The Weirdest Essay You Wrote?

[Disaster Button]

Not an essay exactly but a really long question in my Biology Exam.

It was something along the lines of the how the treatment of a field wih a heard of cows effects the surrounding environment.

I somehow ended up turning that into a page long rant about the treatment of cows and how its unfair and if they should revolt we would be in trouble. Sadly it was too late to change my answer as I was running low on time and I was kind of proud of how stupidly hilarious it sounded so I left it.

 

[The Youth Counselor]

I wish I could find this stuff.

In the 8th grade, because we were such mouthy brats our science teacher called silence and assigned us all an essay with the topic "Why it is Important to Shut Up." I got an A on mine.

In my sophomore year, for a public speaking course, we were told to discuss a serious issue that effects many people. I got the highest grade out of my class on essay/speech on flatulence.

My first high school was a special art school, and I was a member of the "creative writing" discipline. Every assignment was weird and everyone tried to outdo each other. But I don't remember anything I wrote there.

 

[Anthropaphagi]

2nd year of my Forensic Psych degree, I had to write a report/presentation on Criminal Profiling methods, and read excerpts of an FBI profile aloud to my classmates. Forensic Psych students are generally warped, I'm no exception and aspects of this crime were unintentionally funny. Without going into too much detail, I had to report on how someone used an umbrella as sex aide, and found myself having to rehearse quite a bit, so as to avoid laughing during the presentation of this report. Suffice it to say, as I raised this point, several members of the class laughed, which caused me to laugh, and it went downhill from there.

But I got a first, anyway.

 

[SturmDolch]

The topics I've had to write for various English classes have been weird... I wrote one about how Blue Monkeys in a book are symbols of passion and prevent the character from having sex, and give him a bad trip when he tries hash. But they are also symbols of his subconcious and inhibitions. (A billion cookies to whoever knows the book. Oh, wait. No one will. You should. It's "Lesser Blessed" by Richard Van Camp. A very good book. Check it out.)

Also wrote some weird poem about a poem about fish. Apparently, fish are superFICial, according to the poem. It was called "Superficial Fish" and I think I got a high mark for the title alone.

 

[Kiriona]

I once wrote an essay about how toilet paper was the greatest invention in the history of mankind and how the world would collapse without it. I even added a scenario to boot. Got a perfect score on it.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Not mine but this guy in my class who liked to smoke up a lot wrote several sentences about why Hitler was right for killing Jews. Then he proceeded to type to the teacher (by name) how he was currently high and how the essay was finished. He then said I guess I lost the game.

His teacher's response to this was: "yes you lost the game...ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!. See me after class."

It was the term paper.

 

[esperanto]

I wrote my GCSE english language exam essay on Shigeru Miyamoto. I got an A* for it.

 

[RootBrewski]

We had to give a report once in history I think it was, and in order to shut up this very annoying girl who was so feminist she was incredibly sexist towards men, I wrote about how in the last 100 years or so that women have been given rights we've also had some of the worst conflicts in human history. I got sent to the office after I finished presenting it.

P.S. I didn't actually believe what I wrote, it was just to annoy her.

 

[Brad Shepard]

I dont know weirdest, but i did bullshit one by jsut cutting and pasting from a bunch of websites, and the best part is i got a B+!

 

[gamefreakbsp]

i was assigned a paper that was supposed to annalyze some Portugese philosopher's short story, and I managed to swing it into an essay on the foundations of understanding.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

I was once asked to write a persuasive essay enticing people to go to a particular place (it was our choice). I wrote a satirical piece suggesting Iraq as a prime tourist destination and even offered solutions for how to pay for a costly overseas vacation. Basically, I simply took all the obvious downsides to being there (i.e. the high likelyhood of being killed) and did my best to put the most hilariously criminal spin on the subject as I could.

If that doesn't count, I was once invited to critique a professor's contribution to academia (A book entitled Christiantiy and the Roman Games: The Paganization of Christians by Gladiators, Charioteers, Actors and Actresses From the First Through Fifth Centures A.D.) for extra credit. The content of the paper wasn't strange, though simply being offered the opportunity to criticize the man's work qualified. I was very critical (but fair), and was (to my surprise) praised at length in front of the class for my effort.

 

[Helmet]

In my philosophy class, my teacher and I enjoyed having debates on many topics- especially religion. He gave an essay on each test that was different for each person, and usually went toward one of their strong points, since the rest of his test were so hard.

Mine was, "Explain what you mean when you say you like God, you just don't like religion."

I started with a quote I have heard many times- "I'd rather live as though there is a God and find out there isn't, than live as though there isn't one and find out there is."

I then moved on to explain how this is not belief, this is not faith, this is fear. Believing what you do because you are afraid of the consequences if you don't is not faith, it's terrorism. I then explained that I believe everyone who believes out of fear supports terrorism, and then ended with the prayer from the Boondock Saints.

Full points.

 

[Deadlock Radium]

I mentioned this before, but it's relevant here, too.

I once wrote a paper about giant mutated space chicken, who sacrifice human testicles to volcano gods.

I got an A.

I really want to read that one, I really want to read it.

The most awkward one I wrote about? How hallucinogens (I think that's how you write it in English) works, I had to write an extra essay to explain all the words and all that. Stupid teachers.

 

[JokerCrowe]

I wouldn't call it a "weird" essay, but I once wrote a 10 page essay on The Simpsons. I discussed how they have kept the show going for 20 seasons. It was fun to write and I got an A. ^^

 

[The Infinite]

Heh we had to right totally random ones during our English Classes, strangest one I can think of would be Why Cockroaches were beautiful creatures and deserve a place in our hearts. With a massive picture of one projected onto the wall in front of us. I laughed so much at my classmates squirming in their seats. Fun essay too.

 

[Kasawd]

I wrote an essay regarding the accepted integration and placement of profanity as a means of extreme emphasis in proper written or spoken language.

It was fun to write AND present.

 

[NotAPie]

I wrote an essay on how me writing this essay was a waste of my time.

Got a 100%.

I'm going to do that now.
Thanks

Anyway mine would have to be from 3rd grade. I wrote something called "The Naked Dog"...
Yep.

 

[Ferrious]

I once wrote a speculative essay about the role of religion in an artificial-life society for my Philosophy of Cognitive Science class. Blatantly stole the title from Red Dwarf:

"But where do all the calculators go?"

 

[Silva]

Honestly, I've never written a "weird" essay. All of mine have been on interesting, if ordinary, topics.

It's almost like there was an exercise in every other place which people did to make writing essays more fun.

I feel like I missed out, it would've been a good class. Mind you, I'd stop short of doing it just for fun. That's a crazy waste of time.