The Sydney Funnel Web: Unfair

[Internet Kraken]

They are one of the few animals that are kind enough to warn you when you are about to step on them. You don't see stone fish doing that.

I've always had the horrible feeling that the deadly poison is the warning, it's just a combative little shit. I don't know what the actual attack is, perhaps it bites of your genitalia and lays eggs in the wound. Or steals your identity and gets you arrested for fraud and child porn, and then tattoos 'Free Rides' on your lower back before you go to prison.

I wouldn't put it past him.

Stone fish camouflage to hunt for fish. They just lie on the sea floor all day, and every time a fish swims near them, they swallow the poor thing whole.

I've never understood why it poisons you for stepping on it. It can't be a defense to keep you from stepping on it, because even if you are trying to avoid the stone fish you will step on it because it looks like a fucking rock.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

My theory is that Australia is the result of a Darwinian biological arms race amongst the wildlife. "Well, that one over there has big teeth, so I need claws." "That one has claws, so I need spines!" "That one has spines, so I need poison spines!" and on and on. Mutually assured destruction, so they all have to agree not to bite each other or everyone dies.

 

[Labyrinth]

My theory is that Australia is the result of a Darwinian biological arms race amongst the wildlife. "Well, that one over there has big teeth, so I need claws." "That one has claws, so I need spines!" "That one has spines, so I need poison spines!" and on and on. Mutually assured destruction, so they all have to agree not to bite each other or everyone dies.

Of course! It's why our Ninjas are better than anywhere else too. They have to hide, wearing black, in the middle of the fucking desert.

 

[Escapefromwhatever]

This is why I'm not leaving the helicopter when we touch down in Australia on my visit-all-continents tour. Hmm...imagine if they made "Sydney Funnel Web Spiders On A Plane" into a movie.

P.S. That was one of the most hilarious things I have ever read. You should do newspaper columns.

 

[wwjdftw]

*snip

Spoiler: Don't click

*snip*

I LOVE THOSE SPIDERS! i always jut call them the "awesome kind" because they just look wicked the biggest i have ever seen was three inches long and legs went out about 4 inches i got him to go onto my hand and i played with him a bit i tried to piss him off and couldn't so they seem harmless

 

[Jinx_Dragon]

I know I am late coming but I saw somewhere on a documentary a interesting fact I should share: The funnel web venom is actually a mix of 'custom designed' poisons, each one specialising in killing something as quickly as possible. They are looking at it for insecticides and such now, given this form of specialised 'toxic brew.'

YET! This proves his theory even further though.

The male contains a chemical called Robustoxin which specialises in killing humans! It is likely what makes the males more dangerous, they have a poison designed to kill just us in that toxic brew while the female bite just contains poisons that will kill us as a side effect.

Why the hell did it develop it? Doubtful the natives hunted this type of spider for food so self defence is out. Only thing I can think of is it saw a human and thought: I want to eat that!

 

[Jinx_Dragon]

A note of the trees: We had one growing in our school, right near to some water fountains! Don't know how it got there, but damn fun getting the younger students to poke the fuzzy tree. Then they would try and wash the stinging hairs from their hands, which is always a great laugh.

Hey, got to teach them young that even the trees in this country will hurt you.

 

[Labyrinth]

I know I am late coming but I saw somewhere on a documentary a interesting fact I should share: The funnel web venom is actually a mix of 'custom designed' poisons, each one specialising in killing something as quickly as possible. They are looking at it for insecticides and such now, given this form of specialised 'toxic brew.'

YET! This proves his theory even further though.

The male contains a chemical called Robustoxin which specialises in killing humans! It is likely what makes the males more dangerous, they have a poison designed to kill just us in that toxic brew while the female bite just contains poisons that will kill us as a side effect.

Why the hell did it develop it? Doubtful the natives hunted this type of spider for food so self defence is out. Only thing I can think of is it saw a human and thought: I want to eat that!

Face it. The little bastards are talented assassins. It's why the trained platoon that the Australian Defence Force has is so dangerous.

 

[vampirekid.13]

I'm Not Trying To Look Bigger. I'm Preventing Your Escape.​

that really made me lol.

actually im still laughing, that shits hilarious.

 

[Labyrinth]

When i lived in Australia i had them inside my house a few times.....fun times *shudders*.

Lots of lovely critters in the house.

 

[bjj hero]

A note of the trees: We had one growing in our school, right near to some water fountains! Don't know how it got there, but damn fun getting the younger students to poke the fuzzy tree. Then they would try and wash the stinging hairs from their hands, which is always a great laugh.

Hey, got to teach them young that even the trees in this country will hurt you.

Whats the tree called? I want to look it up.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Face it. The little bastards are talented assassins.

No shit!


They're not just "assassins", they're friggin ninjas!

I once saw a show about this other amazing jumping spider species, that barely had a brain but could still find it's prey through dizzying labyrinthine pathways. It even preyed on other spiders that spun nets, by sneaking up on them without the other spider knowing. How? They picked at the web in roughly the same motions that wind and raindrops does while approaching the other spider, so the little webber camper just thought it was a rainstorm brewing.

Ninja spiders ftw!

 

[Abengoshis]

Awesome! I love spiders, scorpions and especially tarantulas. I held one once and it crawled all the ay around my hand. It felt a bit like a gerbil. Well, 8 thin ones.

 

[Jinx_Dragon]

Showing our creative nature in naming things, the tree is just called 'stinging tree.' Dendrocnide moroides appears to be it's Latin name though, so that should help find it. Thing can even kill people and in cases the pain from touching it can last months.

The best part about getting kids to touch it is the needle like hairs are hollow. So when you go to wash the hairs away you don't dislodge the hair at all, but the water flushes down onto nerves already reacting to the poison... yay! Sorry, kids are bastards and we where no different.

A curiosity though, seems native animals have no problem with the hairs or the poison. this shows it was it was designed just to hurt us newcomers, humans!

Added: The more I think on it... the more I realise this country I love so much is trying to kill me!

 

[Galletea]

We don't really have anything particularly deadly or even dangerous here in the UK, which is almost a shame, too cold and damp for them I guess. A badger might give you a nasty nip though, those things are rather grumpy.

 

[Newtilator]

Yeah. Id never go to Australia.
Someone i know told me when she lived there, she checked her clothes every day, and no one she knew was pwnzorzed by wildlife. She said it seemed normal when she was there.
Then again, Australia has Wombats. That makes it equal. Seriously, Wombats are the king of the bush. None can stand against them. NONE.
Btw, if you're at the beach, do you know about the box jellyfish? Its the most poisonous animal in the entire world. You can drown because the pain is so bad you forget to swim. thats Sea wasp for you. And I thought my little sting from the Mediterranean was bad.
I'm kind of proud of the English Great crested Newt. One of our only awesome herptiles. On a related note, i think British house spiders are big enough to give me a nervous fit.

 

[Labyrinth]

*Snip*

To be perfectly honest, I found that spider cute. It's the round eyes.