to the conclusion that you must lack the basic ability which humans have to get along with other people. Your tendency to lash out at others for even saying hello is something that would have you killed and burned in the past, but sadly is unlikely to happen to you in modern times. Your delusional idea of your own importance is sad, and would be piteous if not for the fact that not even a saint would find it in their heart to have any form of compassion for your twisted and deranged self. Your hypocritical statements, while they may have caused many a laugh among higher life forms than you, are sad enough to make even a mass-murderer cry. That you believe the fact that you are always right is hilarious in its sadness, as there has only been one point where I have ever seen you to be right, which I stated at the top of this article.

You are the sole source of despair in this world, and all that existed before your birth was merely the harbinger of what was to come with the nightmare that was your being brought forth into this world. The whole planet will join in celebration upon your death, and there will be no more need for war as even the worst of enemies unite in jubilation. I wish you luck in your attempts to successfully integrate with a functioning society, as you will surely need it as you will not be able to with your meagre talents and abilities.

I would recommend your immediate transferral to an insane asylum, but I would not wish to burden the already strained workers in them with your presence, and as such have attempted to tolerate your presence in the world of humanity. Unfortunately, you do not seem to be able to comprehend the favour humanity is doing you by tolerating your existence, and throw it back in its face. Your manners are more suitable to that of a pig, of which I'm sure there is in your heritage.

I shall leave you with that, as I fear that if I tell you much more of the truth you will turn An Hero, and although this would be a blessing to society as a whole I do not wish that on you... yet.

P.S. You are a greedy, obnoxious, senile, masochistic, perverted, piteous, splenetic, spastic, contemptible, meretricious, bilious, noxious, dyslexic, putrescent, obscene, clueless, foul, moulding, illegitimate, belligerent, racist, fascist, sexist, discriminatory (except in who you insult), narrow,byzantine, loathsome, idiotic, flagrant, self-destructive, socially-retarded, malignant, tumourous, mind-numbing, puerile, unethical and generally bad person.
Oh yeah.

Oh, also "Yes, but you enjoy sexual relations with men."
Most effective against straight women or gay men, as it is merely stating the truth.
I hope you don't mind me saving that for future use.
 

chiggerwood

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May 10, 2009
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I always enjoy: "Your mother's a whore and your father collects the money" OR "Your mother's a whore, oh wait a minute no she's not WHORES CHARGE"
 

Ultress

Volcano Girl
Feb 5, 2009
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my favorite for implacatian alone from Wild Arms 3, Are you a land owner! it made me giggle. also one to yell at an ex your pissed off at, You made me gay
 

neuromasser

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Jan 20, 2009
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I find one serbian curse to be especially funny, because it's confusing. Literally translation would be "I fucked your mother when I catch you".
It's not a mistake, first is in past tense and second in future, although future action precedes past one.

Any one got it?
 

Unstoppable Wall

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May 12, 2009
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Not really an insult but the best thread ive ever heard was "Get the ^%@# out of my room right now or I'm going to rip out your spinal cord and use it as a jumprope" my friends brother told him that one time and i was standing there like wtf
 

DamianSummers

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Nov 5, 2008
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A couple of my personal favorites.

Cry me a river, then build a bridge over it and do us all a favor and jump.

also

You silly goosie is a classic.