The other side of "Girls only date jerks"

[ksn0va]

confident nice guy

Does not compute.

Anyway, I asked a girl who always complained that the guys she dated were so horrible why she dated them. She said that they pissed her off so much that she couldn't stop thinking about them and just went out with them because of it.

No part of that is logical. Not a single part.

I agree. Being a confident nice guy is a one way trip to friendzoneland!

 

[DeathSwitch109]

Honestly, it boils down to confidence. You can be nice or you can be arrogant and depending on the kind of women you're chasing they'll like either/or.

I used to be a nice guy and in theory I still am, the only difference is that I stopped caring and I stopped putting the p***y on a pedestal. It worked because I don't act insecure, I just hide it much better than I used to. Women just want to be treated the same and a lot of nice guys mess that up.

Here's what the typical nice guy usually does:
-Can't be alone.
-Overshadow the girl they "like."
-Frequently ask the same questions that usually show their insecurities such as, "Do you like me? Are you ok? What's wrong? Why do you like me?" etc.
-Treats said girl like they are a goddess.
-Have a constant need of acceptance and approval.

You get the point. However this sort of thing is very common in society hence why women usually crowd around these assholes because they don't show how insecure they really are inside. And to women these guys don't wear their heart on their sleeves adding an element of mystery, which nice guys lack.

Edit: Assholes and douche bags aren't the same thing. Girls like douche bags who they mistake for assholes and women want men.

You don't need to be an asshole for women to like you, it can help but eventually they will mature and realize that they don't need to date someone like that to have a decent man.

Here's what nice guys SHOULD do:
-Be mysterious.
-Be "unavailable."
-Treat women with respect and dignity but don't overdo it (the fatal flaw of the nice guy.)
-Crack jokes on them, take 'em down a peg once in a while but don't be a total ass.
-Have a life (friends, family, job, recreation, etc.)
-BE CONFIDENT and be a MAN!

Ask yourself: Why would you want to date a girl that likes guys who are assholes? You don't need their acceptance or approval, they need yours.

 

[Quadocky]

I decided I would attempt to garner the interest of women by becoming a "jerk". I exercised heavily, dressed flashy, and scrutinized my appearance down to the fine details. I began walking with my shoulders back and head held high. I would say to myself "You're king shit dude - everyone wants your attention" whenever I went into social situations. My conversations with women consited of me trying to come up with clever insults that bordered on demoralizing/funny while trying to continually act like I was filled with boundless energy by talking loud and obnoxiously.

Wait so you mean being an interesting person and making yourself look nice... gets people to like you?

Discovery of the century!

I would not call that a Jerk though. I would call that an average, sociable person.

 

[generals3]

I think it was more of a social experiment than an outright attempt to get laid. That's what I took away from it, anyhow.

Sorry, still tired, can't brain.

Manipulation is manipulation.
Doing it just to see if it works doesn't really make it a whole lot better, imo.

Also, inb4 people make massively uninformed and generalising statements about women.
Oh wait.
Too late.

To be honest i think it's funny this stereotype got tested. Because we often hear it "good guys don't get laid" and i don't think you can blame someone for wanting to actually test if it's true.

Personally i find his findings rather sad. I don't get it, it just seems self destructive behavior, going out with obnoxious jerk and than crying on your bed because said jerk cheated on you (i mean, what do they expect, he's a jerk!)

 

[tappajasieni]

Why would any girl go out with someone who insults them? Sometimes my own gender confuses me.

But yeah, confidence. Chicks dig confidence.

 

[Naeras]

I agree. Being a confident nice guy is a one way trip to friendzoneland!

I was about to say "no it's not"(and it really, really isn't) when I realized that "what's the problem with being friendzoned?" is an equally appropriate answer.

I mean, seriously, what's the deal? There are a couple billion other women on the planet, so if someone just isn't romantically and/or sexually attracted to you, what's the big deal? Sure, you had a crush and got your heart broken. It sucks, but there's no sense in not moving on. The worst thing that can happen is that you've made a new friend.

Oh, and female friends usually have other single female friends, and often wants these female friends to get acquainted with guys she get along with. I take it you see where that trail can lead.

 

[Stasisesque]

A 'confident nice guy' is only going to get so far. Funnily enough, I at least, want a guy who is interesting. If your entire personality revolves around being a nice guy, I'm going to very likely ignore you. Same goes for 'jerks'. Try having some interests outside of 'getting women to talk to you'.

 

[Vegosiux]

But hey, it beats the alternative, right? (Dying alone)

Does it?

Yes, it does. Apart from guys who have hormonal problems, all guys need sex, or at the very least female company of an intimate variety. It's genetics.

And yes, being single has its benefits, but they don't outweigh getting your end away regularly.

Now, I know this isn't R&P, but might you have any citation to back that up?

Because forcing yourself into some kind of a relationship just for the sake of getting yourself off doesn't beat being single to me.

