The lies you were told as a child.

[Monkfish Acc.]

Hmm. I would have said Father Christmas, but I never really believed in him, I was disabused of the notion of him before it had really taken hold. The other kids in my neighbourhood were real jerkwads. The same holds true for the Tooth Fairy, and my family never did the Easter Bunny.

I think, perhaps, the biggest lie I was ever told by my parent was that I would still have a life, regardless of my M.E.
That one is followed closely by the one where I was told my M.E. wouldn't last long, and that being young means I'll get better quickly. It's been six years, and all my friends are either under fourteen(because of my younger brother) or over twenty(because of my mother). It's pretty fair to say I've been screwed over.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I used to chew my hair when I was younger, and my dad told me if I didn't stop it, I'd choke to death XD
Maybe he just had issues...

And to part me from my dummy, my mum told me the cat had pissed on it. Come to think of it, my whole childhood was probably a massive lie. XD

 

[Amnestic]

"Doing your best is good enough" They used to tell me as a small child. Fuck that, doing bugger all was good enough for me. *Gloat*

I used to chew my hair when I was younger, and my dad told me if I didn't stop it, I'd choke to death XD

Where do you think the hairballs cats cough up comes from? They lick it, you chew it

 

[Darknight992]

How bout I would grow up to be happy and successful...

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

How bout I would grow up to be happy and successful...

I think everyone was told that... Ah well the worlds fucked who cares if we are too.

 

[CrabRangoon]

*Wonders why everyone is taking a shot at Christianity only*

I was told that I was special.

 

[yourkie1921]

"If you eat watermelon seeds one will grow in your stomach."

That shit scared me. I remember crying and begging them to take me to the hospital because I'd already swallowed some. I was probably three or so.

I was told that too!
They once showed it actually happening in a cartoon once, if anyone can remember. It made me scared!

rug rats

hmm, thers a lot ov people god bashing here, bit harsh,

Not really, if god had an account here that would be harsh.

Finding out Santa wasn't real cut me deep. Also the tooth fairy seemed like a bit of a pointless lie.

Not me, it just naturally happened with me. And I pretended to believe in the tooth fairy as long as I could so I kept getting money.

"Doing your best is good enough" They used to tell me as a small child. Fuck that, doing bugger all was good enough for me. *Gloat*

lol, same.

My grandmother, on the other hand, lied to me quite often, and sometimes with results that devestated my family. She once told me that my dad raped my mom and forced her to marry him. I was maybe twelve at the time, so this was a major blow to my phsyche, since my father was my idol. Needless to say both of my parents went bat-shit on her over that one.

She really hated my dad, and I never understood why.

Oh well. Apologies for breaking up the fun with my tramautic life.

She's on your mom's side right? and in-laws are known for that.

"Your going to be just fine"-Mum, Dad, nurses, doctors and various relatives while I was dying in hospital. I later learned from my mum that it's a mirracle I'm still here.

Assholes.

 

[Ultrajoe]

"Love conquers all"

The only 'lie' i was ever told. Fantasy and imaginary people are a part of growing up and essential to development. But i was always taught that love could find a way around anything.

This is a lie.

Oh, i'm not a depressed cynic or anything, i have faith in romance, but in my opinion it was the only outright falsity i was ever told.

 

[ImperialPyromancer]

Well... I don't know if this counts, but I told my (very) young cousin that "meecrob" [inspired by South Park, if you didn't know :~P] was the worst swear word.

He believed it.

 

[clericalerror]

They told me, "If you're a good boy Santa will bring you lots of presents, but if you're bad you will not get anything". I was a good boy all year and my little sister was an absolute terrer (like seting things on fire for just one example) and she got more presents than I did. hell I didn't even get my Starscream toy that year

Oh. And that I needed to get a university degree to get a good job.

 

[Please delete this account.]

I wasn't told many lies by my parents, actually. I grew up with TV and I heard things like if you eat a watermelon seed, one will grow in you from shows n stuff.

