The most horrific thing that has happened to your nobler parts
- Thread starter Jonluw
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They have been punched, kicked and slapped more times than I care to count. They have been shot (in paintball) stabbed (while fencing) and crushed (while sitting or standing in a few hilarious circumstances). They have also been used for their intended purpose, and more than once with I regretted the decision at some point (sometimes during, more often after).
Accidental circumcision when I was two years old. Involving a fold out bike. Though I was slightly preterberd at not looking like the other boys in the twig and berry department when I was at school, nowadays I tend to win Jaws style scar competitions with people..........Did I just type that out loud?
A related anecdote. While I have been shot in the jewels often enough in paintball, it never was all that bad. In the worst of occasions, it knocked the wind out of me but that was the worst I ever got. Most of the time getting shot in the junk was actually a blessing in disguise. Being the softest part of the body, a paintball in the groin tended to bounce (meaning in a tournament and most recreational games, it did not count as a hit). My luck was largely based on positioning, and as it turns out if the circumstances are right, terrible terrible things can happen.Veldie said:
During one particular game in a tournament, I had been eliminated and the game was looking bad for my team as we had but one man left on the field to the opposition's two. My friend was thus greatly taxed having to cover two separate lanes. Eventually, one of the two decided to attempt to bunker (that is, run to the piece of cover someone is occupying and eliminate them at very close range) my friend but as luck would have it he just happened to look out of that side of his bunker at the right moment. The gentleman making the move was in a dead sprint and my friend calmly fired three shots all of which happened to land in a group of about two inches all in the groin. The sprint halted mid step in a way that would be best described as "cartoonish". The unfortunate player fell to his knees, then to his side, and then crawled behind the nearest bunker in obvious pain where he sat whimpering until a time out was called so he could be removed from the field.
Eventually he regained his composure and decided to check out the damage in a nearby port-a-john. The game had recently ended when a pained cry erupted from the bathroom and the player exclaimed "The tip is bleeding!". He stopped playing for the day and his team was forced to find another player to take his place. The gentleman sold his brand new $1400 USD Angel along with the rest of his gear and to my knowledge never played another game of paintball. It might have had something to do with needing to get stitches to piece his foreskin back together.
My friends and I occasionally sword fight, used to be with plastic hockey sticks. Only those plastic hockey sticks had large wooden and steel shafts running through them. One day, while we're fighting, a friend aimed low, so I went to jump. Well, he brought his sword up as I lept, and he slashed right across to my left...friend. I was on the ground for about ten minutes. However, everything was fine because I'm Wolverine 
My brother has a much better story. When he was little, his got sucked up into a plastic soap bottle. He was taking a bath, and used it as a toy. It was empty, he put it down there, and plunged once. It's amazing he has anything left!
My brother has a much better story. When he was little, his got sucked up into a plastic soap bottle. He was taking a bath, and used it as a toy. It was empty, he put it down there, and plunged once. It's amazing he has anything left!
Uhm... Skateboarding, I popsicled. Basically, had a low to the ground p-rail, went for a bs boardslide, and... Well, my board was a LITTLE short, so my front foot missed the nose. Backfoot caught the tail, the rail acted as a pivot point, and shot the board straight up with... well, a significant amount of force.
For bonus points, I landed in the street, and my little brother had to direct traffic around me, all the while laughing his ass off. One of the neighbors stopped nearby and was like "He okay?"
Little brother responded with, "He's fine! Just racked himself!"
Seriously. OWCH.
For bonus points, I landed in the street, and my little brother had to direct traffic around me, all the while laughing his ass off. One of the neighbors stopped nearby and was like "He okay?"
Little brother responded with, "He's fine! Just racked himself!"
Seriously. OWCH.
Mine has to be the time I won a big poker game against a man who cried blood. After the game he kidnapped me and my associate and tied me to a chair naked. He then proceeded to whack me in the testicles with a rather thick rope until I gave him a password. Good times!
Girl bit themDanielBrown said:
She's doing it wrong.OT: Some idiot in my school smacked them with a shoe while I was lying down in the gym, the fucker.
I... I don't even... Wow. Wow.Desji said:
Back on topic, the worst pain I've endured was a hockey ball hitting my balls. It was not a good tournament. the only good thing about was that I got to spend the rest of it sitting in the sun with an ice pack on my balls, being brought food by other as I couldn't walk properly.