I'm not saying a single life is all that, but I am saying that there are times when it can be the better alternative. Do you want to dispute that?

It just seems like they do when familiarity has bred contempt.

Now this does need some citation, especially the second part.

Try having some interests outside of 'getting women to talk to you'.

Could it be put any simpler? I really, really don't think so. Here, have a cookie for hitting the nail on the head.

 

[Dr. Cakey]

I want to know how you created a new persona for yourself. Are you actually a CIA agent trained in undercover ops?

 

[rbstewart7263]

I decided I would attempt to garner the interest of women by becoming a "jerk". I exercised heavily, dressed flashy, and scrutinized my appearance down to the fine details. I began walking with my shoulders back and head held high. I would say to myself "You're king shit dude - everyone wants your attention" whenever I went into social situations. My conversations with women consited of me trying to come up with clever insults that bordered on demoralizing/funny while trying to continually act like I was filled with boundless energy by talking loud and obnoxiously.

The results: It worked. And I hate it. Seriously, it's almost depressing. I'm not the type of guy who really wants to have sex constantly. I like deep conversations and would readily share insecurities if it would give me a greater perspective on life. I can't be who I am, though. I have to be a dominant, borderline rude douchebag to get any attention. It's shallow attention at that, too. I've yet to share any meaningful events with the women I've met. None of them really know me.

I take a step back and get sort of sick knowing that I'm just playing a game intended to produce offspring. I see who I am pretending to be and it's totally pointless. Maybe I take life too critically, but I don't see how a lasting relationship like marriage can come from the stupidity that dating appears to be in our culture.

Firstly there is value in what youve experienced. you can learn from that and go out and get what you want. here in america about 1 out of 20 will stand out from the typical so its a long hard and lonely road but one thats worth sticking out in the long run. what you are or were doing leads to short term success long term failure.

second everyone says it doesnt make sense but it really does. Sex can be at certain levels both addicting and sex relief. Ask any guy down here where I live in ms and theyl tell you that to get a girl to love you just fuck the shit out of her. Now shes addicted and confusing that feeling with love. when your the cause of stress as well as the stress relief then you create a vicious cycle thats hard to break out of. In essence the aggressor and the victim are the same and are both victims of there own selves. She(or he it works on guys too) will need the relief created from the stress you invoke from being an asshole.

And thats just one layer as to why that happens

It can be tempting to take the "dark" path per se but itl ruin you and them in the long run.

 

[Burntpopcarn]

I have a girlfriend now. I am a nice guy.

 

[remnant_phoenix]

I'm sorry but I laughed at the start of your second paragraph. Probably because I was expecting something along the lines of "And guess what? Being a jerk actually makes people hate you, who'd have thought?" But nope, it gets you laid, and I found that hilarious.

It really comes down to one thing: confidence. If your confidence borders on douchbaggery it rarely matters. I've had a girl honestly admit she likes guys who are jerks and are mean to her. Why? Because they're confident. So why not try being a confident nice guy?

Exactly. Here's how I see it:

Women of all ages admire confidence. Women (usually more specifically, girls) who haven't reached certain level of maturity have a harder time distinguishing between confidence and arrogance. Or worse, they are specifically attracted to arrogance to compensate for some sort of insecurity or other deeper issue within themselves.

So yeah, it's not the "jerk" that "all women" are interested in. It's the confidence (or more specifically, arrogance) that the jerk carries around with him. In the end, most women would prefer a confident jerk to a genuinely nice but insecure guy. Confidence is THAT important.

It's sad that the genuinely nice confident guy who isn't arrogant jerk is less common than the arrogant asshole in our society. It's likewise sad that the smart, confident woman who knows what she wants and isn't turned-on by the arrogant asshole is less common than the woman who wants to chase the bad body, either because he makes her hot and bothered, or because she thinks she can "tame" him and make an honest man out of him, or both.

But there is still hope, OP. A smart, confident woman will look for a smart, confident guy who ISN'T a jerk. Be true to yourself and just keep looking. I made it, and if you're willing to find it, it's out there.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

I decided I would attempt to garner the interest of women by becoming a "jerk". I exercised heavily, dressed flashy, and scrutinized my appearance down to the fine details.

Exactly how long did this experiment take? I mean, did you just exercise for like, an afternoon, or are we talking about a year or something.

I don't think there is much surprise about the fact that being an extrovert (which is pretty much what you described) gets you a relationship easier.

Women don't like jerks we aren't evil bitches who ignore nerdy guys just to be asshats. Dating is as intimidating to us as it is to you and if a guy comes onto us it's easier because at least you know, we won't make a fool of ourselves if the guy thinks we are a dog or whatever.

I hate these threads that act like women are precious princesses on pedestals that have like a big long line of suitors that we just pick from. We don't, and frankly men are a lot crueller about appearance than we could ever be. Just look up the term 'grenade' for a start.