^Didn't believe in em' though, so I was ok.

 

[Jaythulhu]

"Don't buy the properties on the first row of the monoploy board. That's where the prostitutes and drug users live."

 

[yourkie1921]

Oh. And that I needed to get a university degree to get a good job.

AHH!! I hate that one. I remember getting in trouble and the teacher looking after the kids who got in trouble said if we didn't get a college degree we'd be shovelling fish guts for our whole lives. I had half a mind to say "go fuck yourself you whore. My father didn't even go to highschool and makes two times what you do per hour and is going to double what he makes in a few years." to that *****.

ps: by the way I plan to be a garbage man because I heard they make 30$ an hour.

 

[crimson5pheonix]

The eye doctor. The eye doctor lied to me and said that if I didn't where reading glasses, I would be nearly blind by the time I was in college. This happened when I was six and I am now in college and can say I still have 20 20 vision. It wasn't just that doctor either, several of them said the same thing. I think it's a conspiracy.

"Don't buy the properties on the first row of the monoploy board. That's where the prostitutes and drug users live."

/win

 

[Silent Biohazard Solid]

I don't see why people are so bitter about it. If you tell me that you're not gonna tell a single lie to your kid, I won't believe you for a second.

When I was little, my mom's friend would call me and tell me that he was one of my childhood heroes, and then told me to do good stuff, like eat properly and stuff like that. I never found out who it really was until I was 11 years old. It was awesome.

 

[ShadeOfRed]

The classic stuff. Santa, Easter Bunny, Gods (Of any sort.) exsist, the world is a good, honest place and whatnot.

 

[gim73]

Eh, it's a subset of christianity but...

Jesus is going to come and rapture us all into heaven any day now.

seriously, my parents believed this. They had three kids, and thought it wouldn't matter because Jesus was coming any day now to take them away from here. Hell, I'm lucky my mom decided not to go with that Jim Jones guy like she was planning on doing, like several of her friends decided to do or else they would have all drunk the cool aid and I wouldn't be here right now.

Oh, and just so you know, there are special people, it's just that YOU are not one of them. Chances are that you are just another run of the mill idiot who was pampered and lied to by your parents, and most likely obese as well. Statistics don't lie, you are indeed a moron. However, just because your are not special doesn't mean that you can't be useful. There are many positions in life that can be filled by someone of your talents. The world needs fast food service employees, and gas station attendents.

 

[ffxfriek]

That they're proud of me no matter what I do (yeah, sure flipflopped on that one didnt you?) and that if I try hard, I can do anything! (....well?)

In a more appropriate tone, the obvious... if I sat too close to the tv, my eyes would go square.

good ol days huh?

 

[ffxfriek]

Oh. And that I needed to get a university degree to get a good job.

AHH!! I hate that one. I remember getting in trouble and the teacher looking after the kids who got in trouble said if we didn't get a college degree we'd be shovelling fish guts for our whole lives. I had half a mind to say "go fuck yourself you whore. My father didn't even go to highschool and makes two times what you do per hour and is going to double what he makes in a few years." to that *****.

ps: by the way I plan to be a garbage man because I heard they make 30$ an hour.

sorry for double post but aagh yes good stuff. Now I believe its 36$

 

[Master Kuja]

I would say the idea of "love" in general appears to be a lie as far as I'm concerned, but maybe that's because I'm a cynic who's heart is actually believed by many people to be a black hole.

Yum, cynicism, but anyway, in all honesty, the biggest lie I was told as a child was the old classic, "school days are the best days of your life."

I'm sorry, but if you think that, you clearly never went to my secondary school, I'll never tell my kids that, I plan on ruining their innocence from the very start by telling them Santa, the Easter Bunny and anything else like that doesn't exist, nor does fairy tale love, nor is school fun and enjoyable, and you will usually get shit on from a great height.

So, any bets on what age my kids will be when they have their first mental breakdown?