The Sydney Funnel Web: Unfair

[SIXVI06-M]

I think the Australian government should launch a campaign to wipe these things off the face of the Earth. You wouldn't keep Hitler in a zoo if he was a highly aggressive, highly poisonous species of spider, would you?

You can't just let these things hang out in a comfy zoo, enjoying life. That's like...doing the same thing...to Hitler.

If you haven't noticed I'm trying to compare these spiders to Hitler.

Then again, unlike Hitler, these spiders have no way to escape from an island continent. And since I've got the Pacific Ocean and the width of North America between them and me, I'm not too worried. Good luck with living in Australia though.

yes, lets wipe out complete species (genocide) that are vital to our eco system, and yes, im asking if you think our governement should be more like hitler, and if you're so out raged about it you come down here with a supply of bug spray and try and do something about it. this isnt america, wherein when something becomes a problem we attempt to destroy it instead of living with it

Is the spider so vital to the ecosystem that it is worth keeping it around despite the fact that it poses an extreme danger to the population?

And genocide may usually be bad, but if the "geno" itself is bad then yes, it is worth being "cided" against. Genocide isn't necessarily bad. It just always has been.

It's not that dangerous to the population - you'd actually be very lucky to ever encounter one of these in Australia - usually if you live in more rural settings, our population is still most dense in urban areas.

I should clarify that while these spiders are highly venomous, it's not like they are out to hunt and kill every single human being in existence. That's like saying: "we should hunt and kill all bears because look at this photo of a caved-in human skull!!!"

I think the OP has probably gone a bit overboard in describing the spider- yes, its bites will change you in very unpleasant ways. But I've been living in Australia for 21 years- and I've yet to SEE a funnel web spider in a natural habitat OR hear of anyone I know having been bitten by one yet.

Calm. Down. Everyone.

 

[SIXVI06-M]

....
*Checks Australia off "Places not to visit."

I've lived in Australia for 21 years. And I've been in rural places in the country, out in the wilderness for half a year and well- a lot of places.

Nothing has killed me yet or has remotely threatened to kill me.

It's not that bad.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

My dad got stung by one of those, he screamed and rolled around vomitting, now he has scars all over his arms.

They aren't pleasant .... the big thing you have to worry about is blood pressure and constantly reassuring the patient. As the venom produces a semi-hallucinatory state that will make the individual think that somehow, in someway, death and destruction looms.

Which of course only increases blood pressure <.<

But in a week or two they get over it o.o

Given the fact that Australia is either first or second on the list of most urbanised populations (no matter how much our tourism ads will generally misinform), and given the nature of cities to begin with, it's very unlikely you'll be bitten by a Sydney funnel web.

I mean ... the only place i know of that would have enough uncemented ground to hunt that could even come close to supporting a colony of them would be Hyde Park, The Domain and The Botannical Gardens ....

But I think they got rid of them out of these locations anyways and their habitats are strictly rural locales.

The SFW ... I haven't even seen one since I was a kid ... and even then only oine other time before that....

Snakes on the other hand! I love Australian reptiles ... I've been admitted to hospital 50 times and nearly all of them have been snake bites because I used to pick them up as a kid, and I was a registered herpetologist and volunteer handler for a few organizations that helped relocate the poor creatures from people's homes and the like.

Beautiful creatures ... particularly fond of diamond pythons because I used to have a few as pets as a kid. But I also like copperheads and tiger snakes ^_^ Their venom, however, is quite disagreeable to the nervous system.

After you get bitten enough times by supposedly 'dangerous' snakes you get over it and you just pick them up... the longest I had to stay in hospital for a snake bite was 3 days, as a child... As an adult ... it's like 5 hours they test for coagulopathy and myolysis. Request that you come back in 24 hours for re-evaluation or there are any complications/conditions that arise.

Just keep calm, identify snake, pressure immobilisation bandage, hospital, done.

 

[PrimoThePro]

Do you work for Cracked? If not, you should. You're fucking hilarious.
I always thought, that uh, dogs spiders laid eggs. were scared of people. And I learned something today.

 

[Lim3]

I've had a few of these around my backyard. Plenty of snakes too, though the kookerburras make short work of them on the concrete.

Australia: The harmless animals are some of the sheep and the occasional resident.

Well...If I saw one of those I would likely try to kill it. But I was refering to these spiders:

Yes I'm evil.

Huntsmen are harmless, they're just ugly. They also kill mosquitoes which is why I don't object to them taking up residence in my house. That is until they start spawning and then I scowl a bit.

Daddy long legs, or skull spider as wikipedia just informed me, are the only ones I don't mind in my house.

I should visit the reptile park again, i haven't been there since i went with school as a kid. Its on the Pacific highway now isn't it? Between Sydney and Newcastle?