 

[nolongerhere]

I think this thread is really winding down, what needs to be said has been. You're more physically attractive and confident and more women like you for it, if you can maintain that without the insulting to be funny and being obnoxious even more probably will.

Yep, I'm sure this isn't some bullshit self-congratulatory fantasy about how the only reason you can't get a date is because you're just too good a person. This definitely happened. Women don't like attractive people, confident people, funny people, and they definitely don't ever just want to fuck some guy at a party. No, they only go for assholes. That's the obvious explanation.

I posted recently in another thread about how in the black and white text of the internet doesn't convey subtleties of speech, and if you want to convey an idea you really need to think about how you write it and push that point. This is a textbook example of how to do that. I'm going to write a textbook just to put this in it.

There's a downward spiral kids, it starts with you believing you're not self-confident, which makes you lose your confidence, that makes it hard to talk to people, that makes your confidence drop, repeat ad nausum. Confidence is a state of mind, and contrary to popular belief it can be achieved without being a jerk.

I'm flattered that I get to be used as a textbook example of anything other than excessive drinking and bad dancing. I'm also quite pleased that this thread seems to have been mostly clear of the kind of misogyny you'd expect to see in such a thing. So that's two wins today.

 

[RustlessPotato]

I always thought women (I know, not ALL women are the same and you're not a hivemind) preferred confident men instead of insecure types. Seeing as "jerks" are usually confident it's pretty logical to me that sometimes they might get attracted to them.

 

[scorptatious]

Why is this even an issue?

From what I've seen on this website, the ones who do have girlfriends are clearly not jerks. (At least not on here)

 

[Devil_Worshipper]

There's a difference between a jerk and an asshole.
A jerk is just a confident nice guy, an asshole is 'teh wrong wit teh world'. Who throw women away like unruly catfish. I apologize for that I just got back from a fishing trip.

If you just treat women like people, and not boss fights that need a pattern of precise responses to get a desired effect. Your quality of relationships will be better in the long run.

 

[Terminal Blue]

snip

So, let me get this straight.

You improved your appearance, projected a facade of confidence and took a bullying attitude to women and you're terribly surprised that this actually got you laid?

Morever, you're even more surprised to find that behaving like this has rendered your life vacuous and empty and the people who are attracted to you actually have no real interest in you.

Take it away, Will.


Let me be straight. I suspect a large part of what you say is not actually true. It may be how you see the situation, but I find it very unbelievable that you "faked" being a jerk. If you behaved like a jerk, then you behaved like a jerk. You probably enjoyed it, it's probably a part of your personality and you should have the confidence to accept that and learn from it, rather than trying to pretend it was all an act and its not really who you are.

Because confidence is what defines "jerk" sex appeal, and if you were genuinely faking or pretending to be someone else, then you wouldn't have it.

From the sounds of it though, a lot of what you did was overcompensation. Aggression is not a sign of confidence, it's a sign of deep insecurity and the only people who are going to fall for it are too immature to spot the difference. Now, some women are immature. Some women will react if you bully and pressure them, but they're not going to give you the kind of relationships you want because they lack the maturity themselves. Do you see that?

Now, assuming you're genuine about this, take all that confidence you were "faking" and channel it into being who you want to be, not who you think you should be in order to get laid. Working out and looking after your appearance is a good thing, but do it because you're actually proud to look good. Don't compromise yourself for other people, be willing to take risks and expose your real self to people even if you're not sure they'll reciprocate, because you're actually proud of yourself and you don't need to "fake" it, and above all. Don't bully or pressure women or play to their vulnerabilities and/or low self esteem in attempt to have sex with them.. my God, if you learn one thing from life it should be not to be that kind of person.

Take the good bits of your jerky side, and leave the rest behind, and I guarantee your life will be both suitably sexually gratifying should you wish it to be and also a million times more interesting.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

I don't see how your little anecdote proves girls only date jerks. You just demonstrated that people who are mean and shallow attract vapid assholes. If you act a particular way you will attract a particular kind of person. Unfortunately there are lots of vapid assholes and not many decent people, and that goes for both genders.

I do love it when someone else writes the jist of what I was going to say for me. Makes things so much easier. :3

 

[hazabaza1]

There ain't enough nice t-shirts and hair treatments in the world to make me into something that you could call "human" without bursting out laughing.

I always see you post this and it annoys me. (Pretty sure it's you anyway)
Seriously. I've seen you in some of your youtube videos. You ain't ugly, man. Maybe a little chubby, I dunno, but I've seen some ugly fuckers and I wouldn't say that you fit in with this category. So stop complaining dammit.

OT: I'm not a **** and I've got a girlfriend.
If you just want to get fucked then go ahead and be a dick, but if you're honest about craving "deep conversations" and "sharing insecurities" then you're going to have to try a little harder.