 

[Soushi]

Well, i was gonna visit Australia this summer... FUCK THAT!!!

 

[SoulSalmon]

And THIS is why my mother is Aracnophobic >.>

Meanwhile, I love having Huntsmans and Daddy Long Legs' around, they kill the far more annoying bugs 8D

 

[silent-treatment]

Thank you sir. Your well written, informative, and entertaining article has made my day better...and convinced me NEVER to go anywhere near Sydney...or any of Australia.

captcha= Blitions Odyssey. I shall embark on the morrow Lord Inglip.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Necrosis?

Whoops you know what it means, sorry, on another note start writing for cracked. This shiz is HILARIOUS. I had a friend who lived in australia for a few years, he said it wasnt bad tbh. However this spider would have me checking and triple checking all my shoes for life.

 

[Machiavellian007]

Yes cuz all us Aussies live in NSW and hang around outside.

Yep, and we all wear thick boots, speak with a drawl, have deadly animals coming into our houses all the time, are uneducated, live in the bush, ride the wildlife, and live upside-down.

And to the person who said we should nuke Australia, you know what, I totally agree. You should kill millions of innocent people because you don't like the wildlife here. Hey. I hate America's political system and parties; I think I should nuke the entire country and kill everybody in it! Yeah, that sounds like a reasonable idea!

 

[joshuaayt]

Yet another reason I would very much like to vacate this hostile place. I can't even sit on couches anymore, because there is usually something concealed below- my bed is one of those bunk beds, with the lower part replaced with a desk, purely so there is no "Beneath my bed" to worry about. And I'm high up, so the thing would have to drop onto me.

 

[Engarde]

I have been to a similar place, and I love your tale. Thankfully around here, all I get is Redback Spiders, though they aren't to be underestimated. Bastards practically own my bike shed. Though, on that note...

Spoiler: Not for the faint of heart....

 

[KiKiweaky]

That post was hilarious thanks for writting it ^_^

Sure Australia has some bad ass wildlife but its all part of the fun. Dodging the local spider the size of a small dog to go and get some beers from the local bottle-o (I thnk thats what ye call them anyway). I was on the east coast for a month, in sydney for 3 days staying in a crappy hostel which was probably a boarding house for these fuckers... thankfuly I never met any =D

Sad thing is with me I was actually more nervous about flying to/back from australia than anything I was going to meet. I know the chances of dying in a plane are small, very very small but being honest I was so nervous before boarding the plane home I felt like crying. Once I was on the plane I wasnt too bad but the night and hours leading up to the flight was horrific.

I hope I dont get eaten by something like that, if I did I'd likely be the worlds most frightened person. Ahhh creepy crawlies and planes and and.... :s

 

[trollnystan]

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

OT: Hilarious story, but I'm now too afraid to ever go to Australia. Ever. I hate spiders. *shudders*

 

[Griffolion]

I have been to a similar place, and I love your tale. Thankfully around here, all I get is Redback Spiders, though they aren't to be underestimated. Bastards practically own my bike shed. Though, on that note...

Spoiler: Not for the faint of heart....

Lol, can we have a caption contest for that picture?

"Oh that? Yeah i whipped that up in like 2 minutes."

 

[strobe]

Bravo, sir. That well written post is very entertaining. I'd like to think that I would visit this zoo if I ever visited Australia and may, if I do visit, thanks to this thread.

Animal: Peregrine Falcon, I choose you! These are probably the fastest animals on the planet apart from homo sapiens (I reckon those space monkeys'll be dead by now). They're pretty cool.

 

[badpun]

I live in near melbourne so i'm not too worried about spiders down here the worst thats happened to me is either finding a red back spider ( fairly poisonous) in the engine bay of one of our cars

Or finding two large Huntsmans in our letterbox and upon removing the letters (they were hiding under them and i didn't realise until it was too late) one them ran away and the other decided to run down the post to the ground and rear up and charge at me, so i just calmly grabbed some rocks and chucked them at it till i crushed it

 

[NuclearPenguin]

Awwww! Look at it! Its more cute than a box filled with kittens!

..Carrying Automatic Weapons and Syringes filled with Bleach and Battery Acid.

..Oh god why doesn't the escapist have signatures

 

[BlackStar42]

I love living in Britain, where we have a precise total of 0 animals that will kill you, no blizzards, no baking hot droughts, no earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes or tsunamis. Although we do have to put up with His Toryness.

 

[TheRealCJ]

If I can try to prompt some discussion from you fine folks, is there any animal you are particularly proud of from your country? Have you ever encountered said animal or one of the ones I mentioned? (for the fellow aussies).

Have I made you interested in visiting the Australian Reptile Park?

You've made me interested in writing Sydney off for good. You're all doomed. And my only regret is that you'll no longer be around to have your arses kicked in the Origin every year.